Boyfriend, girlfriend, "partner," fiance'(e) - can we make sense of some terms here?

[BlueEyedLady]

I don’t think it’s dangerous at all, unless your definition of danger differs wildly from my own.

Perhaps it’s a regional thing. Are you, per chance, in Calif?

As far as calling my idea “irrelevant”, I think relevancy is obviously in the eye of the beholder, whether they be blue or brown.

I currently live in Massachusetts. I also heard ‘partner’ a lot in St. Louis, but not so much in the rural area that I’m from. I do think it’s dangerous to make assumptions about someone’s views or values based on how they label their SO. I also think that it at least should be irrelevant. People on both sides of the political spectrum frequently and inappropriately try to “figure out” who around them is on the other side. It’s rude and one of my biggest pet peeves.

 

[Country_Gal]

And what about those of us elderly ladies who moved in with another elderly lady to save money?

When we decided to do that, both of us had had falls with no one in the house to help us or call 911, we were lucky those times that we WERE able to get to a phone. (Note: a few years after we’d moved to our new house, my friend fell on the ice in our driveway and broke her wrist, and I got to call the paramedics for her, and took her to all her medical appointments since she couldn’t drive.)

What would you want me to call her? I use “partner” but in truth we’re more like sisters. And now my mother is unable to live alone, so she’s living with us as well.

Not every “co-habitation” has immoral purposes.

I thought that’s called a roommate? Is that term now out of fashion? I thought roommate meant a person you shared your home with with whom you are not romantically involved.

 

[Country_Gal]

I currently live in Massachusetts. I also heard ‘partner’ a lot in St. Louis, but not so much in the rural area that I’m from. I do think it’s dangerous to make assumptions about someone’s views or values based on how they label their SO. I also think that it at least should be irrelevant. People on both sides of the political spectrum frequently and inappropriately try to “figure out” who around them is on the other side. It’s rude and one of my biggest pet peeves.

For someone so concerned with manners, your language in your posts seems a bit harsh and condemning. :twocents:

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

And what about those of us elderly ladies who moved in with another elderly lady to save money?

When we decided to do that, both of us had had falls with no one in the house to help us or call 911, we were lucky those times that we WERE able to get to a phone. (Note: a few years after we’d moved to our new house, my friend fell on the ice in our driveway and broke her wrist, and I got to call the paramedics for her, and took her to all her medical appointments since she couldn’t drive.)

What would you want me to call her? I use “partner” but in truth we’re more like sisters. And now my mother is unable to live alone, so she’s living with us as well.

Not every “co-habitation” has immoral purposes.

Roommate

 

[BlueEyedLady]

And what about those of us elderly ladies who moved in with another elderly lady to save money?

When we decided to do that, both of us had had falls with no one in the house to help us or call 911, we were lucky those times that we WERE able to get to a phone. (Note: a few years after we’d moved to our new house, my friend fell on the ice in our driveway and broke her wrist, and I got to call the paramedics for her, and took her to all her medical appointments since she couldn’t drive.)

What would you want me to call her? I use “partner” but in truth we’re more like sisters. And now my mother is unable to live alone, so she’s living with us as well.

Not every “co-habitation” has immoral purposes.

I think I would call that a roommate, but I would understand if the elderly people in question were uncomfortable with that term, as it could be taken to sound a little juvenile (think college or the few years following). If roommate just won’t work then you may have to use more than one word to explain your relationship.

It’s also interesting to me how a lot of people over 40 don’t like the term boy/girlfriend because it sounds so young. That might also be part of why ‘partner’ took off. With such a high divorce rate a lot of over 40s are back in the dating world.

 

[PaulGH]

Seriously, though, I have seen so many posts here lately - several by Catholics, talking about their “partner” without giving any information about whether they are married to this “partner,” cohabitating with him or her, or engaged, or simply dating.

