Borderline personality disorder

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Aimee_O_Connell

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I see what everyone means about the forums being addicting! If only I could respond to everyone! 😛 Anyways, I wondered if anyone has a relative or friend with Borderline Personality Disorder, or if anyone here has that diagnosis themselves. Know that I can’t check the forums very often, so if you want to email me instead, use winschools@juno.com. I will follow up as soon as I am able.

Looking forward to connecting more!

God bless everyone!
Aimee
 
Hello

What is borderline personality disorder?

God Bless
Saint Andrew.
 
I don’t aime o’connell will find many here…:rotfl:

not at CA Forums
 
I have a five year old son with some attachment disorder problems – he is only five, but kids like him can grow up to be BPD or Conduct disorder (eg criminal).

I pray a lot to St. Michael the Archangel for him and his gurdian angel. I also have taught the child the Rosary – mostly while pinning him to the floor during his violent and destructive tantrums.

I know that there are some things I can do to coach him past some problems. We have many talks after he has cooled down from his melt downs. We debrief about what was going on before the blow up – it is usually more that he was feeling inadequate or slighted and not the actual topic of the fight/argument, etc.

We take a look back and try to realize when he first felt like loosing his temper/lying/stealing/being destructive, etc. Then we talk about ways to have handled it differently. Again we are on a lower level, but we find alternatives to his violence (usually) with his brother.

We have to go over the strategies several times and just when I think he will never learn them, he will say, “that is making me mad, I should go to my room instead.”

The hard part is to love him and look him in the eyes with warmth. These people really think they are they are awful and unloveable. Sometimes a hug or a note means so more than we can imagine.

I feel over-whelmed at times and wonder why I committed to parenting this child. It has been such a short time that we have had him and been teaching him the new way to act – and I want him to be healed and cured yesterday.

I get tired of the fighting and resent my husband going out the door after 7:00 at night, while I am stuck with the child still.

Then I also find times where I can love him – as is and be happy with his progress thus far. I think that I have a more unstable emotional state than he does sometimes and can be hard on myself for not being a better mom.

But I do make a Holy hour once a week – at 2:00AM and it is my sanity saver. I pray the Rosary as often as I can without biting the kids’ heads off.

I also try to have friends I can call on or email and will take me as I am – frequently stressed out and needing some fun.

I will pray for you – any mental illness is hard to deal with and not many people can accept that there is a chemical foundation to the problem.

Being ADHD is actually a mental illness – how many people think that those of us who have it make a choice to be that disorganized and forgetful? I know I get a lot of that.

Having depression is also considered a choice or lack of faith by many. I wish that prayer alone would lift the cloud, but Effexor has made my world a better place.

The more unusual the problem is, the more likely that some people will try not to understand the illness or the struggles. I can’t say that I understand your struggles, but I hope that my situation and candor will help you.
 
Thanks for your candor!!! I should clarify that I myself do not have this disorder, but I had three loved ones with it (two are still alive, one is now deceased) and I see this diagnosis quite frequently in my line of work. God didn’t put me in my job by accident! People with BPD are often the hardest to get along with and can wear others out pretty quickly. Hard to be compassionate toward people who seem to rage and accuse and lash out without being provoked, yet these people are in true interior pain. I will pray for you, Mamamull, and I admire your commitment to teaching your son the skills and tools he will need to survive in society. Most of all I admire your determination not to give up and to continue showing him that he is worthy of love and dignity. He is so fragile underneath the emotional storms that seige him, and if he knows he has at least one ally in the world, he will be better able to work on overcoming all the problems. He has you to trust in a world that, due to raging emotions and how other people then get taken aback, seems very untrustworthy! I cheer for you, Mamamull!!!

Cheddar, has your sister had any exposure to DBT?

God Bless all of you! Aimee
 
Aimee, I have a mother inlaw that has BPD, which she has not been treated for. What makes it worse is that the whole family gives in to her and lets her get away with every type of bad behavior you could imagine. I was never told of her problem until after there was a very large explosion between herself and me. Her anger caused her to put my child and pregnant wife in danger so, she is no longer allowed at our house and I have no contact with her. I honestly believe that all the enabling of her family is a large part of the problem. My humble advice, is to be very careful around anyone with BPD and always make sure that you set boundries or they will make your life miserable.
 
