Beauty and the beast at a wedding!?

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katholicchik

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I’m so frustrated! I have to vent and ask advice. Please – yy cafeteria catholic cousin with whom we had a bit of controversy 5 years ago at my wedding (I didn’t invite her on again off again bf at the last minute to wedding, whom I worked with and didn’t like for a number of reasons – so sue me) and she was my maid of honor who ditched me in all manner of wedding help etc, whatever I honestly don’t care anymore but this is where we come from.

She is getting married next month. Originally she asked our cousin and his gf to play ave maria at their outdoor not catholic ceremony at a country club. I was not included at all, which was actually ok because I don’t honestly love that she’s marrying outside the church… but then our cousins gf couldn’t come so they asked me to sing Ave Maria. I said yes. Now a few weeks after being asked and just a few weeks til the wedding she says, oh nevermind, the gf is coming again and she will do Ave Maria. Will you do Beauty and the Beast – Tale as Old as Time.

WHAT? I am almost hyperventilating here. At a wedding? It says “beauty and the beast” in the lyrics.

Not appropriate.

Now I have trouble always doing the most virtuous thing. I want to love and do whats right, but for goodness sake. I feel a bit dissed and now they are just trying to placate me. I get it. I don’t want to add stress and drama but quite frankly I’m offended. So now what do I do with that offense… ask God for grace and suck it up and say I am fine not singing?

You have to understand… it’s just rather embarrassing and I honestly don’t even want to go. Everyone knows I’m the catholic-catholic one in the family and I tried to explain why she should be married in the church and everyone said it doesn’t matter – God is bigger than churches etc… goodness I am so frustrated, offended, and irritated. I know that’s not love… and I need humility. But practically what should I do. What would you do. And for fun, what would you like to do? haha :)👍
 
I would politely tell her that you don’t feel that song is appropriate for a wedding. If she does not need you to sing the Ave Maria, that’s fine, and you’re happy her original choice is available, but you wont sing something you feel is inappropriate. If she has a hissy fit, it’s her problem.
 
katholicchik said:
WHAT? I am almost hyperventilating here. At a wedding? It says “beauty and the beast” in the lyrics.

Not appropriate.
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But…but… this would give you a chance to dress up as your favorite character from the movie!
(Just not as Belle… that would be upstaging the bride)

😉

I’m kidding, I’m kidding!

Seriously, would it be possible to change the objectionable lyrics? Instead of singing “Beauty and the Beast” perhaps you could substitute their names or nicknames?

As whether you go or not, I don’t know. But generally speaking, Michelle Arnold, a staff apologist for Catholic Answers, doesn’t see any objection for a Catholic to participate in a Protestant wedding, even as best man or maid of honor.
Michelle Arnold:
Assuming that there are no obvious impediments to the marriage (e.g., previous marriage, close blood relationship), a marriage between two baptized Christians would be presumed by the Catholic Church to be valid and sacramental. As such, the Catholic is free to attend the wedding and to participate as an honor attendant. You are indeed correct though that the Catholic may not receive communion at a Protestant wedding.
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forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=42365
 
Well, this gives you an opportunity to decline. Since this will be an invalid marriage attempt you shouldn’t be participating in it at all.
 
Dale_M said:
As whether you go or not, I don’t know. But generally speaking, Michelle Arnold, a staff apologist for Catholic Answers, doesn’t see any objection for a Catholic to participate in a Protestant wedding, even as best man or maid of honor.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=42365
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Thanks, good to know. I think I’d rather not go over the sheer ridiculousness of our relationship or lack there of, but that feels bitter to me. Sigh dying to ourselves is supposed to be hard right!?
 
katholicchik said:
Not appropriate.

Now I have trouble always doing the most virtuous thing. I want to love and do whats right, but for goodness sake. I feel a bit dissed and now they are just trying to placate me. I get it. I don’t want to add stress and drama but quite frankly I’m offended. So now what do I do with that offense… ask God for grace and suck it up and say I am fine not singing?

You have to understand… it’s just rather embarrassing and I honestly don’t even want to go. Everyone knows I’m the catholic-catholic one in the family and I tried to explain why she should be married in the church and everyone said it doesn’t matter – God is bigger than churches etc… goodness I am so frustrated, offended, and irritated. I know that’s not love… and I need humility. But practically what should I do. What would you do. And for fun, what would you like to do? haha :)👍
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I don’t know the lyrics but if you find it inappropriate then it’s inappropriate. I guess you have to tell her no, and ask them to choose a more appropriate song. If she resists then …

Personally, and it’s just me, I would not go. Not because of the offense at being asked to sing the song from Beauty and the Beast instead of the Ave Maria (but I would not sing that song) but because I know I just could not get with the whole program. Sometimes God wants us to just remove ourselves from situations too. I prefer the course of least resistance, which means my staying home and sending a gift with regrets. On the other hand, you might not want to take this advice if you want to maintain a relationship with your cousin.
 
