By request, no funeral service

[GEddie]

There is nothing at all about funerals that offers any comfort to the living. They are not supposed to be. They are to spook everybody into praying for the souls.

The making up of the bodies to look asleep and the whole idea of upbeat “memorial services” are IMNAAHO just postmodern sentimentalism. Death is hideous and should be allowed to be.

If someone would rather eschew a ceremony with dozens of relatives looking at his deanimated body, they should be allowed to do so. Again IMNAAHO.

ICXC NIKA.

 

[Ocean_of_Mercy]

According to canon law, Catholics must be given funerals.

I don’t know why anyone would not want one for him/herself. The funeral contains so many prayers for the soul of the deceased. We need all the prayers we can get. The traditions of regular prayer for the dead are not always taught well or practiced. For some people, the funeral might be the only time they offer any prayer for the deceased.

Since there is a requirement for Catholics to have funerals, I wonder if there is some type of sin involved on the part of the deceased for foregoing a funeral? It would seem they are breaking Canon Law and also making some kind of statement that they don’t want the Church involved in their final affairs.

Further, is there any culpability on the part of the obliging relatives? What about the priests who agree to a memorial service that consists of some prayers and slide shows but is not really a funeral according to Catholic rites?

 

[pianistclare]

I would respectfully disagree with you, Clare. The funeral is to pray for the soul of the deceased. It is NOT for the living.

God Bless

We can pray for the soul of the deceased at any time, and it does not have to be at the funeral.
If you relatives are as stubborn a you say, how are you going to ensure that your wishes are carried out?
And if they do not do what you strongly desire, do you think you’ll “miss out”?
I suspect the merciful Lord is with His faithful ones, even unto and after death. Fancy funeral or not. Funeral vestments, and incense or not. Sure all of this is indeed PREFERABLE. Very much so. Absolutely.
BUT,
The funeral is a great source of peace for the survivors. Hopefully, by the time all of our funerals take place, we will be already residing in the loving arms of Lord and His holy mother. In the case of the poor souls who perished on 9-11…the funerals were the only consolation for the survivors. They were necessary, painful, and a source of peace and a beginning to healing. Funerals are indeed for the living.
The may have been conceived for the dead, but the living share in their merits.

 

[ProVobis]

According to canon law, Catholics must be given funerals.

Does this mean Mass? The last funeral I attended had plenty of prayers, some readings at the funeral home, and respects at the grave site. This was all presided by a priest. Is this enough? Family was mostly non-Catholics, though deceased was Catholic. Mass would have been extra $$$.

 

[vsedriver]

There is nothing at all about funerals that offers any comfort to the living. They are not supposed to be. They are to spook everybody into praying for the souls.

Funerals do offer comfort to the living. Grieving alone is much harder than having friends and family acknowledge your loss. Not to mention the respect they give your loved one by taking the time to go to the funeral home and pay their respects or attend the funeral Mass.

The making up of the bodies to look asleep and the whole idea of upbeat “memorial services” are IMNAAHO just postmodern sentimentalism. Death is hideous and should be allowed to be.

death is death, we all die. This is about showing respect for the deceased.

If someone would rather eschew a ceremony with dozens of relatives looking at his deanimated body, they should be allowed to do so. Again IMNAAHO.

as if they are going to care once they are gone. I’ve heard so many people who have had loved ones do this and they caused their living family members a lot of pain. Besides as Catholics we are to celebrate the passing of our loved ones with the hope that they will be with Jesus.

I highly recommend people watch the Japanese film “Departures” about a funeral director and the treatment of the deceased and their families. It is a beautiful film.

 

[Corki]

Does this mean Mass? The last funeral I attended had plenty of prayers, some readings at the funeral home, and respects at the grave site. This was all presided by a priest. Is this enough? Family was mostly non-Catholics, though deceased was Catholic. Mass would have been extra $$$.

No, a funeral does not have to be a Mass. A deacon can preside at a funeral and even a lay person in some remote areas. So, a Mass couldn’t be a requirement.

As for a place other than the Church, I think that may be a grey area. The canon reads.