Are there other disorders that are different yet similiar to this one? For example, what is the difference between BPD and bi-polar?
 
Clement1 -

I agree, both as a family member and a therapist, that boundaries are extremely important. It is particularly challenging to experience this as a Catholic… forgiving the person while not allowing them to bully you… trying to understand that they have a legitimate illness, while not letting that excuse their behavior… trying to convince them that there is help when they refuse to admit there is anything wrong (usually it’s YOU they say who has the problem!)… keeping children safe from their rage and confusing behavior… and most of all, learning how to live with the feelings you have toward that person, since their behavior can make you extremely angry. I have had to emotionally distance myself from those affected in my family, meaning that if I expect them to be the grandmother or aunt they “should be” according to what grandmothers and aunts are supposed to do, then they will always fall short. I approach them instead as I would unrelated people, with compassion they deserve as brethren in Christ but without the emotional investment of hoping to have a close, happy relationship. I kind of let them come and go on their own terms – if they disagree with my limits, I still love them but allow them to walk out of my life in anger for as long as it takes for them to cool down and want a relationship again. And if they are getting too abusive, I walk away myself, trying as hard as possible not to throw anger at them but to calmly say that I am not willing to be their target right now, and that I will talk to them at another time when things aren’t so intense.

As I type, it all sounds so trite and easy, but it’s anything but. It’s like trying to be matter-of-fact about a missile attack: “The bombs are falling all around me and the city is in flames, so I think it’s a good time to take my leave for a few days.”

God love you and keep the faith - you have incredible opportunity to demonstrate Christian love by not returning fire while protecting yourself and your family from outright abuse. May Jesus continue to pour grace upon you as you face this in your family.

Aimee
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clement1:
Aimee, I have a mother inlaw that has BPD, which she has not been treated for. What makes it worse is that the whole family gives in to her and lets her get away with every type of bad behavior you could imagine. I was never told of her problem until after there was a very large explosion between herself and me. Her anger caused her to put my child and pregnant wife in danger so, she is no longer allowed at our house and I have no contact with her. I honestly believe that all the enabling of her family is a large part of the problem. My humble advice, is to be very careful around anyone with BPD and always make sure that you set boundries or they will make your life miserable.
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From: borderlinepersonality.ca/bpddefined.htm

"The defining criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity that begins by early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts, "as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Code: 
  1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
      
  2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal 
     relationships characterized by alternating between 
     extremes of idealization and devaluation.
      
  3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable 
     self-image or sense of self; or sense of long-term goals; 
     or career choices, types of friends desired or values 
     preferred.
         
  4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially 
     self-damaging: for example; spending, sex, substance 
     abuse, and binge eating.

  5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or 
     self-mutilating behavior. 

  6. Affective instability: marked shifts from baseline mood to 
     depression, irritability, or anxiety, usually lasting a 
     few hours and only rarely more than a few days.

  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

  8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling 
     anger; frequent displays of temper.
     
  9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe 
     dissociative symptoms.
Borderline Personality Disorder is not one “disorder”. It is to a great degree a collection of disorders that co-exist and often feed off of each other in ways that make life very difficult for people diagnosed with it.
Code: 
                BPD may co-exist with: 

            Post traumatic stress disorder  
            Mood disorders  
            Panic/anxiety disorders  
            Substance abuse (54% of BPs also have this problem)  
            Gender identity disorder  
            Attention deficit disorder  
            Eating disorders  
            Multiple personality disorder  
            Obsessive-compulsive disorder
It should be noted that many of the traits associated as being BPD traits are commonly found in the general population as well. The line is drawn between the average and the Borderline Personality Disorder person by the number of characteristics listed above that effect them along with the severity or intensity of that affect.

