Being rejected at work

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Continue to treat her lovingly and with respect, even though it is difficult. Continue to offer it up as a sacrifice.
 
AugustTherese said:
Why not just ignore her too if she doesn’t return your greetings?

So, don’t turn the other cheek?

Spyridon:

there’s probably some emotional stuff going on at a deeper level

I do not think you are in a position to even mention something like that.

Spyridon:

Stuff you should see a therapist about.

Or, maybe she has opened her heart so much, and become so vulnerable to rejection and opprobrium (something Our Lord did), that she has allowed herself to be sorrowful in situations that would seem trivial and superficial to the secular world.
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Simply incorrect, my dear. This is clearly a sign of Mental Illness and she must see a shrink, ASAP.

/s
 
Wow for almost 4 years this woman responds to me rudely to the point of being nasty sometimes and I have mental illness. Maybe yesterday I was a bit more emotional than the norm but your comment is odd
 
Yes the former one has complaints about her from others according to my boss when I stood up to her harrsssmrnt. This is my first time in 20 years working in 2 different companies that I’ve encountered this kind of behavior, I’m not sure what I’m contributing to it to be honest.
 
She also grumbles loudly by herself at the desk and yesterday she did that excessively while I was working on projects I normally wear headphones to tune this habit of hers out (I could never mention this to her because someone told me I would be rude and she also might get angry) but I didn’t feel like wearing my headphones yesterday so maybe that added to my bad mood yesterday
 
It’s a chess game - with the other person trying to get your goat.
I’ve heard people call that rude consistent behavior as demonic, so be aware.
Also, use the Armor of God…the shield of Faith !
They’ll eventually go as far as trying to get you fired.
You’ll second guess yourself…lose your sleep…and feel YOUR the one who’s crazy -
 
I’ve learned to be blunt with people. “Hey, I know you’ve got an issue with me but I have a work related question. If I could ask someone else, I would. Just help me out so I don’t need to bother you much.” It has worked for me in the past and they eventually became minor friends after a few years. shurg up to you. Good luck
 
I been in a similar situation, twice in my 30 years of office life. In the first case, I was 19 and the perpetrator was a woman my own age who took a strong and personal dislike to me and had no qualms showing it. The second was when I was 33 (I’m 59 now) and the perpetrator was a younger man under my supervision who despised my technical abilities and approach to the job. In both cases I had to work shoulder to shoulder with people who couldn’t be nice, and, what’s more, were quite open in their personal dislike and disrespect for me.

How did I handle it?

I didn’t. I was close to tears a lot of the time (Yes, tears in a man!). Outside of work I thought about these persons non-stop. In the first case, it ended when our supervisor, seeing the situation, transferred me out of the office (I was the junior of us two, and also a temporary). In the second case I confronted the person as his supervisor and it just made matters worse. My confrontation was a victory for him!

I think that these sort of people spot the personalities who can’t handle it, either by not letting it get to us, or through direct confrontation. We get caught in the middle.
Pamsan said:
I’ve learned to be blunt with people. “Hey, I know you’ve got an issue with me but I have a work related question. If I could ask someone else, I would. Just help me out so I don’t need to bother you much.” It has worked for me in the past and they eventually became minor friends after a few years. shurg up to you. Good luck
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Sounds like good advice to me!

I think you might be best off treating it directly but somewhat lightly, as suggested here, and not showing your hurt.

2c. Good luck. I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
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Be nice to her but do try to not put it to heart. If you talk with your bosses, even if you are best friends with them, they will probably do something like move her or you so you two don’t interact much (seriously this is all that they can do) and at the same time label you as hypersensitive = limited capacities in management positions = limited development within the company. You should be nice to her for two reasons:
  • it’s the Christian thing to do;
  • she may actually dislike you like you have guessed and she may complain about you and you don’t want to give her reasons.
    Whenever the sad thought comes to you think about someone else is important to you, your family, God, anyone else. Those are important to you and not this chick. Whatever she thinks of you it’s her own business.
 
Thank you so much for these last few comments. I will do that. I also realize her grumbling to herself constantly distracts me and I resent wearing headphones but I guess I shouldn’t resent it and just be thankful for headphones(?)
Also I only kept saying good morning because I kept telling myself that maybe what Jesus wants me to keep doing and what my husband said not because, as Xanthippe said I’m looking for confirmation. It was always because I felt it’s the Catholic thing to do and that is really all.
 
