Bullying in Catholic School - should I tell the parents?

[jsinc0265]

Your child’s school is behind the times with regards to relational aggression. The bullies do not deserve to have their behavior protected, and this is even true in public schools.

Get together with any other concerned parents you know who have had similar problems and contact the superintendent of Catholic schools for your area about a “no tolerance” policy for bullies. Let him or her know what you were told when you reported bullying at your school. Before you do so, do your homework, as there is plenty of research out there to back you up. In this way, you can remain calm, substitute facts for your own sense of things, and make this about the total welfare of the school, rather than just that of your own child.

There are many resources online for this. You could start reading up at sites like nobully.com/.

 

[jsinc0265]

My children are both victims of bullying in the Catholic School. I tried to stop this kind of behavior but had to pull my daughter and return her to public school in February. I addressed this with the principal and priest many times but they don’t discipline the children. I even had the parent of the bully attack my daughter verbally at lunch. My son was also a victim of bullying. My son will return to public school next fall. I have learned that if you speak up and defend your child that they turn on you. The priest suggested that I remove my children and finish the school year out somewhere else if I was that dissatisfied. The bullies where even stealing her lunch.

 

[jazzbaby1]

My children are both victims of bullying in the Catholic School. I tried to stop this kind of behavior but had to pull my daughter and return her to public school in February. I addressed this with the principal and priest many times but they don’t discipline the children. I even had the parent of the bully attack my daughter verbally at lunch. My son was also a victim of bullying. My son will return to public school next fall. I have learned that if you speak up and defend your child that they turn on you. The priest suggested that I remove my children and finish the school year out somewhere else if I was that dissatisfied. The bullies where even stealing her lunch.

Contact your Bishop. There is NO excuse for that kind of nonsense.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

I would be curious to hear if anyone on this forum was bullied growing up and how they handled it or would recommend handling it based on their own experiences.

I also had issues with bullying (verbal and emotional, although one time physical) and it happened, ironically enough, in Catholic school (including a teacher who was, in her defense, an older lady in her eighties who, although rough with students, was likely that way because of the different generation she came from). I had NO friends during this period whatsoever because I didn’t “fit in”, and would constantly be teased for a large number of reasons. Worse yet the school was small and most of my fellow students and, presumably, their parents and families had friendships going back for years…needless to say I was an outsider and joined the school in 4th grade.

To this day I still struggle with a lack of self esteem, confidence, and love of self because of it.

What did I do about it? Considering my young age I didn’t do anything at all. I honestly, at that age, had no clue what to do about it. The thought likely never entered my mind. As for the time I was physically harassed (which was at a different school) I got so fed up with it that I went straight to the principle after the X time it happened (it was always in the locker room after gym class). The result? All three of my harassers were suspended and the bullying stopped. Sure, the gym teacher was frustrated that I didn’t talk to him first, but I honestly don’t care…it fixed the problem.

So my solution would be to implement zero tolerance policies for bullying along with dealing with the issue VERY swiftly, maybe even using a heavy hand where necessary. While this will always be a problem in schools we need to ensure that we establish very hard and very fast guidelines on stopping bullying as soon as it starts. Otherwise the damaging effects become very long lasting and deep.

 

[1concernedmom]

My children are both victims of bullying in the Catholic School. I tried to stop this kind of behavior but had to pull my daughter and return her to public school in February. I addressed this with the principal and priest many times but they don’t discipline the children. I even had the parent of the bully attack my daughter verbally at lunch. My son was also a victim of bullying. My son will return to public school next fall. I have learned that if you speak up and defend your child that they turn on you. The priest suggested that I remove my children and finish the school year out somewhere else if I was that dissatisfied. The bullies where even stealing her lunch.

I’m so sorry that you’ve also had to go through this. What you said about speaking up and defending your child and that they turn on you is spot on. We were turned into pariahs by the administration, the priests, the teachers, some parents and some students for having the nerve to complain.

My child just graduated from 5th grade and I’ve never felt such relief to be gone from a place but they even had to stick it to my little boy one last time. He was one of only a handful of students that didn’t receive any type of acknowledgment at this event.

