To the OP, another thought crossed my mind that is tangentially related to my post.
I mentioned that I don’t believe that it is a “single, discrete” issue that is tripping you up, but more general doubts and concerns.
I stumbled across a video in an other forum that described a man who had a brains disease that was treated by severing the nerves linking his two hemispheres of his brain. Each hemisphere controls half the body, and “hears” from only one ear.
When doctors asked the man if he believed in God through one ear, his right hemisphere indicated that he did. When doctors asked through the other ear, man responded that he did not. This implies that the brain handles belief in very complicated ways, and that different types of “proof” are needed based on the root cause of the concern.
Here is a link to a video if you are interested:
Split brain with one half atheist and one half theist (Youtube).
When I was in college, I had similar doubts, but they were more insidious. Intellectually, I found that I still understood everything the Catholic Church taught, including Papal infallibility, and that
logically the church teachings must be true.
Emotionally, though, I blanked out, and simply did not believe. I
felt like an atheist.
Over the next few weeks, I struggled through some difficult conclusions. I realized that, in part, I was warding off doubts with a “just in case” mentality. I realized that if God were not real, I would be a wasting a significant portion of my life worshiping a non-existent being. My faith was not, in fact, contained to an hour a week, but permeated all my actions and relationships. Without God, I was an empty shell walking around and being nice, but missing out on all the “vices” that our society tells us are important.
Reaching these conclusions, ultimately strengthened my faith, but getting there took analysis and soul searching on my part. I went to confession several times during this time, rather than my approximate once a year that I’d previously managed (going to confession frequently is still something I struggle with, and don’t do nearly enough). Intellectually knowing I was in God’s good graces after confession, even if I didn’t quite feel it, really helped.
Ultimately, living the faith requires understanding that you are going “all in” during the poker game of life. There is no walking the fence being belief and disbelief. I hope that you can work through your doubts to whichever hemisphere-of-your-brain-is-having-doubt’s satisfaction!
Good Luck, and God Bless.
