Beauty carries a heavy cross too

[runwaymodel]

Thank you all for your responses and advice.
I am involved in my youth ministry, but the problem with that (and why I have a tendency of dating older men) is that my peers are not as accomplished as I am–and by that I mean career wise. This isn’t a bad thing. Everyone has there own pace but I just feel mentally and especially financially speaking–with everyone just getting out of college, they are at a different place in their lives, still attending parties or getting internships and some even live at home. I’ve owned properties for years and I believe that intimidates some guys my age to an extent. I don’t discriminate age-wise though. If I met my equal and he happened to be in his 20s then I would give it a go.
I would not consider moving to the Midwest as I grew up in rather populated cities and would not thrive in small town life. However, as long it was a major city anywhere in the US (heck, even as chill as Denver) I would consider moving.
As for meeting men, it is definitely not at bars. It is either through acquaintances or an international matchmaker.
Bless you all.

 

[utunumsint]

My brother’s wife was a very successful model. She made gobs of money. His degree was in music (he was a flutist), which is why he became a pilot. He now flies jets for a major air line. As you can imagine, she helped him quite a bit along the way.

God bless,
Ut

 

[Anglewannabe]

From everything I have read, it appears to me you are forgetting the key ingredient ie God’s will for you. Instead of focusing on comparing yourself to others by physical appearance, financial status or place in life, perhaps start asking God what He wishes for you to do.

To be honest, I have to wonder if there isn’t a deeper issue you are carrying. Sounds to me like all the focusing on being better looking and having more money than others is just a good way to stay in denial about some key issues God wants you to bring into His light

Angie

 

[SuperLuigi]

OP, I was a model too and I know exactly how you feel. I always desired to be a girlfriend who became a wife but it never happened. The reason it never happened was because I was so pretty and add in that I was shy so these men thought I was conceited. So basically all that asked me out were losers. Many tried to screw me financially or use me in many ways. I’ve been treated miserably by most men I dated so I ended up quitting dating for many years. I asked a few decent men why they weren’t interested in me and they told me they were but just assumed I’d say no.

I recommend using a Catholic dating site if you want to meet Catholic men and be a stay at home mom.

As for these men who were too afraid to ask you out, they and I need to have a conversation. :yup:

 

[SuperLuigi]

Thank you all for your responses and advice.
I am involved in my youth ministry, but the problem with that (and why I have a tendency of dating older men) is that my peers are not as accomplished as I am–and by that I mean career wise. This isn’t a bad thing. Everyone has there own pace but I just feel mentally and especially financially speaking–with everyone just getting out of college, they are at a different place in their lives, still attending parties or getting internships and some even live at home. I’ve owned properties for years and I believe that intimidates some guys my age to an extent. I don’t discriminate age-wise though. If I met my equal and he happened to be in his 20s then I would give it a go.
I would not consider moving to the Midwest as I grew up in rather populated cities and would not thrive in small town life. However, as long it was a major city anywhere in the US (heck, even as chill as Denver) I would consider moving.
As for meeting men, it is definitely not at bars. It is either through acquaintances or an international matchmaker.
Bless you all.

I think you need to keep this all into perspective. I get that you are frustrated, upset or feeling similar to those emotions, and I don’t blame you.

Please don’t think international dating is an easy solution; it is riddled with all kinds of scandals and headaches and can be a big drain on your life. If you want to know more, PM me.

I think you need to refocus your energy. Since you want to meet a decent Catholic man, I would suggest a site like Catholic match.

Also, I support the idea of you dating older men, if you are comfortable with that.

 

[TeachCatechism]

I recommend using a Catholic dating site if you want to meet Catholic men and be a stay at home mom.

As for these men who were too afraid to ask you out, they and I need to have a conversation. :yup:

I never wanted to be a stay at home mom (nthing personal, just not my thing) and I did use the Catholic sites. Way too many freaks unfortunately. I did meet a guy near my house who is Catholic but right now just friends.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you all for your responses and advice.
I am involved in my youth ministry, but the problem with that (and why I have a tendency of dating older men) is that my peers are not as accomplished as I am–and by that I mean career wise. This isn’t a bad thing. Everyone has there own pace but I just feel mentally and especially financially speaking–with everyone just getting out of college, they are at a different place in their lives, still attending parties or getting internships and some even live at home. I’ve owned properties for years and I believe that intimidates some guys my age to an extent. I don’t discriminate age-wise though. If I met my equal and he happened to be in his 20s then I would give it a go.
I would not consider moving to the Midwest as I grew up in rather populated cities and would not thrive in small town life. However, as long it was a major city anywhere in the US (heck, even as chill as Denver) I would consider moving.
As for meeting men, it is definitely not at bars. It is either through acquaintances or an international matchmaker.
Bless you all.

