Being single...not a vent thread

[EasterJoy]

Ditto to that! I have also found out that since I am in mid-thirties, some people have not offered to set me up because they think I have ‘chosen’ to stay single!

So do what my brother did: mention once in awhile that you’re skipping the too-popular “starter marriage” that ends in divorce, because you are only interested in going directly to the good one that’s going to last!

I have found, too, that if other Catholics think you’re really great, they get fairly picky on your behalf. In other words, they know a relative who’s looking, but don’t want to foist him off on someone as outstanding as you!

(hopefully not off topic) I have never in my life, for the record, had anyone in a position to help me get a date with someone whom I had wanted to be set up with.

Nor have any of the people others thought I would like been anyone* I* would have chosen.

This is just one example. I haven’t dated much at all, but it has always seemed that the ones I would pick don’t pick me and vice versa. I hate feeling like the whole process of meeting/getting to know/having an actual date come about is so out of my control, but I am trying to keep in mind that it is in God’s control if I have faith.

Granted, in my younger years, I was more picky about the things like looks that don’t matter as much as other qualities, but I’ve always felt “out of the loop.” I really wonder too if it has to do with sex (as in, not willing to have it outside of marriage). I’m so concerned that it has become “no big deal” in our culture and I don’t want to send out wrong vibes, nor end up in an uncomfortable situation.

So I end up wondering if I send off “keep your distance” vibes too much and whether I’ve unintentionally scared off some nice guy. Anyone else, especially gals, know what I mean?

Absolutely, in that I definitely lost Catholic boyfriends because while they respected my insistence that we not get intimate earlier in the relationship, they eventually got too frustrated with the idea of actually waiting until marriage to hang in there.

I didn’t like dating guys whose friends and family I knew nothing about. I was much more comfortable with guys whose choice of friends recommended them.

I will tell you, though: I am not alone as a married Catholic woman over 40 who has no intention of ever ever ever “dating” again, even if disaster strikes and we are widowed young. I know a lot of long-time widows who feel the same way.

I love Mary Beth’s comment that many singles would love to know where the ‘out there’ is that we are always told to go!

I think they mean out there doing unpaid work for the Church in the hopes that someone you work with at St. Vincent de Paul will set you up with one of their relatives.

There are a lot of older Catholics, married and widowed, who never ever want to date again themselves, but who fancy themselves matchmakers!

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m not just dating my boyfriend just to feel accepted ( I do love him a lot). That would be silly.
In my parish, I feel like my value is what I can give to the parish money-wise. They assume because I’m single I have nothing of importance to spend my money on. Apparently rent, food, etc aren’t important. They are also trying to get me to be the third grade CCD teacher (never again, I taught it once, HATED IT). So basically I’m good for money and teaching the CCD class that no one else will teach.

You aren’t under the impression that married people don’t get hit up for money or to teach CCD? If anything, the two years that families have to approach closely enough to the parish office for their kid to receive first confession and First Holy Communion are prime years to get the family people to stand still long enough in order to corner them to pitch in. It isn’t unusual for families with kids in the parish school to be required to put in a minimum number of in-parish volunteer hours required before their kids can get the in-parish tuition rate. (This is separate from the service hours required of the students from sixth grade on up.)

Most parishes try to get money out of anybody with assets, volunteer work out of anyone with a minute of free time, and try to find a CCD teacher in anyone who will stand still long enough to pass the background check! Your parish may just know that the single people don’t have quite as many excuses.

Of course, that comes back around to the same old JFK saw:
"Ask not what your parish can do for you…

 

[CountrySinger]

You aren’t under the impression that married people don’t get hit up for money or to teach CCD? If anything, the two years that families have to approach closely enough to the parish office for their kid to receive first confession and First Holy Communion are prime years to get the family people to stand still long enough in order to corner them to pitch in. It isn’t unusual for families with kids in the parish school to be required to put in a minimum number of in-parish volunteer hours required before their kids can get the in-parish tuition rate. (This is separate from the service hours required of the students from sixth grade on up.)

Most parishes try to get money out of anybody with assets, volunteer work out of anyone with a minute of free time, and try to find a CCD teacher in anyone who will stand still long enough to pass the background check! Your parish may just know that the single people don’t have quite as many excuses.

Of course, that comes back around to the same old JFK saw:
"Ask not what your parish can do for you…

I found that the parish backed off about the CCD teaching when I said I could do it if I could make the kids into a band. They didn’t like the idea.

All I want out of my parish is a letter saying that I am a registered member of the Church, so when/if I start marriage prep, I can marry in the Catholic Church. I’ll even provide the paper sinced they are so cheap. I don’t expect much from them until I get engaged. One of the women noticed that when she got engaged, the parish was so friendly and welcoming, where one week ago, she was ignored.

So I’ve started to use those donation envelopes, so I have proof of attendence of Mass.

I miss my old parish. I actually liked going to Mass in my old one.

 

[EasterJoy]

I found that the parish backed off about the CCD teaching when I said I could do it if I could make the kids into a band. They didn’t like the idea.

All I want out of my parish is a letter saying that I am a registered member of the Church, so when/if I start marriage prep, I can marry in the Catholic Church. I’ll even provide the paper sinced they are so cheap. I don’t expect much from them until I get engaged. One of the women noticed that when she got engaged, the parish was so friendly and welcoming, where one week ago, she was ignored.

So I’ve started to use those donation envelopes, so I have proof of attendence of Mass.

I miss my old parish. I actually liked going to Mass in my old one.

You can call the parish office and find out if you’re registered. Usually, you just fill out a form. If you’ve been contributing in a way they can trace back to you, though, then that generally shows that you’ve been attending Mas and supporting the parish.

I am sorry that the new parish isn’t working out so well. In my parish, though, you don’t get much notice except from the greeters unless you put in some time and get to know some people, whereas at my home parish you couldn’t attend regularly without people getting to know you. The sizes were very different, though, and my current parish has a lot of visitors who belong to other parishes. It’s the difference between being a remote parish and being a parish in a metro area. If they haven’t seen you in a ministry, they may think you are from a different parish and just come to Mass at their place some of the time.

(No, the envelope is not a tip-off. A lot of people contribute weekly to their home parish and then a little something to their “vacation” parishes, too, when they go there.)