Can a 9 year old altar server be refused holy communion

[angel12]

I believe the fire for serving in his soul comes from God. And aren’t we to follow God whenever His will is in conflict with someone elses will?

A 9-year-old child owes obedience to his parents and to his pastor. No good will come of teaching him that his will comes above all else.

 

[Horton]

I believe the fire for serving in his soul comes from God. And aren’t we to follow God whenever His will is in conflict with someone elses will? It’s almost as if my parents or priest told me not to go into religious life - I’d still need to go through with it if it’s my vocation.

I do not disagree with this, however, there are so many virtues that can be learned by a 9-yr-old child, obedience, prudence, patience, and a host of others.

Also, speak with your pastor about why he was denied Communion, as he shouldn’t be.

We do not have a “right” to receive communion. I feel it is well within the scope of a pastor to deny communion to someone he knows is not disposed to receive.

Altar serving is a privilege, not a right. A 9 year old child does not get to determine when he gets to serve, the coordinator of altar servers does.

 

[CilladeRoma]

The pastor told my son not to serve but I was in the pews otherwise I would have stopped my son. Seems like my son didn’t comprehend and served anyway.

I must have missed this.

OP, this is very problematic. Your Pastor, the spiritual leader of your parish, specifically told your son not to serve and your son did so anyway? Is this correct?
And you are more worried about your son being denied Communion than you are him disobeying a direct order from your Pastor? Correct?

There are way too many things “out of wack” here. OP, please set up a meeting with your husband, son and Pastor. No good will come out of you posting this on the forum. The only person who can guide you is your Pastor. Please listen to him.

 

[Jacque]

Agree with you on the second about not being on the same page. But don’t agree fully on the first part I am very thick skinned and my son though young will get through this. The Holy Spirit will guide my son. My son is my only child of my old age and I asked God for a child that will return back to Him. Most folks here are blindly following st. Paul’s words that husband is the spiritual head of family, when he has never been to confession in years, doesn’t pray together at home daily nor receive communion more than once or twice a year when his parents are around. At least the pastor should have asked him some basic questions before implementing and included my son and me in his conversations with him. The pastor and his associate don’t even want to discuss this matter.

 

[Cruciferi]

Speaking as a former server, something seems off about this whole ordeal.

• Why isn’t the Priest consulting with both Parents together?
• Why is there no talk about a Serving Schedule?
• How does a 9 year old sneak onto the Altar?

I’m cutting the kid some slack here. The ADULTS in this situation MUST communicate and find a solution.

 

[CilladeRoma]

Most folks here are blindly following st. Paul’s words that husband is the spiritual head of family,

I don’t see it this way at all.

For me, the very fact that your son disobeyed his Pastor, and did what he wanted to, is the problem here.

Your son is 9, he does not get to make the rules, your Pastor does. I think a sit-down with him, your son and your husband is the only way to get to the bottom of this. I

 

[PetraG]

Altar serving is a privilege, not a right. A 9 year old child does not get to determine when he gets to serve, the coordinator of altar servers does.

Actually, the priest determines that. He can delegate that authority to someone else, but it is his decision.

We do not have a “right” to receive communion. I feel it is well within the scope of a pastor to deny communion to someone he knows is not disposed to receive.

I would reword what you are saying: Receiving the sacraments actually is a right, excepting when a Catholic is not properly disposed.
Can. 912 Any baptized person not prohibited by law can and must be admitted to holy communion.
[but]
Can. 914 …It is for the pastor to exercise vigilance so that children…whom he judges are not sufficiently disposed do not approach holy communion.

In other words, a child’s pastor has not just the right but the duty to use his judgment concerning whether a child is properly disposed to receive Holy Communion or not.

The question I would ask the child is what Father said to him after Mass. If there was no conversation, there needs to be one between the child, the pastor and the Catholic parent. It ought to be at a time that is calm and absolutely non-adversarial and at a place that is private.

The parent should tell Father that it is important to the child to explain gently what the issues are, so everyone can be on the same page and fully understand each other.

 

[PetraG]

Is the spiritual head of the family supposed to show/model to the child that God is above him and be happy that his son is choosing to serve God or just serve/force him to sit next to him? Does the mother have any say at all in this matter or is the father always right?

I used to schedule altar servers. The ideal is that both parents are fully on-board with altar serving. The only time our parish made an exception was when the parents were divorced and the child was serving on Sundays when the parent giving consent had full custody rights for that time. We even referred to “altar serving families” rather than just altar servers, because of course a nine-year-old cannot make and keep such a commitment without family support.

