Being single during the holidays....what things do you do?

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I have been avoiding this post for a while but I really need to say how the title ‘being single during the holidays’ makes me feel

It makes me feel like there is a lot of using going on to avoid being single for the holidays and I must admit I did it myself for New Year 2000. That was suppose to be the New Year’s to end all New Years and I hung on to a man just so I could have a date that night. Wrong of me I know.

And also, why is being single during the holidays any worse than any other day? As a 40 year old who has spent 92.5% of her life single (and that percentage is based on since I was born) I honestly see no difference when it is the holidays. Not even when it is Valentines day

CM
 
cmscms said:
I have been avoiding this post for a while but I really need to say how the title ‘being single during the holidays’ makes me feel

It makes me feel like there is a lot of using going on to avoid being single for the holidays and I must admit I did it myself for New Year 2000. That was suppose to be the New Year’s to end all New Years and I hung on to a man just so I could have a date that night. Wrong of me I know.

And also, why is being single during the holidays any worse than any other day? As a 40 year old who has spent 92.5% of her life single (and that percentage is based on since I was born) I honestly see no difference when it is the holidays. Not even when it is Valentines day

CM
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I think because its ‘coupleness’ or ‘family time’ is consantly in your face for like a good month and a half. Valentine’s Day is just one day or a few days around it. November and Decemeber are just so packed together with thanksgiving, then christmas and new years that it can sometimes feel like overload of your emotions.

Everyone is off with their family and friends all the time and you are left alone. You see families at mass and celebrating the holidays and yet you don’t have anyone to share your joys with. It feels like there is the pressure to be with someone or you get jealous of those who have what you want (family, spouse, parents to spend time with etc.)

For the most part i am happy and content for being single right now. Does it mean that i want to be single forever? No. So i will take the situation and accept it and live my life to be the best catholic women i can be but it doesn’t mean that i can’t sometimes feel pains of jealous or moments of loneliness. To not acknowledge the feelings would be the worst thing.
 
beckers said:
Everyone is off with their family and friends all the time and you are left alone. .
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Well, family and friends is different than a boyfriend. If everyone was off with frirends then a single person could go out with friends and not having a boyfriend would not be an issue.

I think I will start a thread of how hard the holidays are since I don’t want to loose the focus of the OP thread

CM
 
For the most part, I will be with my family.

But our local Catholic young adult group is planning a really fun party on the 21st. We plan to go caroling for the first half of the evening to random local buisnesses. Then afterwads head over to the churches rectory to have a big feast and fun night till whenever. We will then conclude the night with The Rosary. Should be a blast!!
 
JeraldW said:
For the most part, I will be with my family.

But our local Catholic young adult group is planning a really fun party on the 21st. We plan to go caroling for the first half of the evening to random local buisnesses. Then afterwads head over to the churches rectory to have a big feast and fun night till whenever. We will then conclude the night with The Rosary. Should be a blast!!
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That sounds like fun. I wish there was something like that in my area.
 
I am 53 and single. My parents have been deceased since I was in my 20s so I have much experience spending the holidays alone. Honestly I used to hate the holidays. Since I have had to work half of the holidays I usually had get togethers with my cousins before or after Christmas. I found Christmas and New Years very depressing because I live in a large city and no family less than 70-80 miles away. Sometimes I would be invited to a friend’s home and others I was alone with my little dog. I used to cry because I missed the small family that I did have. I wouldn’t go to mass on Christmas because it was so difficult to watch families together and I was always by myself. I used to feel so very alone when everyone at work was so excited about the holidays with their boyfriends, girlfriends and families. I usually bought food that I liked and a good book or movie to watch. I have went out to the movies by myself on NY Eve. Last year a friend of mine and I went out to a nice Chinese restaurant on NY Eve and then I came home and went to bed early as was working NY Day.

Now I have a job that gives me every holiday off. For the first time in many years I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and looking forward to spending Christmas with him and his extended family. New Year’s weekend we will be visiting my cousins and close family friends.
 