Can. 1177 §1. A funeral for any deceased member of the faithful must generally be celebrated in his or her parish church.

§2. Any member of the faithful or those competent to take care of the funeral of a deceased member of the faithful are permitted to choose another church for the funeral rite with the consent of the person who governs it and after no-tification of the proper pastor of the deceased.

It sounds like it is supposed to be in a Church but it doesn’t say it is required.

There is a canon regarding the fees too. A parish shouldn’t charge more for a funeral in the Church if that charge keeps the poor from having funerals. But, of course the funeral home often charges more since there is more transportation involved.

Can. 1181 Regarding offerings on the occasion of funeral rites, the prescripts of ⇒ can. 1264 are to be observed, with the caution, however, that there is to be no favoritism toward persons in funerals and that the poor are not deprived of fitting funerals.

 

[HelenRose]

There is nothing at all about funerals that offers any comfort to the living. They are not supposed to be. They are to spook everybody into praying for the souls.

The making up of the bodies to look asleep and the whole idea of upbeat “memorial services” are IMNAAHO just postmodern sentimentalism. Death is hideous and should be allowed to be.

If someone would rather eschew a ceremony with dozens of relatives looking at his deanimated body, they should be allowed to do so. Again IMNAAHO.

ICXC NIKA.

A closed casket is an option. A funeral doesn’t require an open casket. But, like you, I am not in favor of a showing. At any rate I have made it known to my family that I wish to be cremated (I don’t want them to spend the money on a casket). Then my druthers will be a simple dignified Mass with no eulogies. Then a party - a wake - a family and friends get together when they can tell each other how wonder they all are and tell each other how very very much I love them all.

 

[corsair]

I asked one of my son’s to make my casket. I have it stored in the garage. Everyone thinks that is weird. My son said he was honored to build it for me. Plots are paid for, all is set for the day.

I don’t really plan on checking out soon but at least everything is taken care of.

 

[HelenRose]

I asked one of my son’s to make my casket. I have it stored in the garage. Everyone thinks that is weird. My son said he was honored to build it for me. Plots are paid for, all is set for the day.

I don’t really plan on checking out soon but at least everything is taken care of.

It is a big favor to our children to take care of these arrangements before our death. It is a thoughtful final gift because making all the arrangements is difficult at best and puts the bereaved in a position to be taken advantage of.

 

[pianistclare]

Does this mean Mass? The last funeral I attended had plenty of prayers, some readings at the funeral home, and respects at the grave site. This was all presided by a priest. Is this enough? Family was mostly non-Catholics, though deceased was Catholic. Mass would have been extra $$$.

I’ve never know a parish to “charge” for a funeral Mass or service.
not around here…no way.

 

[asia53]

Catholic funerals are usually closed casket, the same as Jewish funerals.

Maybe at one time, this is not the norm anymore. Jewish funerals, I don’t know, I’ve never been to a Jewish funeral.

My parish is one of the few Catholic parishes with its own cemetery. I am the Funeral Reception Coordinator. I’ve seen far more open casket, than closed.

Closed casket is usually only for: infants, small children, and adults, who die in accidents, or per the family’s desires. Infants and small children-closed casket speaks for itself. Adults, according to the Funeral Directors I’ve gotten to know, depends on the condition of the body. Above all, it’s what the families want.

 

[HelenRose]

Maybe at one time, this is not the norm anymore. Jewish funerals, I don’t know, I’ve never been to a Jewish funeral.

My parish is one of the few Catholic parishes with its own cemetery. I am the Funeral Reception Coordinator. I’ve seen far more open casket, than closed.

Closed casket is usually only for: infants, small children, and adults, who die in accidents, or per the family’s desires. Infants and small children-closed casket speaks for itself. Adults, according to the Funeral Directors I’ve gotten to know, depends on the condition of the body. Above all, it’s what the families want.

The important statement of this “Above all, it’s what the families want.”
This is not a Catholic dogma, one way or the other. It is probably more cultural than anything else. Each family grieves in its own special way and it is not up to any one outside the family to question the families reasons on this subject.

