Shaming and blaming are attacks that keeps on giving, which is one reason perpetrators trying to keep their misdeeds secret use them. One method that perpetrators who victimize teens do is to get the teens into some kind of forbidden behavior before starting the abuse. Then the perpetrator can pretend to hold that bad behavior over the teen’s head, as if it will be the teen who will be held most responsible when it is found out that they were doing drugs or watching porn at the home of a coach or teacher or adult family member!
A third strategy is to lead the victim to believe that he/she is the only one or attracted this attention because he or she was “special”, even though this is probably not the offender’s only victim and even though being special does not attract such victimization. The victim is told they’re inherently “bad”, even though it is very often the “good” kid who is sought out, the one who is compliant to what adults tell him or her to do, the one who can keep a secret, the one who will suffer rather than possibly hurting or upsetting others. If you consider some other kid going through exactly what you went through, after all, is it the victim you would blame? No, you’d be angry on that victim’s behalf! In fact, if you saw that this offender had done just the same thing to others, you would probably feel much more angry on your own behalf, too,
because you’d see how much you could not possibly have deserved what you got!
You are starting 11th grade? I would be inclined to trust your sense of whether or not a particular therapist is helping you or not. If you have counselors at your high school, you might find them helpful as guides to help you figure out how to heal and get the help you need, even if your parents resist you. The more adults you can find that you can really trust, the better. Do make sure they are bound to follow the rules designed to protect children and young adults from abusers, though. Stay in situations where the system is wary for you, insist that all others do, too, and you will find it more difficult to trust when it is in your interest to be trusting. Besides, when you have the rules on your side, insisting that they be followed is only asking people to do what they ought to do. You don’t have to talk them into believing you, and that is a weight off of your shoulders. The less weight on you, the better.
BTW, do not be afraid that you are the only one at your high school who has gone through this. Unfortunately, it is almost certain that you aren’t. You may feel different from everyone else, but it is more likely than not that other young people in your class who went through what you went through. Many were not the ones who disclosed their abuse. “
In the adult retrosptective study, victimization was reported by 27 percent of the women and 16 percent of the men. The median age for the occurrence of reported abuse was 9.9 for boys and 9.6 for girls. Victimization occurred before age eight for 22 percent of boys and for 23 percent of girls. Most of the abuse of both boys and girls was by offenders 10 or more years older than their victims. Girls were more likely than boys to disclose the abuse. Forty-two percent of the women and thirty-three percent of the men reported never having disclosed the experience to anyone.”
prevent-abuse-now.com/stats.htm. Many times the offenders were also minors, although they tended to be several years older than their victims. Many times, victims abused by the same person all think they are the offender’s only victim, which makes it easier for them to think they were a party to the abuse. Even if they were the only one, that is not true. If there were ever a child who asked to be treated in an inappropriate way, that child would still not be responsible for their abuse!!
