Being a good girlfriend

[Yogi89]

Although I have met a lot of guys and been on dates, I have never had a serious relationship before, and I don’t like many guys either… It really takes someone special for me to like or fall for them. A little update from my last post: the guy who I still really like actually texted me. I was quite surprised by this, because I was not expecting him to text me on his own. Anyway, I was happy about it, but I really don’t know what will happen and I am not expecting anything either. But, my question is, since I have never been in a serious relationship, I am worried that if or when I meet the right guy for me, I won’t know how to be In a relationship, so what are some important things I can do when I do meet the right guy for me?

I am not super close with anyone in my life, even though I have family and a good amount of friends. i have come across as very guarded to a lot of guys (not intentionally), and I didn’t care much befofe, because I didn’t like any guy that much. I Also think since i have not been physical with a a guy besides hugging or innocent kiss, I don’t plan on it until marriage, I think In a way I subconsciously push guys away. But, I don’t want to do that with a guy I really like and can see as a potential husband.

 

[Adam_Cook]

Yogi, my wife was my first real girlfriend… yep… I did it lol. Being in a relationship is honestly just like having a friendship with anyone else, the difference is that its with someone of the opposite sex and its more personal, intimate (in a non-sexual way if your not married!). If you just be yourself and let him see who you really are, then I’m sure he’ll love you. Us guys are very physical at a younger age, we really are better at like 23-30, as we start mentally settling down.

I wear a kilt, listen to my bagpipes way to loud and play a banjo, if I can survive dating and getting into a serious relationship anyone can lol

 

[Yogi89]

Yogi, my wife was my first real girlfriend… yep… I did it lol. Being in a relationship is honestly just like having a friendship with anyone else, the difference is that its with someone of the opposite sex and its more personal, intimate (in a non-sexual way if your not married!). If you just be yourself and let him see who you really are, then I’m sure he’ll love you. Us guys are very physical at a younger age, we really are better at like 23-30, as we start mentally settling down.

I wear a kilt, listen to my bagpipes way to loud and play a banjo, if I can survive dating and getting into a serious relationship anyone can lol

Aw, lol thank you!!

 

[adamhovey1988]

I wish I could help you, but a string of failed relationships makes me afraid to give you advice. So…what the other poster said.

 

[dshix]

I don’t have advice for you in regard to how to come across as personable or attractive, but I do have this: Pray about it. Ask Mary and Jesus to help you find and marry your spouse, if that is your vocation. Ask to be given the right words at the right time.

God will lead you towards His will for you if you’ll just put yourself in His hands. If you trust Him, you won’t feel self-conscious or nervous when interacting with a possible spouse - you’ll just be living life and following where God leads you.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

In order for someone to even be potential future spouse material, they must first be a good friend. Build up a good friendship with the guy through spending time together (in a non-sexual way), doing fun things together and generally getting to know each other. By the time the relationship progresses to romantic then you should already know and be comfortable with each other and things will feel very natural.

If someone (either you or the guy) is trying to push things to romance or a commitment too soon, before you really know each other, it probably won’t work. Just take your time and have fun.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I am not super close with anyone in my life, even though I have family and a good amount of friends.

The way to find a mate is to develop good friends, male and female. Good Christian friends will be an invaluable help in finding a spouse. Note that a Christian does not aspire to be a good girlfriend, she hopes to be a good wife and mother.

 

[AdamP88]

Although I have met a lot of guys and been on dates, I have never had a serious relationship before, and I don’t like many guys either… It really takes someone special for me to like or fall for them. A little update from my last post: the guy who I still really like actually texted me. I was quite surprised by this, because I was not expecting him to text me on his own. Anyway, I was happy about it, but I really don’t know what will happen and I am not expecting anything either. But, my question is, since I have never been in a serious relationship, I am worried that if or when I meet the right guy for me, I won’t know how to be In a relationship, so what are some important things I can do when I do meet the right guy for me?

I am not super close with anyone in my life, even though I have family and a good amount of friends. i have come across as very guarded to a lot of guys (not intentionally), and I didn’t care much befofe, because I didn’t like any guy that much. I Also think since i have not been physical with a a guy besides hugging or innocent kiss, I don’t plan on it until marriage, I think In a way I subconsciously push guys away. But, I don’t want to do that with a guy I really like and can see as a potential husband.

