I suggest reading this parable slowly and place your self in the story you are to play the prodigal son.
You will see misery is of our own making and the further we go from God the Father the more misery we pile up.
God has made it crystal clear that he loves you.
My advice to you is to turn your life around start looking for positives in your life, stop looking inward and look outward, that is start serving others learn humility and pray to Jesus Christ, His Mother Mary and you have a multitude of Saints and Angels all waiting to serve you.
At the moment the best thing to do is go to confession and receive Holy Communion and pray for deliverance from the grip of Satan and you will find Christ the healer waiting to put a ring on your finger and celebrate your return.
if you can defeat him long enough to say this over and over as much as you can in your head as well as audible.
Immaculate Heart of Mary I trust in you
Merciful Heart of Jesus I trust in you
Holy Spirit free me
Divine Father help me
as much as you can and you will find peace because the Devil is a liar and when your Holy Family is around he can’t stay, you need to invite God into your soul not him.
Bishop Sheen always put me straight give him a try
If you need to talk more I’m here to help and I will pray for you.