 

[HelenRose]

I’ve never know a parish to “charge” for a funeral Mass or service.
not around here…no way.

Not only that: many parishes (especially the smaller rural parishes) will provide a meal for the family without cost.

 

[ProVobis]

No, a funeral does not have to be a Mass. A deacon can preside at a funeral and even a lay person in some remote areas. So, a Mass couldn’t be a requirement.

As for a place other than the Church, I think that may be a grey area. The canon reads.

It sounds like it is supposed to be in a Church but it doesn’t say it is required.

There is a canon regarding the fees too. A parish shouldn’t charge more for a funeral in the Church if that charge keeps the poor from having funerals. But, of course the funeral home often charges more since there is more transportation involved.

Thanks for that. The charges were split between the funeral home and the cemetery. There was no church per se. The priest didn’t charge but was paid to cover his expenses.

As for parishes other than one’s own, I presume personal parishes qualify for that.

 

[pianistclare]

Not only that: many parishes (especially the smaller rural parishes) will provide a meal for the family without cost.

We do. And we’re in the Atlanta area. Most parishes here do.
It’s a offshoot of the Bereavement Ministry. In fact, I just order new tablecloths for the ladies today. Funeral coming up on Friday.

 

[pianistclare]

Thanks for that. The charges were split between the funeral home and the cemetery. The priest didn’t charge but was paid to cover his expenses.

As for parishes other than one’s own, I presume personal parishes qualify for that.

I’ve played for loads of funerals. Often, the Funeral Director tacks on my music to his overall tab, and then cuts me a check from the total collected. It’s much nicer that way. The family tends to think the parish covers funerals (and many don’t) and no way do musicians want to quote a price for music. I’ve played for free loads of times. But it’s nice to cover expenses, and for the consideration of seeking out their often hard to find requests, and getting them a soloist, which I split the stipend with.
They do this for Pastors as well, although most Catholics are good about sending a personal thank-you to the priest with a small gift.
When Joe’s Papa died in Ireland I gave the priest a sizable amount and he was shocked.
I don’t think he had ever gotten any $$$. He used it for new kneelers for the Adoration chapel in Sean’s name. Was wonderful, but I wish he’d kept a bit for himself.

 

[ProVobis]

When I die I will be given a Requiem High Mass in the Extraordinary Form.

In my case, that would have to be in a personal parish. Good suggestion. I’m going to leave some directions next to will. (And some $$$ to do it.)

 

[Memaw]

I asked one of my son’s to make my casket. I have it stored in the garage. Everyone thinks that is weird. My son said he was honored to build it for me. Plots are paid for, all is set for the day.

I don’t really plan on checking out soon but at least everything is taken care of.

I have given all my kids strict orders to bury me in the cheapest simple grey casket they make. I have insurance to cover my funeral and then some so its not a matter of them being cheap. I am paying for it myself. They all agreed and I have told many of my close friends and family of my request. I don’t intend to stay in that casket any longer than necessary and certainly won’t need it after the final judgment! God Bless, Memaw

 

[cheezey]

Until arriving at my church, I thought I’d go with no funeral. So to speak. Now I have a church.
Yea! By the way!!!
But then I thought, no one would come. Why spend money on all that when no one would show?
So I am back to no funeral. Nothing. Nada. Nothing.
There will be a charge for the picking up the body, that’s me, then to Ashville, and off I go…

There’ll be enough left for the person in charge to have a very nice cigar by the shore…

 

[asia53]

Not only that: many parishes (especially the smaller rural parishes) will provide a meal for the family without cost.

The Mass costs nothing. The parish provides the meal for the families: parish buys the meat, volunteers provide salads and desserts. This is only done for parishioners.

Our cemetery is quite picturesque (spectacular view of the Rocky Mountains), historic (started in 1859, in an urban area which is still considered rural, and the only Catholic cemetery for quite a few miles— a lot of people want to be buried in the cemetery. My parish simply doesn’t have the funds to pay for food for everyone, who wants to be buried in our cemetery.