Being rejected at work

  • Thread starter Thread starter Theresa1
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
My boss said before we should all sit with HR but I said I would have to think on it. I feel that she will not change and I wouldn’t even know what to say really.
 
If you meet with HR, make sure you have documentation and are fully prepared to describe:
  1. the types of behavior
  2. the scope of the behaviors
  3. the disruption or harm the behavior is causing you and the company
Also, be familiar with your Employee Manual and any State or National Laws which may apply. Some countries now have Workplace Bullying Laws. The United States does not… Yet.
 
Last edited:
I don’t get why you are sad another adult is ignoring you.

It’s work, not a playground.

Perhaps you should look at some things from askamanager.org as she gives great and professional advice.
 
Please don’t respond any further to this thread. I would hope if your child reached out for help others would not be as callous as you. I ask that you remove yourself from my thread. Thank you
 
Theresa1 said:
Please don’t respond any further to this thread. I would hope if your child reached out for help others would not be as callous as you. I ask that you remove yourself from my thread. Thank you
Click to expand...
I’ve been in a big workplace. I do not “remove myself” from threads becuase someone demands it.

I’ve given you a resource, too, one that would be good to use.

I worked where I had friends and I was ignored. It takes all types. Not everyone will like you. It was far more difficult with people who hated I was Catholic and were mad I wouldn’t put an LGBT “safe spaces” sticker on my cubicle. People who ignored me were far better than people who wanted me to get fired.

You have not indicated that it’s impacted your work in any way. (you say she’s rude but don’t say you didn’t get the information you need) If it is actually impacting your work besides you not wanting to talk to her, that’s a different story. If it’s just your feelings…well…sometimes people don’t like you.
 
Last edited:
When I was in a similar situation, I decided to put my energy into welcoming new colleagues by taking them to lunch etc in their first few days. It won’t resolve the issue with this colleague but would be a great way to make work friends and focus on something positive.
 
If I were you, I would just ignore her back. For some reason she has a problem with you, but that doesn’t mean you have to make it your problem.

If that won’t work for you, go back to your boss and ask to sit with HR.
 
Hi, yes I’m very friendly with other people and since they see us both at the same time she usually hogs them for conversation. It’s just going to be more awkward since I will no longer speak to her unless absolutely necessary and we’re 5 feet from each other.
 
Thank you so much. At first I felt it was no Christlike to ignore her so I kept opening myself to abuse thinking that would make Jesus happy. She knows way more ppl than me since she’s been there longer so she gossips often near our desk
 
Is this the same woman you stood up to a few weeks back? If so, I think she’s probably not happy you called her out on her behaviour (which you were right to do). It does also show a pattern of unpleasant behaviour towards you, so I think meeting with HR is the best thing for you to do. And try not to take it personally - if she’s an unpleasant person, you’re not missing out if she won’t talk to you.
 
Thanks for asking but no it’s a different person. The other lady was a one off this one is every day and I work closer with her
 
Ah, okay. In that case, why not go to HR and stand up for yourself like you did to the other lady? Just be honest - say you feel as though she is isolating you and creating an unpleasant atmosphere.
 
I have to say, while perhaps XV was a bit blunt, we need to accept that other people are not always going to respond to us in the way that we want them to, and especially not when it’s a workmate, who’s a relative stranger, as opposed to someone like a spouse, sister, parent etc. who has some emotional connection to us.

People will not always respond to a friendly hello. They won’t always be thankful for a gift or for a favor done. That’s just how it is.

God likes for us to be friendly or give the gift or favor anyway…but if we’re then going to get upset because we’re not getting the “reward” back that we expected, our charity is for naught, because we weren’t doing it out of being nice or caring towards the other person, we were doing it expecting some kind of an acknowledgment back in return.

I’d suggest that unless you can handle the fact that some people will ignore you or grump, you not go saying “hi” to them every day. This woman may be bullying, or she may have a grudge, or she may simply just not want to engage in a friendly way with you because she has her own problems or anxieties, or her personality might just be different from yours. I know I would be really put off by someone in an office who was going to be bursting into tears because I wasn’t all friendly to them. Stuff like this is one reason I am very relieved I do not have to work in an office anymore and that when I did, my office mates were usually male technical professionals who didn’t place a huge value on this sort of response.
 
It is good to learn to let bullying behaviors slide off your back, but sometimes that is a lot easier if there is someone to say, “No, what she did is out of bounds. It is her, not you.” Not all of us can do that from the beginning of our professional careers, after all.
Theresa1 said:
Please don’t respond any further to this thread. I would hope if your child reached out for help others would not be as callous as you. I ask that you remove yourself from my thread. Thank you
Click to expand...
As a general rule, I’d suggest getting what you can from advice you solicited. That was not the advice you wanted to hear, but it was not “callous.” It was practical. I’m pretty sure that if her children came to her asking for advice, that’s what Mom would tell them.

If nothing else, realize that there are people at work who are not going to be sympathetic to the amount of angst you’re getting from someone who is just being rude. A lot of parents would tell you not to let the bullies have so much power over you, and based on what you’ve described I think many of your co-workers would, too. If it were otherwise, someone they knew well would not “hog” all the attention away from the person trying to figure out how to fit in. They’re expecting you to figure out how to fit in with them, not the other way around. I think it is great if you don’t treat new people the same way, but you are not going to change people who got there before you.
 
Last edited:
I didn’t burst into tears because she didnt say hi. That is incorrect. Finally her years of mean behavior just kind of hit me. But thank you for your reply
 
PetraG said:
It is good to learn to let bullying behaviors slide off your back, but sometimes that is a lot easier if there is someone to say, “No, what she did is out of bounds. It is her, not you.” Not all of us can do that from the beginning of our professional careers, after all.
Click to expand...
Sometimes, reality is needed. I can be blunt, but that’s my nature. People don’t like it in real life, either. While I had a good many friends, I also had a good number of people who felt that I was “rude”. Most of the people who thought I was rude had been those who asked me to go out of my way, and when I gave them an answer, didn’t like it.

In my opinion, too many people need constant praise these days. I worked in an office where we worked with all departments. As I worked with students in the technical field. Like me, they were blunt, and many times they liked the information in a blunt way. Once I had a student who thanked me profusely and the dean nominated me for an award knowing how hard it can be to work with such students. However, a supervisor of a more touchy-feely group of students was appalled by my interactions and tried to have me written up. It actually set a few things in motion because the school had to define what made different majors different.

In the end, I was fine, but it was an example to me of how some people are way too sensitive.
 
Constant praise and returning a greeting are different and responding to work queries appropriately is also different from wanting constant praise, dont you think?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top