Ask for God’s will in prayer, and dare to be bold about it. I do not mean “name it and claim it” No, no, no. I mean being willing to talk to the Lord about exactly what the desires of your heart are. Tell God all the things you would tell us, over and over, just like you’d crawl up onto your dad’s lap as a little girl and talk to him, not being afraid to repeat yourself, not expecting everything to happen right now. Then ask that your will be conformed to God’s will and ask for God to provide for those desires that the Lord Himself put there in you. When you do this, you open your desires to God to question, challenge, mold, and answer. When you pray in a vague way, it is hard to see the answer. When you are more honest and yet also ask to be conformed to God’s will, you become more malleable. (I hope this makes sense.)

 

[GreyWings]

While I’ve never been a runway model in the fashion industry, a decade ago I was approached to glam model and… also asked to dance in a club. I was offended by that, not a compliment to me but you get the picture.

I’ve been used and abused and it sucked. It does get better with age. I’m in my 30s now. But even though I’m told I’m still “beautiful,” I suffer from trauma, depression and anxiety and I ache for true love, which I have never had.

My best advice is to remember your worth. Don’t settle. Don’t marry purely for Eros, that romantic love that feels so good… you want to marry a holy man who will also be your best friend. Pray for God to bring the man of His choosing into your life. It will make all the difference.

With my prayers,
GreyWings

 

[ethereality]

Radiohead’s “Just” comes to mind (“you do it to yourself …” – great song): Are you a runway model? Why are you working to promote vanity – working to feed people’s vanity and ego (through selling clothing) – if you don’t want to interact with or be surrounded by vain, egotistical people?

Moreover, think about what you’re effectively doing:
during your job: “Here, stare at my body!”
after your job: “Hey, quit staring at my body!”

If you want to be respected for your personality and intellect, don’t spend a majority of your time objectifying yourself.

I knew a model, once. I made one comment to her about not being comfortable as a single male with the photos she was posting of herself on Facebook – photos she apparently thought in the category of “tasteful nudes” (basically the equivalent of softcore porn, her being immodestly dressed) – and her response was to block me, rather than change her behavior. So I also wonder what men are saying to you, and what your reaction to them really is – if it’s innocent comments about your body, or worse… (I don’t know what fashion models are thinking.)

Anyway, if you don’t want vain men, then don’t have a vain occupation! Otherwise, accept that you’re attracting to yourself dirty people through a dirty job* and treat it as a vocation, where you go to witness to people, i.e. the same way people go to bars etc. to witness to people.

• “The purpose of clothing is to clothe your nakedness and keep warm in winter, not to serve your vanity.” – St. Someone (St. Cyril of Jerusalem according to Google?) Hence, working as a model serves to further that problem whereby people distract themselves from Christ with clothing.

 

[ThePCWife]

It’s very hard when you’re in that looks-based world and trying to find someone stable and honest to build a lifetime with.

Honestly, most women in your position have to retire/quit to find someone who can be a good Christian husband to them without expecting the whole trophy wife thing.

It is a heavy cross though because even if you’re retired, you are still going to age differently than other women and your children will often be traffic-stopping. The burdens don’t end just because you’re out of the field and raising babies.

All I can say is that if you’re going to stay in the modelling business, remain kind and soft-spoken, and be as active as you can among the Catholics in your parish, and maybe consider one of the more Latin-mass friendly parishes to be a regular Mass spot. You may be able to find a man to marry who can handle your special gifts and burdens that way.

Beauty does attract weird people. Kind but firm is what many women in your position have found to be most effective in minimizing upset or stress.

 

[Trident_H]

While I’ve never been a runway model in the fashion industry, a decade ago I was approached to glam model and… also asked to dance in a club. I was offended by that, not a compliment to me but you get the picture.

I’ve been used and abused and it sucked. It does get better with age. I’m in my 30s now. But even though I’m told I’m still “beautiful,” I suffer from trauma, depression and anxiety and I ache for true love, which I have never had.

My best advice is to remember your worth. Don’t settle. Don’t marry purely for Eros, that romantic love that feels so good… you want to marry a holy man who will also be your best friend. Pray for God to bring the man of His choosing into your life. It will make all the difference.

