Being catholic sucks- Have faith, but no joy

[jackjones]

Good book on Joy, by RT Kendall Pure Joy…

 

[leonie]

I think you would really benefit from finding an apostolate or a group that shares a charism to which you feel attracted.

Regnum Christi, Opus Dei, a third order, Legion of Mary, etc. In these groups you will find the Catholics that you need to support you in your journey.

Father Mitch Pacwa has a book that might help

Father, Forgive Me for I Am Frustrated: Growing in Your Faith Even When It Isn’t Easy Being Catholic

 

[Peeb]

Sounds like the attitude/problem infects the entire Diocese!

Difficult…

 

[Still_Trying]

Hi All… I’m Isadore_AK’s wife…

I’ve gotten to read all your replies…thank you for taking the time to answer and suggest things…

(Posting this also in the “Ask an Apologist” section)

I’ve spent the last 2 days “contemplating” all of this…our situation. I guess the easiest way to put it is… I’m slowly losing my faith in the Church…and worried even more that I’m slowly losing ALL my faith.

I converted 4 years ago and it has been 4 years of utter misery. I’ve never had so many people treat me so badly…many outright cruelly. Yes, I know…that doesn’t mean the Church is wrong…it just demonstrates a lack of “living a Christian life” to me…so, in turn, makes me question the overall establishment/process.

There are SO many abuses in our diocese. As time passes and more and more things become less and less Catholic…well…I just don’t know what to think anymore. So many liberal (not Catholic) things are said…it’s all I can do to not walk out. And it’s gotten worse just in the last 4 years. I stay out of love and devotion for the Eucharist…and that is all. I can barely get myself to take communion anymore. I haven’t committed any mortal sins that I know of…(I do an examination of conscience every Sunday, regardless of whether I receive communion or not). My only question on that point is, are anger and bitterness towards the Church a mortal sin? (For allowing such abuses in the first place and not bothering to fix them when they are clearly pointed out time and time again by various people).

I just don’t want to go anymore. As I’ve emotionally begun to disassociate myself with the Church I’ve started noticing that I don’t hold to all the teachings anymore (examining faith/thoughts over the last 2 days…the “emotional walls” I’m sure have been building up for a long time). I don’t honestly believe in confession, don’t believe penance is necessary, don’t believe in purgatory, don’t agree with all the teachings on birth control, don’t see the point of fasting/abstinence days when your heart isn’t in it (it’s good as a freely chosen, prayerful devotion)…

My heart wants to go back to the Baptist church…my love for Jesus grew daily, my mind seemed ever-drawn to prayer… The one thing holding me to the Church is the Eucharist. And if I’m so upset that I rarely even receive…well, you can see where my mind goes “next logical step”…why even bother. Though I’ve continued to meet all my obligations as a Catholic…my heart is not in it and hasn’t been for years…

I feel so lost and confused.

 

[agangbern]

I’m slowly losing my faith in the Church…and worried even more that I’m slowly losing ALL my faith.

Faith is not a matter of individual choice alone. It is more a gift from God. The seeds were sown. And some fell on rocks; some fell on sands; some fell among thorns; some fell on fertile soil. We know where the seed fell by how it grows.

If we recognize the “giftness” of faith, surely we shall thank God that He gave us even a smallest seed of it. Then we shall strive to have it nurtured so that it may grow into a big tree and bear much fruit.

 

[Still_Trying]

Faith is not a matter of individual choice alone. It is more a gift from God. The seeds were sown. And some fell on rocks; some fell on sands; some fell among thorns; some fell on fertile soil. We know where the seed fell by how it grows.

If we recognize the “giftness” of faith, surely we shall thank God that He gave us even a smallest seed of it. Then we shall strive to have it nurtured so that it may grow into a big tree and bear much fruit.

Hmmm…that’s different than I was taught as a Protestant. I was taught that faith is free-will, completely of our own choice…and that His grace is the gift.

That being said, though I appreciate your reply, I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at? Could you clarify for me? Are you saying I should go to a Church where my faith can grow and be nurtured? Or that I should try to nurture my “seed of faith” even though I have not been thrown onto fertile soil?