I saw this once, where someone referred to their spouse as their partner, with no additional qualification, and it really confused me. So I would agree with you that if people want to refer to their husband or wife, they should say husband, wife, or spouse. When I hear “my partner,” the first two things I think of are a business partner or a partner in a homosexual relationship, because those are the two uses of the phrase “my partner” that I seem to hear most often.

 

[PaulGH]

That’s a pretty dangerous (and irrelevant) assumption to make. I’ve met many politically conservative people who say ‘partner’ when referring to their spouse. Heck, my boss is one of them. I would be willing to bet it’s more regional/cultural than political.

Maybe it is a regional or cultural thing. I think I have heard a spouse referred to as a partner only once in my life (it was here on this message board). And as I said in my previous post, I found it very confusing, because I had never heard that usage before.

 

[Peebo]

A few of years ago it was fashionable for unmarried celebrities to announce that they were having a “love child”…now they don’t even bother to use that term…( thank goodness)…now in some states that allow same sex marriage you have a “husband” and “wife” of the same sex…less people are getting married nowadays…so it probably won’t be long before “partners” will say they are being discriminated against and demand that they also be recognized as being “married”…it’s just another example of the God ordained sacrament of marriage between a man and woman being eroded by our “enlightened” society.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I think I would call that a roommate, but I would understand if the elderly people in question were uncomfortable with that term, as it could be taken to sound a little juvenile (think college or the few years following). If roommate just won’t work then you may have to use more than one word to explain your relationship.

It’s also interesting to me how a lot of people over 40 don’t like the term boy/girlfriend because it sounds so young. That might also be part of why ‘partner’ took off. With such a high divorce rate a lot of over 40s are back in the dating world.

I knew I should have listed the definition of “roommate” in my Original Post! :doh2: I also moved in with one of my girlfriends to share expenses. Since she is the homeowner I use “roommate” sometimes or other times “housemate.”

I think people worry too much about “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “roommate” sounding too youthful. Maybe that is indeed why “partner” has come to have wider appeal - and if we’re talking about people shacking up before/instead of marriage, that’s ironic - they want to sound more “mature” but really they’re being immature, playing house.

Someone will now accuse me of being “judgmental.” * crickets chirping * I am judgmental. Of behaviors and stupid trends that should never have gotten started in the first place. I feel sorry for those who have been brainwashed by the culture to accept a counterfeit for the real thing. The state of their souls are not for me to judge, but I can certainly pray for them and gently attempt to persuade them to have higher standards, and not just keep quiet, go along with the crowd, and congratulate them in the same way I would a legitimately married couple.

**it probably won’t be long before “partners” will say they are being discriminated against **and demand that they also be recognized as being “married”…it’s just another example of the God ordained sacrament of marriage between a man and woman being eroded by our “enlightened” society.

They already are. Straight and gay alike. You haven’t encountered it yet? Consider yourself fortunate; you will in time.

 

[DaveBj]

Roommate

Or housemate.

 

[Rau]

As I recall, “Partner” initially was used to refer to people not married, but living as though they were.

Over time, the term gained wider use, driven by a kind of political correctness, whereby it was not polite to presume, or enquire into, the form of a couple’s relationship. To presume a (co-habitating) couple is married, would be equivalent to condemning the fact that they are not. ]

This has now reached the point where even married persons will refer to their spouse as their “partner”. I suppose by so doing, they think they are avoiding differentiating their relationship, which they may feel to be impolite, or a form of expressing superiority.

Language adapts with the society at large, so we can be irritated at the language evolution, but not surprised.

 

[PaulGH]

This has now reached the point where even married persons will refer to their spouse as their “partner”. I suppose by so doing, they think they are avoiding differentiating their relationship, which they may feel to be impolite, or a form of expressing superiority.

Language adapts with the society at large, so we can be irritated at the language evolution, but not surprised.

Well I am surprised, mainly because I have heard “partner” used to refer to a spouse only once in my life (a few days ago on this forum). So I am very surprised to learn from this thread that apparently, at least in some places, this usage is common.

