Borderline Personality Disorder

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Wolfsbane

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I was wondering if anyone else has a friend or loved one who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or maybe you yourself suffer from it. My mother suffers from it, so that has caused a lot of tension in our relationship the past year or so. One of my friends may also be suffering from it, which I can tell has an effect on her friends. I was wondering if you have any experience in dealing with those who suffer from this disorder and if you have any suggestions on how to deal with them in a charitable, Christian way, despite the pain they can cause?

St. Dymphna, patron saint of mental illness, pray for us!
 
I had extensive contact with someone like that; the person was absolutely impossible to have any sort of rapport with (devious, deceitful, manipulative, abusive), so I had to “quit Dodge” (it was not a spouse, child or relative, so not a binding relationship). There’s a “bible” for dealing with people who have BPD: Stop Walking On Eggshells. You can also find tons of info online if you google “BPD,” or “Borderline Personality Disorder,” or “BPD + [characteristic].”
 
Hi,

I believe that my dh has borderline PD. He was given this diagnosis while in the military, but no one else has given him this diagnosis. He has seen many psychiatrist since and they just say he has depression and control impulse disorder, but I am the one who lives with him and I have read the symptoms of this PD and bipolar and he comes closest to this disorder. I just can’t get the psychiatrist who sees him to diagnosis him with this, but then he only sees him once every three or four months. He goes to the veteran affairs clinic and it is not enough time to make a diagnosis. Also my husband tells him what he wants him to hear even though the doctor has told me that he shows hatred of himself. That I knew by the way he talks about himself to me. It all stems from early child abuse and years of verbal and physical abuse by his parents.

How do I deal with it? It is not easy. I have been married to him for 13 years and the first five years, I will say were living hell. I wanted a divorce every month. I didn’t think I could take his reckless driving. I didn’t think I could take his verbal abuse to me and all that yelling. I wanted better for my dd. I wanted better for me. I demanded that he go get help or I was out of this marriage. He got help and things got better. Is it better now? Yes, but he still has this disorder and he is still difficult to live with. There are times I just want to give up and get out, but I am in this for better or worse. He is no longer verbally abusive. He just now doesn’t understand things when we talk. He takes things out of porportion. It is very difficult to share my feelings with him. Sometimes I just don’t. You have to take one day at a time and pray. Pray a lot for the grace of God. He will never abandon you. If you love one has this, love them and try to understand them. Pray for them. Pray for yourself. I am going to counseling for my own sanity.

I hope that helps. 😉
 
I dealt with borderline personality disorders in a clinical setting for 30 years. Good luck to you. You will need it.

Deep sigh.
 
My mom has it, and I’m going through a really hard time right now. Please PM me with specific questions.

Prayers coming your way,

Sandy
 
I suffer from it after two to three years with intense highs and lows not knowing what the problem was. After trying several medications just for depression or just for anxiety it never seemed to work. I finally got on the mood stabilizer lamictal and my mood swings have stopped and I can almost fully function again. I have my ups and downs but they are nowhere near as intense as they were before medicine. Another thing that I will be starting is DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) that has high success rates for people with BPD and teaches you how to cope with mood swings and stress. Don’t give up hope if I can go from not seeing life as worth living and so down and out and coming out of it all finally with the right medication there is always hope.
 
Wolfsbane said:
I was wondering if anyone else has a friend or loved one who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or maybe you yourself suffer from it. My mother suffers from it, so that has caused a lot of tension in our relationship the past year or so. One of my friends may also be suffering from it, which I can tell has an effect on her friends. I was wondering if you have any experience in dealing with those who suffer from this disorder and if you have any suggestions on how to deal with them in a charitable, Christian way, despite the pain they can cause?

St. Dymphna, patron saint of mental illness, pray for us!
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Hi, Wolfsbane… I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been very difficult in the past, and severed a lot of friendships along the way. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to establish healthy boundaries. Tell them what is and is not ok, and stick to it! Sometimes when you have BPD, everything seems like a crisis that you absolutely have to talk about RIGHT THEN AND THERE, despite what other people may have going on in their lives. It takes a long time to see this in ones’ self and be able to say 'look, my mom/dad/best friend will be probably more willing to talk at 3PM instead of 3AM, time to just try to shelf the concern and talk about it later".

