By request, no funeral service

[otjm]

There is nothing at all about funerals that offers any comfort to the living. They are not supposed to be. They are to spook everybody into praying for the souls.

Perhaps you have not been to as many funerals as I have, then. I have repeatedly been thanked for coming to the funeral of a relative or friend, thanks for the emotional support that my presence provided to the family.

I worked for an organization for a few years, and the treasurer and I had become friends. He died this summer of brain cancer, and in talking with his wife a day or two after his death, she asked me if I could come to the funeral (which w;as going to be about 85 miles away). I took the day off and went, and she thanked me several times for coming, and for my support.

People do care that others come to the funerals; there is something so sad when not much more than immediate family shows.
Monday night I was shopping in a local mall and ran into the brother of another friend of mine who died suddenly of a heart attack; he too thanked me for having come to the funeral.

 

[pianistclare]

My mother threatened to kick the side of the coffin if we had a eulogy; being extremely mindful of that, when we met with the priest to sort out the details of the funeral Mass beforehand, he, of course, noted the time when someone in the family could say a few words; I think we all chimed in with her request/threat. He was a bit surprised, but we were adamant, and there was no “canonization rite” at the end. Much was said at the funeral luncheon, but mostly one-on-one.

He said a few kind words just after incensing the casket at the end (there were 8 priests concelebrating), but we avoided the matter.

Funerals can provide a bit of amusement at times, if one is fairly grounded. My mother died at 97, and one of my brother’s best friends brought his mother to the funeral. She, like my mother, was suffering from short term memory loss, and so she looked at my brother, standing in the narthex and about 15 feet from the open casket just inside the church and said “And how is your mother?”

We still laugh about it.

That’s a great story. This is what is wonderful about funerals. The spirit of a life well lived.

I myself have told my boss (Pastor) that if they dare to sing Amazing Grace and have Psalm 23 read, I will sit up in the coffin and scare everybody.
His response: Not only are we going to sing Amazing Grace in 3 languages, We’re simply going to nail your box shut. We’ll have a good time hearing you knock about in there.

 

[Lormar]

No one will be at my funeral. There’s no one left in my family. If my husband survives me, he will be there. Maybe.

It certainly doesn’t matter to the deceased at that point.

 

[ProVobis]

It is for the repose of the soul of the deceased

Also an opportunity for a plenary indulgence. I believe a group rosary under the usual conditions (confession, communion, and prayers for Pope’s intention) qualifies.

 

[otjm]

I have given all my kids strict orders to bury me in the cheapest simple grey casket they make. I have insurance to cover my funeral and then some so its not a matter of them being cheap. I am paying for it myself. They all agreed and I have told many of my close friends and family of my request. I don’t intend to stay in that casket any longer than necessary and certainly won’t need it after the final judgment! God Bless, Memaw

If I may make a suggestion:

One of the posts mentioned Louisiana caskets, and I presume they meant St. Joseph Abbey (Benedictines) who make caskets.

I would suggest the Trappsit abbey of St Melleray in Peosta, Iowa; not only do they have a larger selection, but they appear to have some which are less expensive than the Benedictines. I ordered one for my mother’s funeral (at her request); the shaped pine box. The woodwork was fantastic; and I still paid less including shipping to Oregon, than what the funeral home offered.

I was also amazed and the number of very positive comments we received after the funeral.

And it never hurts to have the casket makers offering a Mass for the deceased.

 

[otjm]

I definitely want to be cremated. The idea of being buried in a box is horrifying to me. Maybe because it’s because I’m a bit claustrophobic or read too many horror stories when I was a child about how a coffin was dug up and opened and there were fingernail marks inside because the person wasn’t really dead. Yeah, I know embalming takes care of that problem. Still, I have specific instructions for cremation.

I want to purchase a niche in a columbarium at a local Catholic Church. My parish church does not have a cemetery. We do provide a meal for the funeral of a parishioner.

I take it that you are not fond of Edgar Allen Poe…

 

[Cojuanco]

According to canon law, Catholics must be given funerals.

I don’t know why anyone would not want one for him/herself. The funeral contains so many prayers for the soul of the deceased. We need all the prayers we can get. The traditions of regular prayer for the dead are not always taught well or practiced. For some people, the funeral might be the only time they offer any prayer for the deceased.

Perhaps they mean no service open to the public? Otherwise the assumption is you can attend the funeral.

 

[Personanongrata]

I’ve decided on cremation with no funeral Mass. I want my real friends to celebrate me with a party afterwards. That’s enough for me.

 

[Lormar]

I’ve decided on cremation with no funeral Mass. I want my real friends to celebrate me with a party afterwards. That’s enough for me.

Good for you! Will it be a BYOB party?

 

[otjm]

My preference stated a number of posts above (for no wake/funeral) was because I personally don’t like to have a big deal made over me. But because of where I live and because of who my neighboring relatives are, I know there’ll be an open-casket wake (unless I die in some horribly disfiguring accident), with a bunch of my relatives sitting around telling stories and laughing, and then a funeral Mass (which will be the first and probably only time that a lot of my relatives have been/will ever be in a Catholic church), followed by interment and then a big lunch with fried chicken and all the fixin’s, including fried okra. I’m actually okay with that. Just wish I could have a piece of the chicken and some of the okra.