Thank you

 

[Ridgerunner]

I’m not entirely sure I understand the problem, so I’m hesitant to address it. But I sure know what it’s like to have been in a liberal diocese for 20 years. A Lonnnnnnnnnngggggg 20 years! And this is a very conservative part of the country! Mostly baptists here, and yes, I know all about the fellowshipping.

On March 31 we get a new bishop. He’s much younger than our retiring bishop, and his history looks very good. I have met a fair number of younger priests elsewhere and even in this diocese. I have been quite impressed with some of them. Some of them have frankly told me they have “kept their profiles low” during the administration of our outgoing bishop. Our outgoing bishop promised he would never allow the TLM in the diocese, and he kept his promise until the new bishop (known to favor allowing it) was appointed. During our outgoing bishop’s administration, then, it will have been allowed a total of two months…out of 20 years.

Our chancery was bloated with “liberation theology” types, nuns in civvies. I joked that our diocesan newspaper is the last virulently anti-Catholic paper in the area.

This was all a lot of trouble for me. A lot.

Now, at this late hour in my life, I am looking forward to the new bishop. Very much. But I discovered something else in all these years. You see, in my particular profession I am privy to many of the secrets of the lives of others. I know how you feel about the fellowshipping at this protestant church and that one, but I know for a fact that they’ll cut each other up at the drop of a hat. I just plain don’t believe in the genuineness of most of it.

I discovered something else. As I grew older, I decided that my family is my “primary parish”. We developed our own rites and practices. With my children, now my grandchildren, we wait after Mass until everyone has left, then we go up and light votive candles and pray together. Sometimes a few others stay and pray, and we meet. I don’t socialize with those “friends”. They have their lives and I have mine. But there is something exchanged that goes beyond fellowshipping.

With my grandchildren I say the rosary in a little orchard I put together. They come for the fruit but are happy to pray too.

And there are parish people with whom I have shared something major in their lives; a sharing that really had nothing to do with church, but which sharing the faith amplifies. Sometimes I know their troubles from my profession. Sometimes I know for other reasons. We don’t even have to speak after Mass. A greeting is enough. I know what’s in their hearts and they know I care and will help when I can, and that’s enough.

I treasure those relationships greatly. Tonight I went to the Easter Vigil Mass (long, long, long). Lots of those present were Mexicans, so the Mass was half in English and half in Spanish. Some of them were baptized. Some confirmed. A realtor I have known for years was received into the Church. We were never particularly close before. I knew a lot about her life, and she knows that. When we met in the parish hall, she was overjoyed to see my wife and me. I’m not a “hugger” and neither is my wife, but we hugged the realtor and she us. I found myself telling her how happy this night was for me. Without explanation, she knew exactly what I meant.

My wife and I went to the parish hall for a meal afterward. The Meixcans mostly can’t speak English. I can’t speak Spanish. But the exchanged glances speak. The admiring comments of my wife for the dresses of some of their children speak. My shaking hands with a hardbitten old Mexican man speaks. We can’t communicate at all. But in a deeper sense, we can. I can see it in their eyes, and they in mine. We all have the same faults, the same sins, the same trials, the same goal; heaven. We all want redemption and we all know why we’re there.

Everybody in that church you go to is there for that. Likely they’re somewhat confused. Likely many are struggling with the same thing you’re struggling with. But they’re persevering, all in the best ways they can, or they wouldn’t be there at all.

I don’t know why we go through these trial times. Perhaps it’s to purify us in some way. Perhaps if the priest is bland and the music awful and the parishioners robot-like at times, it’s all a test for us and for our faith. Perhaps in the hard times we can start seeing something of the vulnerability and desire for holiness and the fears that we all share. I admit I have an advantage over you. I know from the outside what a lot of them are going through or have gone through. But maybe I was given that advantage because I’m too weak to see the souls of these people without it.

A year ago, a professional colleague of mine died. His funeral was attended by many of the same profession; almost all protestants. I looked around, and I could see the stunned looks on the faces of some, bland as the Mass seemed to me. Afterward, one of the other pallbearers, a major figure in a local protestant church, said to another in a rather shocked way: “I think those people really believe” The speaker didn’t know I am Catholic. “Yes, I think they do” was the response “help, O Lord my unbelief” the second added.

