Being Catholic with SSA

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allen2690

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For several days, I’ve been angry and depressed over my struggle with my ssa. However, today at Mass, I really felt that God was speaking to me.

In the homily, our pastor explained about today’s Gospel regarding Christ healing the deaf-mute and mentioned about other illnesses that can afflict individuals, particularly same-sex attraction. He said the same things that I have heard over and over (homosexuality is against natural law, people with ssa are called to chastity, etc.). However, he then added this part to the homily, which I will paraphrase:

Those with ssa often experience misery and unhappiness because they long for the love, affection, and intimacy that they can find in a partner of the same sex, but at the same time are aware that this violates natural law and divine law. Therefore, they are called to chastity, which is a heavy cross that they must carry for their own sanctification. It is important, as Christians, that we treat them with charity because there is so much pain their lives. We must reflect and shine the light of Christ when we are with them in order to draw them towards Him for their own salvation. Any Catholic who is uncharitable towards those with ssa give a bad example of the Church.

Hearing the pastor say this literally made me shed a few tears as I tried to restrain myself from crying during Mass. Being Catholic isn’t easy, but being Catholic with ssa is even more difficult. I often feel like I am in the middle of a tug-of-war where one side is telling me to embrace the gay lifestyle, while the other is saying be faithful to Christ and His Church. Living in a homosexual relationship would mean being in a state of mortal sin and being denied the Holy Eucharist and absolution, which would kill me and lead me to eternal damnation, while choosing the other route would mean sacrificing a relationship with a significant other, but hoping to obtain eternal happiness with my Lord.
I know that I can’t have it both ways. I know that I can never have a boyfriend/husband who can return the love, affection, and intimacy that I strongly desire and I know I can’t have a family of my own. I know that I cannot receive the sacrament of Holy Matrimony or Holy Orders. And I know that the Church will never condone sin in order to please those with ssa. Nevertheless, I love the Catholic Church.
I refuse to be part of a religion that compromises and changes its teachings, doctrines, or dogmas. I want to be part of a church that teaches, preaches, and promotes the Truth and refuses to bow down or concede to immorality, sin, and vice. I want to listen to priests, bishops, cardinals, and other members of the clergy who aren’t afraid to be politically incorrect and to speak the Truth. But at the same time, the clergy and the faithful must put a lot of practice into being charitable towards people with ssa because just like any other Catholic in your parish, those with ssa are also members of Christ‘s mystical body. Believe it or not, there are many Catholics with ssa who choose to be chaste and faithful to the Church (e.g. Courage Apostolate). People with ssa know they’re different from anybody else and often feel rejected. Do not deter them from the One True Faith. Give them the sense of family, belonging, and feeling welcomed. Believe me, the feeling of loneliness and isolation can be very heart wrenching. Basically, all I am saying is do not be afraid to speak the Truth, but do this in a charitable manner.

I do take the pastor’s homily as a sign from God letting me know that He still loves me, despite me having ssa. What he said in his homily were the words that I have been wanting to hear. Whether ssa is caused by nature or nurture is still moot. I’m a 26-year-old male. I know that I will always be attracted to men and I know I was born like this. Everyone has the right to disagree with how I think and I respect their opinion. I can honestly say that sometimes I wish I wasn’t born with ssa. I wish I were normal and not different. I wish I did not feel excluded. I wish I did not have to endure the numerous homophobic taunts and insults, both verbal and physical, that were thrown at me since I was in elementary school. I wish I could get married in the Church and start a family of my own or receive Holy Orders. Many of my high school friends have gotten engaged or married and even started a family. I am happy for them, but it still breaks my heart knowing that I cannot enjoy that same kind of happiness. I still long to be with someone and I know that I will always have ssa, yet at the same time I am willing to give it all up for Christ and His Church. In the end, I choose to remain Catholic, celibate, and chaste. I will always be against same-sex “marriage”/“civil unions”, gays adopting children, lgbt rights, etc. and I will never participate in pride parades. The lgbt community might label me as a traitor, but I see myself as a child of God who is proud to be Catholic.
I know it won’t be easy. Ssa is a huge cross for me to carry and I accept it wholeheartedly. The devil will attack me from all sides with every form of temptation. I know I will cry, whine, have my ups and downs, but I won’t despair and with God’s grace, Our Lady, my Guardian Angel, and the heavenly army of angels and saints I am going to fight the good fight.
 