It’s tricky 😦 I am embarrassed to admit at times that I have this disorder… I certainly didn’t ask to be this way! I pray a lot, and I have been through extensive therapy and medication regimens. It took me a long time to learn to admit when I am wrong, and learn how to have healthy relationships that were reciprocal, versus me being a martyr or worse, being an emotional parasite.

I pray for you and your troubles, and for your loved ones who suffer with this difficult disorder as well.

Note: although there is no ‘cure’ or fix-all, many people with BPD are capable of leading emotionally fulfilling, healthy lives. It’s always going to be an uphill battle for us, but is still doable. Don’t let anyone tell you that people with personality disorders are impossible to have healthy relationships with!

Again, the key is to not let them dominate your life. If they do, and you tell them how it is affecting you, their reactions are up to them. They can take the constructive criticism and work with it, or may decide to say cruel things and lash out… you have done the best you can, that is all you can worry about!

God bless and much love!
M
 
I don’t have BPD but do have irrational mood swings resulting from PTSD. If I am not on my meds, any little thing will set me off for hours - sometimes even a day or so :(.
It is very difficult to establish the routine of healthy living for those with mental disorders; we desperately want to be normal and not have to take medication that makes us groggy or hyper or catatonic. I can’t tell you how many times I have stopped taking my meds, only to be caught by my husband who will insist that I either call my doctor or resume my health regimen.
Boundaries set by those you love are important. Sometimes I miss the obvious and my DH or family has to bring me back.
Anyway, I am not saying ONLY meds are the answer; I am not a doctor. But intervention is necessary by those who love the person whatever it includes.
 
1sicht said:
I had extensive contact with someone like that; the person was absolutely impossible to have any sort of rapport with (devious, deceitful, manipulative, abusive), so I had to “quit Dodge” (it was not a spouse, child or relative, so not a binding relationship). There’s a “bible” for dealing with people who have BPD: Stop Walking On Eggshells. You can also find tons of info online if you google “BPD,” or “Borderline Personality Disorder,” or “BPD + [characteristic].”
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I have this book as well and it helps. You may want to get it. God Bless.😉
 
Actually, my girlfriend just recently bought me Stop Walking on Eggshells to help me in dealing with my mom. I’ve only read a little bit of it so far, but I think it’ll definitely help. My relationship with my mom kind of exploded a month ago, so I’ve been working on dealing with lots of things resulting from her BPD. Healthy boundaries are definitely something I’m working on, and thankfully she seems to be sticking to them fairly well. I think the two most difficult things for me are not feeling excessively guilty and blaming myself for all her mood swings, and also not overly blaming her. Just having compassion on her and realizing how difficult her condition is for her is something I’ve been struggling with, especially because for a while ti seemed like no one was paying attention to my hurt. Overall, it’s been getting a lot better over the past couple weeks. Thank you all for all of your advice, and thank you even more for the prayers.

St. Dymphna, patron saint of mental illness, pray for us!
 
I would recommend When Hope is Not Enough (also found on Amazon) over Stop Walking On Eggshells, much more compassionate and gives great tools to help the relationship when you are committed to staying.
 
My wife of 16 years is undiagnosed, but based on a lot of reading I am convinced that she has BPD. All of the “normal” relationship rules are out the window. There are ways of dealing with such a person, but it involves a radical paradigm shift. In addition to some of the resources mentioned here I would recomend the website www.bpdfamily.com. There are some great resources including articles and lessons as well as a forum (similar to Catholic Answers Forum). It has been very helpful to me.
 
BPD is very difficult to treat and, unfortunately, research has yet to show an effective method method to help clients and their feelings. Dialectical Behavioral Treatment (DBT) is the method of choice currently and can certainly lessening some of the inter-psychic symptoms and even help a bit with assisting folks in developing and maintaining interpersonal relationships.