And do you know, the things they then talked about were the sermon, which seemed rather ordinary to me, and the school children singing that song with the refrain “Receive him, Lord”.

Times change. Your bishop will change. New priests are already coming. But meanwhile, don’t be fooled by the people. They have hearts that are wounded, broken, wanting a kind word, however little it may seem so. They want what you want, and it is a mistake to suppose that they don’t.

 

[Still_Trying]

I discovered something else. As I grew older, I decided that my family is my “primary parish”. We developed our own rites and practices. With my children, now my grandchildren, we wait after Mass until everyone has left, then we go up and light votive candles and pray together. Sometimes a few others stay and pray, and we meet. I don’t socialize with those “friends”. They have their lives and I have mine. But there is something exchanged that goes beyond fellowshipping.

With my grandchildren I say the rosary in a little orchard I put together. They come for the fruit but are happy to pray too.

And there are parish people with whom I have shared something major in their lives; a sharing that really had nothing to do with church, but which sharing the faith amplifies. Sometimes I know their troubles from my profession. Sometimes I know for other reasons. We don’t even have to speak after Mass. A greeting is enough. I know what’s in their hearts and they know I care and will help when I can, and that’s enough.

I treasure those relationships greatly. Tonight I went to the Easter Vigil Mass (long, long, long). Lots of those present were Mexicans, so the Mass was half in English and half in Spanish. Some of them were baptized. Some confirmed. A realtor I have known for years was received into the Church. We were never particularly close before. I knew a lot about her life, and she knows that. When we met in the parish hall, she was overjoyed to see my wife and me. I’m not a “hugger” and neither is my wife, but we hugged the realtor and she us. I found myself telling her how happy this night was for me. Without explanation, she knew exactly what I meant.

My wife and I went to the parish hall for a meal afterward. The Meixcans mostly can’t speak English. I can’t speak Spanish. But the exchanged glances speak. The admiring comments of my wife for the dresses of some of their children speak. My shaking hands with a hardbitten old Mexican man speaks. We can’t communicate at all. But in a deeper sense, we can. I can see it in their eyes, and they in mine. We all have the same faults, the same sins, the same trials, the same goal; heaven. We all want redemption and we all know why we’re there.

Everybody in that church you go to is there for that. Likely they’re somewhat confused. Likely many are struggling with the same thing you’re struggling with. But they’re persevering, all in the best ways they can, or they wouldn’t be there at all.

I don’t know why we go through these trial times. Perhaps it’s to purify us in some way. Perhaps if the priest is bland and the music awful and the parishioners robot-like at times, it’s all a test for us and for our faith. Perhaps in the hard times we can start seeing something of the vulnerability and desire for holiness and the fears that we all share. I admit I have an advantage over you. I know from the outside what a lot of them are going through or have gone through. But maybe I was given that advantage because I’m too weak to see the souls of these people without it.

A year ago, a professional colleague of mine died. His funeral was attended by many of the same profession; almost all protestants. I looked around, and I could see the stunned looks on the faces of some, bland as the Mass seemed to me. Afterward, one of the other pallbearers, a major figure in a local protestant church, said to another in a rather shocked way: “I think those people really believe” The speaker didn’t know I am Catholic. “Yes, I think they do” was the response “help, O Lord my unbelief” the second added.

And do you know, the things they then talked about were the sermon, which seemed rather ordinary to me, and the school children singing that song with the refrain “Receive him, Lord”.

Times change. Your bishop will change. New priests are already coming. But meanwhile, don’t be fooled by the people. They have hearts that are wounded, broken, wanting a kind word, however little it may seem so. They want what you want, and it is a mistake to suppose that they don’t.

Thank you for sharing… You write beautifully…very touching. I know you’re right…I’m sure others are hurting, too. I’ve tried reaching out so many times only to get “slapped” away. It’s hard to try to reach out anymore…though I more than likely will…

I wish, very much, that my husband and I had the same opportunity to make our family “our parish”. We can’t have children, can’t afford to adopt… My parent’s are here in town, but are extremely anti-Catholic. Our only Catholic friends (my husband’s best friend and his wife and children) moved away in November. We are alone in our faith.

