Been Single & Catholic

[trinichiqn]

I think I will weigh in on this one. I am 37, single, no kids, good job… yadda yadda yadda right? I think the “looks decent” wagon didn’t pass me buy. I’m not 400 lbs living in my parents basement. I iron my own shirts, clean my house, take care of my self okay. I go to mass every sunday (Latin) I don’t carouse around all night in the bars and I enjoy the simple things in life. But for some reason, trying to find a good Catholic girl who wants to date and see where it goes is tough.

After the last girl broke it off, (it wasn’t anything serious) I took inventory and realized that I do have a lot to offer someone, but that I wasn’t getting out there enough. As the only Catholic and single in my group of friends and being an introvert, this is tough. So I am trying to do the online thing. We will see how it goes.

I do have to ask the question though, is it “there aren’t any good ones left” or is it unrealistic expectations? I have wondering if I am asking the wrong question because it is obvious the answer is not what I want to hear. Some things that go through my head.

I do understand where OP is coming from though.

I always wonder the same thing myself, but there are good wanna-be spouses out there we just have to find the right one and be the right one

 

[Sarcelle]

As a 45 year never married women, I do need to say, you obviously meant well but this post is not helpful. I can’t count how many times I heard the same thing and I still didn’t meet a husband and I will soon be to old to have kids. Obviously the people who said it to me made a promise they couldn’t keep and that is not nice

I have come to accept being single and am quite happy single. I can’t see being married making me any happier.

The only regret in life I have is I spent so much time worrying about finding a husband. All that time wasted. I think it is just better to learn to accept God’s will and make the best of our situation regardless of marital status

This post could have been written by me. I spent so much time worrying about finding a husband. Why? So I could fit in. To me a husband was just an accessory for me to fit in with my married friends. It was not about having someone to love and honor. I am now glad that God did not say yes to my prayers. My intentions were selfish.

In fact I spent so much time whining to God, I forgot to be thankful. I have since repented.

 

[pianistclare]

Sometimes things just happen, and it could be due to prayer.

My son lives in a very protestant part of the country, so Catholic women are fairly rare. So, he did get on those Catholic dating sites. Some of the women were fine women, but none was “it”, at least that he met.

Then, at a St. Patrick’s Day party thrown by a couple of his ex-classmates halfway across the country, he met the lady who became his wife. Distance didn’t make it easy, but they managed.

Turns out she had been praying to St. Joseph to help her find a suitable Catholic man. When they met, and hit it off immediately, she asked him his middle name. “Joseph” was his response. She nearly fell down. Call it chance if you want, but she will always believe he was persuaded by St. Joseph to go to that party. Me, I kind of think so too.

After being widowed, I prayed to St. Joseph.
I’m now married to a Joseph.

He does stuff like that alright, LOL

 

[WJeffrey]

As a 45 year never married women, I do need to say, you obviously meant well but this post is not helpful. I can’t count how many times I heard the same thing and I still didn’t meet a husband and I will soon be to old to have kids. Obviously the people who said it to me made a promise they couldn’t keep and that is not nice

I have come to accept being single and am quite happy single. I can’t see being married making me any happier.

The only regret in life I have is I spent so much time worrying about finding a husband. All that time wasted. I think it is just better to learn to accept God’s will and make the best of our situation regardless of marital status

I don’t think applying your experience at 45 is helpful to a 30 year old person. Would you put down a vocation she feels in her heart if she decided to become a nun at 30? Marriage is a vocation as is religious life. A positive attitude is important in the dating world.

There is nothing wrong with being single. After my wife died, I really haven’t had the desire to reenter the world of dating. I tried it with a nice Catholic woman, and realized I was doing it because society expected it of me. It wasn’t fair to the 48 year old woman or me. I’m 44 so there are many years for my perspective to change. I seriously doubt it will. It no longer concerns me. I am happy.

30 year old men do value the qualities of a devout Catholic woman far more than their 25 year old counterparts. There are two qualities that repel most men. They are desperation and negativity. Unnecessarily, causing one will only will only foster the other.

Lelani is a young person with many happy years in front of her. Telling her that her dreams are unrealistic is a disservice that very likely is untrue.

 

[Norseman82]

I do have to ask the question though, is it “there aren’t any good ones left” or is it unrealistic expectations? I have wondering if I am asking the wrong question because it is obvious the answer is not what I want to hear. Some things that go through my head.

I do understand where OP is coming from though.

It does seem like that all the good ones are taken (or are in the convent). And many (even here on CAF) will try to say your - correction, our - expectations are unrealistic - which, to put it charitably, makes me angry.