Leegal said:
I don’t know the lyrics but if you find it inappropriate then it’s inappropriate.
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The song is very nice given its context, however it does actually contain the words “Beauty and the Beast.” Literally. Those exact words. So I would definitely find it inappropriate myself, if only for the reason that the groom here is being referred to as a “beast.”

Which is not to say it’s not a sweet song - but again, in context! 👍
 
That is absolutely bizarre to have beauty and the beast at a wedding. Although I do have to say my four year old would love it.
 
katholicchik said:
I’m so frustrated! I have to vent and ask advice. Please – yy cafeteria catholic cousin with whom we had a bit of controversy 5 years ago at my wedding (I didn’t invite her on again off again bf at the last minute to wedding, whom I worked with and didn’t like for a number of reasons – so sue me) and she was my maid of honor who ditched me in all manner of wedding help etc, whatever I honestly don’t care anymore but this is where we come from.

She is getting married next month. Originally she asked our cousin and his gf to play ave maria at their outdoor not catholic ceremony at a country club. I was not included at all, which was actually ok because I don’t honestly love that she’s marrying outside the church… but then our cousins gf couldn’t come so they asked me to sing Ave Maria. I said yes. Now a few weeks after being asked and just a few weeks til the wedding she says, oh nevermind, the gf is coming again and she will do Ave Maria. Will you do Beauty and the Beast – Tale as Old as Time.

WHAT? I am almost hyperventilating here. At a wedding? It says “beauty and the beast” in the lyrics.

Not appropriate.

Now I have trouble always doing the most virtuous thing. I want to love and do whats right, but for goodness sake. I feel a bit dissed and now they are just trying to placate me. I get it. I don’t want to add stress and drama but quite frankly I’m offended. So now what do I do with that offense… ask God for grace and suck it up and say I am fine not singing?

You have to understand… it’s just rather embarrassing and I honestly don’t even want to go. Everyone knows I’m the catholic-catholic one in the family and I tried to explain why she should be married in the church and everyone said it doesn’t matter – God is bigger than churches etc… goodness I am so frustrated, offended, and irritated. I know that’s not love… and I need humility. But practically what should I do. What would you do. And for fun, what would you like to do? haha :)👍
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Hello Katholicchick

…best wishes to your cousin (?). It’s really sweet of them to have you in mind to sing at their wedding. It sounds like the couple have a sense of humor (or maybe I’m missing something? 😃 ). I really love the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast btw. It does not sound like a sacramental wedding and it is outside the church, I’d say , if it makes them happy, do it for them. I’d ask them if there are any other songs in mind though, let them know you are open and flexible. Maybe even offer / suggest a few songs?
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
The song is very nice given its context, however it does actually contain the words “Beauty and the Beast.” Literally. Those exact words. So I would definitely find it inappropriate myself, if only for the reason that the groom here is being referred to as a “beast.”

Which is not to say it’s not a sweet song - but again, in context! 👍
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I’m sure – just not much of a fan of Disney and never saw the play but I know the story. Maybe the bride doesn’t have a clue that she’s referring to her groom as a beast who is changed by love and that it’s metaphor.

Maybe if it’s pointed out she won’t regret that wedding video when she looks at it next year. Otherwise, grandchildren to come might be brought to tears…with laughter. :rotfl:
 
katholicchik said:
I’m so frustrated! I have to vent and ask advice. Please – yy cafeteria catholic cousin with whom we had a bit of controversy 5 years ago at my wedding (I didn’t invite her on again off again bf at the last minute to wedding, whom I worked with and didn’t like for a number of reasons – so sue me) and she was my maid of honor who ditched me in all manner of wedding help etc, whatever I honestly don’t care anymore but this is where we come from.

She is getting married next month. Originally she asked our cousin and his gf to play ave maria at their outdoor not catholic ceremony at a country club. I was not included at all, which was actually ok because I don’t honestly love that she’s marrying outside the church… but then our cousins gf couldn’t come so they asked me to sing Ave Maria. I said yes. Now a few weeks after being asked and just a few weeks til the wedding she says, oh nevermind, the gf is coming again and she will do Ave Maria. Will you do Beauty and the Beast – Tale as Old as Time.

WHAT? I am almost hyperventilating here. At a wedding? It says “beauty and the beast” in the lyrics.

Not appropriate.

Now I have trouble always doing the most virtuous thing. I want to love and do whats right, but for goodness sake. I feel a bit dissed and now they are just trying to placate me. I get it. I don’t want to add stress and drama but quite frankly I’m offended. So now what do I do with that offense… ask God for grace and suck it up and say I am fine not singing?