My son is a straight A student with the exception of English where he missed the mark by .4 of a percent. Now it was the English teacher who last year told us in front of the principal when we complained that our child was pushed into desks from behind in her class, that she wouldn’t ever protect a child from bullying because her daughter was bullied and no one helped her.

So our son didn’t get the straight A certificate. Next, another round of certificates were given out to students that 2 teachers had to nominate as hard workers. Our son was not given one of those either even though he says 3 of his teachers specifically came up to him and told him they were proud of what he accomplished on his report card.

Just 3 weeks ago, my son brought home a paper on the banning of cell phone usage at school. That didn’t affect my child since he doesn’t use a cell phone but I asked him what was up with that. He said that 4-5 kids out of the only 23 in 5th grade were “dirty” texting each other in class. He said they were asking each other to f*** each other and the like. These are 10 & 11 year olds and there is only 10 in one class and 13 in another class but the teachers never saw a thing! It took the daughter of another teacher complaining to do anything about that. Now if my son had complained, the kids probably would have been having sex in the hall and nothing still would have been done about it.

I can honestly say that this entire experience has most definitely hurt my faith in the Catholic Church. I tried to put this aside and start going to Mass again but can’t bring myself to go anymore since every church in my area funds this particular Catholic School.

As to going to the Bishop, been there and done that. They washed their hands of it as being dealt with at the school level.

 

[BcuzISaidSo]

First off, bullying is a reality, sad but true. Even if a school has set policies in place it goes on.

Bullying must be caught by a person in authority and acted upon quickly. When the victim reports it it often gets worse.

School have to work harder in practicing Christ’s teachings and transmitting them to young children to try and prevent the bullying in the first place. In addition, children must be taught to understand why bullies bully and some tactics to help themselves.

Bullies are everywhere. They are in the workplace, the sports fields, in the schools, yes Catholic schools too.

Because it is part of the human condition it will never be eliminated. Best to coach you children on how to deal.

 

[aguthrie]

What if you teach in a school and you know the bullying is going on and you try to do something to stop it and the principal doesn’t back you up? And take it to the pastor? What if he doesn’t want to be bothered about any school issues?

I hope parents know that teachers really do care and we want so much to stop any type of bullying, but it is so difficult. And you are right, the girls follow in the footsteps of thier moms-as far as the gossiping in the parking lot (about teachers) and they see nothing wrong with this.

This is such a difficult issue and everyone needs to help in dealing with it.
Look at the tv shows and the general disrespect in society.

Blessings to all,
Ava

Talk to your pastor, letting him know that your daughter’s experience is not an isolated incident, to ensure that he knows about the situation. If he will not listen or even if he will not act quickly and decisively, then enlist the aid of other parents who share your views, and try again. There may have been a day when such ignorance as you have encountered could be honestly held, but in this day and age, there is no excuse for letting this situation persist in any school. Heaven forbid that the right to entrenched patterns of uncharity be defended in a Catholic school, when even the pagans don’t have the stomach to allow it any more. I would put it just that way, too. You are a extraordinary minister of the Eucharist? All the more reason that you are bound to act in the defense of the vulnerable, even when no one else will.

Going behind the principal’s back is when you have never talked to him about the situation first. Although there is no excuse for a school in session in 2011 not to have measures to combat bullying in place already, I would talk to the pastor and school board if you have not done so. If they do nothing, then they leave you with no choice. Even if you are forced to pull your child from the school, keep going up the ladder until someone listens, all the way to the Bishop or Archbishop himself.

I know more than one priest who thinks that being pastor in a parish with a school is a huge burden, but they would say the same. The children must be protected, no matter who it inconveniences, period, end of discussion.

 

[myangels2128]

Our Catholic school has a major bullying and clicks problem which I have brought to the attention of the principal as a parent volunteer in recess among others. The teacher of my daughter who was bullied told me that these girls (10 yrs.old) have to settle it among themselves and the principal told me that my daughter has to thicken her skin (!!!). So we are left to our own devices.
One day while doing recess, I witnessed (and intervened) a bullying incident in 3rd grade where one girl was made to cry because of name-calling. The funny thing is, the bully’s mother was concerned (she confided in me) that her daughter was being alienated (clicks) by some girls. On another occasion, this same bully was the one alienating the same girl she made to cry by excluding her from a game. I also intervened and stopped it.
Because we have no support from the school which I believe has the responsibility to address the issue with the students involved (and if need be the parents of these kids), do I (a) tell the parent of the bully of what I witnessed and stopped and (b) tell the parent of the bullied girl?
Needless to say, we are leaving the school next year for public school which has a very pro-active anti-bullying campaign called Olweus.

