By request, no funeral service

[Anne1964]

I definitely want to be cremated. The idea of being buried in a box is horrifying to me. Maybe because it’s because I’m a bit claustrophobic or read too many horror stories when I was a child about how a coffin was dug up and opened and there were fingernail marks inside because the person wasn’t really dead. Yeah, I know embalming takes care of that problem. Still, I have specific instructions for cremation.

I want to purchase a niche in a columbarium at a local Catholic Church. My parish church does not have a cemetery. We do provide a meal for the funeral of a parishioner.

 

[ProVobis]

The Mass costs nothing.

For the record, I stated the Mass would cost extra because the funeral home’s costs did not include the use of a church. Prayers and readings were done in the funeral home and on the burial grounds.

And yes, the Rocky Mountains are beautiful. If they only had a cemetery at the summit of Mt. Evans, that’s where I would request being buried.

 

[pianistclare]

I definitely want to be cremated. The idea of being buried in a box is horrifying to me. Maybe because it’s because I’m a bit claustrophobic or read too many horror stories when I was a child about how a coffin was dug up and opened and there were fingernail marks inside because the person wasn’t really dead. Yeah, I know embalming takes care of that problem. Still, I have specific instructions for cremation.

I want to purchase a niche in a columbarium at a local Catholic Church. My parish church does not have a cemetery. We do provide a meal for the funeral of a parishioner.

Well, if they take you to a crematory and you’re still alive, the intense fire will certainly do it!
No worries there.

 

[felsguy]

According to canon law, Catholics must be given funerals.

Quote:
Can. 1176 §1. Deceased members of the Christian faithful must be given ecclesiastical funerals according to the norm of law.

Just wondering, does this mean that funerals then are mandatory or does it mean they cannot be denied to deceased member of the Christian faithful? Anyone with access to a commentary?

 

[vsedriver]

Not only that: many parishes (especially the smaller rural parishes) will provide a meal for the family without cost.

I’ve never heard of paying for a funeral Mass. Our parish provides a meal for the bereaved, I’m one of the volunteer cooks.

A Funeral is also a celebration of a person’s life.

 

[pianistclare]

While I don’t’ read Fr. Z much, ,
here’s an interesting post from him re: Catholic Funeral Masses.

wdtprs.com/blog/2013/11/fewer-catholics-schedule-funerals-for-their-dead/

 

[Tarpeian_Rock]

Just wondering, does this mean that funerals then are mandatory or does it mean they cannot be denied to deceased member of the Christian faithful? Anyone with access to a commentary?

This is from “New Commentary on the Code of Canon Law,” commissioned by the Canon Law Society of America, Paulist Press, 2000:

“The first paragraph is preceptive: the faithful must be given funeral rites according to the norm of law. This implies an obligation on the part of pastors, that they see that church funeral rites are celebrated for their deceased parishioners as well as an obligation on the next of kin to see that church funeral rites are accorded a deceased Catholic. Moreover, it implies a right to have one’s funeral in one’s parish , in accord with the norm of law.” (p.1408)

 

[ProVobis]

While I don’t’ read Fr. Z much, ,
here’s an interesting post from him re: Catholic Funeral Masses.

wdtprs.com/blog/2013/11/fewer-catholics-schedule-funerals-for-their-dead/

It’s more than the $300 cost. There is the transportation to and from the church. There is the added strain on the pallbearers as well as the attendees. Many times steps to the church are involved. My brother almost broke his back lifting my mother’s casket. He was in real pain. Don’t need the extra stress on an already stressful day for the folks, especially on those non-Catholics and others who have no idea what the Mass is all about. They barely make it through the prayers.

Not to mention the political ramifications of certain people (for example, Kennedy’s funeral), cohabitors, remarrieds, those who have committed suicide, etc. Mass shouldn’t be a center for controversy.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

It is a big favor to our children to take care of these arrangements before our death. It is a thoughtful final gift because making all the arrangements is difficult at best and puts the bereaved in a position to be taken advantage of.

QFT

Both my parents made arrangements, even my dad which surprised me. To this day I’m grateful to them for this.