We had altar servers who were so eager to serve that they would go to one Mass and sit with their families but who would return to church to serve at a different Mass. This could be a solution that would satisfy everyone in your case. Most of the time, altar servers only serve one or two Sundays a month, even the ones who served daily Mass more often than that.

 

[phil19034]

I think I’m going to be in the minority here, but I think the priest did the right thing in denying him communion and I wish more priests would do this.

Depending on the conversation the priest had with your son, it sounds like your so deliberately disobeyed the priest.

You say the priest told him not to serve. Yet, your son deliberately went out to serve anyway, after the priest told him not to.

Unless there was some misunderstanding, it sounds like your son was deliberately disobedient to the priest right before Mass.

Your son broke the Fourth Commandment right before Mass started.

In this situation, the priest was 100% correct to withhold communion - NOT as a form of punishment, but to protect your son from sacrilege.

If I’m reading your post correctly, your son arguably broke the Fourth Commandment TWICE, right in front of the priest. Once by disobeying his father and second by disobeying the priest.

So again, this was not really a form of punishment, but a PROTECTION from him committing a serious mortal sin.

I would highly recommend that you take your to son to confession before the next mass.

God bless!

 

[PetraG]

I think I’m going to be in the minority here, but I think the priest did the right thing in denying him communion and I wish more priests would do this.

I wish Father had simply told the altar server to take his alb or cassock and surplice off and go sit with his family before Mass started. I know priests who would have told the server that Mass wasn’t going to start until the server complied and that if he did not comply he would not be allowed to serve at that parish under the tenure of that pastor and that the time to have a conversation about this was later and not now. Altar servers simply may not defy Father, either or his or her parents, or anyone the parents or pastor appoint to have authority over them. Period. No guff. That’s it.

 

[Jacque]

My son has been following the same schedule for 1 month now. He told me his didn’t understand that the priest was telling him not to serve while waiting at the entrance vested up just before the mass. He saw no other altar servers there so he thought he is only helping. I will make sure that this confusion doesn’t happen in the future. I just wished I was privy to what happened in the discussion between my husband and the pastor with pastoral associate. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get an audience. I will put this matter to rest here because I believe my son did the right thing and my husband with pastor should have been transparent about their conversations. All this took place in less than a week. Not sure why the haste in such an important decision about a 9 year old.

 

[PetraG]

My son has been following the same schedule for 1 month now. He told me his didn’t understand that the priest was telling him not to serve while waiting at the entrance vested up just before the mass. He saw no other altar servers there so he thought he is only helping. I will make sure that this confusion doesn’t happen in the future. I just wished I was privy to what happened in the discussion between my husband and the pastor with pastoral associate. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get an audience. I will put this matter to rest here because I believe my son did the right thing and my husband with pastor should have been transparent about their conversations. All this took place in less than a week. Not sure why the haste in such an important decision about a 9 year old.

Well, no, I’d say your son did the objectively wrong thing but without any rebellious or malicious intent. He was wrong, but he probably is not culpable.

As for you, it is important that you support your husband and your pastor and the important point that all three of you have legitimate authority in this matter. You all have to agree before it is right for your son to altar serve. Period. Don’t make this a fight in which you “go to bat” for him against his pastor and his father. No, you should be backing up the other adults with legitimate authority in your son’s life and teaching him the value of patient obedience. You can explain to him that Father had the duty to withhold Holy Communion because your son is a child and cannot be assumed to be fully capable to assess that for himself. It is OK that he used an abundance of caution about whether your son was properly disposed to recieve Holy Communion; it did not harm the boy and should be presented as something done for his welfare and not as a punishment that uses Our Lord as leverage to force compliance. That is NOT what it was. It was more like withholding food from someone who might have an intestinal blockage. It is better to be safe than sorry.

 

[phil19034]

How does a 9 year old sneak onto the Altar?

I’ve seen this where altar servers walk into the sanctuary after the priest is already there. Often it’s because someone is late or missing.

The OP doesn’t specifically say this, but the son apparently saw there were no Altar Servers, so he walked out there.

The priest didn’t send him back, but didn’t give him communion.

 

[phil19034]

NOTE: based on the OP’s comments, I think the son WAS on the schedule, but the priest told him he was not to server because of his father’s wishes.

After mass started, the kid walked out to serve anyway.

 

[Jacque]

I take my son 20 minutes before the mass. This was no exception. He was following the regular schedule. I wish the priest would have sent him to me or made a one time exception as a benefit of doubt and dealt with the matter after the mass.

