CAF women: Do/would you run your clothing choices by your husband?

[EasterJoy]

A guy’s point of view.

It would be the worst idea if my wife ever asked me for advice about clothing. I used to tell the ladies at Dilliards I was color blind just, so I could leave the store with matching outfits.

I’m lucky that way. My husband is better at figuring out what a store has that will work for me than the people who work there. (This is good, because I am not big on shopping for myself.)

I get the feeling that my husband and I ask for each other’s opinion a lot more than is the norm here. It might be because neither of us presumes to have a veto. OTOH, there aren’t many other people we know who would bluntly tell us the truth about whether something we like is flattering or not. (And yes, c’mon, we know the other one is right… you all know the personal clothing choices I mean. ) We you hear someone whose opinion you value advise you that you do not look good in something, why would you wear it?

 

[Petaro]

My wife only asked my permission to continue her smoking habit, knowing I am an asthmatic. I just had to look at her in my best parental manner and she laughed and never smoked again. We submit to each other knowing our spouses’ strengths and weakness. I celebrated our fifth year of marriage, knowing she had done our tax and I had nothing to fear from an audit. She has respected my investment knowledge and left all our financial concerns in my hands. We learnt how to be parents together, laughing at the wonderful experience of nappies; baths; and mishaps.
She has a bad habit of going into a store, coming out and saying she loves an outfit but it is too expensive. I have to take her back and force her to buy it. Now that is submission. (I am not as stupid as I look and sometimes even close my mouth whilst driving…)
If we got over ourselves a lot more our marriages would last with the laughter this world deserves. Stll love the old chook after twenty years…

 

[Xantippe]

My wife only asked my permission to continue her smoking habit, knowing I am an asthmatic. I just had to look at her in my best parental manner and she laughed and never smoked again. We submit to each other knowing our spouses’ strengths and weakness. I celebrated our fifth year of marriage, knowing she had done our tax and I had nothing to fear from an audit. She has respected my investment knowledge and left all our financial concerns in my hands. We learnt how to be parents together, laughing at the wonderful experience of nappies; baths; and mishaps.
She has a bad habit of going into a store, coming out and saying she loves an outfit but it is too expensive. I have to take her back and force her to buy it. Now that is submission. (I am not as stupid as I look and sometimes even close my mouth whilst driving…)
If we got over ourselves a lot more our marriages would last with the laughter this world deserves. Stll love the old chook after twenty years…

Awwww.

 

[MJJean]

A guy’s point of view.

It would be the worst idea if my wife ever asked me for advice about clothing. I used to tell the ladies at Dilliards I was color blind just, so I could leave the store with matching outfits.

I am actually partially color blind! I didn’t even know until I took a pre employment physical many years ago. I can’t see some colors the way everyone else does.

All of a sudden had to wonder if my clothes matched properly and if my interior design skills more resembled HGTV or the local pre school.

So, yes, I ask my DH if I “look ok”. But only because I want to know if I match!

 

[UbiCaritas]

Nope.

The only time DH came close to saying something was actually a few weeks ago. We were getting ready to go to the golf course, and I’d apparently gotten distracted halfway through changing. When I go golfing, I wear a golf skirt/shorts combo. The shorts are there just so no one will see anything, and are decidedly not for solo wear–they’re made of a sort of tight compression fabric and are very short. I mean…really short.

Anyway, DD needed something after I’d put them on but before I’d put the skirt over them, so I was running around the house in them. No problem that, but I was about to walk out the door when I felt like something wasn’t quite right, looked down, and said, “Oh good grief, I nearly walked out of here in just these shorts, hang on, I’ll get the skirt.” DH said, “I had been wondering…and yes, I would have stopped you.”

 

[slh3016]

I have rules of modesty for myself so I don’t really need my husband’s (name removed by moderator)ut for that, BUT I do value his opinion on how I dress. I do want my husband to find me attractive and sometimes certain pieces of clothing do not flatter anything about me. I don’t see what the big deal is about husbands and wives asking each other or offering a solicited opinion regarding each other’s attire

 

[Xantippe]

I was about to recommend “brown pants/blue shirt” thinking it was a colorblind male poster but then I realize that it was MJJean and that MJJean is a girl!

That must be tough.

I am actually partially color blind! I didn’t even know until I took a pre employment physical many years ago. I can’t see some colors the way everyone else does.

