Being Driven Crazy at Mass

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When we have to struggle with life 7 days a week, it should be quiet before mass, so we can leave all our cares behind and focus on what is about to happen, God coming down. A few words from the priest at all the masses would go far in helping us to have some quiet time before mass. Why do they not encourage quiet prayer before mass?
 
They are most definitely NOT more important to me. It is just impossible for me to tune them out. I was joking with my husband that if I were in elementary school today, I would be that one kid reading in the corner with noise blocking headphones on. :O)
 
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YES - this is exactly how I feel. Shouldn’t Mass be a place to find Peace?
 
Okay - obviously I am not going to freak out if I see someone wearing flip flops. It’s the irreverent behavior in general that bothers me. Is there a difference between someone wearing sandals, and someone wearing sandy flip flops and a sarong to church? Shouldn’t appropriate attire be a no-brainer for most of us?
 
Thank you @loveisenough. Your post really spoke to me today. I need to hear this. <3
 
Um, no, I wasn’t referring to “those people” (ESPECIALLY the elderly). My post is not an attack on anyone. I have never said a word to any of the people I mentioned in my OP. I am just as flawed as anyone else, I am not taking the high-road. Perhaps it was the title of my OP, I don’t know. I am talking about the tone that is set at Mass when some people treat it so casually it could barely be differentiated from any other activity.
 
Often people complain about “those people” who do not meet our standards in the Church. Those people talk in church and disrupt my praying. Well, have you thought about why they are talking? Many older and disabled person have no one to talk to because they are home bound. Yes, they get a meal 5 days a week from some charitable organization, but no one stops to speak to them. When they can scrape the money to come to church, they have to get there earlier and stay later than the average parishioner due to transportation issues. Sometimes they are forced to leave Mass early due to transportation requirements. They could go to a Protestant or other religious service because they are given a ride to those events. Yet, these people are coming to our churches and we complain that they are disrupting our prayer lives. They just want to have human contact. Also, one 98 year old lady that I know, prays multiple rosaries and other devotions for us despite our complaints.

The elderly and the disabled find the pews to be uncomfortable. Due to hip or knee surgery they find it hard or impossible to kneel. Sitting can be painful. They are ridiculed for bringing cushions or aids for their comfort. Many do without or stop coming.
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 It has been suggested that good Catholics should go to the EF Masses because people are naturally more reverent. They are not!  Some day the EF will have older members and will face similar problems.  Many older persons find they can not hear what is going on in the traditional Mass.  They go to the OF because they can hear and feel a part of the Mass.  Older persons may no longer drive or drive only in good sunny conditions and this limits their options.
Many are on limited budgets. They are made to feel that money is their only possible contribution to their parish or diocese. Oh, yes, there are social activities for the elderly in parishes. The activities are a monthly pot luck luncheon. If they attend, they are scolded by the charitable organization for not appreciating the meals served to them. The elderly pay for those meals even if they do not get them due to a Catholic social activity. If they go to the luncheon, then they must buy or make food. Many can not contribute a food item due to a disability or lack of money.

Instead of complaining about other people and their actions, what are you doing to make them feel a part of the community? Do you visit or call them or is that for someone else to do?
 
Ann, with all due respect. I am not talking about the elderly who are home-bound and look forward to human contact at Mass. I GET THAT. Please don’t put words in my mouth - I said nothing about the elderly in my OP.

That being said, I don’t think I have to perform some sort of community service before I am allowed to vent on a chat board. I do teach the sacrament prep class (First Graders) - does that count? Taking care of my mother in law with cancer - does that count? Trying to help my autistic sister (who is an adult and was misdiagnosed as a child) get help for her untreated disability - does THAT count? I don’t think that attempting to shame someone into proving they have “given back to the community” before speaking out on any issue is helpful.

If you are upset by the lack for services for the elderly, I understand. We could find NO HELP for my mother-in-law when she was sick. She was on her own (of course we took her in). It was awful. My OP though, was not any sort of attack on the elderly. I just don’t understand your angry tone. Peace to you and yours.
 
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I love your reply. Thank you for taking the time to post. I am taking your words to heart. ☀️
 
Today - two guys began talking - got louder and louder -
this is 90 minutes before mass - daughter - has two granddaughters -
ballerina - not easy to do - my son in law is a cop - what - really - etc -
right up till the rosary -
But when church is over - no one - and I mean no one is chatting -
they’re leaving - no talking in the parking lot either.
 
Thank you for your helpful reply. I will take your suggestions to heart! <3
 
Thank you, Bluelight. I have let it disturb my peace, and I know I can’t let that happen. The wisdom that comes through in your post is inspiring. I will take your suggestions to heart! God bless you!
 
Friends, one detail I should have included in my OP is that my Dad recently passed away after being seriously ill for more than 25 years. It’s been a difficult time for us. I said the Divine Mercy chaplet as he was dying several feet away from me. My Dad was a hard-hearted and mean man. He was severely abusive to my mother. While in some ways his death was a blessing, it’s been haunting us that we don’t know where he is now. Is this making me irritable and sad? Maybe.
 
I want to hug you right now! May God help your peace be restored.

I would talk to the pastor about all that you have going on at the moment. It helped in our situation with the cry room. Perhaps there is some help available for you as well. Surely it wouldn’t be hard to set a place aside for fellowship while still keeping the quiet for those who need it in the sanctuary.
 
The next time I am similarly distracted at Mass, which no doubt will be tomorrow, I will include you in my prayers, along with all those who suffer similarly as we do.
noryar2025 said:
it’s been haunting us that we don’t know where he is now. Is this making me irritable and sad? Maybe.
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Definitely grief will make one irritable. Entrust his soul to a faithful creator. God desires all to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the Truth. He created us to be with Him for eternity, and if we are willing, He will bring us there. Pray for him, and offer pennances for him.
13pollitos said:
I would talk to the pastor
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I agree with this advice. The Pastor is the one who sets the tone, and often times has no idea what is going on, since he is preparing for the Mass. You are probably not the only one who has been bothered by it, and if it is heard many times, it will eventually make an impression.
 
There was a church I used to go to from time to time which was rather noisy before Mass. One time I arrived very early, so I decided to pray a rosary before the Tabernacle, which was in the corner of the church.

I was truly amazed when I finished. I turned around and the church was full of people! I hadn’t heard them come in at all. I don’t know if they saw me praying and so were quiet, or if God wrapped me in a cloak of silence.

So that might be an option.
 
flip flops are thongs here. Very common footwear in summer. And much of the Indian community wears sarongs to Mass. When its 38Celcius, the rest of the community doesn’t wear heavy clothing to Mass either.

We can learn to not be distracted, to tune out the noise. There is a skill to it, but it helps prayer life enormously. Start with the Jesus prayer and pushing away all distractions that enter into the mind, from either inside or outside.
 
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