When the last lady I dated told me she was going into religious life, she said “that’s the risk you take when you date a religious girl. If you want to get married, you may have to look for a ‘bad’ girl” (her words, not mine). Although it may have been a language/cultural issue (she was from Poland), those words that “you may have to look for a ‘bad’ girl” still hit me like a ton of bricks, because when I look at the world, that may be all that’s left.

 

[adamhovey1988]

Hi Everyone, Im new to the forums and exited to be here to be part of a Catholic community.
I been feeling sad been single. Im turning 31 this year and I don’t have potential dating prospects near sight. I have gone to therapy, work on myself, have a good career, ect. I was in a serious relationship that was ended year and 1/2 ago. I felt I was ready to start dating again last summer to find potential marriage partner, I prayed 54 day novena two times, novenas for my future husband. I went on couple of dates, but nothing. I signed up Catholic Match, and started talking to a guy for a couple of months but I ended the relationship when I found out he was an alcoholic, and was looking for girl to take care of him financially. Now Im back to square one. I am keeping God the priority of my life right now, praying the Rosary daily, and talking to God through out my day sharing with Him my feelings, sadness, happy moments, ect.
My biggest desire is to be married and have a family. I love kids, I volunteer working with kids and I enjoy helping them. I do have group of friends, I take care of my self by eating healthy, working out, dressing fashionable, people think Im in my mid-20s. At work, everyone found their partner and are married. Most of them are secular and live happy. Im happy for them, but Im here praying, telling God the desire of my heart. Im only interested in dating practicing Catholic guys. I feel the only way to meet them is online. I live in a part of the country that is very liberal and hard to find good faithful men. Does single people feel like this in the middle of the secular world?

I would date a non-Catholic and possibly marry one (of course they would have to make the concession that the kids would be raised Catholic), partially because Catholics are fairly rare in the area which I live. There are some, to be sure, but I do not want a wife that is that much younger than me, and the ones my age tend to all ready be married (I am nearing 28). I don’t worry too much about it most of the time though. Other times, it is soul-crushing loneliness.

 

[angelic06]

I would date a non-Catholic and possibly marry one (of course they would have to make the concession that the kids would be raised Catholic), partially because Catholics are fairly rare in the area which I live. There are some, to be sure, but I do not want a wife that is that much younger than me, and the ones my age tend to all ready be married (I am nearing 28). I don’t worry too much about it most of the time though. Other times, it is soul-crushing loneliness.

I am actually going to do the reverse. I am 32 years old similar in age to you and have decided that marrying a Catholic is more important than age (my dad is 11 years older than my mom, and their marriage has been going 40 years and more).

I believe that the family is the “little church” (a synonym for “church” is “communion”).

If I am unable to marry a Catholic, I will not marry at all rather than be the father in a divided family.

 

[adamhovey1988]

I am actually going to do the reverse. I am 32 years old similar in age to you and have decided that marrying a Catholic is more important than age (my dad is 11 years older than my mom, and their marriage has been going 40 years and more).

I believe that the family is the “little church” (a synonym for “church” is “communion”).

If I am unable to marry a Catholic, I will not marry at all rather than be the father in a divide d family.

My preference would defitnitely be a Catholic, believe me

 

[kelvinf]

If I am unable to marry a Catholic, I will not marry at all rather than be the father in a divided family.

As long as you don’t complain if you were to forgo a potential opportunity, then that would be perfectly fine. The Catholic Church is not wrong in permitting mixed marriages and disparity of cult.

Simply because a Catholic marries a non-Catholic doesn’t make their family “divided”.

 

[angelic06]

As long as you don’t complain if you were to forgo a potential opportunity, then that would be perfectly fine. The Catholic Church is not wrong in permitting mixed marriages and disparity of cult.

Simply because a Catholic marries a non-Catholic doesn’t make their family “divided”.

I have seen exactly what happens when people take up “potential opportunities”. The Catholic renounces his/her faith, the children grow up Protestant, or often they don’t practice organized religion at all. (This occurred with the majority of my parish Christian education class.)

I believe very firmly and unabashedly that the Holy Catholic Church is the one which Jesus Christ founded, the same one which martyrs have died defending. And I will teach my children precisely that, which starts with finding a spouse who believes the same.

Yes, I stand with my statement, and I make no apologies for it. That having two parents who don’t agree on the Truth does divide a family. I will live as a single man rather than marry someone who does not agree on the fundamentals and in the process risk that I may not see my children in the world to come (either because their father, by marrying a non-Catholic, did not truly devote his attention to spiritual matters and thus condemns himself, or because the children themselves did not avail themselves of the Holy Food, that is the Eucharist, because their mother did not consider it necessary).

