Boyfriend not excited about his faith enough?

[ballet_dancer]

I just have one last question that I need some thoughts on -

I’ve done a lot of reflecting today. I’m almost positive I’m going to end the relationship. I’m still hung up on the possibility that maybe I’m being unfair to him. But in a dating relationship with him, I’m simply not growing as an individual or to God with him. I’m doing this on my own. But what I’ve concluded is that I need to marry a man who can be the spiritual head or co-head of our family. With my boyfriend, I feel that I would be completely leading and that just doesn’t work. I feel confident in saying that this isn’t something fixable…it’s his personality meshed with mine…this recipe just won’t work out to the fullest for either of us. But I feel like maybe I’m ignoring that he needs someone to help him spiritually grow as well…like I think maybe I should sacrifice dating/marrying someone who can truly challenge me as an individual and make me grow closer to God in order to help him…but that’s not the way dating/marriage is supposed to be…you shouldn’t sacrifice such a big spiritual need…but then I feel selfish…but the question that really gets me is how did I not realize this until now.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I just have one last question that I need some thoughts on -

I’ve done a lot of reflecting today. I’m almost positive I’m going to end the relationship. I’m still hung up on the possibility that maybe I’m being unfair to him. But in a dating relationship with him, I’m simply not growing as an individual or to God with him. I’m doing this on my own. But what I’ve concluded is that I need to marry a man who can be the spiritual head or co-head of our family. With my boyfriend, I feel that I would be completely leading and that just doesn’t work. I feel confident in saying that this isn’t something fixable…it’s his personality meshed with mine…this recipe just won’t work out to the fullest for either of us. But I feel like maybe I’m ignoring that he needs someone to help him spiritually grow as well.**.like I think maybe I should sacrifice dating/marrying someone who can truly challenge me as an individual and make me grow closer to God in order to help him…**but that’s not the way dating/marriage is supposed to be…you shouldn’t sacrifice such a big spiritual need…but then I feel selfish…but the question that really gets me is how did I not realize this until now.

No, please don’t do this!!! Don’t think of dating or marriage, God forbid, as a mission, where you are going to sacrifice yourself on behalf of your husband. Be grateful that you have realized this now, before you talked yourself into marrying him. This is a blessing.

 

[AllSeasons]

I just have one last question that I need some thoughts on -

I’ve done a lot of reflecting today. I’m almost positive I’m going to end the relationship. I’m still hung up on the possibility that maybe I’m being unfair to him. But in a dating relationship with him, I’m simply not growing as an individual or to God with him. I’m doing this on my own. But what I’ve concluded is that I need to marry a man who can be the spiritual head or co-head of our family. With my boyfriend, I feel that I would be completely leading and that just doesn’t work. I feel confident in saying that this isn’t something fixable…it’s his personality meshed with mine…this recipe just won’t work out to the fullest for either of us. But I feel like maybe I’m ignoring that he needs someone to help him spiritually grow as well…like I think maybe I should sacrifice dating/marrying someone who can truly challenge me as an individual and make me grow closer to God in order to help him…but that’s not the way dating/marriage is supposed to be…you shouldn’t sacrifice such a big spiritual need…but then I feel selfish…but the question that really gets me is how did I not realize this until now.

Sigh. Poor guy probably never saw it coming. But, if this is what you feel God is telling you, then go with your heart.

 

[ballet_dancer]

No, please don’t do this!!! Don’t think of dating or marriage, God forbid, as a mission, where you are going to sacrifice yourself on behalf of your husband. Be grateful that you have realized this now, before you talked yourself into marrying him. This is a blessing.

I just worry I’m overlooking his positive qualities…but I think maybe now I realize that this is a non-negotiable issue for me. I don’t think I can stomach the idea of being the spiritual leader of a family assuming my husband was in good health etc. I still worry I’m being too picky. I’m torn on this but I feel ultimately I shouldn’t be settling for someone who cannot meet my spiritual needs…I feel awful for even saying that.

Sigh. Poor guy probably never saw it coming. But, if this is what you feel God is telling you, then go with your heart.

I feel awful about it. Him and I have been sort of distant lately but there’s no way he’s going to forsee this. I don’t even know how to tell him all of this. Please keep him in your thoughts.

 

[coachdennis]

Sorry, but time to be blunt!

You marry someone because you love them – not to change them, not to save them, not to make them your pet “project”, period.

 

[Groo]

Sorry, but time to be blunt!