All of a sudden had to wonder if my clothes matched properly and if my interior design skills more resembled HGTV or the local pre school.

So, yes, I ask my DH if I “look ok”. But only because I want to know if I match!

 

[Irishmom2]

I don’t see what the big deal is about husbands and wives asking each other or offering a solicited opinion regarding each other’s attire

True. An opinion is one thing, solicited or not. But permission is another thing entirely. “Umm, that shirt really is not that flattering to you.” Is quite different than "I don’t want you wearing that shirt, it is too form fitting and I don’t want people ogling you. "

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Not really - my wife and I are on similar terms vis a vis what is appropriate in terms of modesty. As a guy who previously worked out a lot, she will tell me if I wear a shirt that is too tight in the chest (not to be too graphic), depending on the setting (usually work) which doesn’t bother me in the least, since she does it in a caring way. She will ask my opinion on which outfit looks better on her, at times.

She will rag on on me for old, stained and/or holy (think those with holes, not those imbued with spiritual power) but again, I don’t mind. She is usually correct.

But none of it is permission per se.

 

[Della]

If I didn’t take my dh shopping for clothes my closet would be pretty empty. He loves to pick things out for me to try on. I will ask if something looks okay, modesty wise. He always says yes, but I still rely on safety pins to more tightly close some blouse necklines, but that’s my buga-boo, not his. Now if I could only get him to toss out his old torn tee shirts, and get him to stop declaring in the store, “Look, hon, this is big enough for you” loud enough for eveyone in the store to hear.

 

[jmjZelie]

I often consult with my husband on my clothing decisions. I trust him to tell me what he likes to see me where, but not to tell me if I look modest enough. I would be wearing a lot less clothing if I went by my husband’s idea of modest. However, my solution is to wear the types of shirts and dresses he likes and to throw on a cardigan before I leave the house.

I also give him a lot of help and feedback for his clothing choices, too. So it is not submission so much as it is mutual help.

 

[Catholic1954]

So…in some Evangelical or Fundamentalist circles, there is this idea that a husband actually has a strange quasi-parental role in his relationship with his wife. They interpret ideas of Biblical submission, as actually requiring the wife to “get permission” from the husband for actions such as getting a job, making certain shopping choices, etc., much as a child would get permission from a parent.

And one aspect that I hadn’t really questioned before, is the idea that a wife should run her clothing choices past her husband, and defer to his opinions.

For example, one of the married Bates girls, Alyssa Webster, has taken to dressing in tank tops and jeans since her marriage. Some Bates fans have questioned these choices, which are not considered “modest” by Mrs. Bates herself, none of the unmarried daughters dress that way. But interestingly, many have defended her by stating, “Alyssa is married now, if her husband is okay with it, then who are you to judge?”

Now, some may merely be stating this meaning that Alyssa is likely considering her husband’s opinions, and charitably deciding to dress in a way the husband prefers, and would not be one to wear clothes that her husband considers immodest. (She’s still more “modest” than Amy Duggar, though I know Amy never followed the Duggar rules anyway.) But I think some actually believe, that the husband does have the right to unilaterally demand that his wife, say, wear only long skirts, or not wear pants. And that a submissive wife would follow those demands without question.

Interestingly, some have also twisted the idea of wifely submission to state that if the husband demands a wife wear revealing clothing, either for his own visual pleasure, or so he can display her as a trophy, then the wife is obligated to follow that as well — that any sin of immodesty falls on the husband, not the wife.

I doubt that is Catholic teaching, but I’d be interested to know, do any of the women on CAF run their clothing choices by their husbands?

“What are you asking me for? If you like it, buy it and wear it!” Some decisions in marriage are mutual and some are joint. Selecting and wearing one’s clothing is a matter of personal taste.

 

[Xantippe]

Taking husbands clothes shopping is generally deemed a human rights violation under the Geneva Convention.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

When we go clothes shopping together, yes, we do consult each other about what we are trying on to potentially purchase. My husband will ask which shirt, etc. I like better, and I do the same. If we are getting dressed to go somewhere and am not sure about how I look, I will ask him what he thinks. Sometimes I take his advice and sometimes I don’t. Ditto for him.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So…in some Evangelical or Fundamentalist circles, there is this idea that a husband actually has a strange quasi-parental role in his relationship with his wife. They interpret ideas of Biblical submission, as actually requiring the wife to “get permission” from the husband for actions such as getting a job, making certain shopping choices, etc., much as a child would get permission from a parent.

