Best Marriage Advice

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Daisies88

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Hi!

My best friend is getting married and she is the first in my group of friends to do so. I thought it might be a fun gift to include a little notebook with words of wisdom about marriage.

What is the best advice about marriage that you ever received? Or, on the other side of the coin, what advice would you have been better off ignoring?

I tried searching and couldn’t find a similar one, so I hope that I am not repeating an earlier thread. I am still new and learning to use the search feature 🙂

Any advice? Thank you so much! Have a great day!
 
I’d only advise that there’s no set timing for things. A friend of mine approached her dating thus: “You should be engaged within 1 year of your first date, married 1 year after that, have your first child 1 year after that.” She was 22 when she told me this. When she was 31 and a few weeks away from marrying, she told me that God taught her all things would be done on His time, not on hers, and that humility was necessary for her to learn before she could marry.

Also, the best answer to when people ask “when will you have kids?” is “we were planning to start tonight, so excuse us if we leave a little early…” Amazing how often I hear this question AT THE WEDDING! Goodness, give the couple enough time to at least settle into having their lives together. The hardest part for my wife and I was getting used to being roommates, I think, when both of us had lived on our own for some time (2 years for her, 6 years for me).
 
“That both be of the same religion and similar levels of piety, and of one mind as well as one flesh when it comes to “the big things”, especially morality.” - CJA Chrysostom (myself).

“As Christ is the head of the Church, so the man is the head of the wife.” - St Paul

“That both love philosophy, and debate the relative merits of Aristotelianism and Platonism, Idealism and Logical Positivism” - CJA Chrysostom.*

I’m celibate, so I might not know much, but it seems that a mismatch in religion or levels of piety are the greatest cause of strife - one pious, one not, both impious and one converts and “gets religion” - equalled only by being of split mind in matters of morality that touch on marriage.

*The last one’s just something I’d require if I was to ever leave the celibate state.
 
From 27 years of experience, I think the quote attributed to Winston Churchill is very well applied to marriage.

“Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, give up. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up.”
 
On getting married, you will receive a lot of unsolicited advice about what is right and wrong, good ideas, bad ideas, and instructions on how to live your new life together. You can safely ignore 99% of what people say. Possibly including this.
 
Khalid said:
“That both be of the same religion and similar levels of piety, and of one mind as well as one flesh when it comes to “the big things”, especially morality.” - CJA Chrysostom (myself).
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Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

Also, advice received from a couple who had been married a very long time: Have one indoor game you like to play together, and one outdoor game you like to play together.
 
ellen42 said:
On getting married, you will receive a lot of unsolicited advice about what is right and wrong, good ideas, bad ideas, and instructions on how to live your new life together. You can safely ignore 99% of what people say. Possibly including this.
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Ah, but the real wisdom is in knowing what can be thrown away and that which should be kept.
 
BListon said:
Remember, the woman is ALWAYS right!👍
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I think my Dad’s advice was much better.

"We aren’t objective when we try to estimate how much we are contributing to a relationship. If we think we are giving 50% and the other person is giving 50%, we see ALL that we are doing, but our understanding of what the other is contributing is incomplete, and therefore their contribution is likely much higher than we estimate.

If one targets investing 75% of the effort to keep the relationship a good one, then in reality, our efforts will come much closer to matching our spouses."
 
Hmm…
  • If you are going to laugh about this later, start NOW!
  • Neither of you woke up this morning and thought, “How can I really upset my spouse today?”
  • The heart of a woman should be so deeply in Jesus that a man must go to Him in order to find her.
  • Would this fight still be important if one of you were gone tomorrow?
  • Say “I Love You” every single day.
  • True intimacy is better than, and more important than, mere sex. Strive to be intimate.
Dan Grelinger said:
“Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, give up. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up.”
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^^^THIS^^^
 
Thank you so much for the words of wisdom everyone! I am going to put everything in a nice notebook to pass along to my friend. 🙂

Thank you!
 
Don’t give up even when the skies get rough

Don’t go to bed angry at one another

Be kind and generous to one another

Ask your wife for a date even when you’re married:D
 
When you’re wrong, admit it and apologize, even if you’re not the most wrong.

Marriages live on how much you learn to give, but you have to be honest. Giving but keeping score is not giving. It is quid pro quo. When you give, give; if you don’t have it in you to give, don’t give; when it is a quid pro quo, say so. Grow in your ability to give, but don’t try to fool anybody with fake giving.

Sometimes when you just can’t agree, somebody has to give in, so a decision can be made. No matter who gives in, the decision becomes our decision. Don’t say “I told you so.” Rather, say, “We decided, we’ll live with what we decided.” It’s far better to live with some bad decisions together than to live in a house of blaming.

Then there is the thought from the man married 60 years, on why his marriage lasted so long. He said*:“I get up every morning, take a good look in the mirror and remind myself, ‘Well, you’re no prize either!’”*

There is something to that! 😃
 
I am going to assume this is for couples who are both Catholic and faithful, and who go to Mass together from Day 1. So here are a few thoughts from a veteran of 23 years of marriage.

Just keep taking it one day at a time. This too, shall pass.

Forgive.

Don’t be a martyr (some people say, "Get down off the cross now, we need the wood!) 😃

Express your feelings, but be considerate of your spouse’s feelings too. Feelings aren’t facts, however. Remember that when you are upset, angry, frustrated.

Sex is not the only form of intimacy. But sex is important to intimacy too.

Saying “I was wrong” is the quickest way to end a fight.

Celebrate your anniversary.

Don’t be just Mom and Dad when the kids come - stay lovers and friends too. Let the kids see that you love each other, although they will look like this most of the time. :rolleyes:

Try not to fight late at night. Crying in bed causes your eyes to swell up and you look tired the next day.

Do not expect your spouse to read your mind. Tell him/her what you would like. When it comes to gifts, kind acts, or sex, better to explain than to let the spouse stumble around while you get frustrated.

Never stop hugging and kissing your spouse. Never stop telling your spouse how beautiful or handsome they are. Keep your romance fresh. Do little surprising things for your spouse every once in a while.

Last, but not least,

PRAY TOGETHER EVERY DAY, and pray FOR each other constantly.
 
Dan_Grelinger said:
Ah, but the real wisdom is in knowing what can be thrown away and that which should be kept.
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
 
At a show in Branson, mo, a singer asked the audience for longest married couple— the couple was married 63 years. When asked what the secret was, the guy said …

“Don’t die!”
 
Well, I am not in a successful marriage, but here’s what comes to my mind:
  • Cut each other some slack!
  • Brag to other people about your spouse. Sometimes in front of them.
  • Learn his/her “love language”.
  • Occasionally spend time thinking about and praying about your spouse’s great dignity, and what they are worth to God (His Son’s suffering and death)
  • Be on the same team!
  • Apologize for your contributions to a fight, even when you feel justified in a moment of disrespectful behavior toward them.
  • Confession, Confession, Confession
  • Remember that you have faults too, and that there are some hopes, dreams, preferences of your spouse that you don’t live up to everyday either
  • Take time to date each other…alone…without the kids. Reconnect as spouses.
 
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