Break Off the Engagement?

[NTOT]

A friend of mine is engaged to a man who she thought was a great guy, but he recently confessed to her that he had an impure thought about another woman. Jesus said that this constitutes adultery, and I think maybe she should break off the engagement. What do you think? Can a man who commits adultery even before the marriage ever be trusted?

The man should break off this engagment with this woman immediately. He confided something intimate with her and she thought it prudent to share this information with the world. Unless he wants to live a life wondering whether he can trust his wife or not, he should call it off.

 

[KenEOTE]

NTOT you bring up an interesting point. True… the man showed he was honorable and trustworthy and the woman proved to be the one who could not be trusted.

Is she going to keep running to Neil every time something happens in her marriage? They are supposed to be working together as a couple; they need to be confiding in each other not others. Unless Neil is some kind of marriage counselor which I doubt since he brought this to the forum.

 

[PaulinVA]

Yes, Neil, she’s marrying someone else.

No, she shouldn’t break off the engagement.

She should stop sharing with you.

She should come clean with her fiancee and admit that she has been passing on intimate things he’s shared with her with another man.

Finished.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Yes, Neil, she’s marrying someone else.
…
Finished.

A big sarcastic “thanks a lot” to people who accused me of meddling. That’s not what the question was about, whether I should be meddling or she should be sharing such details, or whether I secretly want to steal this woman from her fiancee. I guess some people just really like to judge others.

 

[KenEOTE]

Neil I will give you the benefit of the doubt. You are not at fault in this situation. However your friend has shown poor judgment. Instead of going to you she should have talked it over with her fiancée or talked to a priest or pastor. As a friend to her, you should advise her to go talk to her future Husband as that is the person she needs to talk this over with.

You have put yourself in an awkward situation. Good Luck.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Neil I will give you the benefit of the doubt. You are not at fault in this situation. However your friend has shown poor judgment. Instead of going to you she should have talked it over with her fiancée or talked to a priest or pastor. As a friend to her, you should advise her to go talk to her future Husband as that is the person she needs to talk this over with.

You have put yourself in an awkward situation. Good Luck.

How do you know she confided in me? What right do you have to judge her? For all you know I could have read her diary, I could have been present when this happened, I could be psychic, or he could have told me himself. Thats completely irrelevant to the question.

 

[KenEOTE]

Well then perhaps you are the fiend. I was trying to be nice to you since you have been getting a lot of negativity. Perhaps you are the one trying to pry them apart. Maybe you should have expounded on how you came into knowledge of the initmacies of thier relationship. Are you stalking her and him? Are you going through their e-mails or diaries? What is the truth Neil? You asked a question about what she should do and made a poll. As you can see most seem to think that she should stay with this man. The question is now how would he and she feel about you asking about this in a forum. Yes you haven’t given details of who they are, but still how would they feel about that? Sounds like poor judgement all around. Do not get mad at people for Judging you when you have not given details on hwo you came to know what happened, or what the circumstances are. You left a lot of out. It also changed from him confessing to she saw him do it and then he confessed.

 

[masha]

A big sarcastic “thanks a lot” to people who accused me of meddling. That’s not what the question was about, whether I should be meddling or she should be sharing such details, or whether I secretly want to steal this woman from her fiance. I guess some people just really like to judge others.

There is nothing wrong with “judging others” when they present themselves for judgement.

You yourself are “judging” this man, who seems perfectly honorable.

It’s very easy to assume that you are ‘meddling’ in this relationship because you want it to fail (for whatever reason). Have you never had impure thoughts?

It was decent, though really unnecessary of him to confide them in her, and absolutely inappropriate of her to confide in you (assuming she did, though, if you did read her journal, I recommend confession, it’s an invasion of her privacy and an unhealthy curiosity on your part).

As for “preforming a test,” I certainly hope that was a joke.

Pax et Bonum,
Masha

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Perhaps you are the one trying to pry them apart. Maybe you should have expounded on how you came into knowledge of the initmacies of thier relationship. Are you stalking her and him? Are you going through their e-mails or diaries?

LOL maybe you need to spend less time worrying about the lives of people who ask for advice online, and more time going about your own business.

It’s none of your business who these people are or why I have the question.

 

[KenEOTE]

It’s none of your business who these people are or why I have the question.

Perhaps you should take your own advice.

If you didn’t want people to give you advice maybe you should have kept the question to yourself.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

Yes, Neil, she’s marrying someone else.

No, she shouldn’t break off the engagement.

She should stop sharing with you.

She should come clean with her fiancee and admit that she has been passing on intimate things he’s shared with her with another man.

Finished.

Neil:

Even more important than what Paulin says here, YOU (as a friend and an honorable man) need to STOP her from sharing with you. If she needs to talk and comes to you, YOU need to tell her no, that you are not the person she should discuss it with. Direct her to her future husband, direct her to her spiritual director, or a marriage counselor, or even her mother, BUT NOT YOU. As a male friend, you must stay out of it, or her marriage will never work.

I am not saying that you have done anything wrong. You are just trying to be her friend and are worrying about her, but the best way to do that is to stop her from breaking the confidentiality of her relationship with her husband to be and point her to where she should be taking her concerns.

Marsha

 

[surfinpure]

Ahem :ehh:

Is it me or is this thread getting ridiculously overheated?

I’d like to keep in mind the actual question Neil presented, and not go chasing white rabbits about which we know precious little.

Also, for further reference to those who have never before done this, I have once posted a question about a “woman I know” who was, in truth, myself. I did this primarily out of respect for my husband, whose reputation I would not want to tarnish even to strangers, and I caught a good deal of flack from a couple of members about it.

So let’s give Neil the benefit of the doubt here and recognize that he has his reasons for knowing this information and he asked a legitimate question, which deserves a legitimate answer, not a chorus of, “Kill the beast!”

 

[KenEOTE]

surf

when I tried to give Neil the benefit of the doubt he got more upset and very defensive. So somethings a bit off there.

He start going on about maybe he looked at her diary and all this other stuff. So he painted himself out to be a more fiendish individual when all I was saying was, as a friend to her or to the man he should advise them to seek out a priest, or pastor or professional.