 

[PetraG]

In other words, the altar server made a mistake, but acted in the same way as an altar server who was acting out of defiance. In an abundance of caution, the priest rightly denied Holy Communion on the reasonable concern that the altar server was not properly disposed, but did not expel the altar server from functioning as a server in order to avoid disrupting Mass and having an open power struggle right then and there.
A different priest who didn’t refrain from giving the child Holy Communion would have been using his best judgment to decide that the child was not acting in a defiant way, but was merely confused. It is up to the priest to make his best guess about what the situation was.

I take my son 20 minutes before the mass. This was no exception. He was following the regular schedule. I wish the priest would have sent him to me or made a one time exception as a benefit of doubt and dealt with the matter after the mass.

Do you see, though, that a priest is not going to give Holy Communion to a child who reasonably seems as if he may not be anything like properly disposed, out of caution for the child? It would be like giving food to someone with a belly wound. You don’t just make an exception to be “nice.” You have to do what is in the best interest of the child as you, the pastor, understand it and not according to the understanding of the child in the moment or according to the rash judgment of those watching. The priest also could have been acting so as to keep from being used as a pawn in a parental power struggle, which is also what prudence would dictate that he do.

 

[phil19034]

I take my son 20 minutes before the mass. This was no exception. He was following the regular schedule. I wish the priest would have sent him to me or made a one time exception as a benefit of doubt and dealt with the matter after the mass.

“One time exception” to what?

If you mean a one time exception and tell your son that he could serve, ok. However, as you said, you were not privy to the conversation your husband had with the priests.

Apparently, your husband made such a big deal about this, that the priests felt allowing your son at the Altar was a bad idea.

So father told your son not to serve. Your son objectively didn’t listen (now it sounds like it may have been a misunderstanding… but the priest withhold communion to protect his soul)

If you want to mad at someone, be mad at your husband. The priest did what he did because it was the RIGHT thing to do.

• Your husband made it clear to the priests that your son was not serve - allowing your son to serve would have been disrespectful to your husband and undermining his authority - so the priest didn’t want to do that.
• Giving your son communion when he objectively broke the Fourth Commandment right in front of the priest would have put your son’s soul in danger.

Please do not be mad at father. INSTEAD, speak with your husband. Figure out why your husband doesn’t want your son serving.

To me - it sounds like your son might have a calling to the priesthood. It should be cultivated. However, a priest is rarely going to undermine a parent’s authority.

God Bless & Godspeed.

 

[PetraG]

NOTE: based on the OP’s comments, I think the son WAS on the schedule, but the priest told him he was not to server because of his father’s wishes.

After mass started, the kid walked out to serve anyway.

OK, but he was a brand-new server and the other servers didn’t show up. He may honestly have not known that this is not a big disaster and that Father can muddle along fine when there are no altar servers.

The pastor and his associate don’t even want to discuss this matter.

I would say that I don’t blame them for not wanting to discuss it until (a) you and your husband have come to an agreement and (b) you come only with the request to explain the situation to your son and give him a chance to apologize for even unintentionally defying Father’s wishes.
No, they’re not going to want to have a “discussion” as if there is some question about whether the pastor had a right to do what he did. He did have the right. He may have even had the positive duty to do it, depending on how he honestly read the situation with the information he had. No, no one in that situation is going to “discuss” whether he did the right thing or not. Trust me, you don’t invite altar serving parents into “discussions” that start with the premise that any server has a “right” to be a server; they do not usually go well.

 

[phil19034]

What if this family got in a car accident on their way home from Mass? At that moment in time, the priest didn’t know whether the child was cupliable for his grave sin or not.

A good priest is not going to want a child to go to hell.

And regarding the bishops & politician - I’m sorry, but the bishops are wrong on this. I understand why they think they shouldn’t withhold communion, but they SHOULD be excommunicating these politicians. Not doing so is a grave scandal.

I think the priest did the best thing.

BTW - the people in the pew don’t know why Father didn’t give him communion. As far as they know, the kid could have eaten an apple in the Sacristy.

 

[Cruciferi]

He told me his didn’t understand that the priest was telling him not to serve while waiting at the entrance vested up just before the mass

I suspected that this was the issue. When you all speak with the Priest, be sure to explain that there was confusion.

I just wished I was privy to what happened in the discussion between my husband and the pastor with pastoral associate.

Yes, in the future you should both be meeting with the Pastor.

I believe my son did the right thing

Speaking from personal experience, poorly organized Altar Serving generates confusion and drama. I’m not sure if this Parish is the right place for your son to learn how to Serve. I quit Serving because of drama such as this.

I wish the priest would have sent him to me or made a one time exception as a benefit of doubt and dealt with the matter after the mass.

Speaking with you or arranging a proper meeting with you and your husband would have been the proper thing to do. Again, I would question whether or not this is the best place for your son to serve at.