And one aspect that I hadn’t really questioned before, is the idea that a wife should run her clothing choices past her husband, and defer to his opinions.

For example, one of the married Bates girls, Alyssa Webster, has taken to dressing in tank tops and jeans since her marriage. Some Bates fans have questioned these choices, which are not considered “modest” by Mrs. Bates herself, none of the unmarried daughters dress that way. But interestingly, many have defended her by stating, “Alyssa is married now, if her husband is okay with it, then who are you to judge?”

Now, some may merely be stating this meaning that Alyssa is likely considering her husband’s opinions, and charitably deciding to dress in a way the husband prefers, and would not be one to wear clothes that her husband considers immodest. (She’s still more “modest” than Amy Duggar, though I know Amy never followed the Duggar rules anyway.) But I think some actually believe, that the husband does have the right to unilaterally demand that his wife, say, wear only long skirts, or not wear pants. And that a submissive wife would follow those demands without question.

Interestingly, some have also twisted the idea of wifely submission to state that if the husband demands a wife wear revealing clothing, either for his own visual pleasure, or so he can display her as a trophy, then the wife is obligated to follow that as well — that any sin of immodesty falls on the husband, not the wife.

I doubt that is Catholic teaching, but I’d be interested to know, do any of the women on CAF run their clothing choices by their husbands?

My sister and her husband are atheists. He buys her clothes and tells her what to wear. He is metro sexual and even though my sister has had a career in modeling, considered himself the fashionista in the relationship. The frustrating thing is that he is almost always right.

I perhaps have mentioned to my wife that a certain skirt or outfit might not be appropriate for Mass. Though while doing so I make sure I let her know how “good” she looks in it. This is a very thin tight rope for a husband to walk… She does the same for me (apparently my unwashed football Jersey is not appropriate either.) She has a particular dress that looks like a clown suit. She loves it. Other than that, she is absolutely right on in her style sense. She dresses way better than me or half of the people she works with. She is professional, beautiful, sexy and modest. Yes there is a way to have all of that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Taking husbands clothes shopping is generally deemed a human rights violation under the Geneva Convention.

A violation of the husband who has to sit in a chair and stare at women’s cloths all while walking the minefield of things not to say! Usually done during a football game he wants to watch…

Ends with tears (husbands) and a mad wife who will not be rewarding the husband later on that night…

 

[jmjZelie]

A violation of the husband who has to sit in a chair and stare at women’s cloths all while walking the minefield of things not to say! Usually done during a football game he wants to watch…

Ends with tears (husbands) and a mad wife who will not be rewarding the husband later on that night…

That is why the wife should let him stay home and watch the game while she shops and sends him glamorous selfies from the fitting room. Plus, then he can keep the kids with him, since they also hate shopping with their mom. Then everyone is happy

 

[UbiCaritas]

That is why the wife should let him stay home and watch the game while she shops and sends him glamorous selfies from the fitting room. Plus, then he can keep the kids with him, since they also hate shopping with their mom. Then everyone is happy

Which is what we do, and then everyone–DH, DD, and I am thoroughly happy. He can watch football and play with DD, DD can hang out with the ever-awesome DADDDYYYYYYY, and I can enjoy a lunch, some delightful agonizing over which outfit to buy, and a latte without someone losing her tiny little mind next to me, or endeavoring to yank every reachable article of clothing off a hanger.

 

[VivienneJ]

Not to seek his permission, no. But I knew my husband did not like women to wear black, so I never bought, made or wore anything black during his lifetime. Why wear something your husband/wife hates?

My daughter likes to ask her husband’s opinion because it is not worth ‘that look’ if he does not like the style of something she is wearing.

 

[Xantippe]

Which is what we do, and then everyone–DH, DD, and I am thoroughly happy. He can watch football and play with DD, DD can hang out with the ever-awesome DADDDYYYYYYY, and I can enjoy a lunch, some delightful agonizing over which outfit to buy, and a latte without someone losing her tiny little mind next to me, or endeavoring to yank every reachable article of clothing off a hanger.

You forgot to buy a COOOOOOOOOKIE with the latte.