I started working with the youth group at our parish a few weeks ago. My help was welcomed. I was actively e-mailing and meeting with the youth group leader and helping at activities. I e-mailed to let her know I fractured my foot and couldn’t drive until it healed. We were in the middle of an e-mail conversation on two different topics. The e-mails stopped cold. No response. Had I still been protestant…there would have been a phone call to check on me, an offer of help during healing, an offer of a ride to the youth meeting to be able to continue to help. I knew not to expect those things after the last 4 years…but I really, honestly thought she would at least e-mail and say, “hope you heal up fast, see you when you’re back on your feet”…something like that??? Why is there such apathy towards our brothers and sisters in Christ?

 

[blessedtoo]

Hi All… I’m Isadore_AK’s wife…

I’ve gotten to read all your replies…thank you for taking the time to answer and suggest things…

(Posting this also in the “Ask an Apologist” section)

I’ve spent the last 2 days “contemplating” all of this…our situation. I guess the easiest way to put it is… I’m slowly losing my faith in the Church…and worried even more that I’m slowly losing ALL my faith.

I converted 4 years ago and it has been 4 years of utter misery. I’ve never had so many people treat me so badly…many outright cruelly. Yes, I know…that doesn’t mean the Church is wrong…it just demonstrates a lack of “living a Christian life” to me…so, in turn, makes me question the overall establishment/process.

There are SO many abuses in our diocese. As time passes and more and more things become less and less Catholic…well…I just don’t know what to think anymore. So many liberal (not Catholic) things are said…it’s all I can do to not walk out. And it’s gotten worse just in the last 4 years. I stay out of love and devotion for the Eucharist…and that is all. I can barely get myself to take communion anymore. I haven’t committed any mortal sins that I know of…(I do an examination of conscience every Sunday, regardless of whether I receive communion or not). My only question on that point is, are anger and bitterness towards the Church a mortal sin? (For allowing such abuses in the first place and not bothering to fix them when they are clearly pointed out time and time again by various people).

I just don’t want to go anymore. As I’ve emotionally begun to disassociate myself with the Church I’ve started noticing that I don’t hold to all the teachings anymore (examining faith/thoughts over the last 2 days…the “emotional walls” I’m sure have been building up for a long time). I don’t honestly believe in confession, don’t believe penance is necessary, don’t believe in purgatory, don’t agree with all the teachings on birth control, don’t see the point of fasting/abstinence days when your heart isn’t in it (it’s good as a freely chosen, prayerful devotion)…

My heart wants to go back to the Baptist church…my love for Jesus grew daily, my mind seemed ever-drawn to prayer… The one thing holding me to the Church is the Eucharist. And if I’m so upset that I rarely even receive…well, you can see where my mind goes “next logical step”…why even bother. Though I’ve continued to meet all my obligations as a Catholic…my heart is not in it and hasn’t been for years…

I feel so lost and confused.

Forgive me if this suggestion sounds prosaic but have you met with a good priest to discuss this crisis you are having? Is it possible that there is not ONE priest in your whole diocese that could be trusted to guide you with love, compassion, AND orthodoxy? Before I would allow myself to sink this deeply into doubt, I would tirelessly seek counsel until I found some spiritual nourishment.

It’s a given that if you allow and indulge your bitterness (even though appropriate) to grow, you WILL begin to lose faith. We are emotional creatures and often empower feelings over facts until we can no longer tell the two apart. You clearly KNOW the facts (the Eucharist is the Christ) and you obviously take your committment to faith seriously. Yet the anger and resentment is chipping away at what you KNOW to be true by allowing the feelings and emotions to hold sway. When I find myself falling into this trap, I find it enormously helpful to go back to the basics. Why do we believe the Catholic Church is the true Church of Christ? What are the facts that support our beliefs? Did Christ promise that everyone in the Church would be faithful or did He promise that the Church Herself would prevail against the gates of Hell? Sometimes I wonder if, at the end of days, there may only be 12 left in the Church! Did Christ mean the Church would prevail here on earth or when He returns? All institutions that prevail timelessly are subject to tribulation. Marriage, as an institution, has taken it’s hits and those who have joined in marriage have tarnished it’s image, sometimes, it seems, irrevocably. Yet still it prevails and the wise understand it’s worth.