I need to make plans, or write them down already and have them available at the funeral home. I don’t want a funeral and if I don’t donate my body to science (I’m trying to decide between two medical schools) I think I would go with cremation.

 

[felsguy]

This is from “New Commentary on the Code of Canon Law,” commissioned by the Canon Law Society of America, Paulist Press, 2000:

“The first paragraph is preceptive: the faithful must be given funeral rites according to the norm of law. This implies an obligation on the part of pastors, that they see that church funeral rites are celebrated for their deceased parishioners as well as an obligation on the next of kin to see that church funeral rites are accorded a deceased Catholic. Moreover, it implies a right to have one’s funeral in one’s parish , in accord with the norm of law.” (p.1408)

Thanks for that, TR

 

[Memaw]

Maybe at one time, this is not the norm anymore. Jewish funerals, I don’t know, I’ve never been to a Jewish funeral.

My parish is one of the few Catholic parishes with its own cemetery. I am the Funeral Reception Coordinator. I’ve seen far more open casket, than closed.

Closed casket is usually only for: infants, small children, and adults, who die in accidents, or per the family’s desires. Infants and small children-closed casket speaks for itself. Adults, according to the Funeral Directors I’ve gotten to know, depends on the condition of the body. Above all, it’s what the families want.

All the Catholic Funerals I have ever been to, the casket is usually open at the wake but when it is brought into the Church for the Funeral Mass it is closed and draped with a white cloth. God Bless, Memaw

 

[HelenRose]

This is from “New Commentary on the Code of Canon Law,” commissioned by the Canon Law Society of America, Paulist Press, 2000:

“The first paragraph is preceptive: the faithful must be given funeral rites according to the norm of law. This implies an obligation on the part of pastors, that they see that church funeral rites are celebrated for their deceased parishioners as well as an obligation on the next of kin to see that church funeral rites are accorded a deceased Catholic. Moreover, it implies a right to have one’s funeral in one’s parish , in accord with the norm of law.” (p.1408)

I have been from time been a home bound Eucharistic minister. When two of my ladies died, their families did not tell me, they did not tell any one at the Church and made a point of not having a funeral. It is hard to describe what I felt when I went to the home of one lady whom I had been taking Communion to for several months and be told, quite abruptly, “Oh, she died two weeks ago.” I have a elderly friend who fears that is probably what her children will do so she has taken steps to have every thing paid for and instructions as to what should happen.

It is said that the funeral is for the family not the deceased but that doesn’t take in account for friends and those who loved and cared for the deceased. I still find that the behavior of these families strange and quite disrespectful. However, it is possible to have a Mass said for a deceased person. I don’t worry about the souls of these dear ladies, but I am sure that their children are going to have some explaining to do.

 

[DaveBj]

My preference stated a number of posts above (for no wake/funeral) was because I personally don’t like to have a big deal made over me. But because of where I live and because of who my neighboring relatives are, I know there’ll be an open-casket wake (unless I die in some horribly disfiguring accident), with a bunch of my relatives sitting around telling stories and laughing, and then a funeral Mass (which will be the first and probably only time that a lot of my relatives have been/will ever be in a Catholic church), followed by interment and then a big lunch with fried chicken and all the fixin’s, including fried okra. I’m actually okay with that. Just wish I could have a piece of the chicken and some of the okra.

 

[pianistclare]

I have been from time been a home bound Eucharistic minister. When two of my ladies died, their families did not tell me, they did not tell any one at the Church and made a point of not having a funeral. It is hard to describe what I felt when I went to the home of one lady whom I had been taking Communion to for several months and be told, quite abruptly, “Oh, she died two weeks ago.” I have a elderly friend who fears that is probably what her children will do so she has taken steps to have every thing paid for and instructions as to what should happen.

It is said that the funeral is for the family not the deceased but that doesn’t take in account for friends and those who loved and cared for the deceased. I still find that the behavior of these families strange and quite disrespectful. However, it is possible to have a Mass said for a deceased person. I don’t worry about the souls of these dear ladies, but I am sure that their children are going to have some explaining to do.