I truly appreciate any sage advice.

I am sorry to hear this! My 9 year old son is going through the same thing. He was stabbed, punched and head beat against his desk. The school and diocese has done nothing. Parents have done nothing. It is now an active police case. We have pulled him from school and so have 6 other families. It is rediculous how horrible that school is.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am sorry to hear this! My 9 year old son is going through the same thing. He was stabbed, punched and head beat against his desk. The school and diocese has done nothing. Parents have done nothing. It is now an active police case. We have pulled him from school and so have 6 other families. It is rediculous how horrible that school is.

Stabbed?!? Punched and beaten? *A NINE year old? *At a Catholic school?!? And the perpetrators were still in the school the next day?!? Who was *supposed to be *supervising these kids?

That is not just a horrible school; that is a criminal school. I’m sadded that you had to pull your child from as school when your child has done nothing wrong, but I am relieved to hear the police are involved.

 

[myangels2128]

Yes the sad thing the teachers are still getting paid and those kids get to sit in class and get a great education. But I firmly believe that they will all have to answer to God one day. Thats when my son will get his justice. I just want to try and put a stop to this. We pay a lot of money to go to school there and we are there to give our children the fundamentals of a Catholic life. All these schools are just not doing what they should be. My goal is to make sure no child will ever fear walking into a Catholic School. They failed my son but it is my mission to make sure they don’t fail someone else.

 

[Kerry77]

Just reading through this thread and wanted to comment. I know it’s an old one, but I really wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributed to it.

We are dealing with a bullying problem at our Catholic School now (elementary level).

It seems to be happening over and over again. And every time something happens, it’s like we are starting all over again with the principal. All the previous incidents are conveniently forgotten! Poof! Good thing I documented them all on email.

In this case, we feel that the aggressor actually has something wrong with him, in a mental/behavioral sense, that is not being addressed because our school doesn’t have those resources. I won’t go into too much detail on that, but I think that if he were in a public school, he would have been evaluated by a professional psychologist by this point, at minimum. But because we don’t have those resources, the school just keeps trying to correct his behavior using the same old techniques, which aren’t working. I believe they are out of tools with this child and the best thing for him would be get professional help either outside the school privately, or within a public school environment.

I suspect that the other problem is that our school is on the borderline when it comes to enrollment numbers. So I think the principal is keen on keeping basically any child/family that he can and working with them. I’m sure in his mind he thinks he can help this child, but I don’t believe that is the case anymore. I remember when I was in Catholic school, kids were often asked to leave to go to public school for various reasons, but we didn’t have the enrollment issues back then that many Catholic schools have now.

The part that someone wrote on here about how the people in charge just want problems to go away and this is how the sex abuse scandals were perpetuated…That’s what I’ve been thinking about lately too in regards to this and it’s been giving me nightmares. Have we learned anything? We need to be better than everyone else on this, not worse. We have the best anti-bullying program out there…it’s called the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So far we have only gone as far as the principal. I would like to know what the next steps are if we feel that we need to go further. Do we go to the pastor, the diocese, the police, how does this all work?

Thanks in advance for any help anyone can offer.

 

[Serap]

Our Catholic school has a major bullying and clicks problem which I have brought to the attention of the principal as a parent volunteer in recess among others. The teacher of my daughter who was bullied told me that these girls (10 yrs.old) have to settle it among themselves and the principal told me that my daughter has to thicken her skin (!!!). So we are left to our own devices.
One day while doing recess, I witnessed (and intervened) a bullying incident in 3rd grade where one girl was made to cry because of name-calling. The funny thing is, the bully’s mother was concerned (she confided in me) that her daughter was being alienated (clicks) by some girls. On another occasion, this same bully was the one alienating the same girl she made to cry by excluding her from a game. I also intervened and stopped it.
Because we have no support from the school which I believe has the responsibility to address the issue with the students involved (and if need be the parents of these kids), do I (a) tell the parent of the bully of what I witnessed and stopped and (b) tell the parent of the bullied girl?
Needless to say, we are leaving the school next year for public school which has a very pro-active anti-bullying campaign called Olweus.