The greatness of our Church attracts all people, saints and sinners. Those of us who wish to see the Church exalted in Her greatness have a special obligation to remain steadfast and loyal and not abandon ship when the going gets rough. You and your husband are NECESSARY for the future of the Church. Strengthen your faith by focusing on the basics, receving the Sacraments often, and sticking with orthodox reading and listening. Perhaps you and your husband could pray the rosary together for extra graces. A reading of the NT will also help remind you that these problems have been with the Church since the beginning.

 

[agangbern]

Hmmm…that’s different than I was taught as a Protestant. I was taught that faith is free-will, completely of our own choice…and that His grace is the gift.

That being said, though I appreciate your reply, I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at? Could you clarify for me? Are you saying I should go to a Church where my faith can grow and be nurtured? Or that I should try to nurture my “seed of faith” even though I have not been thrown onto fertile soil?

Thank you

Man’s free will is realized in making a choice between two options: Christ or Satan. The choice is completely an exercise of his free-will.
Faith is a gift because no one can have faith unless someone preaches to him. And no one can preach unless he is sent to preach.
Ask yourself: How did you come to have faith? Did someone preach to you? Was the person who preached to you SENT? Who sent him? Was that person sent by authority of the Church?
You do not need to go to another Church to nurture your faith. The Church have the sacraments. It is the individual who should allow himself be nourished by these sacraments so that his faith may grow.

 

[blessedtoo]

I wish, very much, that my husband and I had the same opportunity to make our family “our parish”. We can’t have children, can’t afford to adopt… My parent’s are here in town, but are extremely anti-Catholic. Our only Catholic friends (my husband’s best friend and his wife and children) moved away in November. We are alone in our faith.

When I returned to the Church, I too was completely alone in my faith. Having been an unabashed pagan and hedonist in my past, I left many friends behind as I began my walk with Christ. My family is scattered across the country and I am not blessed to have a husband by my side. I found comfort and companionship here (CAF) at first and eventually, through prayer, God “sent” me some good Catholic friends. Not many, mind you, but two or three who sustain and support me. I specifically prayed for this and God, in His great generosity, provided.

I started working with the youth group at our parish a few weeks ago. My help was welcomed. I was actively e-mailing and meeting with the youth group leader and helping at activities. I e-mailed to let her know I fractured my foot and couldn’t drive until it healed. We were in the middle of an e-mail conversation on two different topics. The e-mails stopped cold. No response. Had I still been protestant…there would have been a phone call to check on me, an offer of help during healing, an offer of a ride to the youth meeting to be able to continue to help. I knew not to expect those things after the last 4 years…but I really, honestly thought she would at least e-mail and say, “hope you heal up fast, see you when you’re back on your feet”…something like that??? Why is there such apathy towards our brothers and sisters in Christ?

I think you have accurately described the human condition of our current culture. We have endless avenues of communication and yet, today, it is harder to reach people and more frustrating when people neglect to respond to our need for contact and support. I have very dear friends who recently learned of my sister’s leukemia diagnosis and not one of them has called me. I recently lost my job due to a lay-off and one of my dearest Catholic friends has not called or even sent an e-mail to express her support. What do we do with these people? Am I always perfect in my obligations with friends and family? Not even close. I pray they are forgiving of me and I pray God gives me the grace to be forgiving of them. I know we EXPECT more from those at our Parish but we must remember that we are all on the journey - none of us have reached the goal of perfection.

 

[Still_Trying]

Man’s free will is realized in making a choice between two options: Christ or Satan. The choice is completely an exercise of his free-will.
Faith is a gift because no one can have faith unless someone preaches to him. And no one can preach unless he is sent to preach.
Ask yourself: How did you come to have faith? Did someone preach to you? Was the person who preached to you SENT? Who sent him? Was that person sent by authority of the Church?
You do not need to go to another Church to nurture your faith. The Church have the sacraments. It is the individual who should allow himself be nourished by these sacraments so that his faith may grow.