Well, since you won’t be aware of what is being said, you won’t need to worry or be embarrassed about a big deal being made.

As to eating fried chicken and okra, well, I suppose you could ask for it as the last meal?

Me - a big pot of gumbo would be nice, except few out here even know what that is.

 

[otjm]

No one will be at my funeral. There’s no one left in my family. If my husband survives me, he will be there. Maybe.

It certainly doesn’t matter to the deceased at that point.

You don’t know anyone in your parish?

You have no friends?

Your husband has no friends? Relatives? Friends in the parish? Co workers?

I suspect more will show up than you anticipate. Many more.

 

[HelenRose]

My mother threatened to kick the side of the coffin if we had a eulogy; being extremely mindful of that, when we met with the priest to sort out the details of the funeral Mass beforehand, he, of course, noted the time when someone in the family could say a few words; I think we all chimed in with her request/threat. He was a bit surprised, but we were adamant, and there was no “canonization rite” at the end. Much was said at the funeral luncheon, but mostly one-on-one.

He said a few kind words just after incensing the casket at the end (there were 8 priests concelebrating), but we avoided the matter.

Funerals can provide a bit of amusement at times, if one is fairly grounded. My mother died at 97, and one of my brother’s best friends brought his mother to the funeral. She, like my mother, was suffering from short term memory loss, and so she looked at my brother, standing in the narthex and about 15 feet from the open casket just inside the church and said “And how is your mother?”

We still laugh about it.

My mother passed away just short of being 98. She was a convert and definitely wanted a Catholic funeral with as much Latin as possible. She had a wonderful sense of humor. How wonderful it is to have wonderful memories of our mothers. A long rich life full of laugher and love.

 

[Corki]

No one will be at my funeral. There’s no one left in my family. If my husband survives me, he will be there. Maybe.

It certainly doesn’t matter to the deceased at that point.

It DOES matter to the deceased. Prayers for the dead are very important even if they are only offered by the celebrating priest and the altar servers.

 

[Memaw]

If I may make a suggestion:

One of the posts mentioned Louisiana caskets, and I presume they meant St. Joseph Abbey (Benedictines) who make caskets.

I would suggest the Trappsit abbey of St Melleray in Peosta, Iowa; not only do they have a larger selection, but they appear to have some which are less expensive than the Benedictines. I ordered one for my mother’s funeral (at her request); the shaped pine box. The woodwork was fantastic; and I still paid less including shipping to Oregon, than what the funeral home offered.

I was also amazed and the number of very positive comments we received after the funeral.

And it never hurts to have the casket makers offering a Mass for the deceased.

Thanks, I will check into this, God Bless, Memaw

 

[Ocean_of_Mercy]

Here is what the Catechism says about funerals:

**CHAPTER FOUR
OTHER LITURGICAL CELEBRATIONS

ARTICLE 2
CHRISTIAN FUNERALS **

1680 All the sacraments, and principally those of Christian initiation, have as their goal the last Passover of the child of God which, through death, leads him into the life of the Kingdom. Then what he confessed in faith and hope will be fulfilled: “I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come.”

I. THE CHRISTIAN’S LAST PASSOVER

1681 The Christian meaning of death is revealed in the light of the *Paschal mystery *of the death and resurrection of Christ in whom resides our only hope. The Christian who dies in Christ Jesus is “away from the body and at home with the Lord.”

1682 For the Christian the day of death inaugurates, at the end of his sacramental life, the fulfillment of his new birth begun at Baptism, the definitive “conformity” to “the image of the Son” conferred by the anointing of the Holy Spirit, and participation in the feast of the Kingdom which was anticipated in the Eucharist- even if final purifications are still necessary for him in order to be clothed with the nuptial garment.

1683 The Church who, as Mother, has borne the Christian sacramentally in her womb during his earthly pilgrimage, accompanies him at his journey’s end, in order to surrender him “into the Father’s hands.” She offers to the Father, in Christ, the child of his grace, and she commits to the earth, in hope, the seed of the body that will rise in glory. This offering is fully celebrated in the Eucharistic sacrifice; the blessings before and after Mass are sacramentals.

II. THE CELEBRATION OF FUNERALS

1684 The Christian funeral is a liturgical celebration of the Church. The ministry of the Church in this instance aims at expressing efficacious communion with the deceased, at the participation in that communion of *the community *gathered for the funeral, and at the proclamation of eternal life to the community.

1685 The different funeral rites express the *Paschal character *of Christian death and are in keeping with the situations and traditions of each region, even as to the color of the liturgical vestments worn.

