Boyfriend feeling agitated for lack of sex

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First off, welcome to CAF @Rosie2. It is as good a section as another to post this.

Your boyfriend’s statement sounds very manipulative and the conclusion is irrelevant. Even IF a surge of testosterone causes him to be more agitated, having sex (of any type) is not going to change that.

I suggest caution in your relationship, not because I have any great knowledge or experience; in general, however, men will give love in order to obtain sex, and women will give sex in order to receive love.

I admire your intentions and hope you stick to them. Confide in someone who shares your beliefs (parent, priest, friend, etc.).
 
Agree, and if abstaining when dating causes him to become this angry, the abstaining needed in marriage will be even harder.
 
Your boyfriend, is guilty of what psychologists call magical thinking. Not doing that, does not necessitate an increase in testosterone , your boyfriend is just being immature. If this is something that he is pressuring you into, then I think that maybe you should do one of two things, keep your distance from him for a while, because when someone gets aggressive like that that’s probably not a good thing to be around them, or break up with him. I did not say these were the only choices, but that’s what it seems like you should do to me. Like anything else on the internet, keep in mind that most of us are total strangers, we can give you advice, but it does not mean that it’s advice that you’ll either follow or believe.
 
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Rosie2 said:
Hello- I’m unsure if this is the proper forum but figured it was worth a shot. I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months and he understands that I intend to wait until marriage to have sex. He has in the past, but has always been respectful of my choice. However, lately he has been getting easily agitated with friends and family. He believes that it has something to do with an increase in testosterone because we are not sleeping together. I disagree that this is the singular reason and believe instead that there must be something else triggering his behavior. He has said that he loves me but doesn’t want to be feeling so angry. Any thoughts or suggestions for helping him would be much appreciated.
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Frankly, you should ditch him and move on.
 
Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums!

I agree with @Mtatum1958’s post way back in the discussion.

I don’t fully agree with the suggestions to give up on your boyfriend just yet. From what you wrote, your relationship was off to a pretty good start. Now you have encountered a challenge. If you and he can accept this challenge lovingly and overcome it, you will both be stronger and your relationship will be even better.

A couple of suggestions:

Of course, avoid situations or behaviors that would tempt him. To the extent that you can, get together in places and do things together that do not give occasion for sinful thoughts or actions.

Don’t talk unnecessarily often about chastity and waiting for marriage. Speak of it when there is a reason to. It’s really pretty simple, there is no need to hyper-analyze it, and to do so would fix his mind on sex all the more.

I will pray. May God bless, strengthen, and guide you and him.
 
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Is he Catholic? A practicing Catholic? Frequently receives the sacraments? Or even a Bible-believing Christian who is not Catholic? If not, I’m sure you can do better. If you are in your teens, you don’t need a steady boyfriend in the first place.

No Christian gentleman would ever make his beloved one commit sin. He would control his impulses and would seek to be one with the Mind of Christ on this and all matters.

If you are of the age where it is appropriate to consider marriage, you might try CatholicMatch ( www.catholicmatch.com ).
 
Dick said:
It is normal . for a boy to want sex. With a girl. He probably has had dreams about it since being a teenager
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It’s also normal to have basic self-control and respect the other person’s wishes.
Dick said:
If you feed him saltpeter. Is the wife’s tail of diminishing sexual desire😰
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I’m pretty sure that doesn’t work.
 
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I pray for both of you that this is a temporary struggle for him.

His anger issues are his to control. Barring some kind of abnormal hormonal imbalance (like a thyroid problem) they are something he can get control of given practice and the grace of God. You can be there as support for him to help him with the struggle, but you cannot take away his struggle. Look for ways to do the former but be careful not to take any ownership of his problem.

The reason why so many people think he’s trying to manipulate you is not just that he’s tempting you both to sin. It is that, if he’s going to sin to stop his anger, he has an option open that doesn’t involve pulling you down. I guarantee you he knows of it. Now he shouldn’t resort to masturbation, of course, but he also shouldn’t be pressuring you into sex. In no circumstance is tempting someone to sin with you a better option than sinning alone.
 
Get rid of him if he starts to demand sex. You can find someone better. Here is a good video where Fr.Zlatko mentions this (at 2:35.)

 
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At its heart, this is the difference between a commitment to a belief and a negotiation regarding behavior in a relationship.

You are acting according to belief. Your boyfriend is executing a behavioral contract. Such contracts based on negotiated behavior are always up for renegotiation.

Your boyfriend doesn’t believe this behavior is wrong, he doesn’t believe in chastity, he’s simply accepted abstaining as part of the negotiation for dating you.

Now he wants to renegotiate and is using his “agitation” towards others as a “reason”.

I spent many years dating people that didn’t share my beliefs, and ultimately we just came to loggerheads. When I started dating based on shared belief, all that aggravation just disappeared and we could focus on more important things.
 
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Nihilo said:
What are you referring to, NFP, or just the monthlies? Peace.
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Maybe both? And after you have a baby. And if you have pregnancy complications. And if one of you gets the flu. And if a kid is throwing up. And and and… plenty of abstinence in marriage! Time to get used to it now.
 
HumbleIOughtToBe said:
He believes that it has something to do with an increase in testosterone because we are not sleeping together.
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This is junk science. And an attempt at manipulation.

If he has too much testosterone he needs to burn off his aggression in the gym and take a cold shower.
 
On another note, make sure you arent making any physical contact(hugs and holding hands) with him until you are engaged. This will help against desire for him and will be of benefit for you if things dont work out.

Also, he shouldnt be telling people about this, its not honoring you properly.
 
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Nihilo said:
What are you referring to, NFP, or just the monthlies? Peace
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NFP, menstruation, post-partum, deployment, business trip, times of illness… you name it.

The sort of men who say abstinence makes them X (insert manipulative statement here), in general, are the same sorts that will blame their infidelity on their wife.
 
Jen7 said:
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Nihilo:
What are you referring to, NFP, or just the monthlies? Peace.
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Maybe both? And after you have a baby. And if you have pregnancy complications. And if one of you gets the flu. And if a kid is throwing up. And and and… plenty of abstinence in marriage! Time to get used to it now.
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Ah. Thank you for clarification. The user I was asking, made it almost seem like abstinence while married was like abstinence before marriage, and I see them as categorically distinct since conjugal union is wholesome, licit and good in marriage, all things considered.
 
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