I’m afraid I don’t agree with your thought process on this, but I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[rebusrms]

My dear, my heart breaks with yours. Please be aware that grace sees through so much. AS I told your husband I am sorry you are in a parish that is so back-wards and liberal. Please know that there are people who are praying for you to make the decision that God wants you to do.

 

[leonie]

I would move to a different city/state/country before I would leave the Church.

 

[KCtheMommy]

Yeah, you know the problem is with the Catholic Church?

It’s full of humans.

Get what I am saying?

We are made in God’s image, yet with free will we have tremendous power to mess that up. All of us.

Other’s have addressed the role that you and your wife should take in MASS, and that the MASS is not about fellowship, socializing and friends, but Worship. Afterwards (say, at donuts and coffee) is when fellowship and friendships should be entertained.

I could sit here and point out all that is wrong with your post, toss out the parable about pointing out splinters in your brother’s eyes while ignoring the beam in you own (ok I just did). But you came here to vent and to ask for help. I am accepting your vent and frustrations and I want to help.

My overwhelming feeling is that God is making you and your wife miserable for a reason. HE wants change, He’s going to make you both miserable until you do His will. If the parish is as bad as you say, then something’s gotta give. If it’s as bad as you say, there will be other Catholics there thirsty for change.

I often find in myself that when I sit quiet and miserable when I should be acting it’s easy to point out EVERYONE ELSE’S SPLINTERS. When I act in charity and friendship, it’s easier to see my own beams. When I sit and complain or involve DH (a few months back we were referring to ourselves as pew-punks, long story) the bitterness festers. When I turn my misery over to God and ask Him while I search within myself how to institute change, even if only from within, I typically find not only an answer, but peace.

So, it’s time for you guys to stop cryin’ on the couch and get going. Your wife should get ahold of Catholic Daughters of America and inquire about starting a group. catholicdaughters.org/ from here she’ll most likely meet other like-minded Catholic women who DO CARE and who are charitable.

For you, have you thought of joining the Knights of Columbus? Have you considered starting a prayer group? Hoe about a conservative group of men who do charity, even if it’s helping out a widow with home repairs?

It’s those in action who suffer less. It’s those views not shared, peopled disliked for whom you offer prayer and accept with respect, with your eyes turned to God – not splinters:* this is the way to a religious life less-suffered. *

So on that note, you two can’t sit around waiting for some miraculous change…YOU be the miraculous change.

 

[johnnydigit]

Where to begin on this rant?

I’m a revert, my wife a convert (back in '04). We’ve tried every parish within driving distance and have come to the same conclusion at all of them. It sucks to be Catholic.

We believe all that the Church teaches, but have found that the people in our diocese are completely uncaring. The laity don’t know their faith, and our diocese is dominated by liberals who teach BS in both RCIA & CCD.

Anyway, I’m sick of my diocese. When I go to Mass, I can’t see past the blatent disregard for the rubrics of the Mass…You know…Say the black, do the red? The disregard of the GIRM. The political (Edited)(liberal drivel) that gets spewed from the pulpit…the Archbishop isn’t quite as bad as some of the priests, but he lets them do & say what they want. God our mother and all that (Edited). But he seems to have plenty of time to write letters about why we can’t have a TLM in our diocese or why we have to stand instead of kneel after the Agnus Dei…

We’ve quickly lost all desire to go to Mass. We go now because we are obligated. I no longer receive the Eucharist except on Easter & Christmas, because I get so enraged by the (Edited) that goes on at Mass that I am no longer in a worthy state. My wife is tired of the people that ask for your money & your time, but don’t give a (Edited) about you if you’re hurt or sick.

My wife is from a predominantly Baptist background, and craves some form of fellowship…she has volunteered many, many times to help out in a variety of groups, and always gets the same treatment. As long as she is the one giving her time or money, she’s welcome…but the second that she needs help she gets the cold shoulder.

An example, she’s been helping with the youth group at our new parish, and broke her foot over this last weekend. When she let the head lady know that she couldn’t help she didn’t even get a ‘Hope you feel better’…nobody cares. Same thing has happened in the past at different parishes with different groups.

What can be done…? I’m about to tell my wife to start going to her old Baptist services, where at least people cared about you, and wanted to be there. Not this apathy that you encounter at Mass…we would, of course, still attend Mass as well, but there is just nothing there for either of us.