In Borderline Personality Disorder, like DID (MPD), there is (often) a likelihood of a trauma history: “Physical and sexual abuse, neglect, hostile conflict, and early parental loss or separation are more common in the childhood histories of those with Borderline Personality Disorder.”
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EsclavoDeCristo:
Are there other disorders that are different yet similiar to this one? For example, what is the difference between BPD and bi-polar?
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Oh my gosh! This is what my MIL has!

Thanks for the web-site link, I will show it to my husband.
 
I have to put my professional hat on for a moment: As much of an “A-HA!” as it is to finally see a name for something that a person may have experienced with some impossibly difficult people in his or her life, it may be premature to jump to a diagnosis… and, keep in mind, showing someone a list of symptoms of a mental illness and saying that you think it is him/her/their relative may not be taken very well. Just be prepared for that. And, as we can easily fall victim to “medical student syndrome,” keep in mind that not everything is a diagnosis. For example, a person can lose it and ream out a family member after years of silence… that’s not diagnosable, unless it happens every other day and is an equal-opportunity hissy fit.

I trust anyone seeing this who says “That’s so-and-so!” already knows what I just said. Please forgive my stating the obvious 🙂 Aimee
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DJgang:
Oh my gosh! This is what my MIL has!

Thanks for the web-site link, I will show it to my husband.
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Aimee O'Connell:
I have to put my professional hat on for a moment: As much of an “A-HA!” as it is to finally see a name for something that a person may have experienced with some impossibly difficult people in his or her life, it may be premature to jump to a diagnosis… and, keep in mind, showing someone a list of symptoms of a mental illness and saying that you think it is him/her/their relative may not be taken very well. Just be prepared for that. And, as we can easily fall victim to “medical student syndrome,” keep in mind that not everything is a diagnosis. For example, a person can lose it and ream out a family member after years of silence… that’s not diagnosable, unless it happens every other day and is an equal-opportunity hissy fit.

I trust anyone seeing this who says “That’s so-and-so!” already knows what I just said. Please forgive my stating the obvious 🙂 Aimee
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I am glad that this came up so soon in your thread. My temptation has been to classify all the difficult people I have ever known! Although it may seem gratifying to do if a bad memory erupts it is a mistake.

My daughter is studying psychology in college right now.
I would like to know what challenges you have faced or face today in your profession. How have you met the clash of values in your Catholic Faith, your profession and others in your profession? My daughter has some difficulty. You can read her post here. Here screen name is Augustina. Re: How Hard Is It to be Young and Catholic? How do you respond to the difficulties she expresses in regards to psychology and Catholicism?
 
👍 :clapping: God love you and congratulations! If I could give you a hug through the wires I would! Curious, if you don’t mind me asking, did you recover using DBT? I am interested to know how DBT is experienced by people who are Catholic. I use & teach DBT where I work (day treatment program) and find it very effective, and I have been able to reconcile it well with my Catholic beliefs.

God Bless You!
Aimee
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Shlemele:
Recovering BPD here. Havn’t cut in about 5 years.
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Aimee O'Connell:
I have to put my professional hat on for a moment: As much of an “A-HA!” as it is to finally see a name for something that a person may have experienced with some impossibly difficult people in his or her life, it may be premature to jump to a diagnosis… and, keep in mind, showing someone a list of symptoms of a mental illness and saying that you think it is him/her/their relative may not be taken very well. Just be prepared for that. And, as we can easily fall victim to “medical student syndrome,” keep in mind that not everything is a diagnosis. For example, a person can lose it and ream out a family member after years of silence… that’s not diagnosable, unless it happens every other day and is an equal-opportunity hissy fit.

I trust anyone seeing this who says “That’s so-and-so!” already knows what I just said. Please forgive my stating the obvious 🙂 Aimee
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I agree with you Aimee O’Connell! For Borderlines or relatives that have a Borderline in their family, properly diagnosed by **professionals ** in the field, I think that perhaps they might find some help in reading the many articles written by a former Borderline (not catholic):

borderlinepersonality.ca/index.htm
 
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