God will bless you abundantly for your decision to choose Him over the seeming delights and goods of the world. In choosing Him and rejecting sin you are making the correct and very wise choice. Both for this life and eternity. God has a plan for you. For your happiness and joy. His plan for you in no way involves misery or sadness or despair or disappointment. None of this is in His plan for you. There may be pain, sacrifice, trials of all sorts and a heavy cross to bear but the fantastic truth is that you will have Our Lord Himself with you all along the way. It may be tough going at times but stay with the Lord, trust in Him even when weary, discouraged or tempted or just plain fed up. Stay with Him. He will give you more than your hearts desire. More than you ever thought possible.

Be open to the Lord’s working in your life. Embrace chastity and the purity that comes with it and offer it to the Lord. Dedicate your energies to His Church as a layperson. God will bless you abundantly. You will not know loneliness. Many people in relationships, heterosexual and homosexual are lonely and unhappy. Relationships are no guarantee of happiness.

But by obeying God and His commandments and staying close to Him in our lives we will only know peace, love and joy even amidst life’s sorrows and trials.

May God bless you.
 
Your God and Saviour loves you more than human language can describe.

Your Blessed Mother and Redemptrix loves you more than human language can describe.

She is praying for you, and He is granting you the grace to persist and strive in virtue and chastity. You are an amazing individual, and God will never let that go unnoticed.

Some people are called to be ‘victim souls.’ Victim souls are people chosen to suffer, but for the love of GOD to suffer, and for the redemption of others. Victim souls are active participants in the redemptive process.

You recognise this. I am praying for you! You’re going to be okay! Keep faith, and pray! Ask your patron saint to keep you safe, and ask your guardian angel to keep you from temptation.

See how God loves you? He gives you all of this. A patron saint, a guardian angel, the entire communion of saints, the martyrs, His own Blessed Mother. You have a wreath of comfort to fall back upon, and you have a sacrament when you’re confused and fall.

God loves you, and honours you - for persisting.

You’re an example to all who suffer with SSA!
 
allen2690 said:
For several days, I’ve been angry and depressed over my struggle with my ssa. However, today at Mass, I really felt that God was speaking to me.

In the homily, our pastor explained about today’s Gospel regarding Christ healing the deaf-mute and mentioned about other illnesses that can afflict individuals, particularly same-sex attraction. He said the same things that I have heard over and over (homosexuality is against natural law, people with ssa are called to chastity, etc.). However, he then added this part to the homily, which I will paraphrase:

Those with ssa often experience misery and unhappiness because they long for the love, affection, and intimacy that they can find in a partner of the same sex, but at the same time are aware that this violates natural law and divine law. Therefore, they are called to chastity, which is a heavy cross that they must carry for their own sanctification. It is important, as Christians, that we treat them with charity because there is so much pain their lives. We must reflect and shine the light of Christ when we are with them in order to draw them towards Him for their own salvation. Any Catholic who is uncharitable towards those with ssa give a bad example of the Church.