Thank you, thing is she’s Catholic! I hear her sometimes tell others she’s going to Church etc… yet last week I sent her a simple email and heard her grumble loudly “oh great”. I’m sick of that but a better person on here I’m sure would just not mind very much at all or would try to convince me the problem is with me in which case I’d like to know how I can fix me
 
Thanks but she on several occasions has actually given me dirty looks if I approach her and for some weird reason ever since I posted here I’m starting to realize I need to buck up and realize she doesn’t like me and who cares and it’s not about me and people would hate to work with someone so sensitive like me. I’m just trying to figure out just how I can let it roll off my back 7 hours a day. I’ll reread some comments thank you so much
 
Focus on people there who are nicer and say hi to them.

I personally, would only speak business with her. If at that time she is rude or ignoring you, then you have recourse because it’s business related. People at work do not have to like each other. But they do have to have professional courtesy and collaborate when needed in a professional manner.

If this is causing alot of stress for you, ask to have your desk moved.
 
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Is your interaction with her only strictly work-related or have you gone to lunch with her before, interacted with her socially before, etc? Was she ever cordial with you initially, or has she always been like this?

Your situation kind of sounds like what I’m going through, except I seem to be the “other woman” in your situation. I tend to keep things to myself, but I perceive my coworker of over 4 years to be kind of burdensome emotionally – like I have to keep up a facade of some sort so that that person won’t get offended or perceive slight — he’s asked me on multiple occasions, “Have I said something to offend you?” or something of that sort, when it was nothing like that at all. The oversensitivity was the more irritating part. It was almost like I had to walk on eggshells for 4 years. On top of that, I went to lunch with this person for 4 years, even though I didn’t really want to – we really have nothing in common and our personalities are different, but I couldn’t refuse going to lunch because that person might take things personally and it would cause awkwardness. Honestly, it’s a bit of struggle but I tried not to show any outward expression of dislike, although I often fail.

He eats very slowly. He talks about other people on occasion. He takes things personally. He shows up to work late and leaves early compared to others.

The most difficult part is that in my mind, there’s impatience and intrusive judgmental thoughts that I don’t want. Being around this coworker causes disquietude because I am physically there and cannot avoid NOT seeing this person. If I could, I would move to some place where I would minimize contact with this coworker.

The ironic part is I’m oversensitive too so imagine how frustrating and awkward things can get.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is: Are your personalities different? Is she quick-tempered and you’re mellow, or vice-versa? Do you socialize with others but just find her difficult to deal with?

Reading your post, I feel like I’m the dreadful woman at your workplace — but there has to be a reason for her behavior. Is she always mean to you or does she at least try to smile and be cordial?
 
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HI thanks so much for your note! Since my first day shoe has said things I thought must be in my imagination because I couldn’t believe someone would blatantly say things like “too bad that’s not my problem” when asking a work related question. Or calling me the “b” word because my boss wanted me to forward her an email. Things like this have happened that’s why I feel weird to keep saying hi and bye but I would feel bad if I didn’t. I would feel like a mean person sometimes she does grunt a hello but most times it’s dilence I only do it because my husband said I shouldn’t let her stop me from saying hi and I try to imagine Jesus would want me to. I have examined myself trust me alot and I’m ALWAYS professional and courteous. If I were not than I would be honest and say it because I really want to be like many of you here that can just not care about that kind of constant feedback.
 
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Hmm…maybe she feels insecure about something? Do you have the same work responsibilities as her? Maybe she sees you as a threat or competition. Or you have something that she doesn’t have or can’t have and that makes her feel inadequate in some manner so she’s taking it out on you with (passive)-aggressive behavior. Or are you more cheerful than the average person? A melancholy person like me can find that irritating.

(Why do I feel like I relate to this woman? ugh, lol)
 
I am not more cheerful than her, in fact she is always smiling at everyone else but me. I remember one time offering her coffee she didn’t even look at me and said no very harshly, several similar instances of that nature made me close down in friendliness. I cannot relate to her the same way you can
 
If a person is being unprofessional toward you at work, such as by calling you the “b” word or by refusing to work with you on a task, then this is a completely separate issue from whether the person responds to “hi” and “goodbye”.

If you are having trouble with getting her to actually work with you on tasks, then that is an issue for your boss, manager, etc. because it is affecting your actual work.

You need to distinguish “feeling rejected” from actually not getting the assistance you need to do your job or being treated in an unprofessional manner. Someone not responding to “hi” or “goodbye” is not going to affect your work and it is not a big deal. But someone refusing to assist you with a task, or calling you nasty names like “b”, is a different situation and one that should be addressed by management.
 
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