I am quite happy as a single man and have no need of “potential opportunities”. But if someone comes my way, I would be very pleased to meet her, as long as we agree on the fundamentals of marriage. For me, the fundamentals mean that the family is a “domestic Church”, that is, a little Catholic Church within the one Holy Catholic Church.

[Now, have I seen some mixed marriages (Christian) marriages work out? Yes. My father in law is Lutheran. My brother in law, however, is Catholic and has put his children in his parish school. My desire is to follow my own father’s example and to pray as a family. How can that be done if one of the heads of the family (in my case, the future mother) considers some of the family prayers (such as the Rosary, or even the Sign of the Holy Cross) to be blasphemous? ]

 

[kelvinf]

I have seen exactly what happens when people take up “potential opportunities”. The Catholic renounces his/her faith, the children grow up Protestant, or often they don’t practice organized religion at all. (This occurred with the majority of my parish Christian education class.)

I believe very firmly and unabashedly that the Holy Catholic Church is the one which Jesus Christ founded, the same one which martyrs have died defending. And I will teach my children precisely that, which starts with finding a spouse who believes the same.

Yes, I stand with my statement, and I make no apologies for it. That having two parents who don’t agree on the Truth does divide a family. I will live as a single man rather than marry someone who does not agree on the fundamentals and in the process risk that I may not see my children in the world to come (either because their father, by marrying a non-Catholic, did not truly devote his attention to spiritual matters and thus condemns himself, or because the children themselves did not avail themselves of the Holy Food, that is the Eucharist, because their mother did not consider it necessary).

I am quite happy as a single man and have no need of “potential opportunities”. But if someone comes my way, I would be very pleased to meet her, as long as we agree on the fundamentals of marriage. For me, the fundamentals mean that the family is a “domestic Church”, that is, a little Catholic Church within the one Holy Catholic Church.

[Now, have I seen some mixed marriages (Christian) marriages work out? Yes. My father in law is Lutheran. My brother in law, however, is Catholic and has put his children in his parish school. My desire is to follow my own father’s example and to pray as a family. How can that be done if one of the heads of the family (in my case, the future mother) considers some of the family prayers (such as the Rosary, or even the Sign of the Holy Cross) to be blasphemous? ]

Fact is, most Catholics are protestants! So there is just a small fraction who accept the Catholic doctrine. Coming across such a Catholic in real life (outside of CAF) is rare.

I believe every two human beings are different. 2 people living together whether they agree 100% on Church teaching will always have differences on other things which could divide the family. The question is usually how people go about differences because there will always be differences.
So a Catholic married to a “protestant” doesn’t mean their family will automatically be divided on basis of religion. Of course we can all give different examples. It always just boils down to the two people.

For me, ruling out someone who doesn’t share your views is a self-made barrier. And it’s perfectly fine as long as you don’t complain about it like you.
But a lot of people complain and rant on this forum all the time! And often, I see their expectations are far from realistic.

As concerns children, in the society we live today, children will still grow up learning the other view unless you confine them only to your house. Once they are outside, they will face reality and as they grow up, they will make decisions for themselves.
2 faithful Catholics who marry doesn’t mean their children will grow up to be like them. LOL. I mean, we read that all the time on this forum. Or we see that in real life.

 

[angelic06]

Fact is, most Catholics are protestants! So there is just a small fraction who accept the Catholic doctrine. Coming across such a Catholic in real life (outside of CAF) is rare.

I believe every two human beings are different. 2 people living together whether they agree 100% on Church teaching will always have differences on other things which could divide the family. The question is usually how people go about differences because there will always be differences.
So a Catholic married to a “protestant” doesn’t mean their family will automatically be divided on basis of religion. Of course we can all give different examples. It always just boils down to the two people.

For me, ruling out someone who doesn’t share your views is a self-made barrier. And it’s perfectly fine as long as you don’t complain about it like you.
But a lot of people complain and rant on this forum all the time!*** And often, I see their expectations are far from realistic.***
As concerns children, in the society we live today, children will still grow up learning the other view unless you confine them only to your house. Once they are outside, they will face reality and as they grow up, they will make decisions for themselves.
2 faithful Catholics who marry doesn’t mean their children will grow up to be like them. LOL. I mean, we read that all the time on this forum. Or we see that in real life.

At the same time, however, the chances are better that the children will remain Catholic if they are given a firm foundation on which to stand on. I do not consider seeking a Catholic spouse to be unrealistic. What is unrealistic is: he has to make $50,000 a month, she has to be a model, an opera singer and have a nice car, he has to be CEO…etc. As for faithful Catholics being rare, well, it only takes one, doesn’t it?