First time poster here. I love your forum.
I do a lot of volunteer work with the elderly. I’m not single, but if I were and didn’t know what to do on the holiday, I would spend it with these elderly folks. I see them in nursing homes, in the soup kitchens, etc. They are REALLY lonely. They love company, love a good laugh, love my pups who I bring with me when visiting.
Sometimes it’s better to get out of yourself and give yourself to others. I love my work with the elderly. It’s a blessing to be able to do this work because I get much more than I give.
 
dachsiemom2 said:
I am 53 and single. My parents have been deceased since I was in my 20s so I have much experience spending the holidays alone. Honestly I used to hate the holidays. Since I have had to work half of the holidays I usually had get togethers with my cousins before or after Christmas. I found Christmas and New Years very depressing because I live in a large city and no family less than 70-80 miles away. Sometimes I would be invited to a friend’s home and others I was alone with my little dog. I used to cry because I missed the small family that I did have. I wouldn’t go to mass on Christmas because it was so difficult to watch families together and I was always by myself. I used to feel so very alone when everyone at work was so excited about the holidays with their boyfriends, girlfriends and families. I usually bought food that I liked and a good book or movie to watch. I have went out to the movies by myself on NY Eve. Last year a friend of mine and I went out to a nice Chinese restaurant on NY Eve and then I came home and went to bed early as was working NY Day.

Now I have a job that gives me every holiday off. For the first time in many years I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and looking forward to spending Christmas with him and his extended family. New Year’s weekend we will be visiting my cousins and close family friends.
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Golly I hope you know Christmas is a Holy Day of Obligation. I only have to think of Christ in the Nativity and focus on what Christmas is really about. Take this Advent season to prepare for Christ’s coming at the Nativity; and also give up your loneliness as a penance, for during Advent it is also about preparing ourselves for the second coming when the Lord comes to judge the living and the dead.
 
ElizabethPH said:
Golly I hope you know Christmas is a Holy Day of Obligation. I only have to think of Christ in the Nativity and focus on what Christmas is really about. Take this Advent season to prepare for Christ’s coming at the Nativity; and also give up your loneliness as a penance, for during Advent it is also about preparing ourselves for the second coming when the Lord comes to judge the living and the dead.
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I think she was talking about in the past.

But I empathize with the loneliness. I would just cry during Mass (I’m talking bawling), and there were times when I would just be sick from seeing all the families and happy couples. Now that I’m engaged, I finally feel like I belong in the Church. It is like a ring is the secret to being accepted. 🙂
 
CountrySinger said:
I think she was talking about in the past.

But I empathize with the loneliness. I would just cry during Mass (I’m talking bawling), and there were times when I would just be sick from seeing all the families and happy couples. Now that I’m engaged, I finally feel like I belong in the Church. It is like a ring is the secret to being accepted. 🙂
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I don’t know about that CountrySinger but I’m glad you found your fiance. A lot of the holidays are spent with my family but on Christmas Eve my dad and his wife go to a party with friends of hers. I usually just go see my aunt on Christmas Eve and that’s about it. She’s disabled and recently had cancer but keeps fighting to stay around she is sort of like a grandmother to me. I’m doing some parties and a few events for New Years as well as some volunteer work. Generally I do keep myself busy but it does get old going on your own all the time. I guess the holidays just underline your single status. As to Valentines day I’m usually working so it has never been an issue. In any case here’s wishing everyone a happy holiday season. :cool:
 
CountrySinger said:
I think she was talking about in the past.

But I empathize with the loneliness. I would just cry during Mass (I’m talking bawling), and there were times when I would just be sick from seeing all the families and happy couples. Now that I’m engaged, I finally feel like I belong in the Church. It is like a ring is the secret to being accepted. 🙂
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Exactly and I remember leaving in tears - particularly at one midnight mass when I was alone and after ending a relationship. I was away from the church for almost 20 years and came back a year or two ago. Last year I went to Christmas mass at 0800 and wasn’t bothered by what I used to experience. This year I have a wonderful boyfriend (not Catholic) and he enjoys going to mass with me.
 