Yes, a funeral benefits everyone. Primarily the deceased, but in a special way, all the of the bereaved.
Take note:
If anyone suspects that their heirs will not behave well. Put it in your will. No funeral Mass? No desired burial? The terms of the will become void, and this “alternative plan” will be executed in its place. And if possible, have all the fees paid in advance. Funeral parlors have many plans, from the elaborate to the very simple.
This is exactly why everyone needs a will, and a trusted executor in place to make sure that the wishes of the deceased are respected. Even if others don’t agree.
Sad that it has come to this, but I suspect all through the ages, there have been those who simply are glad to be rid of people.
May God have mercy.

 

[pianistclare]

My preference stated a number of posts above (for no wake/funeral) was because I personally don’t like to have a big deal made over me. But because of where I live and because of who my neighboring relatives are, I know there’ll be an open-casket wake (unless I die in some horribly disfiguring accident), with a bunch of my relatives sitting around telling stories and laughing, and then a funeral Mass (which will be the first and probably only time that a lot of my relatives have been/will ever be in a Catholic church), followed by interment and then a big lunch with fried chicken and all the fixin’s, including fried okra. I’m actually okay with that. Just wish I could have a piece of the chicken and some of the okra.

Sounds great! God bless all of you! I suspect that’s you’ll be busy partying in your new heavenly home to miss the chicken. Unless Jesus has a buffet planned.

*Please God, have mercy on your faithful people. Lead us to Heaven, and console our loved ones. *

 

[ProVobis]

Just wish I could have a piece of the chicken and some of the okra.

That will be your purgatory.

 

[otjm]

I would respectfully disagree with you, Clare. The funeral is to pray for the soul of the deceased. It is NOT for the living.

God Bless

It is for both. It is for the repose of the soul of the deceased; but it is a funeral Mass, and Masses are also for the living. It (“it” being the additional activities, which may be a wake, a rosary, a luncheon, and the internment) is also for the emotional comfort and healing of those who remain behind.

 

[Lormar]

In my old age I have learned from experience that there is a lot of truth to the old adage: you die as you live.

When I die, I want a Requiem Mass. And I hope people remember to pray for my soul. Not everyone goes straight to heaven you know, despite what many seem to believe today.

 

[otjm]

I have joked with my bride that when the time comes she should

• 
  *]Take the insurance money and buy a dishwasher (because she will need one)
  *]Fold me into the box it came in and set me out at the curb on Thursday
  
  But since someone has posted the canon, I suppose I should not shun a funeral. I really mean she should not spend piles of money on the deal.
  
  Likewise, I know that the homily at Mass is not supposed to any kind of eulogy, I do not recall if there is a point before the dismissal where a member of the family is permitted to say a few words, or if that is merely a tradition in my area, but it always turns into a eulogy? I have told my daughter:
  “I cannot stop you from saying whatever you want if so invited. But if you do not begin with the words This is the part my father said not to do, I will climb out of my coffin right there and commence haunting you!”
  
  tee

• 
  My mother threatened to kick the side of the coffin if we had a eulogy; being extremely mindful of that, when we met with the priest to sort out the details of the funeral Mass beforehand, he, of course, noted the time when someone in the family could say a few words; I think we all chimed in with her request/threat. He was a bit surprised, but we were adamant, and there was no “canonization rite” at the end. Much was said at the funeral luncheon, but mostly one-on-one.
  
  He said a few kind words just after incensing the casket at the end (there were 8 priests concelebrating), but we avoided the matter.
  
  Funerals can provide a bit of amusement at times, if one is fairly grounded. My mother died at 97, and one of my brother’s best friends brought his mother to the funeral. She, like my mother, was suffering from short term memory loss, and so she looked at my brother, standing in the narthex and about 15 feet from the open casket just inside the church and said “And how is your mother?”
  
  We still laugh about it.

 

[Lormar]

…

Funerals can provide a bit of amusement at times, if one is fairly grounded. My mother died at 97, and one of my brother’s best friends brought his mother to the funeral. She, like my mother, was suffering from short term memory loss, and so she looked at my brother, standing in the narthex and about 15 feet from the open casket just inside the church and said “And how is your mother?”

We still laugh about it.