You marry someone because you love them – not to change them, not to save them, not to make them your pet “project”, period.

Yep.

It hurts to be dumped.

It hurts worse to be strung along because she is afraid she won’t find someone better.

I speak from experience.

 

[joshvanrad]

Is he a man who could potentially be the spiritual leader of your domestic church?

That is the key- a man is to be to his family as a priest is to the church.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.

 

[ballet_dancer]

I am obviously not trying to string him along and am doing my best to avoid that situation by seriously discerning whether to continue in the relationship.

My heart wants to say yes, that he could be the spiritual leader of a future domestic church. But logically he just doesn’t have the personality to act in that capacity if we were to marry. This hypothetical marriage is still a while down the road, but there’s no logical hint that he’s developing into that man/will ever develope into the man who can fill the role as spiritual leader in the capacity that I need. The reason I said “that I need” is that he could be the spiritual leader for someone, just not for me. Looking at his family, his mom definitely fills the role as the spiritual leader of the house which probably acts as an influence to him.

I just still worry I’m looking over his good qualities and seeing only his flaws. Everyone has to accept flaws in their spouse…but I think I’m confident that it’s time to end this relationship. I think ultimately if I am wrong and he is meant to be my spouse that our paths will cross again and things will work out. Does that seem logical?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Have you tried talking to him? Have you told him what you need from a future husband in that regard, asked what his views are on the roles of men and women in a marriage, brought up your concerns and given him a real chance to think on them and possibly address them?

Maybe the choice here isn’t between dumping a really great guy or settling for someone who will never give you what you need. Maybe if you speak with him and let him know how you feel and are willing to work together to make sure that both of you get what you need this will work.

Men, like all people, are not mind readers. Young men, like all young people, are still trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. If you are able to grow together and do your best for each other then that is what matters. Because lets say that you find a man that is a good spiritual leader but as you age and your needs change he just isn’t anymore (and you’re young, you and your needs will change) and he isn’t really willing to listen and work with you. That is a far worse situation than a man who is willing to always try his best and accept guidance to be the best husband and father he can be.

 

[thewanderer]

I am obviously not trying to string him along and am doing my best to avoid that situation by seriously discerning whether to continue in the relationship.

My heart wants to say yes, that he could be the spiritual leader of a future domestic church. But logically he just doesn’t have the personality to act in that capacity if we were to marry. This hypothetical marriage is still a while down the road, but there’s no logical hint that he’s developing into that man/will ever develope into the man who can fill the role as spiritual leader in the capacity that I need. The reason I said “that I need” is that he could be the spiritual leader for someone, just not for me. Looking at his family, his mom definitely fills the role as the spiritual leader of the house which probably acts as an influence to him.

I just still worry I’m looking over his good qualities and seeing only his flaws. Everyone has to accept flaws in their spouse…but I think I’m confident that it’s time to end this relationship. I think ultimately if I am wrong and he is meant to be my spouse that our paths will cross again and things will work out. Does that seem logical?

I think you are overthinking this. Yes, everyone has to overlook faults in their spouses, but they should only marry someone whose faults aren’t extremely difficult for them to overloook. If by marrying him and taking on the role of spiritual leader you will end up feeling all sorts of resentment or turn yourself into a martyr then that is absolutely the wrong path to take. If this is a non-negotiable issue for you then don’t negotiate it, admit it and leave.

 

[hannajomar]

It’s so much easier to dump someone when they’re being a jerk.
It might help you to change your perspective a bit. Don’t focus on the fact that he isn’t helping you advance in your faith. Keep in mind that he isn’t advancing in his faith with you around. There might be a better woman around for him. Not that you need to be down on yourself, but we all need to be with someone who brings out the best in us.

 

[ballet_dancer]

Have you tried talking to him? Have you told him what you need from a future husband in that regard, asked what his views are on the roles of men and women in a marriage, brought up your concerns and given him a real chance to think on them and possibly address them?

Maybe the choice here isn’t between dumping a really great guy or settling for someone who will never give you what you need. Maybe if you speak with him and let him know how you feel and are willing to work together to make sure that both of you get what you need this will work.

Men, like all people, are not mind readers. Young men, like all young people, are still trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. If you are able to grow together and do your best for each other then that is what matters. Because lets say that you find a man that is a good spiritual leader but as you age and your needs change he just isn’t anymore (and you’re young, you and your needs will change) and he isn’t really willing to listen and work with you. That is a far worse situation than a man who is willing to always try his best and accept guidance to be the best husband and father he can be.