ElizabethPH said:
Golly I hope you know Christmas is a Holy Day of Obligation. I only have to think of Christ in the Nativity and focus on what Christmas is really about. Take this Advent season to prepare for Christ’s coming at the Nativity; and also give up your loneliness as a penance, for during Advent it is also about preparing ourselves for the second coming when the Lord comes to judge the living and the dead.
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Well just because you don’t go christmas eve doesn’t mean you can’t go christmas morning.

I understand were the poster is coming from. I use to love midnight mass but i can’t take the crowds and i get distracted easily from focusing on jesus. I also have a hard time looking at families at the moment. I have broken down many times in mass so i perfer to go in the morning. Its more relaxing and i feel i can focus more.
 
Well, there will be Mass and then work. I have afternoon shifts pretty much right through the season. Even though its only an hour’s flight from my family I can’t make it this year due to work and other family events that will be monopolising time and space. 😃

But I do have to admit, that the season hammers home the fact that all my relatives my age, cousins, siblings et al, have their partners/spouses while I’m still single. One of my cousins is getting married this weekend, which is why I can’t really go to visit, and my brother is overseas, so next year will be the big one!

However, over the years I’ve come to realise that Christmas is what you make it, either you can be down in the dumps as to what you don’t have, money, work, partner, et cetera, or you can praise God for what we do have! Salvation from sin!
 
beckers said:
Well just because you don’t go christmas eve doesn’t mean you can’t go christmas morning.

I understand were the poster is coming from. I use to love midnight mass but i can’t take the crowds and i get distracted easily from focusing on jesus. I also have a hard time looking at families at the moment. I have broken down many times in mass so i perfer to go in the morning. Its more relaxing and i feel i can focus more.
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I’m sorry I didn’t think of midnight mass and some how missed that in her post. I worked nights throughout the week and on week ends, so I always went to Mass on Christmas day
and still do, I agree it’s less crowded and am much more able to focus. The only time I remember going to midnight Mass was as a child and teenager still living at home. I think now days and even back when; families frequented midnight mass to free up their Christmas day to open presents and eat? but I could be wrong.
 
ElizabethPH said:
I’m sorry I didn’t think of midnight mass and some how missed that in her post. I worked nights throughout the week and on week ends, so I always went to Mass on Christmas day
and still do, I agree it’s less crowded and am much more able to focus. The only time I remember going to midnight Mass was as a child and teenager still living at home. I think now days and even back when; families frequented midnight mass to free up their Christmas day to open presents and eat? but I could be wrong.
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I’ve never been to midnight mass. The crowds usually scare me away. :D:cool:
 
CountrySinger said:
I’m not single, but my fiance is in Scotland and I’m in Seattle, WA, so I will be spending the holidays alone. My parents have both passed away (so this time of year is hard anyway), and the rest of my family lives at least 5 hours away (and we aren’t particularly close ever since Mom died, so it would be at the best uncomfortable). I got some invites from my co-workers and friends to spend Christmas with them, but I feel awkward for crashing a family celebration, you know? So it will be wine, Wii, and movies for me and my cats.

I think the one thing that makes it better is that next year, I will be married and spending my first Christmas in the UK. 🙂
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Countrysinger you were invited so you would not be crashing congratulations on your engagament and your soon to be marriage
 
Bataar said:
You got that backwards. You have to go out and meet people first, which is what kills me. I go out a lot and never meet single women.
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Well I meet single guys all the time but they aren’t interested. I go out all the time too. I don’t hang around church much though no singles groups around unless you’re Baptist. I work two jobs which I’m guessing puts some guys off but there’s nothing I can do about it. :rolleyes:
 
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