Blog Post: "What's Your Job," People Ask. Thoughts of a Stay-at-Home Mom

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Lost_Wanderer said:
My biggest concern is the tendency of SAHMs towards ENS. Case in my point: My own mother.

In the work force, it’s easy to move on to the next big project after the first one is finished. But when it comes to parenting, you can only be a mother for so long before all your kids are heading off to college, living in their own apartments, and having kids of their own. My mother was a SAHM and I can attest to the effort it took me, my siblings, and even my own father to get her focused on something else because none us like being babied anymore.

I hate to say it but I really think this a problem that is not often discussed. Most of the people I see here advocating the SAHM don’t seem to talk much about what they’re going to do once their little bundles of joy become the career men/women they chose not to be.
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As a former SAHM parent: When my little bundles of joy left home I got a wonderful job and found out that the women my age were just wanting to retire. Women my age are retiring and I am enjoying working. So I guess I have had the best of both worlds.
 
HelenRose said:
As a former SAHM parent: When my little bundles of joy left home I got a wonderful job and found out that the women my age were just wanting to retire. Women my age are retiring and I am enjoying working. So I guess I have had the best of both worlds.
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Likewise, I know a former mother of three that SAHMed while her kids were littler and then went to work in special education right around the time her own husband retired (she’d had one special needs child).
 
My mom went to work for the first time (excepting a few stints in retail during her high school and college years) when my youngest sister was in middle school. She works at a community college helping kids (well, some of them have been older than me, I guess) pass the exams required for GEDs. She loves it. Her favorite part is the math, which she didn’t get to use much as a SAHM even when helping us with homework in high school.

I don’t know how long I will stay at home. The “job” I have now I actually kind of hate, or at least the cons outweigh the pros so I know it won’t be a long term gig. But I imagine I will probably volunteer or do something “extra” once I have kids who are a bit more independent. Right now I do all my mom stuff and then read when I have time. I do like to keep my mind busy and that is something that doesn’t always happen when your life is changing diapers.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I don’t know. Maybe. But I’ve heard many people say that a woman must have a good excuse to not work and stay at home. This wasn’t directed at me, more of a general point, but I still resented that attitude. In the end, it shows that people define others in terms of a job they hold or used to have. It’s a question of identity and a job is perhaps the easiest label to pin on someone. I can think of better things to talk about with people, and I think this is a case of having other interests outside of work.
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I think I’d ask to expand on what they mean by that. They may essentially mean the “idle rich.” They may only be referring to women whose husbands make enough money that they don’t have to work or adult “trust fund kids” who don’t have to get a job to survive and who don’t even exert themselves to make themselves useful. There was a time when women who stayed at home volunteered like crazy, but now many of the volunteer organizations go begging. It isn’t that any of this is actually their business, but to say as a general principle that you do not envy or admire those who can afford to spend all day amusing themselves really isn’t out of line.

Of course, some people have no idea how someone could fill up a day taking care of a child or two. That, however, is generally someone who has never spent a full week as the sole caretaker for any children.
 
Xantippe said:
“How do you feel about Breaking Bad?”
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Lost_Wanderer said:
Gee I don’t know. On some days I can’t tell the difference between a toddler and an incompetent/unbearable co-worker.

Yep, that’s my professional experience right there. 8P
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EasterJoy said:
Yes, because a chemical engineer is like a Grape Nut, which is not a grape and not…

OK, that is not a joke that chemical engineers tend to like. 😉

I remember another chemistry teacher telling me that while he would divulge that he was a teacher, and would even divulge that he taught at a college, if pressed, he tried not to divulge that he taught chemistry, because it seemed such an unerring way to stop the conversation dead in its tracks before sending it off in another direction. “Oh. Well. Hmm… so what do you do on weekends?” 😃 (Or, worse yet: “OMG!! I HATED Chemistry!!! I thought it was going to kill me! … So, OK, well, ahem, so, what do you do on weekends?”
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MacQ said:
Tell them you are Vice President of Human Development for a small but growing concern.
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These all made me giggle!
 
Contra_Mundum said:
What always strikes me as really sad is that so many SAHMs justify themselves. Making sure they mention what they did before, what their academic background is, hinting they have other plans for the future. I know that it can be difficult to receive that condescending look and feel humiliated because that person obviously thinks you are stupid for deciding to take care of your children instead of working for money.

I work part time and people often ask when I’m planning to go full time. I say I don’t plan to do that, but in fact will cease working so I can home educate for a few years. It is tempting to go into a detailed explanation of my history and future plans, but I try and not go there. I don’t want to get into a habit of explaining my decisions to people whose opinion doesn’t matter.
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Rest assured, if you went to work you’d be faced with looks of horror and disgust and you’d get to respond to things like “Your poor babies!” and “Don’t you worry letting someone else raise your child?!”:rolleyes: My mom certainly did, and even as a kid when my more traditional (and much wealthier) extended family would dig into her about working I wondered how they expected us to survive if she didn’t.