I truly appreciate any sage advice.

Call the police and get them to sort it out.

Teachers and pricipals are putting themselves at risk of being sued by a parent who’s kid has committed suicide.

I HATE BULLYING!!!

 

[EasterJoy]

Just reading through this thread and wanted to comment. I know it’s an old one, but I really wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributed to it.

We are dealing with a bullying problem at our Catholic School now (elementary level).

It seems to be happening over and over again. And every time something happens, it’s like we are starting all over again with the principal. All the previous incidents are conveniently forgotten! Poof! Good thing I documented them all on email.

In this case, we feel that the aggressor actually has something wrong with him, in a mental/behavioral sense, that is not being addressed because our school doesn’t have those resources. I won’t go into too much detail on that, but I think that if he were in a public school, he would have been evaluated by a professional psychologist by this point, at minimum. But because we don’t have those resources, the school just keeps trying to correct his behavior using the same old techniques, which aren’t working. I believe they are out of tools with this child and the best thing for him would be get professional help either outside the school privately, or within a public school environment.

I suspect that the other problem is that our school is on the borderline when it comes to enrollment numbers. So I think the principal is keen on keeping basically any child/family that he can and working with them. I’m sure in his mind he thinks he can help this child, but I don’t believe that is the case anymore. I remember when I was in Catholic school, kids were often asked to leave to go to public school for various reasons, but we didn’t have the enrollment issues back then that many Catholic schools have now.

The part that someone wrote on here about how the people in charge just want problems to go away and this is how the sex abuse scandals were perpetuated…That’s what I’ve been thinking about lately too in regards to this and it’s been giving me nightmares. Have we learned anything? We need to be better than everyone else on this, not worse. We have the best anti-bullying program out there…it’s called the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So far we have only gone as far as the principal. I would like to know what the next steps are if we feel that we need to go further. Do we go to the pastor, the diocese, the police, how does this all work?

Thanks in advance for any help anyone can offer.

There gets to be a point where you make an appointment and have a talk with the superintendent of Catholic schools in your diocese about what their bullying policies are. If they don’t have any, it is time to agitate to get some. The students of today may not see the fruit of your work, but if even the students of tomorrow benefit, you will have a reward in heaven. If the diocese has bullying policies that are being ignored at your school even up to the level of the pastor, the school board, and the parish council, the superintendent needs to know about that, and be pressured to take action.

This is, by the way, something about which to enlist the aid of others in prayer. Consider this quote, from Anna Sewell’s Black Beauty: He said cruelty was the devil’s own trade-mark, and if we saw any one who took pleasure in cruelty we might know who he belonged to, for the devil was a murderer from the beginning, and a tormentor to the end. On the other hand, where we saw people who loved their neighbors, and were kind to man and beast, we might know that was God’s mark.

Fighting against bullying is fighting against the work of the devil. Never forget that. Don’t let anyone else you talk to forget it, either. This isn’t just about lessening suffering for the victims. This is about protecting the souls and forming correct consciences in the victimizers, too. Why does a Catholic school exist, if not for that? This is a big deal.

 

[HouseArrest]

Just reading through this thread and wanted to comment. I know it’s an old one, but I really wanted to say thank you to everyone who contributed to it.

We are dealing with a bullying problem at our Catholic School now (elementary level).

It seems to be happening over and over again. And every time something happens, it’s like we are starting all over again with the principal. All the previous incidents are conveniently forgotten! Poof! Good thing I documented them all on email.

In this case, we feel that the aggressor actually has something wrong with him, in a mental/behavioral sense, that is not being addressed because our school doesn’t have those resources. I won’t go into too much detail on that, but I think that if he were in a public school, he would have been evaluated by a professional psychologist by this point, at minimum. But because we don’t have those resources, the school just keeps trying to correct his behavior using the same old techniques, which aren’t working. I believe they are out of tools with this child and the best thing for him would be get professional help either outside the school privately, or within a public school environment.

