Boudoir Photos?

[JackieMom]

When I got married about 13 years ago, I took some boudoir photos on my wedding day, before the ceremony. Nothing raunchy or gross - tasteful “bedroom” style photos of me in my wedding night lingerie and veil, hair and makeup. They are suggestive and sexy but not pornographic (no privates showing, but there is a lot of skin.) I had these taken made into an album and gave it to my husband on our first anniversary. He was so surprised and moved and we both really enjoy looking at them remembering that wonderful day. I have to admit that it’s also nice to have a great record of the figure I had before kids!

These photos are definitely only for me and my husband, and are kept in an album in our closet where the children cannot reach. Having said that, there are no nasty shots, and if the kids saw them one day as adults, it would not be the end of the world. They might feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, but not horrified.

However, now I am concerned that I did something wrong and that these images are inappropriate seeing as their entire point is to be visually appealing and sensual to my husband. They are sweet, and meant as a gift of myself to my husband, but they are also sexy and no doubt they could incite some lust.

Should these images be discarded if we want to live a holy Catholic married life? I hate to get rid of them, but I’d also hate to cause my husband to sin. I know he enjoys them and finds my body appealing.

Thanks

 

[Saturn5]

When I got married about 13 years ago, I took some boudoir photos on my wedding day, before the ceremony. Nothing raunchy or gross - tasteful “bedroom” style photos of me in my wedding night lingerie and veil, hair and makeup. They are suggestive and sexy but not pornographic (no privates showing, but there is a lot of skin.) I had these taken made into an album and gave it to my husband on our first anniversary. He was so surprised and moved and we both really enjoy looking at them remembering that wonderful day. I have to admit that it’s also nice to have a great record of the figure I had before kids!

These photos are definitely only for me and my husband, and are kept in an album in our closet where the children cannot reach. Having said that, there are no nasty shots, and if the kids saw them one day as adults, it would not be the end of the world. They might feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, but not horrified.

However, now I am concerned that I did something wrong and that these images are inappropriate seeing as their entire point is to be visually appealing and sensual to my husband. They are sweet, and meant as a gift of myself to my husband, but they are also sexy and no doubt they could incite some lust.

Should these images be discarded if we want to live a holy Catholic married life? I hate to get rid of them, but I’d also hate to cause my husband to sin. I know he enjoys them and finds my body appealing.
Thanks

I can’t answer the sin part of your question, but only tell you my wife and my experience. We also had some photos as you described. As our kids got older we decided that it was best to have a little ceremony and burn the photos…sort of a farewell to a different phase of our marriage. Not a sad farewell, but happy that we were entering into a new phase with kids. We felt there were/are going to be plenty of other challenges with explaining certain things to our kids as we raised them. We felt there was no reason to add another potential challenge if they found the photos and it was something that we could control.

We made a nice fire one gorgeous evening, opened a bottle of wine and relived our wedding day. Then one by one, taking one last look, tossed the photos in the flames. It was a great evening and neither of us had any regrets.

 

[michele1984]

Well, my grandmother died and my grandfather is living in a seniors lifestyle home. You know what the ratio of women to men is like in those places. Im sure that if he wanted a new “girlfriend”, he could have one! Well he is always taking out this picture of my grandmother when she was 46 in a bathing suit looking like a yummy mummy lol and boasting about how beautiful she was. Now obviously you dont want anybody but yourselves to see your boudoir photos, but they can really be a treasure for your husband.

 

[PJM]

=JackieMom;10037618]When I got married about 13 years ago, I took some boudoir photos on my wedding day, before the ceremony. Nothing raunchy or gross - tasteful “bedroom” style photos of me in my wedding night lingerie and veil, hair and makeup. They are suggestive and sexy but not pornographic (no privates showing, but there is a lot of skin.) I had these taken made into an album and gave it to my husband on our first anniversary. He was so surprised and moved and we both really enjoy looking at them remembering that wonderful day. I have to admit that it’s also nice to have a great record of the figure I had before kids!

These photos are definitely only for me and my husband, and are kept in an album in our closet where the children cannot reach. Having said that, there are no nasty shots, and if the kids saw them one day as adults, it would not be the end of the world. They might feel uncomfortable and embarrassed, but not horrified.

However, now I am concerned that I did something wrong and that these images are inappropriate seeing as their entire point is to be visually appealing and sensual to my husband. They are sweet, and meant as a gift of myself to my husband, but they are also sexy and no doubt they could incite some lust.

Should these images be discarded if we want to live a holy Catholic married life? I hate to get rid of them, but I’d also hate to cause my husband to sin. I know he enjoys them and finds my body appealing.

Thanks/QUOTE

“And the two shall BE One Flesh!”

Keep it private and your husbands a lucky guy!

STAY CLOSE TO GOD!

 

[PaulGH]

Unless the photos are becoming an occasion of sin for your husband, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having them.

However, you would need to consider that some time, hopefully far in the future, you and your husband will pass away. And then someone, probably your children, will go through all of your things, figuring out what to keep, what to throw away, etc. Do you want them finding those photos? If not, then it might be prudent to get rid of them at some point, but maybe not any time soon.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Unless the photos are becoming an occasion of sin for your husband, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having them.