With my prayers,
GreyWings

I’m sorry you were abused this way. I mean if I’d been there at the time I’d have–well I don’t know what I’d have done. But I mean I would have defended you. Even though I’m not much really. Not a big guy. And I mean I get a little nervous when people look at me too long. But I’d have rallied for you. I’d have cared enough for that. I wouldn’t have been able to stand by and watch you suffer. I mean it’s one thing when they shove me. But it’s another thing when they try to push around those I like. So yeah. I’d have taken a couple rounds. Then you probably would have had to call an ambulance. But I mean I would have tried.

Peace GreyWings. I still imagine you defending me against the bullies of the world. But really I’d have defended you too.

-Trident

 

[Trident_H]

It’s very hard when you’re in that looks-based world and trying to find someone stable and honest to build a lifetime with.

Honestly, most women in your position have to retire/quit to find someone who can be a good Christian husband to them without expecting the whole trophy wife thing.

It is a heavy cross though because even if you’re retired, you are still going to age differently than other women and your children will often be traffic-stopping. The burdens don’t end just because you’re out of the field and raising babies.

All I can say is that if you’re going to stay in the modelling business, remain kind and soft-spoken, and be as active as you can among the Catholics in your parish, and maybe consider one of the more Latin-mass friendly parishes to be a regular Mass spot. You may be able to find a man to marry who can handle your special gifts and burdens that way.

Beauty does attract weird people. Kind but firm is what many women in your position have found to be most effective in minimizing upset or stress.

Hey. Totally off topic. But welcome! You’re only 2 posts old!

Peace.

-Trident

 

[runwaymodel]

If you want to be respected for your personality and intellect, don’t spend a majority of your time objectifying yourself.

Anyway, if you don’t want vain men, then don’t have a vain occupation! Otherwise, accept that you’re attracting to yourself dirty people through a dirty job* and treat it as a vocation, where you go to witness to people, i.e. the same way people go to bars etc. to witness to people.

• “The purpose of clothing is to clothe your nakedness and keep warm in winter, not to serve your vanity.” – St. Someone (St. Cyril of Jerusalem according to Google?) Hence, working as a model serves to further that problem whereby people distract themselves from Christ with clothing.

So would you suggest telling a person who works on Wallstreet to simply stop because those people are corrupt and greedy? That’s not a realistic way of viewing the world either. But, I understand what you are trying to say. Outside of work, I do surround myself with normal people with similar morals and not in that industry.

 

[GreyWings]

I’m sorry you were abused this way. I mean if I’d been there at the time I’d have–well I don’t know what I’d have done. But I mean I would have defended you. Even though I’m not much really. Not a big guy. And I mean I get a little nervous when people look at me too long. But I’d have rallied for you. I’d have cared enough for that. I wouldn’t have been able to stand by and watch you suffer. I mean it’s one thing when they shove me. But it’s another thing when they try to push around those I like. So yeah. I’d have taken a couple rounds. Then you probably would have had to call an ambulance. But I mean I would have tried.

Peace GreyWings. I still imagine you defending me against the bullies of the world. But really I’d have defended you too.

-Trident

Aw. You’re sweet, Trident. :grouphug:

Yessss it is what it is. Now I just gotta deal, and roll with the punches.

So would you suggest telling a person who works on Wallstreet to simply stop because those people are corrupt and greedy? That’s not a realistic way of viewing the world either. But, I understand what you are trying to say. Outside of work, I do surround myself with normal people with similar morals and not in that industry.

You’re doing the right thing. Your heart is in the right place, otherwise you wouldn’t have put yourself out there and posted with the courage that you have. Your job does not define you; at the end of the day, a job’s a job. *You’re beautiful. *That means you have to be a little more careful because there’s a vulnerability that comes with beauty. But you’re doing the right thing with your faith. Work it, girl, and be you. Because you’re not just beautiful, you’re a masterpiece made by God and you are so loved!

It’ll get better. The cattiness, the jealousy, the pressure, the weirdos, oh giiiirl I know all about it. I’m in my 30s and I still deal with that hand. *But it gets better. *Hang in there, pray and trust in Him. “Be not afraid.” Words to live by! (I should take my own advice.)

Pax,
GreyWings

 

[Momof9inFL]

I was modeling at a boat show when I met my husband. He was with a buddy looking at a boat when we first met. As I was putting together a packet for him, we talked a little. I saw him watching me a day later at the show and he approached me for a date. Unfortunately, I’d made a date with another gentleman I met at the show. That date was wonderful, by the way. I’d gone out with a few guys. The shorts and button down white shirt and heels costume helped. so I know how modeling can lead to lots of attention.

I saw my husband (future) a few weeks later and we hit it off again. We went for dinner and have been together since. He whispered in my ear that night: I want us to have babies. That turned me on right there and so did he. So we dated for 6 more months before we got engaged, another year and we married. I got pregnant right away, of course.

