Best philosophical joke!

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If you were only a soul, you’d be a nobody.

If you were only a body…never mind.
 
bob crowley said:
a boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, and so went to his father for advice.

“my son, there are three subjects that always work with women: Food, family, and philosophy.”

the boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy’s nervousness builds, but he then remembers his father’s advice and asks the girl,

“do you like potato pancakes?”

“no,” comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

“do you have a brother?”

“no.”

after giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: “if you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”
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hahahah lol
 
Consider the following.
  1. Nothing is better than eternal life.
  2. A ham sandwich is better than nothing.
From 1 and 2 it follows that a ham sandwich is better than eternal life.
 
Rhubarb said:
Consider the following.
  1. Nothing is better than eternal life.
  2. A ham sandwich is better than nothing.
From 1 and 2 it follows that a ham sandwich is better than eternal life.
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Dang…i cannot refute that, can i?
 
If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.
 
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it does it make a sound?
How could it have fallen in the first place if nobody saw it fall?
 
wittgenstein said:
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it does it make a sound?
How could it have fallen in the first place if nobody saw it fall?
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From a psychological perspective, one of the questions is where is the locus (location) of the sound: in the percept (object), in the air(waves), or in the perceiver? The same question can be asked with regard to the perception of motion.
 
meltzerboy said:
. . . where is the locus (location) of the sound: in the percept (object), in the air(waves), or in the perceiver? . . .
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An object, a medium and a receiver are sitting at a bar arguing about which of them truly has the sound.
As the evening drags on, they can’t come to an agreement until they all passed out.
At least no one fell off his stool.
And, this is the way the night ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
 
Aloysium said:
. . . As the evening drags on, they can’t come to an agreement until they all passed out.
At least no one fell off his stool.
And, this is the way the night ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
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meh

Draft 2 and 3:

existential
An object, a medium and a receiver were sitting at a bar arguing about which of them truly possesses the sound.
They gradually tired and their sound drifted into the eternal silence of nothingness

Buddhist
An object, a medium and a receiver were sitting at a bar arguing about which of them truly contains the sound.
The barkeep, a Zen monk sat as they gradually tired and their sound dissolved into the no-thingness of its true nature.
 
Knock Knock
Who’s there!
Plato!
Plato who?
Plato fish and chips please!
 
Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
Philosophers say there are two theories to arguing with women.

Neither one works.
 
Cop: “Professor Heisenberg, do you know how fast you were driving?”

Heisenberg: “No, Officer, but I know exactly where I am!!!”
 
Alternately -

Cop: “Professor Heisenberg, do you know how fast you were driving?”

Heisenberg: “Yes, Officer, but I haven’t got a clue where I am!!!”
 
It’s sort of a joke since there’s a pun involved but it’s a real story.

I was in my class which was about Western ideologies and we were discussing Plato. One of my classmates had such a hard time understanding Plato he exclaimed in Filipino “Ano ba iyan, ang hirap maintindi si Plato isa pang oras babasag ako ng plato…” (Translation: Plato is so hard, one more hour and I have to smash a plate)

Because plato in Filipino is plate… get it? Get it? 😛
 
Sort of off track, but I remember our Archbishop telling us a story from when he was based in Rome.

There’s some publication they put out every year which has all the sermons of the resident Pope. They’re stored in some underground library. There were quite a few sermons, but when John Paul II came along, there were shelves of the stuff. Reams and reams of it.

The future Archbishop was talking to this dear old Italian who maintained the place. In typical Italian style, he gesticulated at the pile of paper, and complained “Gesù ci ha dato il discorso della montagna, e qui abbiamo una montagna di sermoni!”

(“Jesus gave us the sermon on the mount, and here we have a mountain of sermons!”)
 
Person A-I got a degree in philosophy!
Person B-What are you going to do with that?
Person A-What do you mean? Philosophy is essential.
Peron B-Ill NEVER use it!
Person A-How do you know that?
Person B-I know because-
Person A-PHILOSOPHY!
 
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