We’ve discussed the roles of men and women and marriage, but don’t really seem to share very similar views. I mean…our views are workable. We could make it work, but where’s the line between making it work and truly a compliment to each other?

Are we able to grow together? No. He might be growing, but he does not encourage (is neutral) to my spiritual growth. This isn’t because of any fixable actions…but I think just because of his personality to mine.

But the last part of what you wrote is what gets me: “That is a far worse situation than a man who is willing to always try his best and accept guidance to be the best husband and father he can be”

He’s usually always willing to listen. But he doesn’t make the change or have the drive to make a real change. Like he does not take the initiative to make changes but instead is just more passive. I asked him once what he would do if his future, hypothetical wife (not referencing to me, mind you, just to get a feel for where he stands on the value of marriage) were to walk out on him and say that she’s done. He told me, “well, if she did that then she’s probably thought about it a lot and I’d have to respect her decision”. I asked him if he would chase after her, arrange for counseling, seek counseling himself etc and he gave me the same response - that he would let her go because it’s her decision…

I understand that sometimes eventually there’s no longer anything a husband/wife can do when their spouse calls it quits, but to not even seek counseling or try to get her to go to counseling? Ouch.

I don’t really do much journaling, but I did write a few things down about different text messages he’s sent me and just different things he’s said during our relationship. I’m glad I did. I guess that this thread has been good to decide between what can grow with time and wha’ts more just his personality and can’t/would be unfair to change.

thewanderer and hannajomar,

I think I am overthinking this too. I think the decision is obvious…it’s time to let go. I just don’t understand why I didn’t realize that until now. I think maybe I was just ignoring my feelings in the past.

And that’s a lot of it too. He’s not being a jerk to me. He’s so nice and kind! But that doesn’t always qualify someone as a good match. I think that’s what I’ve come to conclude.

I have to find a time to discuss this with him in person…please keep this in your prayers.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

We’ve discussed the roles of men and women and marriage, but don’t really seem to share very similar views. I mean…our views are workable. We could make it work, but where’s the line between making it work and truly a compliment to each other?

Are we able to grow together? No. He might be growing, but he does not encourage (is neutral) to my spiritual growth. This isn’t because of any fixable actions…but I think just because of his personality to mine.

But the last part of what you wrote is what gets me: “That is a far worse situation than a man who is willing to always try his best and accept guidance to be the best husband and father he can be”

He’s usually always willing to listen. But he doesn’t make the change or have the drive to make a real change. Like he does not take the initiative to make changes but instead is just more passive. I asked him once what he would do if his future, hypothetical wife (not referencing to me, mind you, just to get a feel for where he stands on the value of marriage) were to walk out on him and say that she’s done. He told me, “well, if she did that then she’s probably thought about it a lot and I’d have to respect her decision”. I asked him if he would chase after her, arrange for counseling, seek counseling himself etc and he gave me the same response - that he would let her go because it’s her decision…

I understand that sometimes eventually there’s no longer anything a husband/wife can do when their spouse calls it quits, but to not even seek counseling or try to get her to go to counseling? Ouch.

I don’t really do much journaling, but I did write a few things down about different text messages he’s sent me and just different things he’s said during our relationship. I’m glad I did. I guess that this thread has been good to decide between what can grow with time and wha’ts more just his personality and can’t/would be unfair to change.

thewanderer and hannajomar,

I think I am overthinking this too. I think the decision is obvious…it’s time to let go. I just don’t understand why I didn’t realize that until now. I think maybe I was just ignoring my feelings in the past.

And that’s a lot of it too. He’s not being a jerk to me. He’s so nice and kind! But that doesn’t always qualify someone as a good match. I think that’s what I’ve come to conclude.

I have to find a time to discuss this with him in person…please keep this in your prayers.

Fair enough. I was just trying to make sure that you had covered all your bases and looked at this from every angle, and it seems that you have.

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[ballet_dancer]

Thank you for sharing your story, you seem really to be conflicted about this. Please just relax and pray, then pray some more.

It is possible to be the spiritual head of a household and yet have a more “laid back” personality. You don’t have to read books, dive into faith matters, attend lectures and posess a certain amount of zeal. Some people are just not wired to be as passionate and emotional about things. This is not bad in and of itself. I know in my marriage I am the more “on fire” type and my husband is more slow and steady. My husband is a great spiritual leader. He attends Mass, we pray the rosary and he discusses faith matters with the children. Do I do things with them too? Well of course I do! Being the leader does not mean that you have to have a dominant personality, it means that you lead by example, make decisions and pray.

