Brothers 5th Wedding

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Preserving family unity is a good thing. Being kind and charitable are good things. Likely, your brother knows Church teaching and will decide to ignore it regardless of what you say or do.

If her brother is going to ignore church teaching regardless of what she does, then shouldn’t she do what she thinks is beat and not go to the wedding ? Preserving family unity is NOT always a good thing. First priority is to love and serve our God even if that will turn family away from us

 

[simonjosiah1]

Let your brother know your views on marriage, let him know how much you love him, but you also love his soul and wouldn’t want to see him offend God. It might make him think you never know.

 

[Hope1960]

I do believe it is out of duty. He will not answer my emails, calls, etc for years. I have tried to have a good relationship with him.

Thank you.

Oh, in THAT case, maybe I wouldn’t be so determined to go. Still, taking the high road may lead to unexpected surprises.

 

[phil19034]

phil19034:

It sounds like, while he was baptized Catholic, he subjectively isn’t Catholic.

Personally, I believe the wedding boycott is only a good idea when it will HELP someone maintain their Catholic faith or marry in the Church.

If it’s NOT going to make a difference or all it’s going to do it paint you and/or Catholics in a bad light, it’s not worth doing.

Remember: the objective of the boycott is to send a message that will eventually have a POSITIVE affect.

Because your brother isn’t subjectively Catholic, it might not be worth the fallout.

Not necessarily. It is about the people doing the “boycott” not sharing in the sin of the other party.

To be clear: I was referring to a “public boycott” where the bride and groom know your reasons.

If someone doesn’t want to “share in the sin” of the other party, simply do not attend without giving a religious reason - unless you think it will do good

 

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Remember: the objective of the boycott is to send a message that will eventually have a POSITIVE affect.

WRONG ! The object of the boycott is the OP does not want to sin

 

[Norseman82]

If her brother is going to ignore church teaching regardless of what she does, then shouldn’t she do what she thinks is beat and not go to the wedding ? Preserving family unity is NOT always a good thing. First priority is to love and serve our God even if that will turn family away from us

BINGO!

For all the people who believe that not causing a rift in the family is the most important thing and one should be willing to sacrifice their morality for it, please recall that Jesus stated that He came to divide families (not intentionally, but because His message itself would cause division).

 

[Axsenex]

I go when I’m invited & none of my family are Catholic so I’m lucky enough to avoid stupid drama.

 

[AHapka]

I’m sorry, but you do not give enough information for me to make a proper opinion.

Is he widowed from all four previous marriages? If all four wives have died in that time, regardless of the validity of those marriages, he is free to marry with no restrictions whatsoever. Marriage is only until death.

Have the previous marriages, if the prior spouses are alive, been annulled?

It sounds like the issue here is that they are getting married outside the Church. Is that correct? In that case, a discussion with your priest or confessor might be the best course of action.

If you attending for support of a family member, I personally (though I’m just a random person) don’t see anything wrong with it.

 

[AHapka]

Do we know if it’s sinful? Not enough information has been given here. If, for all previous marriages the wife has died and/or annulments have been granted, it could well be a valid marriage.

 

[phil19034]

phil19034:

Remember: the objective of the boycott is to send a message that will eventually have a POSITIVE affect.

WRONG ! The object of the boycott is the OP does not want to sin

No need to yell. Read my other post. OP doesn’t want to attend because she doesn’t want to participate in his sin, then she doesn’t have to attend and doesn’t have to give him the real reason unless she thinks it will have an eventual positive affect.

 

[Axsenex]

Stop acting like the square root of 2.

 

[Norseman82]

Do we know if it’s sinful? Not enough information has been given here. If, for all previous marriages the wife has died and/or annulments have been granted, it could well be a valid marriage.

OP did say it was outside the Church. If all the previous marriages ended in death or annulment, then he is presumably free to marry in the Church (either in an actual Catholic ceremony or with a dispensation), but he is not doing so. The fact that he is hostile to her faith life indicates deeper problems. If he truly wants to mend fences, he needs to start by making amends for the hostility he has shown her faith life.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

I think the boycott only “works” if lots of people do it. Like maybe back 60 or 70 years ago, or in a family that is majority devout, so a lot of family members would not go. Then I think it would be especially effective. It’s sad because when it’s only one or two people who don’t attend, then everyone else might write them off as “those judgmental so-and-sos”. I think you have to do what you think is morally correct.

 

[Hope1960]

because when it’s only one or two people who don’t attend, then everyone else might write them off as “those judgmental so-and-sos”.

True.
…

 

[QwertyGirl]

I think the boycott only “works” if lots of people do it. Like maybe back 60 or 70 years ago, or in a family that is majority devout, so a lot of family members would not go. Then I think it would be especially effective

Effective in what way?

 

[joeybaggz]

He is no longer serving. He retired. No one went to any of his weddings because they happened in different countries.

A thought, your brother doesn’t seem to see beyond himself in any of his past situations. If all his wedding were in other countries, might he be thinking that no one attended because of distance. And if this one is in the USA (or other home country) would not going be something that he would take as a personal rejection whereas he didn’t see the past no shows as anything but inconvenience or inability due to distance. He seems pretty self absorbed in the way you describe him.
As to your familial future, I stand by my previous post. When in his old age his life is a complete failure, your being the only bible, person of faith, etc, that he can reach out to save, if not his life, at least his soul, your faithfulness to him as a sister, might be eternally important to his Creator.
It is the old question asked of the Lord, “Am I my brother’s keeper.”

 

[QwertyGirl]

It’s possible he is just a broken human being who is trying to figure life out and is misguided, misdirected, has low self-esteem, or whatever else may be part of who he is that makes figuring out life difficult. I wouldn’t conclude he is self-absorbed. For whatever reason, he hasn’t learned the lessons most of us have. Hope really does spring eternal, it seems, and at least he has that (otherwise I doubt he would be taking a fifth bite of the apple).

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

Effective in persuading the person not to go through with a wedding outside the bounds of Catholicism. For instance, I can imagine a Catholic young lady in the 1940s thinking of marrying a divorced man. Then her family would say “No way. Over my dead body. We won’t be attending, etc.” I think that the entire family boycotting the wedding ceremony then might have had an effect in making the young lady think it over,and possibly change her mind. But when only one or two “boycott”, it doesn’t have the same effect.
I realize after I write this that in the 1940s, I don’t think that Catholics would have been allowed to attend weddings in a Protestant church anyway, and presumably the fictional young lady couldn’t marry the man in a Catholic church. Oh well.

 

[QwertyGirl]

Doubtful. Even in those days, that kind of boycotting only drew the couple closer. Now if the family had money, and threatened to “disown” the child (meaning by marrying they would be forfeiting their fortune), that would often have the effect you describe.

 

[joeybaggz]

I wouldn’t conclude he is self-absorbed.

You know, there is an old saying that, “if you are getting divorced for the seventh time, maybe it’s you.”
Getting married for the 5th time to me of someone who doesn’t understand that marriage is a relationship where the other’s hopes, dreams, wants, and needs are put before one’s own. That, to me, smacks of self absorption. Then, you can see it in another light depending on one’s POV.