Borderline personality disorder

[bayoubutterfly]

sounds familiar, mine is also an alcoholic on top of it

 

[ambour]

I can only speak about my own experiences with my mom. Others might be different. Perhaps the fact that you have gotten therapy has helped you understand what an apology is. Maybe an undiagnosed BPD would react differently to an apology.

Over the years I discovered that apologizing to my mom was the worst thing I could do. For myself, if I apologized to keep the peace, I was told that I was being insincere and was a cold person. If I apologized because I really was serious and thought that was the right thing to do, I was still told that I was insincere and was a cold person. Years later my mom would throw up the apology as proof that I was a bad daughter and awful person. After all, I had admitted it with the apology.

For those who suffer from this disorder, how has being diagnosed helped you to relate to others?

Indeed, I wonder if an apology would work, but it’s the only course of action towards healing available. It won’t work if it’s pointless apology, for sure, as it has to be about the exact case/s, years ago, which affect her today. Apologizing for forgetting her to get her a coke on the way home is not going to help at all. But if a pointed apology is made, chances are that in time, if not immediately, her daughter will start to calm down enough for proper communication to begin. As it sounds like she’s reached the stage in her disorder where she has recognized who caused the pain, which is actually hard to do, but it is still probably a matter of confusion for her, and will be until it is properly validated by her mother with a meaningful apology.

Being diagnosed didn’t make relating to others easier, but relating to myself. With DBT I have learned skills that make it easier to relate to others. DBT teaches you skills from the ground up, guidelines that an alien could follow and get along with humanity.