We will start working on our 10th soon, God willing. I’m thinking of a wonderful Christmas present.

 

[dedo]

I’m just a little discouraged, friends. I know some people consider beauty a blessing (probably the same that think money solves all problems) but I just feel like it attracts all sorts of weird people. I’m really involved in community service and with my church so my resolve is very strong but some men here see it as a challenge, and even get insulted when I won’t give them what so many women do so easily. It seriously feels like the more focused on God I am, the more I am tempted to get corrupted. And yes. I know: It is MY choice to be in the industry but like a Sister of the Church once told me: “God needs people in every field to act as pillars or role models even when it’s rough. Maybe that’s your cross”. Maybe, but it’s very hard.
For those of you who don’t know, I work in the fashion/entertainment industry so it’s been a challenge, but by Gods grace I have remained on the good path. Still in my 20s so the shortage of men in line for marriage isn’t the problem, it’s substance. I’m very traditional despite my outward appearance and I just cannot seem to find husband material. I’ve mentioned before, I refuse to be just a trophy wife. I’ve hesitated in posting because I know there are bigger problems out there but I don’t really have Catholic friends my age in whom I can express my feelings with…so here I am. :sad_bye:

Since I have absolutely no experience with what you are dealing with, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. However, I may be able to look at your question from a different perspective, and that may be helpful to you.

Your focus question seems to involve finding a decent husband, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, I would just suggest to open your mind to other possibilities besides: working in the fashion industry, doing volunteer work, getting married etc.

The reason is that you seem to be immensely talented, so perhaps God has a different plan for you, and you may find your husband as part of that plan. What could that be, I have no idea. I would just say to keep an open mind.

I will just point out one possibility. For example, you model in the fashion industry. Do you have any communication experience? L.A. is the epicenter of popular culture including television, movies, and on line media, including You Tube. In my opinion, You Tubers have self taught themselves into becoming some of the best communicators on Earth. Some of them are in the fashion industry, and can pull in over a million a year in profits. Search an interview by entrepreneur author James Altucher with a You Tube fashion guru.

Why does this matter? Popular culture has the ability to reach a lot of people. For the most part, the vast majority of people in popular culture avoid talking about religion or their faith. Thus, if there were people that had the courage to buck that trend, the effect could be huge.

Personally, I think the fate of the world is in the hands of your generation. That is because something about the secular culture effects people in a way that makes it very different for them to change, or try anything new. Only the millennials have the energy and adaptability to change something. To think that the generations that created the mess we are in are going to be able to fix it, is not logical.

The only other suggestion I have is to learn something about different forms of prayer. I am no expert on this. However, the type of prayer most of us focus on is “supplication” or asking God for something. Other types of prayer are more a demonstration of faith, such as thanking God for what you want, before it happens, as if it has already happened. That type of prayer is a demonstration of faith, and can work when other types fail.

Good luck.

 

[runwaymodel]

Since I have absolutely no experience with what you are dealing with, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. However, I may be able to look at your question from a different perspective, and that may be helpful to you.

Your focus question seems to involve finding a decent husband, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, I would just suggest to open your mind to other possibilities besides: working in the fashion industry, doing volunteer work, getting married etc.

The reason is that you seem to be immensely talented, so perhaps God has a different plan for you, and you may find your husband as part of that plan. What could that be, I have no idea. I would just say to keep an open mind.

I will just point out one possibility. For example, you model in the fashion industry. Do you have any communication experience? L.A. is the epicenter of popular culture including television, movies, and on line media, including You Tube. In my opinion, You Tubers have self taught themselves into becoming some of the best communicators on Earth. Some of them are in the fashion industry, and can pull in over a million a year in profits. Search an interview by entrepreneur author James Altucher with a You Tube fashion guru.

Why does this matter? Popular culture has the ability to reach a lot of people. For the most part, the vast majority of people in popular culture avoid talking about religion or their faith. Thus, if there were people that had the courage to buck that trend, the effect could be huge.

Personally, I think the fate of the world is in the hands of your generation. That is because something about the secular culture effects people in a way that makes it very different for them to change, or try anything new. Only the millennials have the energy and adaptability to change something. To think that the generations that created the mess we are in are going to be able to fix it, is not logical.

The only other suggestion I have is to learn something about different forms of prayer. I am no expert on this. However, the type of prayer most of us focus on is “supplication” or asking God for something. Other types of prayer are more a demonstration of faith, such as thanking God for what you want, before it happens, as if it has already happened. That type of prayer is a demonstration of faith, and can work when other types fail.

