Being Driven Crazy at Mass

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A couple months ago a priest at one of my parishes gave a homily about a lady who went to her pastor to complain about all the bad changes she saw in her church. She said that people didn’t dress properly for Mass as she’d been taught to do. Some of them didn’t sit or kneel reverently in the pews, or they made too much noise. She also saw people going up to Communion who in her opinion shouldn’t be going because of how they acted in their daily life. She didn’t like the new ways of praying, or the new hymns. Nothing was the way she thought it should be. She was considering just leaving the Church entirely.

The pastor listened to all of this and then told her he was going to give her an assignment. He went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water that was full all the way to the brim, almost overflowing. He then asked the lady to please carry the glass of water all through the church building and the grounds, up and down all the aisles and walks, without spilling any, not even one drop, and then bring the unspilled glass back to his office. So she took the full glass of water and obediently did as she was told. About 20 minutes later she was back in his office.

The pastor asked her to describe anything different she’d seen or heard about the church and the grounds while she was walking around. She said, “Father, I didn’t see or hear anything because I wasn’t looking at the church or the grounds. I was looking at this glass of water and concentrating on carrying it without spilling any, like you told me to do.”

The pastor explained to her that when she came to church, she should concentrate on Jesus in the Word and in the Eucharist just as intently as she’d been concentrating on that glass of water. And then she wouldn’t see all these supposedly bothersome things like other people’s clothes, or whether they were talking in the pews, or whether they went up to Communion, or whether the hymns were annoying, because all she would see would be Jesus.

I thought it was quite a good homily. I also wondered how many people like the lady in the story the Pastor of that particular parish heard from every week.
 
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One of the things that drives me nuts is when people assume anyone on their phone at church is playing video games or texting. It’s such an uncharitable assumption. I’ve seen plenty of people who use their phone as a sort of prayer book or to follow along with the readings, etc.

Don’t just assume people are playing Candy Crush.
 
I have recently come into the RC church after 30 years of singing the Divine Liturgy of St John Chrysostom. The pastors I have had have always insisted on quiet before the Liturgy and quiet after, with a plea to PLEASE be considerate of your brothers and sisters in Christ! Step outside the church or go downstairs. The RC church has been quite a culture shock in so many ways.

If you drive to church, stay in your car and say your prayers if you can, if it’s not -30 like in winter here. If you ride public transportation, bring a prayer book and say prayers on the way, knowing you’re witnessing to Christ.

If you happen to have a Eastern rite Divine Liturgy of St John (Eastern rite) within a reasonable distance, please check it out. You might find that it’s just what you need.

To give you a sample, here is a prayer to the Mother of God…

It is truly right to bless you, O God-bearing One, as the ever-blessed and immaculate Mother of our God. More honorable than the cherubim and by far more glorious than the seraphim; ever a virgin, you gave birth to God the Word, O true Mother of God, we magnify you.

This is said in every Liturgy.
 
In a kind manner, let the parish office know that there is not room for parents/children in the cry room. Honestly I have never seen a cry room that did not have a sign stating this space was reserved for those caring for children.
 
I follow the mass on my phone using the app Universalis. It made a huge difference. I have such a hard time concentrating or staying focused on the mass otherwise. Since a child I have been one of those people who are easily distracted by any type of external stimulus. I feel a bit akward at times thinking that others are assuming that I am using my phone to text or play games, but the truth is I don’t even do that when I am not in church. It’s just not my thing.

Anyway, I’m not trying to hijack this thread. The reason I replied is that before I started using my phone, I was distracted, and bothered by many of issues brought up in this very thread. Now, not so much.
 
noryar2025 said:
So, my question is, am I the only one to notice these things? Am I being over-sensitive? What exactly is happening to our churches? Of course, I would never consider leaving. I just feel like the church has gone in a more “worldly” direction. I feel like I am the one who is out of step with the Church.
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Are you the only one to notice these things? No, but those that notice these things and are disturbed by them are a minority that usually stays silent about it. Are you over-sensitive? No. I think you’re sensitive to the right things. Mass should be quiet and reverent. In your parish (and many parishes that I’ve been to), it obviously isn’t. Has the Church gone in a more worldly direction? Absolutely. It’s useless to deny this. Are you out of step with the Church? Yep, but that’s not your fault. What you expect is only the right thing to expect (reverence and a quiet atmosphere), but what you get is all the stuff you describe.
Tell me what you think!
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Find another parish. Really. Don’t fight battles you can’t win; i.e. don’t try to become “active” in your current parish in an attempt to “improve things”. The majority will streamroll your objections to the way things are. And don’t torture youself by forcing yourself to go on attending mass at your current parish while clearly you are in need of a more reverent and quiet atmosphere. Your desire for peace and quiet during mass is a sign of your spirituality growing more intense. Act on it.
 
