Burned out on life

[Kensho]

Sleep is very important.

I know. I’m like you, too, and I want to stay up late and get up early and get things done. But sleep is important, and part of the reason you feel so bad is because you’re not getting enough of it.

Think of it as medicine. Which it is, and the Great Physician gives it free of charge to all of us. You don’t have to sleep eight hours a night forever, but right now you need that (or maybe even more, if you can manage it). Give yourself permission to have an hour extra sleep (or whatever) for a week. At the end of the week, you can re-evaluate.

Don’t feel guilty for putting the kids to bed early. Give them a really good half-hour bedtime ritual with stories, prayers, a song, and kisses, and you will all feel better. They probably need more sleep, anyway.

Don’t fix the toys. Warn your children that they need to be careful of their toys because Daddy can’t fix them right now. Put those broken toys AWAY. Being a good daddy means being a sane daddy.

Why is your breakfast crummy? Is it the food, the company, what?

All right, your wife won’t play Scrabble with you. So watch a funny movie, then!

 

[Robertanthony]

A night out one on one with your wife once a week or every other week might be something to consider (grandmothers are usually thrilled to see their grand children)Not necessarily when you have 4 so young )/QUOTE]

Man, you cracked me up!

 

[LittleFlower378]

I was watching EWTN yesterday and they had this great program about ahltimers(sorry bad speller) but the doctor on there was talking about balance in your life and one thing was as well to get 7 hours of sl eep at night. This was a show that could not only help alzhtimers but also people that need a healthy balance.

 

[28562]

Sleep is very important.

I know. I’m like you, too, and I want to stay up late and get up early and get things done. But sleep is important, and part of the reason you feel so bad is because you’re not getting enough of it.

Think of it as medicine. Which it is, and the Great Physician gives it free of charge to all of us. You don’t have to sleep eight hours a night forever, but right now you need that (or maybe even more, if you can manage it). Give yourself permission to have an hour extra sleep (or whatever) for a week. At the end of the week, you can re-evaluate.

I do not disagree at all…but I get up early because I take my daughter to kindergarten. If I didn’t do that, I would not see her at all for 4 days out of the week. It’s our only time together on the days I work.

Why is your breakfast crummy? Is it the food, the company, what?

Yeah, the food sucks. I really hate a cold breakfast, but I don’t have time to cook eggs or bacon etc, so I just grab something on the way out the door, usually nabs or leftover pizza, donuts, etc.

All right, your wife won’t play Scrabble with you. So watch a funny movie, then!

I wish she would just play scrabble. She knows I would mop the floor with her. lol…that’s why she won’t even buy it. HAHA…But ironically, she loves to beat me senseless at Yahtzee. Repeatedly.

 

[Trishie]

Good to let off steam in a safe and friendly environment.
Some of those things will take time to pass.

Maybe cultivate noticing the small positives, the little momentary joys in the day, and enjoy the tiny moments with your wife and each child.

The children mightn’t remember that you fixed the toys, but they will be affected by whether Dad smiles, is kind, exhibits positives.

My Dad raised nine, got to the top of his profession, gardened, built on some rooms etc…but when he died one of the praises was that he knew how to live in the moment.

I do feel for you…and your wife, whom you clearly love.
It’s hard to be so embroiled…as you say, at least the study’s almost over.

God bless you and your family.
Some prayers for you today.

Kind regards,
Trishie

My husband won’t play Scrabble with me either!

 

[Robertanthony]

Yeah, the food sucks. I really hate a cold breakfast, but I don’t have time to cook eggs or bacon etc, so I just grab something on the way out the door, usually nabs or leftover pizza, donuts, etc.

. Eggs and bacon can be cooked in advance and nuked when you want to eat them. Pop English muffins in the toaster , add a slice of cheese and you’ve got yourself a homemade McMuffin. With Swiss cheese this is unbelievable and unbeatable.

 

[Robertanthony]

Good to let off steam in a safe and friendly environment.
Some of those things will take time to pass.

Maybe cultivate noticing the small positives, the little momentary joys in the day, and enjoy the tiny moments with your wife and each child.