1686 *The Order of Christian Funerals (Ordo exsequiarum) *of the Roman liturgy gives three types of funeral celebrations, corresponding to the three places in which they are conducted (the home, the church, and the cemetery), and according to the importance attached to them by the family, local customs, the culture, and popular piety. This order of celebration is common to all the liturgical traditions and comprises four principal elements:

1687 The greeting of the community. A greeting of faith begins the celebration. Relatives and friends of the deceased are welcomed with a word of “consolation” (in the New Testament sense of the Holy Spirit’s power in hope). The community assembling in prayer also awaits the “words of eternal life.” The death of a member of the community (or the anniversary of a death, or the seventh or thirtieth day after death) is an event that should lead beyond the perspectives of “this world” and should draw the faithful into the true perspective of faith in the risen Christ.

1688 The liturgy of the Word during funerals demands very careful preparation because the assembly present for the funeral may include some faithful who rarely attend the liturgy, and friends of the deceased who are not Christians. The homily in particular must “avoid the literary genre of funeral eulogy” and illumine the mystery of Christian death in the light of the risen Christ.

1689 The Eucharistic Sacrifice. When the celebration takes place in church the Eucharist is the heart of the Paschal reality of Christian death. In the Eucharist, the Church expresses her efficacious communion with the departed: offering to the Father in the Holy Spirit the sacrifice of the death and resurrection of Christ, she asks to purify his child of his sins and their consequences, and to admit him to the Paschal fullness of the table of the Kingdom. It is by the Eucharist thus celebrated that the community of the faithful, especially the family of the deceased, learn to live in communion with the one who “has fallen asleep in the Lord,” by communicating in the Body of Christ of which he is a living member and, then, by praying for him and with him.

1690 A farewell to the deceased is his final “commendation to God” by the Church. It is "the last farewell by which the Christian community greets one of its members before his body is brought to its tomb."The Byzantine tradition expresses this by the kiss of farewell to the deceased:

By this final greeting “we sing for his departure from this life and separation from us, but also because there is a communion and a reunion. For even dead, we are not at all separated from one another, because we all run the same course and we will find one another again in the same place. We shall never be separated, for we live for Christ, and now we are united with Christ as we go toward him . . . we shall all be together in Christ.”

 

[John_Lazarus]

When I die I will be given a Requiem High Mass in the Extraordinary Form. I will NOT be cremated. Does anyone know the last few lines of the Nicene Creed recited at most Masses? How can be we resurrected if we’re cremated? The Church lifted the ban on cremation but certainly doesn’t endorse it. I hope to be buried somewhere where there’ll be no worries that I’ll be dug up and cremated or moved after 100 years which seems to be common nowadays too.

All things are possible for God.

 

[John_Lazarus]

That’s a great story. This is what is wonderful about funerals. The spirit of a life well lived.

I myself have told my boss (Pastor) that if they dare to sing Amazing Grace and have Psalm 23 read, I will sit up in the coffin and scare everybody.
His response: Not only are we going to sing Amazing Grace in 3 languages, We’re simply going to nail your box shut. We’ll have a good time hearing you knock about in there.

And if they don’t sing it…you’ll arrive at the pearly gates and St Peter will admonish you, “That’s my favourite, I was looking forward to hearing it!” :tsktsk:

Or a bunch of burly men mentioned in Luke Chapter 2 will be rolling up their sleeves saying, “What you got against shepherds?”

 

[Tigg]

I would rather just not be cremated. The Church has not been for cremation for nearly 2000 years, likely for the same reasons, and neither am I.

Since the resurrection of the body is doctrine, I for one, will certainly not choose cremation although I’m certain God would have no problem with ashes. But in my own mind the idea of deliberately choosing cremation somehow thwarts the truth that we will have an eternal glorified body. (Which I am looking forward to, btw!)

 

[pianistclare]

And if they don’t sing it…you’ll arrive at the pearly gates and St Peter will admonish you, “That’s my favourite, I was looking forward to hearing it!” :tsktsk:

Or a bunch of burly men mentioned in Luke Chapter 2 will be rolling up their sleeves saying, “What you got against shepherds?”

Hi John, nice to see you!

It’s just that as a church musician for eons…I’m pretty sick of those pieces. I’m planning some other things per my preference. Once something is hears a bazillion times…it loses it’s punch for me. Others feel differently. Many people cannot hear Amazing Grace enough.

For a psalm I would like ( if they will follow my wishes…) is “The Lord is kind and merciful…slow to anger, and rich in compassion.”

 

[HelenRose]

Hi John, nice to see you!

It’s just that as a church musician for eons…I’m pretty sick of those pieces. I’m planning some other things per my preference. Once something is hears a bazillion times…it loses it’s punch for me. Others feel differently. Many people cannot hear Amazing Grace enough.

For a psalm I would like ( if they will follow my wishes…) is “The Lord is kind and merciful…slow to anger, and rich in compassion.”

As a musician I understand. I still love “Amazing Grace” but one does wonder if there is another song out there that could be chosen.

I think that for families who are grieving it is a comfort to have at least one decision that is not hard to make. They hear question, "What songs do you want sung?’ They don’t have to think. The song is there for them.