Hearing the pastor say this literally made me shed a few tears as I tried to restrain myself from crying during Mass. Being Catholic isn’t easy, but being Catholic with ssa is even more difficult. I often feel like I am in the middle of a tug-of-war where one side is telling me to embrace the gay lifestyle, while the other is saying be faithful to Christ and His Church. Living in a homosexual relationship would mean being in a state of mortal sin and being denied the Holy Eucharist and absolution, which would kill me and lead me to eternal damnation, while choosing the other route would mean sacrificing a relationship with a significant other, but hoping to obtain eternal happiness with my Lord.
I know that I can’t have it both ways. I know that I can never have a boyfriend/husband who can return the love, affection, and intimacy that I strongly desire and I know I can’t have a family of my own. I know that I cannot receive the sacrament of Holy Matrimony or Holy Orders. And I know that the Church will never condone sin in order to please those with ssa. Nevertheless, I love the Catholic Church.
I refuse to be part of a religion that compromises and changes its teachings, doctrines, or dogmas. I want to be part of a church that teaches, preaches, and promotes the Truth and refuses to bow down or concede to immorality, sin, and vice. I want to listen to priests, bishops, cardinals, and other members of the clergy who aren’t afraid to be politically incorrect and to speak the Truth. But at the same time, the clergy and the faithful must put a lot of practice into being charitable towards people with ssa because just like any other Catholic in your parish, those with ssa are also members of Christ‘s mystical body. Believe it or not, there are many Catholics with ssa who choose to be chaste and faithful to the Church (e.g. Courage Apostolate). People with ssa know they’re different from anybody else and often feel rejected. Do not deter them from the One True Faith. Give them the sense of family, belonging, and feeling welcomed. Believe me, the feeling of loneliness and isolation can be very heart wrenching. Basically, all I am saying is do not be afraid to speak the Truth, but do this in a charitable manner.

I do take the pastor’s homily as a sign from God letting me know that He still loves me, despite me having ssa. What he said in his homily were the words that I have been wanting to hear. Whether ssa is caused by nature or nurture is still moot. I’m a 26-year-old male. I know that I will always be attracted to men and I know I was born like this. Everyone has the right to disagree with how I think and I respect their opinion. I can honestly say that sometimes I wish I wasn’t born with ssa. I wish I were normal and not different. I wish I did not feel excluded. I wish I did not have to endure the numerous homophobic taunts and insults, both verbal and physical, that were thrown at me since I was in elementary school. I wish I could get married in the Church and start a family of my own or receive Holy Orders. Many of my high school friends have gotten engaged or married and even started a family. I am happy for them, but it still breaks my heart knowing that I cannot enjoy that same kind of happiness. I still long to be with someone and I know that I will always have ssa, yet at the same time I am willing to give it all up for Christ and His Church. In the end, I choose to remain Catholic, celibate, and chaste. I will always be against same-sex “marriage”/“civil unions”, gays adopting children, lgbt rights, etc. and I will never participate in pride parades. The lgbt community might label me as a traitor, but I see myself as a child of God who is proud to be Catholic.
I know it won’t be easy. Ssa is a huge cross for me to carry and I accept it wholeheartedly. The devil will attack me from all sides with every form of temptation. I know I will cry, whine, have my ups and downs, but I won’t despair and with God’s grace, Our Lady, my Guardian Angel, and the heavenly army of angels and saints I am going to fight the good fight.
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My heart goes out to you brother. Carry the cross and never give up. It is those who can make sacrifices that God recognizes. People want the right to be what they want to be, But you are fighting for the strength to be what God wants you to be, You are fighting for your true God given identity.

The Gay community might see you as a traitor but you are a hero in my eyes and a hero to all those facing a similar struggle.

As for the homophobic taunts its terrible that human beings can be so malicious, but stay strong. God bless.👍
 
Allen,

Thank you for the encouraging and inspiring post! I also have SSA, although I’m fortunate enough to be attracted to women too. I’m married, but I can still empathize with a lot of what you write. I wish my wife fulfilled every aspect of my longings, but she doesn’t, and she can’t. I sometimes feel really lost and lonely, and sometimes I feel Church teaching as a burden. (I know that’s pathetic, right? I mean, I’m just being asked the same as any other man, not to sin and not to commit adultery!). I imagine it’s so much harder for you, being single. 😦

My prayer is that the Church would be increasingly more aware of men and women like you, and that we would support you better. God bless you, brother!
 
Spiritus1 is right, there are special merits and blessings for those with heavy crosses. God will surround you with love of an enduring kind. Our Lord knows of your struggles and aspirations.

You are so fortunate to be where you are with your fight against temptation. I took a much darker path when I was your age. Oh to do it all over again the right way. The way of the cross is to turn it into a transforming process, and this is what you are doing, with abundant graces from God. Any voids you have will be filled.