One thing that helps many is that, almost invariably, BPD (if it is indeed BPD) will lessen over time with many folks not meeting DSM criterion after age 50.
 
my husband has bipolar which is very close to personality disorder. sometimes I wonder if I have it just from dealing with him. google Dr Richard Fitzgibbons host on Women of Grace (ewtn Catholic) he talks may help. also here is his web page its for marriages but its still really helpful just sub in mother instead of husband or whatever applys.
maritalhealing.com/conflicts.php I love his forgiveness therapy. sometimes when I get really made at him I just give my anger to God and ask him to help me. I really try to avoid bring up things that get him going and I know how to switch the subject. sometimes reading about how his illness makes him treat me makes me really angry, it help me understand his illness, but now I don’t want to read about it, I rather just see him as a sick person who doesn’t understand. one time he told me that his life is like being a alien on earth and everyone and everything is foreign. for example the rest of us see purple and he sees blue its just an example. sometimes I wonder if loved ones caring for the mentally ill are called to be saints. I find help with St Monica and St Rita too.
 
As a clinician I’ve worked with people suffering from this and trained in dialectical behavior therapy. I have family members with this and I, myself, have it. It’s a huge, huge struggle.

Tonight we were watching football and my husband told me Brandon Marshall of the the Dolphins is being treated for BPD. I read some articles online and the accompanying comments. They were the usual fare: “If you’re involved with someone with BPD… RUN!!!” I’m awake right now, honestly, at 2:45 in the morning, because I’m feeling shame and sadness over having this disorder. I woke up a little while ago after having a nightmare that my husband, my priest, and several other people were confronting me about this problem!

Personally, I’ve worked really hard on getting myself under control. Right now it’s tricky with the pregnancy hormones and being unable to take psychotropics to at least get my moods to stay close to baseline. That fear of abandonment is an absolute killer for me.

I don’t have any answers right now or any help. It’s a struggle. I’ve matured quite a bit over the years and that’s helped. I’ve had supportive therapists. I had one therapist who told me that BPD is an “excuse for women to act immature and promiscuous; there is no such thing.” My experience is that it is real and quite hard to handle. I’m seeing traits of this disorder in my preteen son and that’s scary. I want him to have a content, “normal” life, one with security, joy, and not all this drama.

Cara
 
ScareBear said:
As a clinician I’ve worked with people suffering from this and trained in dialectical behavior therapy. I have family members with this and I, myself, have it. It’s a huge, huge struggle.

Tonight we were watching football and my husband told me Brandon Marshall of the the Dolphins is being treated for BPD. I read some articles online and the accompanying comments. They were the usual fare: “If you’re involved with someone with BPD… RUN!!!” I’m awake right now, honestly, at 2:45 in the morning, because I’m feeling shame and sadness over having this disorder. I woke up a little while ago after having a nightmare that my husband, my priest, and several other people were confronting me about this problem!

Personally, I’ve worked really hard on getting myself under control. Right now it’s tricky with the pregnancy hormones and being unable to take psychotropics to at least get my moods to stay close to baseline. That fear of abandonment is an absolute killer for me.

I don’t have any answers right now or any help. It’s a struggle. I’ve matured quite a bit over the years and that’s helped. I’ve had supportive therapists. I had one therapist who told me that BPD is an “excuse for women to act immature and promiscuous; there is no such thing.” My experience is that it is real and quite hard to handle. I’m seeing traits of this disorder in my preteen son and that’s scary. I want him to have a content, “normal” life, one with security, joy, and not all this drama.