If you had read the OP you would know EXACTLY what I was talking about. I posted here looking for advice and I was expecting people would challenge me on my thinking. I appreciated this and a lot of the posters here have really made me think.

I will not bother you or post on your stuff going forward, but please don’t accuse people of being intolerant when it’s obvious you didn’t read the original post. I felt that your response was uncharitable and severe, and I felt hurt that someone was accusing me of being unloving to the elderly and the disabled. How do you know that I am not either of those things myself?

Peace be with you.
 
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I agree with you, but in this day and age I don’t think it’s an unreasonable assumption.

While someone may be using their phone at church as a prayer book, the kids at Mass who are observing them see “someone playing on their phone.” They don’t know they are using it for a valid purpose. There are other people at Mass who may simply bored, see other people “playing” on their phones (making the same assumption) and begin doing it themselves, thinking this is acceptable.

It’s slippery slope, right? I’m not judging, just sayin’ 🙂
 
I find it distracting at times too. Maybe stay after mass to pray? Most of the young families leave church as soon as mass is over at my parish so they can feed their kids lunch and put babies down for a nap. I also go tochurch on my way home from work to pray for a few minutes during the week. I know some churches close early but churches are open 7 days a week, I always find a time to pray in church when I need to. It’s just not always on Sunday mornings.
 
noryar2025 said:
While someone may be using their phone at church as a prayer book, the kids at Mass who are observing them see “someone playing on their phone.” They don’t know they are using it for a valid purpose. There are other people at Mass who may simply bored, see other people “playing” on their phones (making the same assumption) and begin doing it themselves, thinking this is acceptable.
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And if I have a hand Missal or rosary in hand, next thing you know, people will be reading trashy romance novels and playing with jewelry during Mass. Slippery slope, indeed. :roll_eyes:

Seriously, though, no - I don’t think I should be deprived a valid and useful worship aid just because others potentially can’t mind their own business.
 
We do as well, but I’d imagine, sometimes it gets close. Since the musicians are playing for practice & mass, it seems, they always have a few moments…
 
noryar2025 said:
the kids at Mass who are observing them see “someone playing on their phone.” They don’t know they are using it for a valid purpose.
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Then their parents should be telling them that some people have prayers and missals in their phones. And maybe the concept of giving the benefit of the doubt? 🙂
 
I’m guessing that the cry room in question is probably used for multiple purposes.

This is the case in our parish. The “Cry Room” is just a large room off the nave with a television set up so that people can view the Mass. It’s also used for Bible studies, discussion groups, meetings, lounging while waiting for a ride, and occasionally, confessions when there is a special emphasis on Reconciliation that is bringing hundreds of penitents to confess.

So it’s no wonder that some people might think of the room as a “multi–purpose room” and just walk right in to chat for a while.

IMO, the cry rooms that work best are those that are designated as “Cry Rooms,” and are set up to look just like the nave in miniature, with seats or pews facing the sanctuary, hymnals, Bibles and/or missals and various items; e.g., a changing table and covered wastebasket, various children’s missals (perhaps with crayons), and children’s Bibles and Bible picture books, that make it very obvious that this is a room for parents/grandparents with babies and/or very young children.

And lots of disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer all over the room!
 
Perhaps this would help …(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
Probably not, as it is not appropriate to wear a T-shirt to Mass. 😏
 
Silly me. Maybe if it’s worn over a long-sleeve, loose turtleneck. 😏
 
JimG said:
Well, kids will be kids, but I think that a good teacher can maintain order without being abusive. I mentioned before that we kept quiet in the church when the nuns were accompanying and supervising. But I should also mention that one could enter the church on a Sunday morning before Mass and the church was perfectly quiet without nuns to supervise, so the parents also managed to maintain order. There was a lot of chatter in the vestibule, but as soon as one entered the main church, there was silence. It was a different time, and that’s what was expected.
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Right. But those adults who are currently chatting before and during Mass in the church? Many of them were taught differently by the good sisters.

The adults set the standard and example for the children. It is more difficult for even the best parent or teacher to maintain that silence when the standard set by the adults is so different.
 
Well, I’m in trouble, and so are hundreds of others in my parish.
 
To the people using an app, why not just go and buy a proper prayer book?

For the record, I absolutely assume that using a smart phone in church is entirely inappropriate. I’m probably not the only one.
 
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