I don’t have the strength to endure bad 70’s music, apathetic parishoners, & liberal/progressive priests any longer. I can read the Church documents, the history, the writings of the Saint’s and believe it all…and then go to the local parish and see something that just doesn’t mesh with what I think should be there…

We want to leave, but can’t…we know that the Catholic Church is the True Church…I don’t really know what to do. The depression that hits us every weekend is unbearable. We’re so tired of it…my wife says she feels like her faith in God is slowly dying…why would His church be so miserable? She knows firsthand how much people in Protestant churches care about each other…its hard…

…we just don’t know what to do anymore…:nope:

Thanks for listening.

i feel blessed to live in an area where i can pretty much find what i need, and then some. granted i am getting a little frustrated with some things at my home parish, but there are plenty around elsewhere to fill my needs.

you sound like you have a tough cross to bear, and God has given it to you for a reason. persevere! you know you have the fullness of the faith, but it’s the people that are bringing you down. don’t throw the baby (baby Jesus!) out with the dirty bathwater.

perhaps you are the one who is called to start a revolution in your town? take up your cross, lift up your pain to Jesus, and tell satan to take a hike!

 

[Joey1976]

Know that you are not alone. I feel the same way also about going to Church because of some of the same reasons you stated. I go every Sunday but can’t wait until it is over, i am distracted so much by the very things you stated. I want to go to a Tridentine Mass but it is about a half hour away and gas is so expensive. But i think i am going to have to suck it up and go there as much as i can because i cannot stand the Churches around here and the Priests and lay who have no clue what it means to be Catholic. Just today on Easter Sunday the Priest made a joke making light of the fact that alot people only show up on Christmas and Easter. Like that is Ok and it is alright to joke and laugh about these people who are in serious sin. I don’t think you will find much peace in going to a Baptist Church and then Mass also. You know the truth and then you will be hearing things contrary to Catholic teaching and sometimes you may confuse the two unintentionally. I don’t know what to tell you to do but just know that you are not the only ones going through this.

 

[Still_Trying]

Yeah, you know the problem is with the Catholic Church?

It’s full of humans.

Get what I am saying?

We are made in God’s image, yet with free will we have tremendous power to mess that up. All of us.

The Protestant churches are full of humans, too. Why are they still caring, compassionate people on the whole?

Other’s have addressed the role that you and your wife should take in MASS, and that the MASS is not about fellowship, socializing and friends, but Worship. Afterwards (say, at donuts and coffee) is when fellowship and friendships should be entertained.

Of course Mass is not about fellowship. Neither of us have ever said that. But, the Bible does state that we’re to fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We’re to love and help each other. I’ve never seen this in the Catholic Church. I have seen it in every single Protestant church I’ve ever gone to (and that’s a LOT).

I could sit here and point out all that is wrong with your post, toss out the parable about pointing out splinters in your brother’s eyes while ignoring the beam in you own (ok I just did).

Thanks for not pointing that out. Oh wait, never mind.

My overwhelming feeling is that God is making you and your wife miserable for a reason. HE wants change, He’s going to make you both miserable until you do His will. If the parish is as bad as you say, then something’s gotta give. If it’s as bad as you say, there will be other Catholics there thirsty for change.

I think this is an exceptionally rude comment…why would God WANT his children to be miserable? Sometimes what He wants for us does cause us to suffer, but it’s not that He *wants *the suffering…he *wants *the end result.

The parishes **are **that bad. Either apathy prevails - or you’re part of an active ethnic group. Period.

I did what I thought was His will by becoming Catholic. Giving up about 75% of my friends who told me I was joining a cult and going to go to hell and they couldn’t be around those kind of people and would pray for me and miss me. My parent’s almost disowned me. My mother, who I’m close with and we live nearby wouldn’t’ even TALK to me for 2 months (usually we talk like 5 or more times a day!). Believe me, I’ve already suffered. I was loved and happy and had Christian brothers and sisters who cared about me…my faith was growing daily…because of those people and because of attending church. I think God shows his compassion through each of us towards others.