Cara
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wow you should report what that therapist said, he shouldn’t be a therapist!!! I’ve had four kids and wheather I’m pregnant or not people are judgmental about it if they know about my husband. I just give my suffering God. It helps me to realize that my life might be crazy but its my life and God gave me this life so I can make the world a better place. its my path to heavan not anyone else’s. Its hard for me to deal with people who have normal lives and don’t understand. Sometimes God is my only friend. it really helps me to make friends with people who have it or have a loved one with it, they are the only people who understand. Thats why in my option that people managing mental illness or if they have a loved one with it make the best therapist. also being a therapist or just helping someone else can help them heal too. God Bless
 
1sicht said:
relationship). There’s a “bible” for dealing with people who have BPD: Stop Walking On Eggshells.
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Sicht is right. That book really is wonderful. I borrowed it from my local library. Then I bought a copy for my Dad. My Mom has never been diagnosed by a doctor, but based on her behavior over the last 10 years, myself, my father, and brother are pretty sure that this is what’s been going on with her. Everything made sense after reading the book.

This problem has totally destroyed my relationship with my Mother. We don’t have one. We don’t even really talk all that often.

She’s done and said very mean hurtful things to me. I have actually been going to therapy for the last 2 and half years to learn how to cope. Her behavior had a very negative impact on my “psychological well being”. I suffer from depression and very severe anxiety. Ironically in one of the sessions the therapist told me that based on what I had told him about my Mother that it sounds like she may have BPD.
 
ScareBear said:
As a clinician I’ve worked with people suffering from this and trained in dialectical behavior therapy. I have family members with this and I, myself, have it. It’s a huge, huge struggle.

Tonight we were watching football and my husband told me Brandon Marshall of the the Dolphins is being treated for BPD. I read some articles online and the accompanying comments. They were the usual fare: “If you’re involved with someone with BPD… RUN!!!” I’m awake right now, honestly, at 2:45 in the morning, because I’m feeling shame and sadness over having this disorder. I woke up a little while ago after having a nightmare that my husband, my priest, and several other people were confronting me about this problem!

Personally, I’ve worked really hard on getting myself under control. Right now it’s tricky with the pregnancy hormones and being unable to take psychotropics to at least get my moods to stay close to baseline. That fear of abandonment is an absolute killer for me.

I don’t have any answers right now or any help. It’s a struggle. I’ve matured quite a bit over the years and that’s helped. I’ve had supportive therapists. I had one therapist who told me that BPD is an “excuse for women to act immature and promiscuous; there is no such thing.” My experience is that it is real and quite hard to handle. I’m seeing traits of this disorder in my preteen son and that’s scary. I want him to have a content, “normal” life, one with security, joy, and not all this drama.

Cara
Click to expand...
BPD as a therapist. That must be challenging! I am an LCSW and I have been diagnosed recently with Bipotar II so I know how dificult practicing with a mental illnes can be.

You must only have some traits of BPD as I can’t imagine practicing with the full-blown disorder could be possible as it would prevent consistent and predictable relationships.
 
maybe i will post here since I don’t know where else to…

i came here today because of the sadness I have over my personal relationships with my husband and his family. My husband was dx with bipolar 3 years ago but to me it sounds like he has BPD as well or instead???..his mother and father and entire family all have issues similar to bipolar and BPD…its so hard to deal with.

like another poster above said , i can’t even have a simple convo with my husband or else it gets turned into a major arguement over nothing…i feel like I have no one to talk to. Right now his whole family is in the midst of a massive arguement too…its simply crazy and frustrating.

I have 6 kids with him…its not like I can just walk away from this…and i fear some of my own boys have this disorder as well as they all have issues similar…
 
ringil said:
BPD as a therapist. That must be challenging! I am an LCSW and I have been diagnosed recently with Bipotar II so I know how dificult practicing with a mental illnes can be.

You must only have some traits of BPD as I can’t imagine practicing with the full-blown disorder could be possible as it would prevent consistent and predictable relationships.
Click to expand...
I am actually a MSW student right now. I am grateful to have reached the state of wellness that I am currently in, so that I can pursue my ‘calling’. I am actually a macro student, so I am not studying to be a clinician as my focus is organizations and communities. I am also considering dual enrollment with the masters in public health program so that I can have more impact on policy change, which is what I am very interested in.

Thread derail - sorry!!!
 
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