L
Lochias
Guest
Awesome, thanks for sharing this. Like many others, I struggle with the same thing, and one of the things that’s helped me the most is a recent devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I visit Him every day in the tabernacle, every day I renew my consecration, and the Miraculous Medal I wear also helps (another poster described wearing one as like “wearing a microphone to God” around their neck…I am much more loathe to commit mortal sin with that realization in mind). Your priest sounds absolutely awesome, too.I can tell you that this addiction can be very serious. What’s she expecting would be like saying, “If you loved me you wouldn’t do this”, that’s not the issue. The issue is addiction. It took me over a year to get 2 1/2 months of purity. I bought a ring that I wear that says “Pure Before God” and I relapsed at the 3 month mark. There are many reasons why people get addicted…their addictive nature, abuse in their past, and there is a chemical that is secreted into the brain that actually makes you crave more. Addiction is not a moral failing, it’s a dependency. Have you talked to your priest. I have a Confessor that knows all about my struggles and I can be open and honest. I also have 2 trusted parishioner/friends I can take aside and say, “I’m feeling temptations about my addiction today. Will you pray with me?” and so I have accountability. Whether or not it is a mortal sin for an addict is how much free will and full consent we have. There are times I do have full consent and I know it. There are other times I am in the grip of something I cannot control. I confess either way, I’m not the priest so I don’t try to rationalize. I tell him what happened and pick myself up and go on.
You might not like this, but loving someone does not always mean they are “the one for you” and the pressure you are under will only increase your addiction behavior (stress release is a trigger for relapse). The more you death grip chastity, the more it will elude you. Ask the Blessed Mother for her gift of chastity. I hang a rosary on a hook beside my bed. I limit the places where I can slip…no reading in bed, etc. I also have to interrupt thoughts and distract myself. It takes time but it can be done. Prayer, Adoration, DeMonfort Total Consecration to Mary, Daily Mass, and the Rosary all help me. I have a standing appt with my Confessor every Monday morning and I use it if I need to, if I don’t need Confession I let him know and I just head off to work. It’s funny he will go in the back and remove his vestments and come out and look my way. I shake my head no or yes and confess if I need to.
When I told him of my recent relapse he said, "Remember when you bounced in and out of here 4-5 times a week (and I did)? It’s a miracle to get almost 3 months. Get back up and keep going and do NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. " What you’re doing in pressuring yourself is actually bad in that it keeps your total attention and focus on the addiction and the fear of failure/loss. That’s a bad set up.
Doing it for her will never work. Do it because it’s right in God’s eyes, focus on HIM, and the woman who will understand, support you, and love you will be there when it’s time. She may even be the right one, now just might not be the right time. I will pray for you. (Yes I really will)–Blessings and DON’T GIVE UP.
To the OP: Stay the course, realize that God loves you even when you fall, take courage and don’t lose hope when you need to Confess to your priest, and be blessed. You’re doing well.