Bikini

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Loving_disciple said:
How would I go about talking to my female friends about not wearing a bikini or something showing their midriff. :confused:I don’t want to be controlling but I want them to be aware of what that causes in men. Especially young men like myself. Most of my female friends are Catholics and a good amount of them are practicing Catholics.
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You need to learn self control rather than playing the burden of all women to accodate your weaknesses. Would you rather women wear burkas?
 
Neofight said:
You need to learn self control rather than playing the burden of all women to accodate your weaknesses. Would you rather women wear burkas?
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Off base.

And not an argument-rather an exaggerated reaction using I am sure a logical fallacy.

His concern is shared by many many Christian men. It is a real issue and something that Christian women need to come to understand (as Bl. Pope John Paul II noted they need to “learn” that things effect men differently then women).
 
Bookcat said:
The person is not seeking to “dictate” to others…he was asking how to assist them in understanding and living modesty --for his sake yes -and others (an article may help -written by a woman). Such is the act of charity we call “fraternal correction”.

The act by which someone leads another into sin is called -the sin of scandal. Now I am not saying his friends are committing sin --for they are likely just thinking they are looking attractive in a good way.

Now do we have a responsibility for our own actions etc? - yes of course. And* others* can have a responsibility for their actions that tempt us to sin (Jesus was rather clear -temptations will come but “woe to” the person* by which they come!*)…though often here they may not realize such.
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This is my point. I am not trying to force my view on others but I think their should be a limit in which we should follow. Mainly I am just trying to help my friends because some of them have been approach by guys because if what they where wearing and it bothered me. These men where treating people I view as sister like meat
 
M1Garand said:
Unless we are dealing with your child or some person that you have an obligation to raise in a right manner then I suggest that you consider that they have the freedom to do as they wish and not judge them. Because that is exactly what you are doing–judging them by your standards of modesty.
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I know what you are saying is in Christian charity.
 
Loving_disciple said:
This is my point. I am not trying to force my view on others but I think their should be a limit in which we should follow. Mainly I am just trying to help my friends because some of them have been approach by guys because if what they where wearing and it bothered me. These men where treating people I view as sister like meat
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Yes your fine. And acting according to Christian virtue.

Some tend to react with “your judging” or “control yourself”. The first is incorrect (one needs to see what “judging” means in theology) and second is while correct (for us all) -not on topic.
 
Loving_disciple said:
This is my point. I am not trying to force my view on others but I think their should be a limit in which we should follow. Mainly I am just trying to help my friends because some of them have been approach by guys because if what they where wearing and it bothered me. These men where treating people I view as sister like meat
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Perhaps you should approach those guys and tell and teach them to look at every woman as a person and not a thing.
 
Neofight said:
You need to learn self control rather than playing the burden of all women to accodate your weaknesses. Would you rather women wear burkas?
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That I little offensive you know but it is fine. I do control my impulse. What do you think I am a Muslim. On that topic some of my female friends are Muslim and they don’t mind the burkas
 
The creation of the bikini:

history.com/this-day-in-history/bikini-introduced

“On July 5, 1946, French designer Louis Reard unveils a daring two-piece swimsuit at the Piscine Molitor, a popular swimming pool in Paris. Parisian showgirl Micheline Bernardini modeled the new fashion, which Reard dubbed “bikini,” inspired by a news-making U.S. atomic test that took place off the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean earlier that week…”

(continued in article…)

And then there is the difference between the women who wear bikinis for the attention of men, and those who are genuinely more comforatable in them. Granted the former group could be the majority, I don’t know, but I absoutey cannot stand anything restrictive on my tummy, soooo…
This is probably the last summer I can wear them, too. :eek:
 
robert_chacon said:
I think the OP should be commended for his attitude, and not be seen as being controlling or judgmental of his female friends. I think he sincerely concerned about his own soul and his sisters in Christ. That is commendable! As an older man I can attest that at any mans age, you women dont realize how hard wired we men are to the female form! Yes, it is our responsibility to respond to the natural impulses God gave us…immediately. However, women to have a responsibility to dress modestly too! What that means may differ, and a man should not demand that a woman dress according to his dictates of modesty. Women have been controlled by men for centuries, so we should be sensitive how we raise the issue. But what the OP wrote, he simply asked about how he could raise the issue. Simply being vulnerable and letting his female friends know his concern seems perfectly virtuous! He was not suggesting he force the girls into a burqa. So, let your friends know how you feel, and simply ask if they could cover up a little when youre around or otherwise you may have to pass when asked to go the beach, pool etc. with them. Dont expect them to change, and be ready to remove yourself from their view.