I suspect that the other problem is that our school is on the borderline when it comes to enrollment numbers. So I think the principal is keen on keeping basically any child/family that he can and working with them. I’m sure in his mind he thinks he can help this child, but I don’t believe that is the case anymore. I remember when I was in Catholic school, kids were often asked to leave to go to public school for various reasons, but we didn’t have the enrollment issues back then that many Catholic schools have now.

The part that someone wrote on here about how the people in charge just want problems to go away and this is how the sex abuse scandals were perpetuated…That’s what I’ve been thinking about lately too in regards to this and it’s been giving me nightmares. Have we learned anything? We need to be better than everyone else on this, not worse. We have the best anti-bullying program out there…it’s called the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

So far we have only gone as far as the principal. I would like to know what the next steps are if we feel that we need to go further. Do we go to the pastor, the diocese, the police, how does this all work?

Thanks in advance for any help anyone can offer.

Psychologist services and testing offered at the public school are available to Catholic school students. You pay the taxes. I think your principal probably knows this. The student may have been evaluated. You just are not privy to the information.

Are you sure you know everything that is going on with this child? Maybe the principal can, and has, helped him. Other parents cannot decide who can and can’t enroll at a school, based on heresay and outside observation.

The problem is that you do not have the right to know and evaluate the situation. That puts you in a difficult position because you are not “allowed” to know what is really going on. On one hand that is making it difficult to understand how your kids are being affected. On the other hand its good for you as well. Everyone else in the school doesn’t know your kids’ business.

I know the situation, because we have a similar one going on at our school. I think there are only two things you can do. One - decide if you trust the adminstration and teachers at your childs’ school. If you don’t, take them out. You’ll have more problems than just this one. Second - try to teach your child some compassion for the kid. I know it is difficult. I know the kid is bothering yours and that is tough. Bullying is actually using superior strength or influence to intimidate someone. Why is this person who is psychologically deficient able to intimidate your child?

 

[EasterJoy]

Psychologist services and testing offered at the public school are available to Catholic school students. You pay the taxes. I think your principal probably knows this. The student may have been evaluated. You just are not privy to the information.

Are you sure you know everything that is going on with this child? Maybe the principal can, and has, helped him. Other parents cannot decide who can and can’t enroll at a school, based on heresay and outside observation.

The problem is that you do not have the right to know and evaluate the situation. That puts you in a difficult position because you are not “allowed” to know what is really going on. On one hand that is making it difficult to understand how your kids are being affected. On the other hand its good for you as well. Everyone else in the school doesn’t know your kids’ business.

I know the situation, because we have a similar one going on at our school. I think there are only two things you can do. One - decide if you trust the adminstration and teachers at your childs’ school. If you don’t, take them out. You’ll have more problems than just this one. Second - try to teach your child some compassion for the kid. I know it is difficult. I know the kid is bothering yours and that is tough. Bullying is actually using superior strength or influence to intimidate someone. Why is this person who is psychologically deficient able to intimidate your child?

I don’t see how an anti-bullying campaign can be successful without teaching students strategies for dealing with bullies: what works and what doesn’t. A student without any strategy for dealing with a bully will feel helpless, often blames himself or herself, and, because the bullies have more “success” with that student, is more likely to be chosen as a target.

I do not mean “get a thick skin”. That is like teaching a kid to bat by saying, “just hit the ball.” I do not mean implying to the child that anything a child might do that raises his or her chances of being bullied is an “invitation” (save, of course, when a person inexplicably decides to directly provoke someone who might have done nothing if there had been no direct provocation) or that the blame for bullying rests on anyone other than the person who willfully inflicted cruelty on someone else.

I mean that some children do not know what sort of habits and responses increases their chance that the bully will choose them to victimize, nor what kinds of responses increase the chances of serious harm being done to them. I mean looking at the situation in a way that doesn’t blame anybody (regardless of whether blame is deserved) but that seeks practical remedies to the problem that might serve as tools to try. It’s kind of like avoiding a bear attack at a national park. If you know what attracts bears, if you know what provokes attacks, if you know what makes you most vulnerable to mortal wounds during an attack, if you know how to get first aid after an attack, then you can feel prepared to go hiking. It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be 100% safe, but you don’t have nearly as much chance that at the end of the day the park rangers will be shooting a bear or that you will be dead or seriously injured.