Another example from my own marriage, at one time my husband was interested in the Catholic Charismatic movement. I couldn’t have been less interested at the time. There have also been shows on EWTN that really inspired me and books I read and my husband was not at all interested. Of course you should be supportive of one another and share faith but personal interests can still vary widely.

That being said there may be other issues here. Maybe there are other things about him that are making you look at him in a different light. The reason I say this is because for some reason I get the feeling there is more to your story. I cannot imagine being head-over-heels in love with a man who is a faithful Catholic and attends Mass every Sunday…only to consider breaking the entire thing off because he doesn’t appreciate the lovliness of Mass as much as I do. I could be totally wrong but am guessing there are other aspects of your relationship that are not working out but this is where you are focusing your thoughts.

Please be assured of my prayers. God bless you.

I feel like maybe I was never head-over-heals for him. Like maybe he treated me so well that I just felt like I should love him. And I do love him. Just maybe not the kind of love necessary for marriage.

Thanks for sharing about you and your husband. It’s helpful to consider in relation to my boyfriend and I.

I think I just ignored the truth that just because two people share the similar/same values that sometimes they are just not good compliments for each other. I think I ignored that just because a guy isn’t treating you like a jerk, doesn’t mean he’s a good match for you. I think maybe him and I are just not good matches for each other.

So I’ve also thought a lot about the dating relationships and marriages of my close (Catholic) friends. I’ve thought about all the reasons why I admire their relationship, why I think it works, why they compliment each other…but these things are just not truly present between him and I.

I actually had a thread I started in October also about cutting things off with my boyfriend. I remember someone posted, “God gave us feelings for a reason”. Is it crazy that maybe I was meant to ignore those feelings in the past…that I still had some learning to do from this relationship, but these feelings right now aren’t meant to be ignored? I don’t know.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I feel like maybe I was never head-over-heals for him. Like maybe he treated me so well that I just felt like I should love him. And I do love him. Just maybe not the kind of love necessary for marriage.

Thanks for sharing about you and your husband. It’s helpful to consider in relation to my boyfriend and I.

I think I just ignored the truth that just because two people share the similar/same values that sometimes they are just not good compliments for each other. I think I ignored that just because a guy isn’t treating you like a jerk, doesn’t mean he’s a good match for you. I think maybe him and I are just not good matches for each other.

So I’ve also thought a lot about the dating relationships and marriages of my close (Catholic) friends. I’ve thought about all the reasons why I admire their relationship, why I think it works, why they compliment each other…but these things are just not truly present between him and I.

I actually had a thread I started in October also about cutting things off with my boyfriend. I remember someone posted, “God gave us feelings for a reason”. Is it crazy that maybe I was meant to ignore those feelings in the past…that I still had some learning to do from this relationship, but these feelings right now aren’t meant to be ignored? I don’t know.

It seems as if you are saying that there is no “spark” between you and your boyfriend, and you’d like at least part of that “spark” to be in the spiritual realm.

By the way, not everyone ever goes “head over heels” in love…there are different types of love and sometimes the fiery sort will burn out too soon…But if you don’t have a spark of something - passion, desire, interest, etc. - you will just fizzle.

 

[ballet_dancer]

It seems as if you are saying that there is no “spark” between you and your boyfriend, and you’d like at least part of that “spark” to be in the spiritual realm.

By the way, not everyone ever goes “head over heels” in love…there are different types of love and sometimes the fiery sort will burn out too soon…But if you don’t have a spark of something - passion, desire, interest, etc. - you will just fizzle.

Yes. We don’t have many shared interests…but I could live with that. Most of my interests are pretty unique and stereotypical to females…not too many guys are into dance or crocheting. But the lack of a spiritual connection trumps everything else.

 

[OraLabora]

If it’s any help, I’m married to a Protestant woman who has a much different approach to spirituality than I do; I’m Catholic and have a very strong attraction to the contemplative life and monasticism.

Yet on the big ticket moral issues we are in lockstep. We just live our spirituality differently. She loves her rather chaotic small town Church, which before their service is loud and boisterous. I need the silence of a monastery. She prays silently and at no specific times; I need the regularity of the Liturgy of the Hours which I chant every day.

