Boyfriend feeling agitated for lack of sex

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1ke said:
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Nihilo:
What are you referring to, NFP, or just the monthlies? Peace
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NFP, menstruation, post-partum, deployment, business trip, times of illness… you name it.
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Yes, thank you for the clarification.
1ke said:
The sort of men who say abstinence makes them X (insert manipulative statement here), in general, are the same sorts that will blame their infidelity on their wife.
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I’m not saying anything like that, I was just asking because it almost seemed as if abstinence before marriage is in any way like the various reasons to abstain temporarily while married, and I see those two things as entirely different things.
 
Nihilo said:
it almost seemed as if abstinence before marriage is in any way like the various reasons to abstain temporarily while married,
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The reasons are different, the discipline and commitment to chastity needed are the same.
 
Nihilo said:
I’m not saying anything like that, I was just asking because it almost seemed as if abstinence before marriage is in any way like the various reasons to abstain temporarily while married, and I see those two things as entirely different things
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You may see them as different, but will he? I doubt it.
 
Nihilo said:
as if abstinence before marriage is in any way like the various reasons to abstain temporarily while married,
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It’s pretty darn similar in my experience. And don’t fall for the NFP literature that claims you’ll never have to abstain more than 10 days/month. Um, nope. Lol.
 
It’s the girlfriend who takes on all the risk of getting pregnant, and all that goes with this. What happens with school, with work, with your health, your relationship with your family, when an unplanned pregnancy happens. Then the pressure that you should have an abortion, that no one is actually ready to have a baby right now.

It is beyond selfish to ask that your girlfriend take on all that.
Have that conversation with him.
 
Post parturm , during illness, during times of stress, during times of separation, after surgery, colicky babies. Etc
 
Your boyfriend is claiming that it is your responsibility to relieve him of all that supposedly excess testosterone due to lack of sex?

Tell him that you are not a repository for all that excess testosterone and you are not a “scratching post” for him to relieve his itch.
 
Nfp doesnt say that. NFP is a method of learning about the woman’s and working with it to increase chance of having a baby or not getting pregnant. Without changing homones
 
HumbleIOughtToBe said:
This does not work that way, and even if it did a good Man to marry would not make you sin.
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Exactly. Also, he’s saying he’s in a bad mood because she’s withholding from him, i.e. his behavior is her fault. That’s called blame-shifting, and it’s a serious red-flag against staying with someone long-term.
 
Great Sermon. Is this the Fr Z. Londoner spoke about in the other thread?

Peace and God Bless
Nicene
 
Welcome to the family !

Um where to start with this, first of all no this isn’t how it works you don’t have sex and then presto back to being a nice guy! It sounds like he’s having a temper trantrum because he’s used to getting what he wants and you won’t let him this time so feels adding some pressure might be a good idea.

You’ve been clear in your desire to wait till marriage I’m assuming, whether with him or not? Perhaps a gentle reminder 1 Corinthians 13:4-7Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I was that guy very driven by sex growing up and let me tell you… Sex doesn’t fill a sudden void
 
Tell him to man up and go run 10k. Take it from a 27-yr-old male who gets easily agitated himself. It does wonders to blow off steam. How old are you both, by the way?
 
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He’s blaming you for his bad behavior.
Is he going to apologize for his bad behavior?
 
Welcome to CAF!

Please, take his being easily agitated as a red flag. Definitely not a trait you want to have in a life long spouse.

Please, take his attempt to manipulate you as a second red flag. Definitely not a trait you want in a life long marriage partner.

Please, if you should decide to stay with him despite these 2 red flags, please seriously consider making a firm decision right now to Not continue the relationship beyond any 3rd red flag that should reveal itself…and give plenty of time for it to reveal itself before marriage. After marriage, it’s too late.

P.S. when you decide to move on from this relationship, I’ll also recommend another’s suggestion here, try CatholicMatch.com. I met my husband there.
 
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In no way is he excused from pressuring you. He may be feeling… hormonally overwhelmed, though. Some men are biologically “on” 99% of the day. It doesn’t mean they’re thinking about sex at the time. It doesn’t mean they’re planning on making a move. But there’s a constant tension under the skin. He may also, as it goes on, even if he knows its irrational, not be feeling validated or attractive, which can sour his mood, even if he doesn’t want to think that way. Some people may be prejudging him as intending to pressure you.

All that said, I agree with the comment that you are abstaining because of belief, and he is probably abstaining out of negotiation. And if he can’t help but take his tension and feelings of invalidation (even if he’s aware they’re misplaced) on you, or if he starts pressuring you to change, you’re best just to break it off.
 
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PennyinCanada said:
He’s blaming you for his bad behavior.
Is he going to apologize for his bad behavior?
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There’s a possibility he’s only trying to share his feelings and explain his mood and is not intending to be malicious about it. I didn’t see him blaming the OP in what the OP said, though I can see someone hearing it feeling like it’s their end that’s at issue even if the boyfriend means it’s his.

Edit: To be clear, I’m not saying his behavior should be ignored. If he can’t deal with his emotions and appetites in a way that doesn’t drag down the OP, the OP is better off breaking the relationship.
 
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Just happened to listen to this earlier today. I think this will help you out a lot.!
Debbie
 
That’s the only thing they want.
He looks so much in love, but in reality these rabbits are the last cowards and liers.
When you get pregnant, when he gets some hints from another girl, or when got tired from monotonous sex, he runs away from you.
No, you show him your great value by teaching him to avaluate you.
Some Christian couples communicate even for years until he offers her a ring.
It’s a test of love.
Unfortunately today not many young people pass this test.
But this test is necessity of real love.
 
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Athanasiy said:
That’s the only thing they want.
He looks so much in love, but in reality these rabbits are the last cowards and liers.
When you get pregnant, when he gets some hints from another girl, or when got tired from monotonous sex, he runs away from you.
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Men don’t have a monopoly here. No gender is above the other in terms of being susceptible to lust. It just manifests differently with women. For some women, sex is used to manipulate men (if he buys me X, I’ll have sex with him, if he doesn’t I won’t) so those women also get irritated when they meet a man who practices abstinence since that manipulation tool is not available.
 
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