However, you would need to consider that some time, hopefully far in the future, you and your husband will pass away. And then someone, probably your children, will go through all of your things, figuring out what to keep, what to throw away, etc. Do you want them finding those photos? If not, then it might be prudent to get rid of them at some point, but maybe not any time soon.

Or store them in a box or envelope with a note attached that reads: “Upon our deaths this package should be destroyed. It contains personal artifacts from our wedding night and it would embarrass both us and whoever opens it to see them”. Anyone with an ounce of decency or respect would destroy it, and if they don’t congrats, they just saw their parents on their wedding night and they got what the deserved.

 

[michele1984]

Unless the photos are becoming an occasion of sin for your husband, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having them.

However, you would need to consider that some time, hopefully far in the future, you and your husband will pass away. And then someone, probably your children, will go through all of your things, figuring out what to keep, what to throw away, etc. Do you want them finding those photos? If not, then it might be prudent to get rid of them at some point, but maybe not any time soon.

Not any time soon, exactly. By the time you both most likely pass away, your kids will be adults.
I can honestly say that one unfortunate morning I walked in on my parents doing you know what when I was 8 did far less damage to me than the porn magazine I found at my cousins .

 

[hannajomar]

I hope you know that this is a wonderful problem to have. Good for you two!
From what you describe, I don’t see a problem with keeping the photos. As you say, they are not simply for your husband to lust, but are a reminder of your wedding, and your marital bond. There is naked artwork in the Vatican, so the simple fact that the photos show skin isn’t a reason to get rid of them.

It might be a good idea to imagine worst case scenario. “What if” someone found those photos - your children, a workman, your parents? How bad would that be? If it wouldn’t be the end of the world, as you write, I think it’s okay.

 

[LucyLight]

You weren’t a prude 13 years ago, don’t turn into one now.
I’ve read on these forums that lingerie is immoral. So you’ll probably get a few posters who disagree with your photos. IMHO, don’t worry about it there’s nothing wrong with them. If this is still bothering you ask your priest about it.

 

[Moore11]

Or store them in a box or envelope with a note attached that reads: “Upon our deaths this package should be destroyed. It contains personal artifacts from our wedding night and it would embarrass both us and whoever opens it to see them”. Anyone with an ounce of decency or respect would destroy it, and if they don’t congrats, they just saw their parents on their wedding night and they got what the deserved.

Oh man! I’d open it. I just couldn’t help myself. It would be like the serpent in the garden saying “oh come on surely you wont die if you eat of the tree”

“Whatever you do do not I repeat do not open this box!” Is a freakin invitation to me.
Curiosity and cats so to speak.

That said. My mothers husband and I were alone one day and he told me that if he died before my mom to destroy his laptop because there were things on it that he did not want her to know about. I dont know what is on it and I dont want to know but it has forever changed my opinion of him.
My father also had a “stash” of videos we found after he died and that taught me that when you die, what people find can be embarassing. Not to mention that when I found them I was a teenager and I “inherited” not only the videos but a large pile of magazines as well. That was before I became Catholic. Needless to say, they were a source of sin for me for many occasions. I do not do or keep anything around that would embarass me when people are cleaning out my stuff. Except maybe the occasional late notice of a bill I forgot.
I used to want my wife to take some pictures for me. But I am actually glad she has not. It would be so out of character for her and I like the live version better. I can’t imagine what holy purpose a picture like that would serve. If I want to remember her body as younger when she is older then I feel like that is objectifying her and if I want to remember her if she dies all I need do is look into my children’s eyes.
Again, I just struggle with the purpose of these types of pictures versus the risk…

I dont think it is wrong per se but it may not be smart.

As a man it would bother me too. If you want to show me some skin: Do it! Ending with the marital embrace. But showing me something meant to titillate and then and then challenging my mind to be pure is not fun!

 

[JackieMom]

Thanks, everyone. I’m glad I don’t need to dispose of them. If my kids see them when they are adults - eh - not a big deal. Like I said, they are more “pinup” than “Penthouse” so it’s not anything you can’t see in a fashion magazine. I wouldn’t mind at all finding similar photos of my mother. It’s not a stash of dirty photos that my husband took of me, it’s professional taken pre-wedding photos, so whatever. Plus when I’m dead - I won’t care!

Thanks, again. Glad I don’t need to convince the husband to let this “treasure” go He’d be pretty disappointed! In fact, he has suggested that I have round 2 taken for our 15th anniversary… Not sure I can go there now, though, without liberal Photoshop usage!

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Oh man! I’d open it. I just couldn’t help myself. It would be like the serpent in the garden saying “oh come on surely you wont die if you eat of the tree”

“Whatever you do do not I repeat do not open this box!” Is a freakin invitation to me.
Curiosity and cats so to speak.

I would absolutely look…if it was anyone but my parents. There is nothing on the face of the earth that would make me look at photos of my mother’s wedding night. EWWWWWW!!!