Somehow we make the marriage work and work very well. Sure we’ve had some ups and downs and yes many frictions on faith issues until we discovered that on the things that really do matter, we weren’t all that far apart at all.

It might be a bit too much to expect of your mate to completely correspond to your ideal. In this day and age, finding a man that regularly goes to Mass and is willing to remain chaste before marriage is a rare gem. You could make it work. You might find that your differences are complementary. For example if you get worked up over something minor in the parish his laid-backness may in fact help you learn to let go of what’s not really all that important. On the other hand your spirituality may encourage him to explore areas and grow in ways he may not have thought of.

It was my wife, in some ways that got me to think more about grace.

Men and women are different. And every individual is different. Don’t try to change each other, try to learn from each other and more importantly listen to each other.

 

[ballet_dancer]

If it’s any help, I’m married to a Protestant woman who has a much different approach to spirituality than I do; I’m Catholic and have a very strong attraction to the contemplative life and monasticism.

Yet on the big ticket moral issues we are in lockstep. We just live our spirituality differently. She loves her rather chaotic small town Church, which before their service is loud and boisterous. I need the silence of a monastery. She prays silently and at no specific times; I need the regularity of the Liturgy of the Hours which I chant every day.

Somehow we make the marriage work and work very well. Sure we’ve had some ups and downs and yes many frictions on faith issues until we discovered that on the things that really do matter, we weren’t all that far apart at all.

It might be a bit too much to expect of your mate to completely correspond to your ideal. In this day and age, finding a man that regularly goes to Mass and is willing to remain chaste before marriage is a rare gem. You could make it work. You might find that your differences are complementary. For example if you get worked up over something minor in the parish his laid-backness may in fact help you learn to let go of what’s not really all that important. On the other hand your spirituality may encourage him to explore areas and grow in ways he may not have thought of.

It was my wife, in some ways that got me to think more about grace.

Men and women are different. And every individual is different. Don’t try to change each other, try to learn from each other and more importantly listen to each other.

Ah! I know…that’s part of the problem. Finding a man who attends Mass and is willing to remain chaste is a gem!

I feel like what I’m about to write puts a new spin on everything. I’ve been trying to dig deeper into this situation…

• I often feel like his babysitter. He tends to talk with his mouth full, make jokes at awkward times, doesn’t shave regularly…he tends to miss a lot of social cues. It’s not that I think outward apparance and other people’s opinions are the MOST important thing. But they do say a lot. I find myself saying constantly reminding him of how to act in certain situations. I understand that I’m probably a little more socially aware because of my job and personality, but there’s some basic things that he just doesn’t recognize nor view as important. He doesn’t know social boundries.
• When I have children I want them to be well-mannered. If I marry a man who cannot carry himself *decently *in public, how would this affect our kids?
• He has a lot of trouble holding a conversation with other people. I find myself telling other people, “Well when you get to know him, he really has a lot of good things to say!”.
  Ok before I go any futher, I’m not trying to insult him or anything…just analyze our relationship and discern what’s most important to me.
• He doesn’t reach out to people who need obvious help.
• He needs someone to walk him through everything. He had the phone number of someone at our college that he needed to call to get something sorted out about classes. This was an issue that should have been resolved within the first two weeks of school…but he kept making excuses on why he hadn’t done it! I get procrastinating…but waiting on something for so long that literally takes two seconds…the school kept calling him and reminding him but he did nothing. He simply often lacks initiative to follow through with his responsbilities.
• He’s never held a “real” job. We’re both very frugal, but he doesn’t see the value in a job during high school/college. His parents pay for the bare necessities.
• He said he would probably get jealous if his (future) wife were to stay home with the kids all day. We haven’t talked too much in depth about it. He agrees that a parent should ideally stay home, but he doesn’t view that as a “job”…more just as you “don’t have for a babysitter”.
• He agrees with almost everything I say. Not because they’re logical, but because I am the one saying them. At least that’s the perception I get from him. He says that my beliefs make sense…awesome, I like to think I’m a pretty intelligent person! But that doesn’t mean to blindly agree to all of them.
• The thing right above this is how is faith life is too. When I’ve been out of town for 2-4 weeks at a time during the summer, he had trouble going to Mass. This was early in our relationship, but he seemed to only go because I was urging him to go. He needs someone to push him. I don’t know if I can always push him as much as he needs pushed.

From what I just wrote, I think I’ve found a few red flags that maybe I ignored before.