 

[Kerry77]

There gets to be a point where you make an appointment and have a talk with the superintendent of Catholic schools in your diocese about what their bullying policies are. If they don’t have any, it is time to agitate to get some. The students of today may not see the fruit of your work, but if even the students of tomorrow benefit, you will have a reward in heaven. If the diocese has bullying policies that are being ignored at your school even up to the level of the pastor, the school board, and the parish council, the superintendent needs to know about that, and be pressured to take action.

This is, by the way, something about which to enlist the aid of others in prayer. Consider this quote, from Anna Sewell’s Black Beauty: He said cruelty was the devil’s own trade-mark, and if we saw any one who took pleasure in cruelty we might know who he belonged to, for the devil was a murderer from the beginning, and a tormentor to the end. On the other hand, where we saw people who loved their neighbors, and were kind to man and beast, we might know that was God’s mark.

Fighting against bullying is fighting against the work of the devil. Never forget that. Don’t let anyone else you talk to forget it, either. This isn’t just about lessening suffering for the victims. This is about protecting the souls and forming correct consciences in the victimizers, too. Why does a Catholic school exist, if not for that? This is a big deal.

Thank you for this thoughtful comment. So true. What else does a Catholic school exist for, if not this?

 

[Kerry77]

Psychologist services and testing offered at the public school are available to Catholic school students. You pay the taxes. I think your principal probably knows this. The student may have been evaluated. You just are not privy to the information.

Are you sure you know everything that is going on with this child? Maybe the principal can, and has, helped him. Other parents cannot decide who can and can’t enroll at a school, based on heresay and outside observation.

The problem is that you do not have the right to know and evaluate the situation. That puts you in a difficult position because you are not “allowed” to know what is really going on. On one hand that is making it difficult to understand how your kids are being affected. On the other hand its good for you as well. Everyone else in the school doesn’t know your kids’ business.

I know the situation, because we have a similar one going on at our school. I think there are only two things you can do. One - decide if you trust the adminstration and teachers at your childs’ school. If you don’t, take them out. You’ll have more problems than just this one. Second - try to teach your child some compassion for the kid. I know it is difficult. I know the kid is bothering yours and that is tough. Bullying is actually using superior strength or influence to intimidate someone. Why is this person who is psychologically deficient able to intimidate your child?

I don’t know any details regarding this child’s treatments, if any, nor do I care to know. I only added that as extra information as I am trying to sort this out. I could share more about the details, and it would probably make more sense, but I will refrain. Let me be clear that it doesn’t matter to me what the origin of this child’s aggression is, I am only interested in making sure that it is dealt with and it stops affecting my child’s education.

I am trying to teach compassion, but the problem is the child’s actions are aggressive in nature, so it gets complicated fast.

I think it is a real deficiency that Catholic schools don’t have the resources that public schools have. In our county, the only public special services that private school students can access are speech services. Everything else must be obtained through enrollment at a public school district. This is the way it is, whatever.

But Catholic school administrators need to be able to discern if they can serve a child’s needs adequately, and if not, they need to have the courage and honesty to send the child to deal with the situation. The enrollment situation doesn’t help with this.

 

[HouseArrest]

I don’t see how an anti-bullying campaign can be successful without teaching students strategies for dealing with bullies: what works and what doesn’t. A student without any strategy for dealing with a bully will feel helpless, often blames himself or herself, and, because the bullies have more “success” with that student, is more likely to be chosen as a target.

I do not mean “get a thick skin”. That is like teaching a kid to bat by saying, “just hit the ball.” I do not mean implying to the child that anything a child might do that raises his or her chances of being bullied is an “invitation” (save, of course, when a person inexplicably decides to directly provoke someone who might have done nothing if there had been no direct provocation) or that the blame for bullying rests on anyone other than the person who willfully inflicted cruelty on someone else.