The children mightn’t remember that you fixed the toys, but they will be affected by whether Dad smiles, is kind, exhibits positives.
My Dad raised nine, got to the top of his profession, gardened, built on some rooms etc…but when he died one of the praises was that he knew how to live in the moment.

I do feel for you…and your wife, whom you clearly love.
It’s hard to be so embroiled…as you say, at least the study’s almost over.

God bless you and your family.
Some prayers for you today.

Kind regards,
Trishie

This is SO true.

 

[tafan]

I’m sure we all go through this from time to time, so I’m interested in hearing how you deal with just being tired of the SSDD that is adult life…

Right now I am so tired of the mundaneness ( if that’s a word) of my life. Wake up, eat a crummy breakfast, take my daughter to school, go to college, come home for a couple hours, get on the boys for fighting, tearing stuff up, acting up, etc, eat lunch, see it wife for a little bit but can’t carry on a conversation because of kid interruptions, go to work until 2am, go home, sleep a few hours, do it again. I only get to really spend quality time at home on the weekends, but this is also the only time that I have to get anything done in the house or yard. I’m fed up with the kids because I spend so much time fixing broken toys or putting someone in timeout or telling someone to suck it up because they’ll live that I can never get anything accomplished. I’m fed up with not having enough quality time with my wife. I am struggling to keep up with everything at home, work, and all the work for all my classes, which is going to cause me to spend more time at school, compounding all the other issues. I’m tired of not being able to keep up, I’m tired of trying hard, I’m tired of struggling, I’m tired of trying to always stay strong and tough. I know this is just temporary and it’s the way it has to be for a while, so I need some tactics to help cope with running through the same boring, exhausting, no fun routine every day of my life.

I don’t want to sound non-sympathetic, certainly not the case, but never the less you need to really focus on your attitude. I went through a period like that, and I learned two words that I have found are the most important words in my life: joyful burden. I am not saying the work, the school, the kids are not burdens; they are. But you have to find them as joyful burdens. There are always things one would rather do, but one has to find a way in finding joy in all of these day-to-day mundane tasks. First of all, smile and be pleasant to those around you. Either your feelings control your life or you control your feelings. And the only way to control feelings is by the way you act. Seriously: if you force yourself to always act joyful, to act pleasant, to be fun, etc; that is how you will feel. OTH, if you grudgingly attend to all of your responsibilities, are short-tempered with those around you, etc: you will feel burdened all the time, with no joy.

Joyful Burden. I know it has a protestant, feel-good sound to it, but I will stick with it. Always focus on the joy of the mundane.

 

[LittleFlower378]

But there is no way to be joyfull if your always occupied by some task, burden, responsibility, etc. etc.

 

[Trishie]

I was just still thinking about my Dad. I remember when he qualified. He already had four daughters by then. It was a long haul. It’s hard, working and studying as you have done along with everything else, including young children. Money was very tight also. You must be very tired. I recall my mother phoning Dad’s parents when things got too much, and they’d come and stay for a couple of days, to reignite Dad’s enthusiasm as Dad was studying for the same profession as his Dad.

As long as my mother lived, after work my parents had their brief time together. It was their time in the kitchen. It was understood that they had this quiet time together, we children leaving them be for a cuddle, a little chat about their day, a cuppa, or a tiny sherry.
It wasn’t long, but it was their time. We could see it was special to them both…I hope that’s possible for you both also.

God bless you, your wife, and your family.

I hope you wife relents regarding the Scrabble… at least sometimes.

 

[Kensho]

. Eggs and bacon can be cooked in advance and nuked when you want to eat them. Pop English muffins in the toaster , add a slice of cheese and you’ve got yourself a homemade McMuffin. With Swiss cheese this is unbelievable and unbeatable.

I do something similar to this with my husband. I cook a sort of mini-omelet (a couple of beaten eggs cooked into a patty in a buttered pan) and put it between two slices of bread with mayonnaise and cheese. He loves it. I suppose it could be microwaved also.