He would not responsibly teach our children how to behave in public. That would be left to me. He would view the possibility of his wife staying home as a vacation from the real world, not as a job of raising children. He needs consistent pushing in order to grow in his faith…something I cannot always be providing without sacrificing my own spiritual needs. He lacks the initiative to take control of his responsibilities…this would translate poorly into a marriage. He would likely not fulfill his parental or spousely responsibilities very well. He blindly agrees with almost everything I say…he lacks the ability to think for himself.

Maybe that made sense. I still feel like I might be looking over some good qualities…but for the first time I think I’m starting to see his flaws as true red flags.

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

Ah! I know…that’s part of the problem. Finding a man who attends Mass and is willing to remain chaste is a gem!

I feel like what I’m about to write puts a new spin on everything. I’ve been trying to dig deeper into this situation…

• I often feel like his babysitter. He tends to talk with his mouth full, make jokes at awkward times, doesn’t shave regularly…he tends to miss a lot of social cues. It’s not that I think outward apparance and other people’s opinions are the MOST important thing. But they do say a lot. I find myself saying constantly reminding him of how to act in certain situations. I understand that I’m probably a little more socially aware because of my job and personality, but there’s some basic things that he just doesn’t recognize nor view as important. He doesn’t know social boundries.
• When I have children I want them to be well-mannered. If I marry a man who cannot carry himself *decently *in public, how would this affect our kids?
• He has a lot of trouble holding a conversation with other people. I find myself telling other people, “Well when you get to know him, he really has a lot of good things to say!”.
  Ok before I go any futher, I’m not trying to insult him or anything…just analyze our relationship and discern what’s most important to me.
• He doesn’t reach out to people who need obvious help.
• He needs someone to walk him through everything. He had the phone number of someone at our college that he needed to call to get something sorted out about classes. This was an issue that should have been resolved within the first two weeks of school…but he kept making excuses on why he hadn’t done it! I get procrastinating…but waiting on something for so long that literally takes two seconds…the school kept calling him and reminding him but he did nothing. He simply often lacks initiative to follow through with his responsbilities.
• He’s never held a “real” job. We’re both very frugal, but he doesn’t see the value in a job during high school/college. His parents pay for the bare necessities.
• He said he would probably get jealous if his (future) wife were to stay home with the kids all day. We haven’t talked too much in depth about it. He agrees that a parent should ideally stay home, but he doesn’t view that as a “job”…more just as you “don’t have for a babysitter”.
• He agrees with almost everything I say. Not because they’re logical, but because I am the one saying them. At least that’s the perception I get from him. He says that my beliefs make sense…awesome, I like to think I’m a pretty intelligent person! But that doesn’t mean to blindly agree to all of them.
• The thing right above this is how is faith life is too. When I’ve been out of town for 2-4 weeks at a time during the summer, he had trouble going to Mass. This was early in our relationship, but he seemed to only go because I was urging him to go. He needs someone to push him. I don’t know if I can always push him as much as he needs pushed.

From what I just wrote, I think I’ve found a few red flags that maybe I ignored before.

He would not responsibly teach our children how to behave in public. That would be left to me. He would view the possibility of his wife staying home as a vacation from the real world, not as a job of raising children. He needs consistent pushing in order to grow in his faith…something I cannot always be providing without sacrificing my own spiritual needs. He lacks the initiative to take control of his responsibilities…this would translate poorly into a marriage. He would likely not fulfill his parental or spousely responsibilities very well. He blindly agrees with almost everything I say…he lacks the ability to think for himself.

Maybe that made sense. I still feel like I might be looking over some good qualities…but for the first time I think I’m starting to see his flaws as true red flags.

A good portion of these “flaws” seem a lot like nitpicking to me. Hate to break it to you, but there are many, many people out there who talk with their mouth full, don’t shave too often, and agree with others. I definitely think though that if you’ve come up with all these reasons why you are not fond of your boyfriend, you should break up now and let him move on with his life.

 

[mdleagedguy]

In a good marriage, each side brings strengths that the other doesn’t have. Just because you have strengths that he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean he’s not a good match. Rather, it suggests that you complement each other.

My wife has strengths that I don’t have, and I have strengths that she doesn’t. She makes up for my weaknesses, and I make up for hers. Sometimes that is frustrating for both of us, but it works for us. I wouldn’t trade her for the world, no matter how much she’s not like me. In fact, if she were more like me I’d probably not love her as much.