I lost my dad to cancer at 9. I had a verbally abusive BIL raise me. Now, we get along, I have forgiven the wrongs he did…BUT…back then? I felt very lost, and looked to guys for the love I missed with my dad. I did not have sex until I married, however…but, I still looked for love. You are right there. It’s an important message.*
Yes, that always surprises me. I also wonder if peer pressure gets the best of some. I do highly agree with fathers instilling value in their daughters so they don’t so seeking it in some random stranger. C’est vrai!!!
It doesn’t ignore free will at all, how we exercise our free will is decided based on our previous experiences combined with social influences present at the time of the decision.
If peer pressure gets to them that would be a failure of the parents for allowing that to happen.
It probably would be hard to find a man who was willing to wait for marriage. I don’t really know how you can “deal” with it. If your boyfriend is unwilling to wait, and says he’ll leave you if there is no sex then you either have to accept that he might well leave you and stick to your religious beliefs or have sex with him and sacrifice your beliefs.
Parents can only raise their kids to a certain point…once they become adults…they make their own choices…they live their own lives, have their own experiences. I’d like to think that if a parent raises his/her kids in the faith, and raises them well…they will make the right decisions. But, I think it’s a bit unfair to say that if a parent’s adult son/daughter makes a bad choice, it was somehow directly the parent’s fault. Part of life is in making mistakes…and learning from them. Christ wouldn’t have given us confession, if He thought we would never fall.
And this part would be the father’s fault HOW? You seem to be under the impression that parents have some kind of omnipotent control over everything their children do, even after they reach adulthood.
I’m sorry-I don’t follow this. Wouldn’t it be the failure of themselves for letting the peer pressure get to them? Shouldn’t a male or female be responsible for their own actions?
Just because a child is responsible for their own actions does not mean the parents are not also. It is up to the parent to give the child the strength to cope with peer pressure, try and protect them from harmful peer pressure and teach the child to avoid the company of bad peers who would pressure them into doing wrong.
The child becomes the adult, the adult is the product of childhood experiences. Furthermore parents do still maintain a great deal of influence with their adult children if that child had a good childhood.
In part, yes. But to say that’s the ONLY thing that shapes them is just naive and overly simplistic.
A “great deal of influence” isn’t the same thing as complete control.
I’d like to agree with you on this, but I think parents get a bad rap in this society when they are blamed for the actions of their children.
You buy yourself an airline ticket to some far off place and go there.
Hey-not cool man. It’s a bit more complicated than that.
Well, it’s true in a lot of ways, and I’m a female. Not the best way to phrase it, but sometimes it takes a lot for the girls to actually see the truth. I’ve been there, friends have been there, many clients I work with now are there (I’m a therapist). Sometimes we hold onto the notion that sex somehow equals love.
Well, it might be true-but there are alot better ways to phrase it.
If you cannot keep yourself from sin and your boyfriend has no respect for you and your intentions you should probably separate from him. Either until you get yourself under control or permanently. Start over with another guy and be strong about keeping sex out of the relationship from the beginning. This is not a good guy who would threaten you over this. What else does he force you into? What else do you allow others to browbeat you into doing? Go speak with a priest , go to confession and get some advice. .
? Maybe I’ve just had a long weekend but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I work with pregnant women and women with young children. Relationships and “baby’s dads” are brought up in every session with almost every client. If I had a dollar for every time one of them told me about a bad relationship that they insist on remaining in for some reason, I’d be a lot richer than I’d ever be working in the mental health field. I don’t think I’m claiming to be some brilliant person because I see that it’s wrong for women to be physically, verbally, and emotionally abused, used sexually, cheated on, etc. by immature, alcoholic, drug abusing men. Truthfully (and unfortunately), that describes the majority of the men involved in the lives of my clients. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that these men are harmful to these women and children. Also, you don’t know how I approach these issues during session…I just stated that I see this pattern often in clients.