Boyfriend, girlfriend, "partner," fiance'(e) - can we make sense of some terms here?

  • Thread starter Thread starter 3DOCTORS
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Miss_Felicity said:
I took a seminar where the preferred term was “partner” they asked us to do this to create an inclusive environment for married, single, gay, straight etc; we kept forgetting and saying boyfriend/husband (it was a women’s seminar) which was fine and nobody was offended. My best friend is gay and I never heard him use partner he would always say boyfriend maybe thats why I never assume partner is a term reserved for gay people. I remember a time when that was true and I grew up in a predominately LGBT area of the city I’m from. Now partner is a catch all and until this thread I never thought of it one way or the other, it doesn’t bother me. I see how it would be a pet peeve for others but I think its just a phrase, an intentionally non descript phrase. I tend to not give much thought or care if people are married or not in general, if they are close friends or acquaintances I already know their status.
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing this. To me, this sounds pretty crazy. 🙂 If I were at a men’s seminar where they asked us to refer to our wives or girlfriends as our partners, I believe I would refuse. My wife is my wife. Now she might be my business partner if we ever start a family business, or she might be my partner at golf or bridge if we ever played golf or bridge. But even then, she is much more importantly my wife, and that is how I will always refer to her.
 
3DOCTORS said:
Even I didn’t realize there was a concerted, deliberate effort to get more people to use the word partner! :eek: At least in some places - and since we have the internet such linguistic changes spread more rapidly once they get enough momentum.
Click to expand...
Same here. This thread and the poll that I started have been eye-openers for me. I am quite surprised – not because anything should surprise me anymore with regard to cultural attacks on marriage, but just because I hadn’t heard this particular one before.
 
I guess I could agree with “housemate.” We own our current house jointly – we got a survivorship deed when we bought it. Because we were both working at the time it was easy to get financing.

I’m retired, but J. is still working. She loves her job, and I said as long as she’s happy there, great. I couldn’t face another year with my insurance costs increasing and my wages frozen, so I moved on. Miss the people but not the job.
 
PaulGH said:
Thanks for sharing this. To me, this sounds pretty crazy. 🙂 If I were at a men’s seminar where they asked us to refer to our wives or girlfriends as our partners, I believe I would refuse. My wife is my wife. Now she might be my business partner if we ever start a family business, or she might be my partner at golf or bridge if we ever played golf or bridge. But even then, she is much more importantly my wife, and that is how I will always refer to her.
Click to expand...
It didn’t catch on, people still used their preferred title boyfriend, husband etc. I think I’m the only person who doesn’t care much one way or the other. Perhaps because my experience has been as partner as a catch all and not to mean one term or another. I do think there is an appeal for a non descript title, someone who has been with their boyfriend for a number of years but are not yet married may not want to use the term boyfriend, likewise a lot of people prefer partner to fiance. I’ve known women who believe partner to be a less charged term than wife. For everybody that uses the term partner I think they all have their own reasons and for some partner is interchangeable with wife or girlfriend etc and there is no conscious choice about it. To each their own.
 
Miss_Felicity said:
It didn’t catch on, people still used their preferred title boyfriend, husband etc. I think I’m the only person who doesn’t care much one way or the other. Perhaps because my experience has been as partner as a catch all and not to mean one term or another. I do think there is an appeal for a non descript title, someone who has been with their boyfriend for a number of years but are not yet married may not want to use the term boyfriend, likewise a lot of people prefer partner to fiance. I’ve known women who believe partner to be a less charged term than wife. For everybody that uses the term partner I think they all have their own reasons and for some partner is interchangeable with wife or girlfriend etc and there is no conscious choice about it. To each their own.
Click to expand...
Can you elaborate on in what sense the word “wife” might be considered “charged”?
 
Rau said:
Can you elaborate on in what sense the word “wife” might be considered “charged”?
Click to expand...
Some women (and I don’t agree with this) feel that ‘wife’ has a negative connotation. Like it implies subservient, submissive, or even housewife. Others think it defines them on the basis of their relationship to a man.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Some women (and I don’t agree with this) feel that ‘wife’ has a negative connotation. Like it implies subservient, submissive, or even housewife. Others think it defines them on the basis of their relationship to a man.
Click to expand...
BEL hit the nail on the head before I could. I don’t agree with that thinking but I have heard women who felt this way.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think you misspelled women. It is womyn.
Click to expand...
oh, I get the joke but not even all or most feminists or lesbians use or accept that whole womyn thing, many think its just stupid. I still think people who use partner have their reasons and they are so varied that we really can’t make assumptions and while it can gripe us or not depending on how much one cares I don’t think we can make any real assumptions based on it.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Some women (and I don’t agree with this) feel that ‘wife’ has a negative connotation. Like it implies subservient, submissive, or even housewife. Others think it defines them on the basis of their relationship to a man.
Click to expand...
If that’s the way they feel, why do they get married in the first place? I mean, if they get married, they are a wife, whether they prefer the term or not.
 
PaulGH said:
Thanks for sharing this. To me, this sounds pretty crazy. 🙂 If I were at a men’s seminar where they asked us to refer to our wives or girlfriends as our partners, I believe I would refuse. My wife is my wife. Now she might be my business partner if we ever start a family business, or she might be my partner at golf or bridge if we ever played golf or bridge. But even then, she is much more importantly my wife, and that is how I will always refer to her.
Click to expand...
:clapping: Good for you!

It really gets me when the “consciousness raisers” at some seminar start trying to play thought police with people. It’d be one thing if a man was beating his wife or calling her bad names, but just to call her his wife is not good enough?! :rolleyes: Come on! Again, if calling her partner has a special meaning for him, I don’t have a problem with it, though I would think it should enhance the meaning of wife (or husband, for the woman) rather than supplanting it.

I should think we’ve gotten past the point when the use of “wife” implied some kind of negative power imbalance in the marital relationship, but apparently some may still have issues with the word. 🤷
 
DaddyGirl said:
To me, the term “partner” is much more serious than that, with more of a permanent intention.
I feel like the person is saying that “this is my life partner with whom I’ve chosen to be with for the rest of my life”.
I’ve heard both married and unmarried people use it, but their intent and meaning each time has been very similar. The only difference being that the unmarried ones do not feel the need for or want of a legal or religious ceremony.
But each time I’ve heard people use it, married or not, there came a sense of devotion with the word.

.
Click to expand...
Funny thing is, the word itself (separated from its common usage) is quite appropriate as a reference to one’s spouse. [It also has other meanings, which are context dependent, eg. “dinner partner”.]

Its utility as a reference to spouse is spoiled somewhat by its common usage as referring to other forms of “partner”, such as homosexual partner, or cohabitating/unmarried couples, and it’s other meanings.
 
I agree, it seems to sometimes originate in attempts by social engineering types to de emphasize marriage and lump it together with non traditional relationships. The term is neutral and bland, and not very specific.

On the other hand, a good marriage is truly a partnership of the highest order.
 
Rau said:
Funny thing is, the word itself (separated from its common usage) is quite appropriate as a reference to one’s spouse. [It also has other meanings, which are context dependent, eg. “dinner partner”.]

Its utility as a reference to spouse is spoiled somewhat by its common usage as referring to other forms of “partner”, such as homosexual partner, or cohabitating/unmarried couples, and it’s other meanings.
Click to expand...
This is precisely why I started this thread. 😉
Country_Gal said:
I agree, it seems to sometimes originate in attempts by social engineering types to de emphasize marriage and lump it together with non traditional relationships. The term is neutral and bland, and not very specific.

On the other hand, a good marriage is truly a partnership of the highest order.
Click to expand...
I agree. :yup:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top