Blessings
-E
 
Having SSA is the very reason to be Catholic. Our Lord said that some have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of God - and SSA is a prime example of that. Our Lord particularly loves and admires those who deny their very selves - He knows full well how difficult the struggle is, and how frequent and fierce the attacks of the evil one are.

SSA is a heavy cross - I hope that no one would deny that. Yet, as Christians, we live in this life, but for the next life. This is one area in which the common phrase “Keep your eye on the prize” is 100% true. If we focus more on God and less on ourselves, we will ultimately be happier, no matter our cross.

Some of our crosses are easily seen, and others not so much. My primary cross has been cancer, but I have come to the point where I try to bear it joyfully, as I know the redemptive value of suffering as well as what is promised us for our faithful carrying of our crosses.

Think of the weight of your cross as representing the luminescence of the crown of glory you will wear in God’s Kingdom.
 
Allen,

Your post touched my heart. I have a good male friend with SSA and we had an outreach ministry for 6 weeks in my Church one hour after the last Mass to hear stories of those that have SSA and how isolated they feel by the Church many times.

My friend attended as did quite a few parishioners to hear their stories of their struggles and our priest welcomed them all to Mass and apologized for the lack of ministry to those dealing with SSA issues. It was so heartbreaking to hear stories of being made fun of in junior high and in one case being disowned by Catholic parents. I was just astounded at the discrimination still in the Church regarding SSA and worst yet parents of all people disowning a child was unbelievable to me but I realize it happens more than one would imagine.

My friend became a cantor and has been very involved in the Church in musical ways. He found he said a place of peace.

I admire your commitment to the ways of God. Our priest also pointed out that heterosexuals are no real model either of perfection as we see premarital sex, adultery and other sins like pornography which effect many.

He said the Church is a hospital for sinners and when we fall, we dust ourselves off, and reach out for Jesus like Peter did when he walked on water a few steps then faltered. Jesus of course saves him from what could have been drowning. Jesus is always there to forgive, give us a second chance and welcomed all in his ministry.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and I will if you don’t mind print this off and give this to my friend who is the cantor. He often feels alone he said for as you said he will never be married or in a relationship and that is a lot to grieve for.

May God bless you for your testimony and staying in the Church he founded despite the difficulties.

Mary.
 
Mavzylor said:
Why can’t you receive the sacrament of Holy Orders?
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That was also my question. There have been priests who are gay but celibate. While I do not recommend anyone trying to become a priest who is not truly called, there is nothing about sexual orientation that would preclude it, as long as you do not give in to temptation of having sex.

Edited to add, I know there is a document put out in 2005 and restated by Pope Francis in 2016 that says people who “practice homosexuality” or have “deep seated homosexual tendencies” aren’t welcome in the priesthood, but it also indicates that if one has set this aside for at least 3 years one could be considered. It seems reasonable to me to expect a candidate to demonstrate he will be able to be chaste and is not going to have problems that will bring scandal on the Church, especially given that in the past, some have reportedly joined the priesthood to try to escape their sexual proclivities through forced celibacy.
 
Hi Allen,
You wrote such an honest letter; my heart goes out to you. My daughter is SSA and at first I was very upset and shocked, but in another way I was not. I believe after doing some reading, that it can be a “nurture” issue for some. My daughter’s upbringing has been tumultuous and I see faults in myself and father that I believe contributed. Sometimes think our society has instigated this way of life because the family has been less than the foundation that it should have been.Definitely think parents are culpable. I wonder too if those with SSA are holding the missing component of love and nurturing that should be primary for raising families. .My daughter is a better person than me and would’ve made a much better mother I believe.

Something that maybe you’d be interested in is a website: edeninvitation.com/ It was started by a few college aged students.It’s catholic based and well written/honest. You might find it helpful.

God Bless
Debbie
 
The grace of God is what all of us need to grow closer to Him. He is always there to help us to fight the good fight, no matter what our calling is.