I mean that some children do not know what sort of habits and responses increases their chance that the bully will choose them to victimize, nor what kinds of responses increase the chances of serious harm being done to them. I mean looking at the situation in a way that doesn’t blame anybody (regardless of whether blame is deserved) but that seeks practical remedies to the problem that might serve as tools to try. It’s kind of like avoiding a bear attack at a national park. If you know what attracts bears, if you know what provokes attacks, if you know what makes you most vulnerable to mortal wounds during an attack, if you know how to get first aid after an attack, then you can feel prepared to go hiking. It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be 100% safe, but you don’t have nearly as much chance that at the end of the day the park rangers will be shooting a bear or that you will be dead or seriously injured.

Absolutely - an anti bullying campaign is in order. Regardless of any training, however, there will always be incidents.

 

[HouseArrest]

I don’t know any details regarding this child’s treatments, if any, nor do I care to know. I only added that as extra information as I am trying to sort this out. I could share more about the details, and it would probably make more sense, but I will refrain. Let me be clear that it doesn’t matter to me what the origin of this child’s aggression is, I am only interested in making sure that it is dealt with and it stops affecting my child’s education.

I am sure you are only interested in protecting your child. We all are. When you suggest he doesn’t belong in the school, though, you are in a way suggesting that you know enough about the child’s aggression to make that judgement.

I am trying to teach compassion, but the problem is the child’s actions are aggressive in nature, so it gets complicated fast.
**
Yes, it does. It is difficult to know what to tell your child to do. If you don’t know what is going on with the other child, you cannot advise your child very well. There may be something that tips that child off, and if you don’t know what it is, you cannot tell your child to avoid doing it. It’s very frustrating. This is where the trust of your administrators and teachers comes in. You have no other choice here.**

I think it is a real deficiency that Catholic schools don’t have the resources that public schools have. In our county, the only public special services that private school students can access are speech services. Everything else must be obtained through enrollment at a public school district. This is the way it is, whatever.

**I know every state and county have their own policies. That is a rather strict one. It seems unconstitutional if you ask me! How can a family even make a decision about changing enrollment if they can’t even test for ADD, or learning disabilities, or anything else? **

I would be careful, too, about assuming the public schools have the magic bullet resources that will solve every kids’ problems. In my experience, it isn’t close to being the case.

But Catholic school administrators need to be able to discern if they can serve a child’s needs adequately, and if not, they need to have the courage and honesty to send the child to deal with the situation. The enrollment situation doesn’t help with this.

Good luck. I hope you see some changes soon.

 

[Kerry77]

I am sure you are only interested in protecting your child. We all are. When you suggest he doesn’t belong in the school, though, you are in a way suggesting that you know enough about the child’s aggression to make that judgement.

It is difficult to know what to tell your child to do. If you don’t know what is going on with the other child, you cannot advise your child very well. There may be something that tips that child off, and if you don’t know what it is, you cannot tell your child to avoid doing it. It’s very frustrating. This is where the trust of your administrators and teachers comes in. You have no other choice here.

I know every state and county have their own policies. That is a rather strict one. It seems unconstitutional if you ask me! How can a family even make a decision about changing enrollment if they can’t even test for ADD, or learning disabilities, or anything else?

I would be careful, too, about assuming the public schools have the magic bullet resources that will solve every kids’ problems. In my experience, it isn’t close to being the case.

I do know enough about the child’s aggression to know he doesn’t belong in this school because my child has been the victim of his aggression and despite repeated attempts to deal with it, the school has not been able to change his behavior. Therefore, I can assume they are out of tools.

I don’t trust the principal anymore, that is a good point. I wonder how much this child is going to be allowed to get away with before serious action, such as expulsion, is taken. I know for myself, I will be calling the police the next time there is physical aggression. I will be sending a cop car right to the school door to take a report, I don’t care who sees it or who it embarrasses. This is exactly how the sex abuse scandals were allowed to go on for so long, because no one took the initiative to call the police and report people. It was all supposed to be handled “locally” meaning, keeping it in the parish.

By law, public schools have to figure out how to educate and handle every child who comes to them, Catholic schools don’t. It’s just reality that Catholic schools don’t have the resources to handle every child, nor do they have the responsibility to take every child. In fact, it’s irresponsible to keep a child when they can’t meet their needs, for the child’s sake, never mind everyone else.

It is a draconian policy. Private schoolers and homeschoolers have basically no access to anything in our state/county.

Thank you for your good wishes, and the same to you.