Personally, I love to eat cold leftovers for breakfast, but I guess that depends on what you had for dinner.

A piece of fruit, a slice of cheese, and a piece of good bread with butter on it are a fine start to the day.

 

[tafan]

But there is no way to be joyfull if your always occupied by some task, burden, responsibility, etc. etc.

I could not disagree more strongly. Again, you can either control your feelings, or let them control you (which rarely has a pleasant outcome). Why should having responsibilities cause a lack of joy? Heck God gave us these responsibilities, He has shown trust in us to raise a passel of kids, or whatever. Why should the burdens of life cause a lack of joy? God gives us these burdens.

 

[LaSainte]

I do something similar to this with my husband. I cook a sort of mini-omelet (a couple of beaten eggs cooked into a patty in a buttered pan) and put it between two slices of bread with mayonnaise and cheese. He loves it. I suppose it could be microwaved also.

Personally, I love to eat cold leftovers for breakfast, but I guess that depends on what you had for dinner.

A piece of fruit, a slice of cheese, and a piece of good bread with butter on it are a fine start to the day.

Jimmy Deen makes these breakfast sandwiches on whole wheat enish muffins with egg whites, Canadian bacon and cheese that are de-lish. But I suspect this isn’t the issue. Sounds like you are having a hard time finding joy in life. I do the same thing all the time. I have been so horrible to my kids lately…my temper is just awful. The mundanity of life really gets tiring, especially for a housewife, because nothing ever stays “done”. It’s tough, but I know I need to make a change for my kids. I’m thinking of just letting some housework go and taking the kids out more often for fun. I don’t want them remembering me as a grump, or worse yet, marrying a woman just like me!

 

[Kensho]

Jimmy Deen makes these breakfast sandwiches on whole wheat enish muffins with egg whites, Canadian bacon and cheese that are de-lish. But I suspect this isn’t the issue. Sounds like you are having a hard time finding joy in life. I do the same thing all the time. I have been so horrible to my kids lately…my temper is just awful. The mundanity of life really gets tiring, especially for a housewife, because nothing ever stays “done”. It’s tough, but I know I need to make a change for my kids. I’m thinking of just letting some housework go and taking the kids out more often for fun. I don’t want them remembering me as a grump, or worse yet, marrying a woman just like me!

Aaah, we all need to remember this. How to remember this before yelling?

Does the OP have someone to get up and have breakfast with him? That might make the difference.

 

[Robertanthony]

Jimmy Deen makes these breakfast sandwiches on whole wheat enish muffins with egg whites, Canadian bacon and cheese that are de-lish. But I suspect this isn’t the issue. Sounds like you are having a hard time finding joy in life. I do the same thing all the time. I have been so horrible to my kids lately…my temper is just awful. The mundanity of life really gets tiring, especially for a housewife, because nothing ever stays “done”. It’s tough, but I know I need to make a change for my kids. I’m thinking of just letting some housework go and taking the kids out more often for fun. I don’t want them remembering me as a grump, or worse yet, marrying a woman just like me!

1-Do just that.

2-Don’t be so hard on yourself (although I’m sure you meant it as humor, or did you?)

 

[detoutcoeur]

Wake up, eat a crummy breakfast

I’m up at 5 but during the week, mornings are so hectic I was skipping breakfast (and fading by 10 a.m.) I love oatmeal, and recently discovered a trick: Cook 5 or 6 servings with raisins, cinnamon, and sugar, and store it in the fridge. Scoop out a serving for breakfast (yes, it’s gloppy ), nuke it for 90 sec. with milk and voila–breakfast!