As other Adam already said, it is just like being in a friendship, except it should be more intimate than that. My wife is my best friend and we do lots of “friend” stuff as well as “married people stuff” and “romantic stuff”. Really you should be trying to find out more about the other person and doing stuff you both enjoy. You could try out a hobby he is passionate about, he could do the same for you. (Don’t worry if you hate it…my wife isn’t particularly fond of my favourite hobby (kayaking))

Also…Be yourself…if he loves you he’ll love the “real you”. Even if that involves being a goofball sometimes.

 

[Yogi89]

The way to find a mate is to develop good friends, male and female. Good Christian friends will be an invaluable help in finding a spouse. Note that a Christian does not aspire to be a good girlfriend, she hopes to be a good wife and mother.

I was wanting more advice on how to be when in an actual relationship, not so much finding a potential spouse or meeting someone, because that’s not so much a problem (although I would like to meet a guy I really like, which isn’t common gr me) as I do meet guys who like me, it’s just keeping the relationship. I also was wondering about that too though, how important is it to be a good girlfriend? I never thought it was important, but up until recently I’ve been thinking that if I’m not a good girlfriend, I might not make a good wife.

 

[Yogi89]

As other Adam already said, it is just like being in a friendship, except it should be more intimate than that. My wife is my best friend and we do lots of “friend” stuff as well as “married people stuff” and “romantic stuff”. Really you should be trying to find out more about the other person and doing stuff you both enjoy. You could try out a hobby he is passionate about, he could do the same for you. (Don’t worry if you hate it…my wife isn’t particularly fond of my favourite hobby (kayaking))

Also…Be yourself…if he loves you he’ll love the “real you”. Even if that involves being a goofball sometimes.

Thank you!! I am definitely a goofball, and not adventurous person either. I hate kayaking also haha

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

This is going to be semi-useless advice, but don’t overthink it. If you do, you’ll come across as unnatural and fake. Just relax and try to be yourself. If he doesn’t like you when you’re being yourself, well, you two aren’t a good match.

Ask him a lot of questions about himself and be genuinely interested in the answers. I don’t mean interrogate him, but people generally like talking about themselves, so it’s a good way to get the conversational ball rolling.

If you do end up in a relationship and you’re concerned about physical intimacy, just be cautious about putting yourself in situations where you’re going to be tempted. Like, don’t watch a movie at night in his bedroom while you share a bottle of wine. You’re just asking for trouble.

At the same time, you don’t have to treat a boyfriend like a sibling. There should be physical attraction there. If you don’t find yourself wanting to be physical with him, that’s a bad sign. Just don’t let it get out of control.

 

[Brassring]

Get the book “The 5 Love languages” by Gary Chapman.

Figure out what love language your SO speaks. Learn to express love in the language they understand, and learn to understand when they express love in that language.

Ideally, it should go both ways of course, but you could start.

 

[Allegra]

Yogi, my wife was my first real girlfriend… yep… I did it lol. Being in a relationship is honestly just like having a friendship with anyone else, the difference is that its with someone of the opposite sex and its more personal, intimate (in a non-sexual way if your not married!). If you just be yourself and let him see who you really are, then I’m sure he’ll love you. Us guys are very physical at a younger age, we really are better at like 23-30, as we start mentally settling down.

I wear a kilt, listen to my bagpipes way to loud and play a banjo, if I can survive dating and getting into a serious relationship anyone can lol

In the Georgia heat, I’m surprised more men don’t wear them!

 

[AdamP88]

Thank you!! I am definitely a goofball, and not adventurous person either. I hate kayaking also haha

Well I think both my wife and I can be goofballs. lol She doesn’t mind kayaking if it’s a very warm day in calm water. But I prefer to go in wild water when it’s been raining for a week.

 

[Yogi89]

Well I think both my wife and I can be goofballs. lol She doesn’t mind kayaking if it’s a very warm day in calm water. But I prefer to go in wild water when it’s been raining for a week.

How did you and your wife meet? … Yea, I think it’s because I had a bad first experience. The first time I went was a chilly day, and we kept falling in the water (especially me). It was about 5 hours long, and the whole time I just wanted to get on land lol.

 

[AdamP88]

How did you and your wife meet? … Yea, I think it’s because I had a bad first experience. The first time I went was a chilly day, and we kept falling in the water (especially me). It was about 5 hours long, and the whole time I just wanted to get on land lol.