 

[mafh]

About 10 years ago, I went to an art fair and sale. One booth was selling greeting cards made out of vintage photographs, and there was one that caught my eye. It was an old black and white photograph from the 30s or 40s, and it was of an attractive young farm wife standing outside, wearing nothing but a bikini-style garment made out of pot lids and wire. There were two ladies working the booth, one in her 90s and one in her 20s. As I was looking at the card, the younger one spoke up and told me that this was a photo of her great grandmother, sitting next to her. I assume this photo had originally made for the lady’s husband, but the passage of time and the fact that this lady was now the respectable nonagenarian sitting in front of me made the photograph very charming indeed.

Anyway, I think you should keep them. When you are very old, it may give you a lot of pleasure to look back at them and think about how young you were. If they are tasteful, as you say, then any future relatives who accidentally come upon them may also find them charming. The young often are charmed to realize that their respectable, aged relatives were once young and sexy.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Or store them in a box or envelope with a note attached that reads: “Upon our deaths this package should be destroyed. It contains personal artifacts from our wedding night and it would embarrass both us and whoever opens it to see them”. Anyone with an ounce of decency or respect would destroy it, and if they don’t congrats, they just saw their parents on their wedding night and they got what the deserved.

Blue…

When you are right, you are 1000% right!

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Blue…

When you are right, you are 1000% right!

Thanks, but I can’t take too much credit. I stole the idea from a ‘Dear Abby’ column that I read years ago.

 

[cmscms]

I must admit when I first read your post, my first though was YIKES ! Get rid of them ! But after reading the posts, I am starting to see it differently. If they were taken by a trusted photogropher that did not get excited and can be trusted not to keep the negatives not put it all over the internet, then I guess it is OK.

However, I must say your attitude about it is something I don’t totally agree with

Thanks, again. Glad I don’t need to convince the husband to let this “treasure” go He’d be pretty disappointed! In fact, he has suggested that I have round 2 taken for our 15th anniversary… Not sure I can go there now, though, without liberal Photoshop usage!

The bolder part is what I don’t like. By thinking you need photo shop, you are the one who is objectifying your body. Your husband has obviously seen you naked recently (I am assuming) and wants to capture you as you are right now. Personally, I think that is a compliment that your husband likes you body exactly the way it is. Perhaps to him, every sag and bulge in you body is a remind of the children you gave him and all the years spent together.

Now as for these photos being ‘pinup’ and not ‘porn’, I think that is in the mind of the viewer. Society changes and what was once considered trashy is now considered classy. I remember in high school, the fad was to wear red shoes. A teacher gave us a good laugh when she said in her day only prostitues would wear that. I remember as a kid watching movies where all you could see where the legs of a woman. She had a skirt down to her knees with tan nylons and we could see her knee down to her ankle. It was obvious she was trying to seduce a man. Now I watch those movies and laugh at how something like that could possibly entice any man.

Lastly, after my dad died, we found a bunch of old photos. One was of my mom in a bikini and another was her in shorts and high heels. They were pictures my dad took. We had a good laugh and it was fun to see the romance they once shared especially after just loosing him.

I can understand if your kids are young, not wanting to show them because it might be too soon to start answering questions about the birds and the bees. But honestly, if you are NOT ok with your children seeing them once they are adults, then it suggests they are pass the limits and should be thrown away. If you are OK with your adult kids seeing them, then go get more done for you 15th anniversay !

 

[SamH]

Or store them in a box or envelope with a note attached that reads: “Upon our deaths this package should be destroyed. It contains personal artifacts from our wedding night and it would embarrass both us and whoever opens it to see them”. Anyone with an ounce of decency or respect would destroy it, and if they don’t congrats, they just saw their parents on their wedding night and they got what the deserved.

And of course the first thing that will happen is the box will be opened and the contents shared among the people cleaning the house. The ounce of decency is a wild assumption.

If you don’t want to be caught dead with something get rid of it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

And of course the first thing that will happen is the box will be opened and the contents shared among the people cleaning the house. The ounce of decency is a wild assumption.

If you don’t want to be caught dead with something get rid of it.

Like I said, there is nothing that would make me ever look inside the box that I knew to contain embarrassing and personal stuff from my mom’s wedding night. That’s just gross.

And even if her kids do look they are just boudoir photos. At best they see them and think of their parents love and smile at their romance. At worst they are grossed out and just learned a very important life lesson about following basic instructions.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Or, alternatively scan them and store them electronically (with a backup of course) and keep them password protected with a different password than you guys use for everything else. Then destroy the hard copies.

 

[SamH]

Like I said, there is nothing that would make me ever look inside the box that I knew to contain embarrassing and personal stuff from my mom’s wedding night. That’s just gross.

And even if her kids do look they are just boudoir photos. At best they see them and think of their parents love and smile at their romance. At worst they are grossed out and just learned a very important life lesson about following basic instructions.

Every explicit photo on the internet is of someone’s child or parent.

The box is subject to viewing by every person that enters the home. If you think every carpet cleaning guy or cable guy or plumber is going to “honor” your request for privacy (especially with that label) you are in for a horrible surprise.