I often find in myself that when I sit quiet and miserable when I should be acting it’s easy to point out EVERYONE ELSE’S SPLINTERS. When I act in charity and friendship, it’s easier to see my own beams. When I sit and complain or involve DH (a few months back we were referring to ourselves as pew-punks, long story) the bitterness festers. When I turn my misery over to God and ask Him while I search within myself how to institute change, even if only from within, I typically find not only an answer, but peace.

Been praying, pleading, begging God for peace, comfort, and direction on this for YEARS. Have not been provided with answers or peace.

We’ve tried everything we can think to try…everything that’s been recommended… What else can we do?

So, it’s time for you guys to stop cryin’ on the couch and get going.

An incredibly RUDE thing to say to someone who is broken hearted. Do you also kick lost puppies?

As my Dh said in his OP. I HAVE tried reaching out. I HAVE tried joining groups. I HAVE tried starting new activities.

                            NOTHING HAS WORKED.

Now do you get it?

It’s those in action who suffer less. It’s those views not shared, peopled disliked for whom you offer prayer and accept with respect, with your eyes turned to God – not splinters:* this is the way to a religious life less-suffered. *

It’s not that we don’t like the people. We don’t like the abuses going on in the Church. We don’t like that people are being cold-hearted… I’m sure that there are people there, hurting to the extent that they need to completely pull within themselves…but ALL of them? At ALL the parishes we’ve tried? At ALL the mass times we’ve tried? For four YEARS? Not one person could reach out? If that’s true, it’s a sign of much deeper issues…not just with the laity, but with the Church as a whole.
KCtheMommy;3460307:

So on that note, you two can’t sit around waiting for some miraculous change…YOU be the miraculous change.

Only God is miraculous. I would never claim to have anything to do with a miracle.

 

[Still_Trying]

Know that you are not alone. I feel the same way also about going to Church because of some of the same reasons you stated. I go every Sunday but can’t wait until it is over, i am distracted so much by the very things you stated. I want to go to a Tridentine Mass but it is about a half hour away and gas is so expensive. But i think i am going to have to suck it up and go there as much as i can because i cannot stand the Churches around here and the Priests and lay who have no clue what it means to be Catholic. Just today on Easter Sunday the Priest made a joke making light of the fact that alot people only show up on Christmas and Easter. Like that is Ok and it is alright to joke and laugh about these people who are in serious sin. I don’t think you will find much peace in going to a Baptist Church and then Mass also. You know the truth and then you will be hearing things contrary to Catholic teaching and sometimes you may confuse the two unintentionally. I don’t know what to tell you to do but just know that you are not the only ones going through this.

Thanks for understanding. I think if I were in your shoes I’d just bite the bullet and drive to the TLM…maybe cut back on something else to cover the difference in gas costs? Whatever it took. A mass done to glorify God would be worth the drive.

The joke the priest made sounds like things here during a normal mass. I’m sorry that he said that…could have a very bad impact on a lot of “visiting Catholics”. Sad…

Yes, I know that some of the sermons in the Baptist church (or other protestant) would be contrary to Catholic teaching. I don’t think I could ever leave the Church, but right now I am just hurting so bad, wanting to know that someone cares…

I look back on my Protestant beginnings and realize how truly blessed I was. I don’t know how many people spoke loving prayers over me, helped when I was sick or hurt…on and on…an unending list of blessings. I miss that touch in my life…and I miss being able to be that touch in others’ lives. (Yes, I’ve tried that in local parishes…people act like I’m weird for caring or I’m interfering in their lives).

An example would be the unkind things that have been said, just in this thread…wouldn’t have happened to me as a Protestant. If you didn’t have something nice to say you sure didn’t yell it in the person’s face. I’m always aghast how curt/harsh/hurtful a lot of Catholics are…not all, but many of them. It’s like a bunch of hardened hearts. Such a sad situation…

 

[Still_Trying]

I would move to a different city/state/country before I would leave the Church.

We’ve wanted to move for years… It’s very expensive… We plan to, but it won’t be an option for quite a while longer… Dh and I both have to finish up our degrees, and he can’t transfer until he’s reached a certain point in his job (then we’ll jump at the chance to move!). It’ll be 4-5 more years. There’s a long way to go, yet…