 

[PaulGH]

The replies on this thread have made me curious as to how common it is to refer to one’s spouse as one’s “partner.” Before reading this thread, I would have said that it is very uncommon to do so, but now I suspect that that might be wrong. So I have created this poll:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=821912

 

[Rau]

The replies on this thread have made me curious as to how common it is to refer to one’s spouse as one’s “partner.” Before reading this thread, I would have said that it is very uncommon to do so, but now I suspect that that might be wrong. So I have created this poll:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=821912

I believe it is somewhat unusual, but I occasionally here it.

 

[3DOCTORS]

As I recall, “Partner” initially was used to refer to people not married, but living as though they were.

Over time, the term gained wider use, driven by a kind of political correctness, whereby it was not polite to presume, or enquire into, the form of a couple’s relationship. To presume a (co-habitating) couple is married, would be equivalent to condemning the fact that they are not. ]

This has now reached the point where even married persons will refer to their spouse as their “partner”. I suppose by so doing, they think they are avoiding differentiating their relationship, which they may feel to be impolite, or a form of expressing superiority.

Language adapts with the society at large, so we can be irritated at the language evolution, but not surprised.

No offense to married people who use the p-word, if it has meaning to you. But it has become so irritating to me because of the other associations that if I were to plan to marry, I would have a talk with my fiance’ and ask if we could avoid using that term at all. If I found the right person, I’d be proud to call him my husband and would hope that he’d feel equally proud to call me his wife. :hug1:

 

[Midwest88]

If I hear someone call their spouse their partner, I would assume their ideology leans to the left. Conservative folk just don’t use that sort of terminology. You can tell a lot about people from how they use the language. Grammar, inflection, terminology, all those things reflect the outlook, education, background, socio/economic standing, etc.

Excellent points.

 

[coachdennis]

If I hear someone call their spouse their partner, I would assume their ideology leans to the left. Conservative folk just don’t use that sort of terminology. You can tell a lot about people from how they use the language. Grammar, inflection, terminology, all those things reflect the outlook, education, background, socio/economic standing, etc.

Henry Higgins said it first:

youtube.com/watch?v=EAYUuspQ6BY

 

[Rau]

Today, I read an article in a major newspaper and it referred to a particular politician “and his partner”. The two are married. The word wife would have been used in times past.

 

[Miss_Felicity]

I took a seminar where the preferred term was “partner” they asked us to do this to create an inclusive environment for married, single, gay, straight etc; we kept forgetting and saying boyfriend/husband (it was a women’s seminar) which was fine and nobody was offended. My best friend is gay and I never heard him use partner he would always say boyfriend maybe thats why I never assume partner is a term reserved for gay people. I remember a time when that was true and I grew up in a predominately LGBT area of the city I’m from. Now partner is a catch all and until this thread I never thought of it one way or the other, it doesn’t bother me. I see how it would be a pet peeve for others but I think its just a phrase, an intentionally non descript phrase. I tend to not give much thought or care if people are married or not in general, if they are close friends or acquaintances I already know their status.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I took a seminar where the preferred term was “partner” they asked us to do this to create an inclusive environment for married, single, gay, straight etc; we kept forgetting and saying boyfriend/husband (it was a women’s seminar) which was fine and nobody was offended. My best friend is gay and I never heard him use partner he would always say boyfriend maybe thats why I never assume partner is a term reserved for gay people. I remember a time when that was true and I grew up in a predominately LGBT area of the city I’m from. Now partner is a catch all and until this thread I never thought of it one way or the other, it doesn’t bother me. I see how it would be a pet peeve for others but I think its just a phrase, an intentionally non descript phrase. I tend to not give much thought or care if people are married or not in general, if they are close friends or acquaintances I already know their status.

Very interesting; thanks for sharing. Even I didn’t realize there was a concerted, deliberate effort to get more people to use the word partner! At least in some places - and since we have the internet such linguistic changes spread more rapidly once they get enough momentum.

It doesn’t make me happy, but it does at least provide some explanation - and to those reading this who are more like me, I think we should make a conscious effort to use the “politically incorrect” words like husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend in conversation!