 

[Phil_Marinus]

I’m sure we all go through this from time to time, so I’m interested in hearing how you deal with just being tired of the SSDD that is adult life…

Right now I am so tired of the mundaneness ( if that’s a word) of my life. Wake up, eat a crummy breakfast, take my daughter to school, go to college, come home for a couple hours, get on the boys for fighting, tearing stuff up, acting up, etc, eat lunch, see it wife for a little bit but can’t carry on a conversation because of kid interruptions, go to work until 2am, go home, sleep a few hours, do it again. I only get to really spend quality time at home on the weekends, but this is also the only time that I have to get anything done in the house or yard. I’m fed up with the kids because I spend so much time fixing broken toys or putting someone in timeout or telling someone to suck it up because they’ll live that I can never get anything accomplished. I’m fed up with not having enough quality time with my wife. I am struggling to keep up with everything at home, work, and all the work for all my classes, which is going to cause me to spend more time at school, compounding all the other issues. I’m tired of not being able to keep up, I’m tired of trying hard, I’m tired of struggling, I’m tired of trying to always stay strong and tough. I know this is just temporary and it’s the way it has to be for a while, so I need some tactics to help cope with running through the same boring, exhausting, no fun routine every day of my life.

Most of us at some stage has been where you are right now… I know I was… I was a shift worker for 13 years… I was doing 6 days or nights a week… with a screaming wife that didnt give me any space… i was just so tired of being tired… yep I know about it… its just something you get through… there are 3 things in life that every one should do…
ONE… 3 kids under 5

    TWO..... shift work for at least 10 years...

   THREE...... own and run a small business.... shop, home improvement...... anything

  did'nt mention divorce did I....  well one of them.... and after all that you realise others have had things so much worse....

The main thing is this… buy your wife some roses… tell her you love her because she might feel bad as well and not tell you… hold hand when you go to the mall, buy her an ice cream, whisper in her ear …write her love note and leave them hidden so she will find then during the day… things like that… and buy the kids a ball tell them to chase it…
good luck it aint all bad.

 

[1ke]

But then I feel like a bad daddy! You see how this goes? lol…

SEE #1 in my post above. This is an expectation that you have put on yourself. No one else. You have decided what at “good daddy” and a “bad daddy” do and don’t do.

Bad daddies don’t bust their behind to make a better life for their kids.

Toys are just things. Adjust your expectations and your own demands upon yourself!

I have a good reason for why I have to do everything I have to do…and I have a terrible time trying to leave stuff undone.

You don’t have to do all these things. LET THEM GO.

 

[Joy2day]

Hi - loved reading your post - you are definitely not alone with this one. Basically it is difficult to live in a mess, even though they say you need to leave it. Having order gives a sense of peace just looking at ordered space. Also how about planning for a holiday - the very thought of having somewhere you’re looking forward to going and then to have the memories of that holiday, gives inspiration that life is not all about work. Everyone needs a holiday. Plan some time every day for yourself to relax - regardless of the mess and commitments - take time to read, watch a favourite tv show (especially a comedy or a stand up comedian you love), do something YOU really enjoy doing, or play a game with the kids (even with the broken toys) - kids don’t really care if the toys are broken. Maybe plan every week to do something at the weekend that you’ve never done before - set aside one day to do something different - with the family. Having the extra motivation and fun in your life, will also find you attacking the work a lot faster and with more energy, cause you have something to look forward to. And the big one - make sure you get enough sleep - sleep deprivation increases stress, leads to obesity, diabetes and heart failure etc etc. + the basic inability to work well + exercise for 30mins a day - maybe include a game of ball with the kids outside to make this exercise for all?

 

[TarkanAttila]

May father, may he rest in peace, was a lot like you after my grandmother died, and when I and my sister were in high school. Worked all night. Drove me, my sister, and my mother everywhere (he did not trust mom with a car, long story). The last five years of his life were very stressful. He died at 57, because he was not getting enough sleep, and he had gotten sick. He died of a combination of things, probably most of all a broken heart, brought on my a broken family.

Hopefully you are in better straits than my father, but I hope also there is something to learn from his life. I think it’s probably this: don’t think you can take the whole world on your shoulders. Let some of it go, and relax. Don’t let it get to you. You’re not a bad father if you don’t get everything done by yourself - or even if you and your wife don’t get everything done. Your kids still love you.

Maybe… get the boys to do some light chores, like taking out the garbage, or take the laundry to the washroom, or wash dishes, for a buck or two?

Family Bible night? Read some stories our our fathers? That might entertain the kids, and you and the wife, too.