Ah no…the best thing is to go in good conditions and practice in a swimming pool until you’re more confident. A 5 hour trip is not really a good idea for beginners.

We had a girl come on a trip last semester with our university canoe club. She was new to the sport. The rest of us were all men and experienced kayakers. (No other girls came that day for some reason). Throughout the day it was freezing and she kept asking “how much longer”. By the end of the trip I got the distinct impression that she was thoroughly miserable. Probably not the best experience of a kayak trip for her. Oh…there were also several rapids to navigate…that didn’t help.

I met my wife through these forums actually. We just got chatting about a post she made and it kinds went from there.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Although I have met a lot of guys and been on dates, I have never had a serious relationship before, and I don’t like many guys either… It really takes someone special for me to like or fall for them. A little update from my last post: the guy who I still really like actually texted me. I was quite surprised by this, because I was not expecting him to text me on his own. Anyway, I was happy about it, but I really don’t know what will happen and I am not expecting anything either. But, my question is, since I have never been in a serious relationship, I am worried that if or when I meet the right guy for me, I won’t know how to be In a relationship, so what are some important things I can do when I do meet the right guy for me?

I am not super close with anyone in my life, even though I have family and a good amount of friends. i have come across as very guarded to a lot of guys (not intentionally), and I didn’t care much befofe, because I didn’t like any guy that much. I Also think since i have not been physical with a a guy besides hugging or innocent kiss, I don’t plan on it until marriage, I think In a way I subconsciously push guys away. But, I don’t want to do that with a guy I really like and can see as a potential husband.

If you want to be a good girlfriend let your boyfriend be a man. Let him pay for stuff, let him be masculine. Do not try to change stuff you do not like about him. As long as he’s good to you, let him work on his character flaws. Don’t nag. If he does not want to do something that you know is for his own good just tell his gently how you feel and drop it. Do not keep bringing it up. Let him take the lead but do not just sit back and let him do everything. Put effort too. Little kind things go a long way. Do not smother him. Give him space to do guy things.

It’s all very general stuff but that is a bit of what I consider a good girlfriend.

 

[Yogi89]

Ah no…the best thing is to go in good conditions and practice in a swimming pool until you’re more confident. A 5 hour trip is not really a good idea for beginners.

We had a girl come on a trip last semester with our university canoe club. She was new to the sport. The rest of us were all men and experienced kayakers. (No other girls came that day for some reason). Throughout the day it was freezing and she kept asking “how much longer”. By the end of the trip I got the distinct impression that she was thoroughly miserable. Probably not the best experience of a kayak trip for her. Oh…there were also several rapids to navigate…that didn’t help.

I met my wife through these forums actually. We just got chatting about a post she made and it kinds went from there.

interesting! And that girl sounds a lot like I was on my trip lol. We ended up getting on the land at one point to relax, and when everyone was ready to go back, I was like ‘you guys can go, I’ll just walk back its ok’ lol and they were like you can’t walk back! I am sure it is fun when you actually get the hang of it, and weather is good. But, I was miserable on my trip.

 

[Yogi89]

If you want to be a good girlfriend let your boyfriend be a man. Let him pay for stuff, let him be masculine. Do not try to change stuff you do not like about him. As long as he’s good to you, let him work on his character flaws. Don’t nag. If he does not want to do something that you know is for his own good just tell his gently how you feel and drop it. Do not keep bringing it up. Let him take the lead but do not just sit back and let him do everything. Put effort too. Little kind things go a long way. Do not smother him. Give him space to do guy things.

It’s all very general stuff but that is a bit of what I consider a good girlfriend.

This is great advice, and I am actually working on also learning to compliment the guy I’m dating too, because I don’t do that much for some reason.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

This is great advice, and I am actually working on also learning to compliment the guy I’m dating too, because I don’t do that much for some reason.

That is good. Guys like to hear if a woman thinks he is good looking or a gentleman etc, etc. It was also mentioned and I second it that it’s bad to over think things. It will just paralyze you when the time comes to take action. Trying to think of the perfect thing to do or say, creating scenarios in your head and so forth are not helpful. Let things flow naturally. Make sure it’s a good guy you are dating and that will eliminate a lot of problems. He will lead you and be patient. Just let him know he is getting through to you. You may like hom but if he gets no feedback and is wondering do not be surprised if he ends up focusing on a woman who likes him and shows it. There are ways to show a man you like him without it being sex. A good man won’t try to take advantage of you. You will do fine.