It is my job as a prospective father to teach any children I get the Truth as I see it. I cannot give them what I consider to be false religion anymore than I can fool the children into believing Decon (mouse poison) is orange juice. They are both deadly, in their own kind of way, except with one the results are obvious. The other, the Wicked One has fooled us into believing it is not important. The only thing is, I refuse to take the bait.

 

[Sarcelle]

At the same time, however, the chances are better that the children will remain Catholic if they are given a firm foundation on which to stand on. I do not consider seeking a Catholic spouse to be unrealistic. What is unrealistic is: he has to make $50,000 a month, she has to be a model, an opera singer and have a nice car, he has to be CEO…etc. As for faithful Catholics being rare, well, it only takes one, doesn’t it?

It is my job as a prospective father to teach any children I get the Truth as I see it. I cannot give them what I consider to be false religion anymore than I can fool the children into believing Decon (mouse poison) is orange juice. They are both deadly, in their own kind of way, except with one the results are obvious. The other, the Wicked One has fooled us into believing it is not important. The only thing is, I refuse to take the bait.

 

[edwest2]

That was my issue with my last girlfriend, and another female friend, from the same part of town. They were looking for a man who made around 200K (in 1985 dollars), a beautiful home in an expensive part of town, and money for clothes, trips and jewelry. Always ask her what she expects marriage to be before the ceremony. Always.

A friend of mine married a very similar type of girl but since she came from a working-class background, modest and essential, with the occasional trip together, was all she needed. My friend is Catholic but she was Methodist. She converted and became a Catholic after they married.

Ed

 

[natsume]

Should I give up on praying about this? I am uncertain if God is saying no or not yet. :’(

 

[fin]

Are you asking about continuing praying for you to find someone? This is also one of my questions. At this point, I’m not really sure what to do. While I do pray for marriage, I pray for God’s will above all. Should I give up, should I continue?..

Should I give up on praying about this? I am uncertain if God is saying no or not yet. :’(

 

[natsume]

Are you asking about continuing praying for you to find someone? This is also one of my questions. At this point, I’m not really sure what to do. While I do pray for marriage, I pray for God’s will above all. Should I give up, should I continue?..

Yes, that’s how I really feel right now. What if my request is not in line with His will? What if He already said no but I’m too blind to see it? I don’t know.

 

[trinichiqn]

Yes, that’s how I really feel right now. What if my request is not in line with His will? What if He already said no but I’m too blind to see it? I don’t know.

I have felt that way at times but prayer is never wasted. I have prayed asking God if my being married is not His will to take away the desire from me.

 

[natsume]

I have felt that way at times but prayer is never wasted. I have prayed asking God if my being married is not His will to take away the desire from me.

Thanks. I never thought that finding the right spouse is more difficult than I imagine. I also did try to ask advice from Christian Miracles (their website has posted several Catholic novena), then they shared a link to me:

Patient Waiting

I keep on reading that article to help me continue my prayer.

 

[chero23]

Hi Everyone, Im new to the forums and exited to be here to be part of a Catholic community.
I been feeling sad been single. Im turning 31 this year and I don’t have potential dating prospects near sight. I have gone to therapy, work on myself, have a good career, ect. I was in a serious relationship that was ended year and 1/2 ago. I felt I was ready to start dating again last summer to find potential marriage partner, I prayed 54 day novena two times, novenas for my future husband. I went on couple of dates, but nothing. I signed up Catholic Match, and started talking to a guy for a couple of months but I ended the relationship when I found out he was an alcoholic, and was looking for girl to take care of him financially. Now Im back to square one. I am keeping God the priority of my life right now, praying the Rosary daily, and talking to God through out my day sharing with Him my feelings, sadness, happy moments, ect.
My biggest desire is to be married and have a family. I love kids, I volunteer working with kids and I enjoy helping them. I do have group of friends, I take care of my self by eating healthy, working out, dressing fashionable, people think Im in my mid-20s. At work, everyone found their partner and are married. Most of them are secular and live happy. Im happy for them, but Im here praying, telling God the desire of my heart. Im only interested in dating practicing Catholic guys. I feel the only way to meet them is online. I live in a part of the country that is very liberal and hard to find good faithful men. Does single people feel like this in the middle of the secular world?

I’m also your age. 15 months ago I ended a 4 and a half year relationship. I dated hoping to replace her. Through prayer and speaking with family and friends I was able to get over her and appreciate that relationship.

I do feel I’m ready to date someone, I have prayed for someone but I’m not in any rush.

Patience