Youre not alone as a young man. I had a younger friend whos wife liked to wear revealing clothes. I simply apologized to my friend that I caught myself gazing at her exposed body parts, and simply joked that she cover up or Im going to have to be obvious in my avoiding looking straight at her. I wasnt demanding my friends wife cover, up and i certainly wasnt going to talk to his wife directly about it. But I wanted him to know I was sorry for disrespecting him and his wife for looking at her, but also that the way she dresses doesnt help. It was up to him to decide what to do. He must have suggested that she dress more appropriately because from that point forward, she did. And it wasnt because she caught me, because she dressed like that frequently and Im sure she caught my gaze before. The point is , there is nothing wrong with asking in a polite manner. It shows you respect them as well as yourself.

You could simply say: “you know girls, youre very attractive. Im sorry if youve caught my eyes (if youve actually been guilty), but your bikinis dont help. Since I dont want to be disrespectful, ill try not to, look and if you want to try to help me you could cover a little too.” You can say it in a teasing way , without being too serious and still be friendly and get your point across. And if they tell you its just your problem or simply dont cover up, you know what you have to do.

God bless you for your concern! Your future wife is going to love you for that!
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👍👍

This is by far the best post and advice I have seen in a thread about bikinis in a long time. Don’t try to control them and if even after you bring it up they don’t change don’t judge them don’t assume that they are sinning because they could very well not be.

Also realize that just because you are concerned about the way they dress as you find it tempting does not mean that you are a terrible person out to control others or put women back in burqas. :rolleyes: Be kind, courteous and charitable about the entire situation, do not act in a way that would make them believe you are judging them, but do feel free to bring up your concerns in a gentle way if you find an appropriate occasion to do so. And leave it at that. 🙂
 
Book at you bring up a good point St. Gemma would agree with me. Also thank you to everyone who has commented. As for the comfort issue I think it is something you get used to.
 
severus68 said:
Perhaps you should approach those guys and tell and teach them to look at every woman as a person and not a thing.
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This is NOT the issue. He is not suggesting he has no responsibility. All men recognize it is our faith that calls us to respond properly to our natural impulses to the female body. The impulse is natural and good but should be reserved for our wives. Once our “body” responds to a female, we are of course called to control ourselves and not treat a woman as an object. That is NOT what the OP is talking about. He is talking about the first cause of the attraction, the revealing nature of the bikini. And women DO have a responsibility to NOT cause attention to their bodies outside of their bedroom. We as men cannot expect women to be forced to comply, but we can, and SHOULD at least ask our friends.
 
Like men don’t lust after women in one pieces? Heck, some men will say that one pieces are more attractive because it leaves a little to the imagination, where bikinis leave none to the imagination. 🤷

I have no clue how old you are, OP. I do know that when I was growing up, no guy friend would have ever told me how to dress. Why? Because I would have let him know exactly how I felt and we wouldn’t be friends anymore. If you go on a rant to your lady friends, don’t be shocked if they don’t speak to you after that. I’m not saying it is right or wrong, just pointing out that girls usually don’t like boys lecturing them on clothing.
 
robert_chacon said:
This is NOT the issue. He is not suggesting he has no responsibility. All men recognize it is our faith that calls us to respond properly to our natural impulses to the female body. The impulse is natural and good but should be reserved for our wives. Once our “body” responds to a female, we are of course called to control ourselves and not treat a woman as an object. That is NOT what the OP is talking about. He is talking about the first cause of the attraction, the revealing nature of the bikini. And women DO have a responsibility to NOT cause attention to their bodies outside of their bedroom. We as men cannot expect women to be forced to comply, but we can, and SHOULD at least ask our friends.
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Amen.

Ed
 
Loving_disciple said:
I know what you are saying is in Christian charity.
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Thank you. And I would say I have been where you are. In fact lust rides my back like a wild beast and I constantly struggle with chastity. I also completely agree with you that women dress inappropriately. Ultimately the problem is mine and I have to offer it up and deal with it. Maturity has also taught me that women will not listen to such (name removed by moderator)ut in fact it tends to make them act out more especially the young ones. Show them that a normal young male can look at the bodies God gave them and control his impulse and drives. Show them the utmost respect and love even if they act and are loose. Women have been hyper-sexualized by culture but that is the failing of men not women. We are to protect the fairer sex from these things and if they have succumbed then we protect them by not acting out on those things that make us weak but by becoming strong in our example and we do not need to demean them or dictate to them.

I hope this makes sense.
 
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