-Some women don’t have a choice, they have to work for the family to survive.

-Some women work from home

-Some women have jobs that are crucial to the well-being of others and don’t want to let that person down (caretaker for an elderly person or an aide to a disabled child, for example)

-Some women have stay-at-home husbands or work-from-home husbands.

-Some women go stir crazy and don’t do well staying home with kids all day every day. And you know what? That’s fine too!!! A SAHM is not doing anyone any good if she’s resentful, bored, frustrated, etc all the time. Everyone is different.

And that’s to say nothing of life circumstances that may dictate the decision. A SAHM may suddenly find herself back in the workforce if her husband dies or becomes sick, injured, or laid off and unable to find another position. A working mom may find herself staying at home when she finds out that her child has severe special needs. If a family must move to an area without a good school system, mom (or dad) may find themselves staying home to homeschool.

At the end of the day, each family has to figure out what works for them. I don’t even have kids and my husband and I have tons of trial and error of what works best for us mentally, emotionally, and logistically. That’s just life. I hate the ‘mommy wars’ stuff. It places so much pressure (and blame) on women for what are ultimately private family issues that no one is to ‘blame’ for and everyone is just going to have to work together to get through.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Rest assured, if you went to work you’d be faced with looks of horror and disgust and you’d get to respond to things like “Your poor babies!” and “Don’t you worry letting someone else raise your child?!”:rolleyes: My mom certainly did, and even as a kid when my more traditional (and much wealthier) extended family would dig into her about working I wondered how they expected us to survive if she didn’t.

-Some women don’t have a choice, they have to work for the family to survive.

-Some women work from home

-Some women have jobs that are crucial to the well-being of others and don’t want to let that person down (caretaker for an elderly person or an aide to a disabled child, for example)

-Some women have stay-at-home husbands or work-from-home husbands.

-Some women go stir crazy and don’t do well staying home with kids all day every day. And you know what? That’s fine too!!! A SAHM is not doing anyone any good if she’s resentful, bored, frustrated, etc all the time. Everyone is different.

And that’s to say nothing of life circumstances that may dictate the decision. A SAHM may suddenly find herself back in the workforce if her husband dies or becomes sick, injured, or laid off and unable to find another position. A working mom may find herself staying at home when she finds out that her child has severe special needs. If a family must move to an area without a good school system, mom (or dad) may find themselves staying home to homeschool.

At the end of the day, each family has to figure out what works for them. I don’t even have kids and my husband and I have tons of trial and error of what works best for us mentally, emotionally, and logistically. That’s just life. I hate the ‘mommy wars’ stuff. It places so much pressure (and blame) on women for what are ultimately private family issues that no one is to ‘blame’ for and everyone is just going to have to work together to get through.
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:clapping:
 
Unless you’re a happily married woman with a job that lets you make plenty of money while staying at home and never having to take your focus off your exactly 2.4379 children that you had at age 28 and a half after your husband has a well-paying job that can support your family and pay for extracurriculars while never expecting more than 40h a week of work, you’re clearly doing womanhood wrong.
 
DarkLight said:
Unless you’re a happily married woman with a job that lets you make plenty of money while staying at home and never having to take your focus off your exactly 2.4379 children that you had at age 28 and a half after your husband has a well-paying job that can support your family and pay for extracurriculars while never expecting more than 40h a week of work, you’re clearly doing womanhood wrong.
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No, no, no.

It’s 2.00 children, and you’re supposed to have the first one at 29.5.

Sheesh, woman, keep up with your emails!
 
DarkLight said:
Unless you’re a happily married woman with a job that lets you make plenty of money while staying at home and never having to take your focus off your exactly 2.4379 children that you had at age 28 and a half after your husband has a well-paying job that can support your family and pay for extracurriculars while never expecting more than 40h a week of work, you’re clearly doing womanhood wrong.
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There is also the quiverfull, skirts and dresses only, woman who married at nineteen, homeschools and is able to feed her family really well on very little money due to her skills with coupons. All Christian women are supposed to be like her, at least in the biblical womanhood blogosphere. Daughters do not go to college and remain in their father’s house until she marries and authority is transferred from her father to her husband.

This should be what all Christian women should be like, at least according to Vision Forum.
 
Sarcelle said:
There is also the quiverfull, skirts and dresses only, woman who married at nineteen, homeschools and is able to feed her family really well on very little money due to her skills with coupons. All Christian women are supposed to be like her, at least in the biblical womanhood blogosphere. Daughters do not go to college and remain in their father’s house until she marries and authority is transferred from her father to her husband.

This should be what all Christian women should be like, at least according to Vision Forum.
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Now the fathers are the ones insisting their daughters get an education so they do not have to be dependent of a husband.
 
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