Peace,

Dorothy
 
Tis_Bearself said:
That was also my question. There have been priests who are gay but celibate. While I do not recommend anyone trying to become a priest who is not truly called, there is nothing about sexual orientation that would preclude it, as long as you do not give in to temptation of having sex.

Edited to add, I know there is a document put out in 2005 and restated by Pope Francis in 2016 that says people who “practice homosexuality” or have “deep seated homosexual tendencies” aren’t welcome in the priesthood, but it also indicates that if one has set this aside for at least 3 years one could be considered. It seems reasonable to me to expect a candidate to demonstrate he will be able to be chaste and is not going to have problems that will bring scandal on the Church, especially given that in the past, some have reportedly joined the priesthood to try to escape their sexual proclivities through forced celibacy.
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Thanks for the information. I didn’t even know about that document. I’ll be sure to look it up. I’m actually thinking of entering the religious life as a brother rather than a priest and if I am not called to that, there is always the option of joining a third order.
 
DaddyGirl said:
He thinks same-sex attraction is an illness?

You give many on this forum a big learning moment by saying the above…that SSA isn’t something a person chooses to have and something often experience from a very young age…something that cannot be “cured” by what some “reparative therapy” which is outlawed in many states and can be very harmful.
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Thank you for that post DG. The CCC calls homosexual inclinations objectively disordered, not an illness.

And it most definitely doesn’t say that it is something to be cured.
 
Peter_J said:
Thank you for that post DG. The CCC calls homosexual inclinations objectively disordered, not an illness.

And it most definitely doesn’t say that it is something to be cured.
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It certainly isn’t an illness in the sense described by psychologists but it certainly is as you say objectively disordered. I like to describe it as being essentially disordered because my sense of attraction is not consistent with my essence as a male, and that is essentially what hurt for me personally. I have sexual attraction to women also, and having a wife is what i desired the most. My bisexuality being incredibly confusing and the fact that i was rejected by women, ridiculed by men, more importantly rejected by my father, and isolated, is what made me consider the existence of God. My SSA drove me into the Catholic faith. Before that i was practically an atheist and a socialist.

Of course God has never “cured me”, and my life has been filled with a dark depression, but my faith in the end has stopped me from committing suicide.
 
IWantGod said:
It certainly isn’t an illness in the sense described by psychologists but it certainly is as you say objectively disordered. I like to describe it as being essentially disordered because my sense of attraction is not consistent with my essence as a male, and that is essentially what hurt for me personally. I have sexual attraction to women also, and having a wife is what i desired the most. My bisexuality being incredibly confusing and the fact that i was rejected by women, ridiculed by men, more importantly rejected by my father, and isolated, is what made me consider the existence of God. My SSA drove me into the Catholic faith. Before that i was practically an atheist and a socialist.

Of course God has never “cured me”, and my life has been filled with a dark depression, but my faith in the end has stopped me from committing suicide.
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The Lord loves you infinitely! May He grant you joy to the fullest.

Peace,

Dorothy
 
Forgive me if I have offended anyone when I wrote homosexuality being an illness. The pastor actually gave the homily in French and then continued the rest of it in English. I was trying my best to remember and translate what he said and I mistranslated part of his homily. I guess the word I was looking for was “condition”.
 
allen2690 said:
Forgive me if I have offended anyone when I wrote homosexuality being an illness. The pastor actually gave the homily in French and then continued the rest of it in English. I was trying my best to remember and translate what he said and I mistranslated part of his homily. I guess the word I was looking for was “condition”.
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OIC. 👍 Thanks for clarifying about translating.

TBH, I wouldn’t have been completely surprised if the priest had called it an illness (much as I hate to say so) given how emboldened the “alt-right” has become in recent times. 😦
 
I may be wrong but due to recent sex abuse scandals I think priests cannot be gay. It’s a new regulation.
Regarding your cross. Think about it like something honourable. I haven’t got any ssa but I think I am called to be single. And I know it’s wrong to be proud but I feel sort of proud of it. Maybe being a little proud of carrying a cross makes you able to carry it with more ease.
 
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