Good luck.

Dedo, what you have said (especially what I have bolded) strikes a heavy chord and has been somethingI have considered for a long time. Maybe my calling is not for marriage yet–I am in no hurry. I definitely can’t think of many people my age that represent good influential role models in spiritual life, let alone the Catholic/Christian life. There are only so many Tim Tebow’s of the world, unfortunately.
Thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

 

[dedo]

Dedo, what you have said (especially what I have bolded) strikes a heavy chord and has been somethingI have considered for a long time. Maybe my calling is not for marriage yet–I am in no hurry. I definitely can’t think of many people my age that represent good influential role models in spiritual life, let alone the Catholic/Christian life. There are only so many Tim Tebow’s of the world, unfortunately.
Thank you. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

Thanks for the compliment. Any time I can be relevant, I am thrilled. I learn more from your generation than I teach. I couldn’t make it as a role model either. I identify with the character in the Hunger Games named Heymitch – not a role model, and definitely not a threat to anyone’s ______(super dad, significant other), but useful if you can get him off the couch.

My millennial trainer just texted me that he has been training every day and is ready to go --while I have been goofing off and traveling. I hope I get through it. A couple weeks ago he gave me two fat lips in consecutive weeks. Then I look up and another millennial seems to be irritated with me. I hope you guys are not communicating with each other on the cloud or snapchat, and putting out contracts etc. I am glad we are now all getting along, and everything is kumbaya.

 

[ethereality]

So would you suggest telling a person who works on [Wall Street] to simply stop because those people are corrupt and greedy?

No, because I can conceive of jobs in finance that promote things other than the accumulation of personal wealth and greed. I’m not saying your industry is bad: More than that, I’m saying your job itself is bad. Is a runway model accomplishing anything other than promoting unnecessary clothing* and encouraging people to vanity? I don’t see any good work done by runway models. (If there is, please tell me.) So it seems to me part of your problem, leading directly to the people you are surrounded by: Even during our off-hours, the social networks we form during working hours influence our free time.

• i.e. unnecessary consumption, contrary to Christian stewardship as Pope Francis discusses in “Laudato Si”

I am involved in my youth ministry, but …] my peers are not as accomplished as I am–and by that I mean career wise. …] I just feel mentally and especially financially speaking–with everyone just getting out of college, they are at a different place in their lives, still attending parties or getting internships and some even live at home. I’ve owned properties for years and I believe that intimidates some guys my age to an extent. I don’t discriminate age-wise though. If I met my equal …]

I did not see this post prior to writing my response to the OP: It alarms me and seems to confirm my thoughts on how your work influences you: It comes across as haughty and conceited and even suggests that you are more concerned with material accomplishments than spiritual accomplishments. I wonder about your criteria for who your ‘equal’ would be. Even calling another person “my equal” expresses conceit, as it implies others are beneath you (or self-concern if others happen to be “above” you) and that you are evaluating people in terms of levels. This is not a Christian way to view people.

 

[dedo]

No, because I can conceive of jobs in finance that promote things other than the accumulation of personal wealth and greed. I’m not saying your industry is bad: More than that, I’m saying your job itself is bad. Is a runway model accomplishing anything other than promoting unnecessary clothing* and encouraging people to vanity? I don’t see any good work done by runway models. (If there is, please tell me.) So it seems to me part of your problem, leading directly to the people you are surrounded by: Even during our off-hours, the social networks we form during working hours influence our free time.

• i.e. unnecessary consumption, contrary to Christian stewardship as Pope Francis discusses in “Laudato Si”

I did not see this post prior to writing my response to the OP: It alarms me and seems to confirm my thoughts on how your work influences you: It comes across as haughty and conceited and even suggests that you are more concerned with material accomplishments than spiritual accomplishments. I wonder about your criteria for who your ‘equal’ would be. Even calling another person “my equal” expresses conceit, as it implies others are beneath you (or self-concern if others happen to be “above” you) and that you are evaluating people in terms of levels. This is not a Christian way to view people.

Sorry if I over posted on this thread, but this load of garbage deserves a response.

I am saying YOU are bad ethereality, and an example of what drives people away from religion.

Nevertheless, I am glad I saw your awful, judgmental, despicable, post, so if I ever see these tendencies in myself, I will work on them – before someone whacks me.

Being accomplished professionally, and financially, and making time to do volunteer work and remaining an active follower of Jesus is amazing in this day of age, especially in L.A. where the secular pressure is overwhelming.

I don’t measure up to the O.P.'s level of maturity, and you are not even in the same galaxy.

Grow up.