You have to understand… it’s just rather embarrassing and I honestly don’t even want to go. Everyone knows I’m the catholic-catholic one in the family and I tried to explain why she should be married in the church and everyone said it doesn’t matter – God is bigger than churches etc… goodness I am so frustrated, offended, and irritated. I know that’s not love… and I need humility. But practically what should I do. What would you do. And for fun, what would you like to do? haha :)👍
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Would she consider “Gaston” instead? 😛

This is my advice. It’s bad to back out of a commitment. It’s worse to be stuck in a commitment you’ll privately resent. And a wedding is no place to feel resentful. If you won’t enjoy singing, don’t sing the song (although I’m not sure to what extent the song’s problematic…it’s a nice song, but just seems weird for a service). If you’re absolutely certain that you’ll feel miserable, don’t attend.

It’s not clear to me whether your cousin’s wedding is invalid (is the groom Catholic, did he have a previous marriage that wasn’t annulled?) as opposed to improper. Check this out with your priest.
 
OH NOES! The bride actually has the GALL to not use a religious song in a wedding? She actually has a mind of her own? and personal taste? HOW HORID! Good thing the morality police are involved to tell her that IF THEEEY THINK IT’S NOT GOOD, it can’t possibly and she needs to conform to what THEY believe is ok!

As someone who DID play Disney at her wedding, I say, YET AGAIN,. **** YOU, AND I HATE YOU ALL
 
Dale_M said:
As whether you go or not, I don’t know. But generally speaking, Michelle Arnold, a staff apologist for Catholic Answers, doesn’t see any objection for a Catholic to participate in a Protestant wedding, even as best man or maid of honor.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=42365
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It was my understanding that this is NOT a Protestant wedding. It’s a Catholic attempting an invalid marriage. It doesn’t matter if she is a cafeteria Catholic or not…if she was baptized Catholic then she has an obligation to get married in the church or seek a dispensation. Since she is not, it would be an invalid marriage.

Am I wrong here?
 
Shondee said:
OH NOES! The bride actually has the GALL to not use a religious song in a wedding? She actually has a mind of her own? and personal taste? HOW HORID! Good thing the morality police are involved to tell her that IF THEEEY THINK IT’S NOT GOOD, it can’t possibly and she needs to conform to what THEY believe is ok!

As someone who DID play Disney at her wedding, I say, YET AGAIN,. **** YOU, AND I HATE YOU ALL
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I think this reply was particularly offensive. And I do apologize, but it has been reported. Disney in a wedding or no, your reply was not very charitable.😦
 
Somebody needs to call the grammar police on that poster as well. Good gracious what a mess.
 
Annabelle_Marie said:
It was my understanding that this is NOT a Protestant wedding. It’s a Catholic attempting an invalid marriage. It doesn’t matter if she is a cafeteria Catholic or not…if she was baptized Catholic then she has an obligation to get married in the church or seek a dispensation. Since she is not, it would be an invalid marriage.

Am I wrong here?
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No, you are correct. I breezed right past the fact that the cousin is Catholic. 😊

In that case, I need to quote Michelle Arnold once more (to correct myself.)
Michelle Arnold:
The Church does not explicitly forbid Catholics from attending presumptively-invalid marriages. Catholics must use their own prudential judgment in making the decision, keeping in mind the need to uphold the Catholic understanding of the sanctity of marriage. One rule of thumb that may be helpful in making such decisions might be to ask yourself if you believe the couple is doing the best that they can to act honorably and according to the truth that they have. So, for example, you might decide to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who is expecting a child; but decline to attend the presumptively-invalid wedding of a couple who have engaged in adultery and destroyed previous marriages and families.

While there may be just reason to attend a particular wedding that will be presumptively-invalid, I cannot recommend participating as a member of the wedding party in such weddings. There is a difference between attending as a non-participating observer and actively involving yourself in the wedding as an honor attendant.
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forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=167154
 
Oh dear, what a classy affair that will be.

Decline. It is innapropriate, the marriage will be invalid and above all, she has no respect for you and is treating you badly. I mean, she could have at least given you a decent song to sing LOL.
 
Shondee said:
OH NOES! The bride actually has the GALL to not use a religious song in a wedding? She actually has a mind of her own? and personal taste? HOW HORID! Good thing the morality police are involved to tell her that IF THEEEY THINK IT’S NOT GOOD, it can’t possibly and she needs to conform to what THEY believe is ok!

As someone who DID play Disney at her wedding, I say, YET AGAIN,. **** YOU, AND I HATE YOU ALL
Click to expand...
Sweetie, are you foaming at the mouth?

Reported.
 
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