Being rejected at work

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Theresa1

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Hi. In addition to being sensitive (I cried today) there is a woman at work who hardly ever responds to my good mornings and goodbyes while saying it loudly to others. We’ve sat next to each other for 3 years. Someone told me to keep saying it anyway and I have been and everyday I’m hurt. I feel dumb for caring so much but I wish she would like me not sure why she doesn’t. I need this job for my family and can’t leave or transfer for 4 years. I’ve offered it up and pray for her. Her behavior is hurtful and Human Resources didn’t do anything nor my boss (regarding something she did before) It’s to the point where I just need to know if I even stop saying hello and goodbye. She seems so happy at her desk while I’m just sad being ignored. I know how I sound sorry I just cried and am emotional. I could use advice from my brothers and sisters in Christ. She’s Catholic too. Thank you everyone. God bless you.
 
You have a wonderful heart! Have you ever attempted to confront her privately?
 
Why not just ignore her too if she doesn’t return your greetings?

Honestly, if you’re so upset that you’re crying because someone isn’t saying hi or bye to you, there’s probably some emotional stuff going on at a deeper level… Stuff you should see a therapist about.
 
Theresa1 said:
I feel dumb for caring so much
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What’s dumb about wanting people to like you?
We’re hard wired to want connections with our fellow human beings.

Stop saying hi to her, if she makes eye contact give her just a nod and go on your business.
You’ll have the fun of throwing her off guard. 😆

(She won’t be expecting that)
 
Spyridon said:
Why not just ignore her too if she doesn’t return your greetings?
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So, don’t turn the other cheek?
Spyridon said:
there’s probably some emotional stuff going on at a deeper level
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I do not think you are in a position to even mention something like that.
Spyridon said:
Stuff you should see a therapist about.
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Or, maybe she has opened her heart so much, and become so vulnerable to rejection and opprobrium (something Our Lord did), that she has allowed herself to be sorrowful in situations that would seem trivial and superficial to the secular world.
 
Spyridon said:
Honestly, if you’re so upset that you’re crying because someone isn’t saying hi or bye to you, there’s probably some emotional stuff going on at a deeper level… Stuff you should see a therapist about.
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I’d second this.

I’ll also add some very sound advice I was given once. I used to get upset about what EVERYONE thought of me - no matter what kind of person they were or how much expertise they had, or whether they were qualified to be judging whatever they were judging. Then a priest told me - bluntly, but not in a mean way - “If someone you know is stupid decides to call you stupid, why would you let it bother you?”

This woman is clearly unkind or discourteous. Why do you need someone with such qualities to like you?
 
It baffles me how so many on CAF are quick to offer ‘advice’ on personal dilemmas without even attempting to dig deeper by asking relevant and expanding questions. 😥
 
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Maybe invite her to step out with you for a cup of coffee or an afternoon snack? She may be totally unaware of her callousness.
 
AugustTherese said:
It baffles me how so many on CAF are quick to offer ‘advice’ on personal dilemmas without even attempting to dig deeper by asking relevant and expanding questions. 😥
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I don’t think suggesting therapy to someone who is struggling with a difficult situation is ever a poor piece of advice. The OP has mentioned she is sensitive and has indicated a need to be accepted and approved by this individual, both of which could be better addressed by a therapist than by strangers on an internet forum.
 
casslean said:
I don’t think suggesting therapy to someone who is struggling with a difficult situation is ever a poor piece of advice
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Of course it isn’t…in the proper context. But, when someone prefaces, “Stuff you should see a therapist about”, with:
Spyridon said:
Honestly, if you’re so upset that you’re crying because someone isn’t saying hi or bye to you, there’s probably some emotional stuff going on at a deeper level
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…this can come off as patronizing.
 
I tend to ruminate and privately rage when someone wrongs me.
I began to pray for those people with the best of intentions for them,.
That can be hard.

Two things happen,
it diffuses the anger and hurt, and brings peace,
and you come to see your own imperfections, which gives you a new perspective.
This person is probably hurting.

Had an interview once with a short guy who was very arrogant to the point of being offensive. Little Big Man syndrome. REally bothered me and I wanted to get back at him for the way he treated me. Then I found out his father had committed suicide when he was 12. I found this out when we discovered he didn’t use his real first name on the paperwork. He shared that name with his father.
You never know what burdens people are carrying around
 
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I don’t know but it’s not just hi or bye it’s she can be nasty when I ask her simple questions related to work. She’s just not nice and I can’t leave the job so it’s a new thing for me. Thanks for your advice
 
I’m a pretty sensitive person myself. And this has been happening to me some lately. I just try to ignore it and be civil to them and even pay little attention to them. There are plenty of other people that treat me in a friendly manner, so I focus on that.

Besides, remember that Jesus was roundly hated by most all the Pharisees, so don’t feel too bad. Just keep doing good. And be at peace.
 
It’s not just accepted but I’m not accustomed to blatantly rude people on a daily basis that I have to sit next to. But yes I do gather tat others on here would handle it better and I would love to know what you all would do. That’s why I’m asking really. Thank you
 
It sounds like you are the victim of workplace bullying. The particular behavior you describe is called " Icing." Usually, bullies who engage in this are trying to hurt you while staying below the “radar” of the boss. That’s the mark of a true coward as the bully is afraid of authority and knows their behavior is wrong.

I strongly suggest you stop saying “Hello” and “Goodbye .” Each time you do this, the bully has an opportunity to shun you and gets a psychological reward at your expense. This person is essentially and enemy and should be treated so.

Below is a chart which might be helpful in classifying what type of bullying is being used against you. Knowing this will be helpful in describing it to her superiors. You should buy a notebook and start documenting these problems. That way you’ll be prepared to file a complaint when the time comes.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
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