Can a catholic marry a calvinist?

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txaggie07

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so i love this girl. we want to be together. we’ve still got a while before we make that commitment, but we can’t wait. (we can and will… but you know…) but there’s a few things that are clouding our future. i was brought up a decently strong catholic, and still am. i wish i knew more about my faith and how to defend it, so i guess that’s why i putz around here from time to time. my girlfriend of a year and a half (i know it’s not that long… we’re trying not rush anything, just thinking ahead a little) is hardcore calvinist. when she told me that when i first met her, i wasn’t sure what to think. we figured our friendship would stay just that, but it grew into a strong relationship. and we’re both a more than a little scared about the future. we pray together daily and we both keep each other in check- trying to clean up our daily lives to make ourselves better people, more christ-like, and it’s great! she’s amazing! but what happens when we get married? where do we go to church? i’m still going to catholic mass, she still wants to go her church, but we both know how important it is for a couple to go to church to worship together. and what about children?! how and what can we teach them without confusing them or offending each other?? and this is all a big IF we can even get married in a catholic church. (although i thought i read somewhere that the marriage could be blessed/accepted in the catholic church, even if it was performed somewhere else, as a scaramental marriage, under certain conditions? is that true? or am i making that up…). if anyone has advice, especially from anyone in a mixed-faith marriage, please let me know.

-a little scared in tx.
 
Hello fellow Aggie!

I am sorry you are going through this, but it is good that you are dealing with these issues now rather than getting married first and then trying to deal with them.

I never recommend mixed marriages because of all the pitfalls you have already listed. How can people of two different faiths be united, teach and rear their children, and help each other toward Heaven? It is difficult, if not impossible. One or the other ends up compromising, and that is not how you want to live your life.

I suggest that you find a Catholic girl to date and marry. If you are going to school in College Station, get involved at St. Mary’s. If you are in SA, then find a strong parish and get involved there, and meet Catholics who practice their faith.

I suggest you get the book “Date or Soul Mate” by Dr. Neil Clark Warren and read it thoroughly.

If you are not united in the practice of your faith, your marriage will face much hardship and peril. You have only to read the numerous posts from people who married non-Catholics only to be confronted with a no-win situation later regarding a contracepting spouse, a spouse who refuses to have the children baptized, a spouse who teaches contrary doctrines to the children, the pain of being separated and not being able to attend church together, pray the rosary together, etc.

I know you think you are in love, but ultimately your soul (and those of future children) are what is most important of all.
 
txaggie07 said:
so i love this girl. we want to be together. we’ve still got a while before we make that commitment, but we can’t wait. (we can and will… but you know…) but there’s a few things that are clouding our future. i was brought up a decently strong catholic, and still am. i wish i knew more about my faith and how to defend it, so i guess that’s why i putz around here from time to time. my girlfriend of a year and a half (i know it’s not that long… we’re trying not rush anything, just thinking ahead a little) is hardcore calvinist. when she told me that when i first met her, i wasn’t sure what to think. we figured our friendship would stay just that, but it grew into a strong relationship. and we’re both a more than a little scared about the future. we pray together daily and we both keep each other in check- trying to clean up our daily lives to make ourselves better people, more christ-like, and it’s great! she’s amazing! but what happens when we get married? where do we go to church? i’m still going to catholic mass, she still wants to go her church, but we both know how important it is for a couple to go to church to worship together. and what about children?! how and what can we teach them without confusing them or offending each other?? and this is all a big IF we can even get married in a catholic church. (although i thought i read somewhere that the marriage could be blessed/accepted in the catholic church, even if it was performed somewhere else, as a scaramental marriage, under certain conditions? is that true? or am i making that up…). if anyone has advice, especially from anyone in a mixed-faith marriage, please let me know.

-a little scared in tx.
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Jesus said a house divided against itself wont stand, Im not saying people havnt worked through mixed marriages, but certainly it isnt a good idea, especially for the kids. It might seem fine now, but what happens when the real heated theological arguments show their head? The fact is calvinism is strictly anti-Catholic.
Anyway on EWTN they had the ArchBishop of SanAntionio on a few weeks ago and he said how strong and large the Catholic population was down there.
 
I’m married to a non Catholic and it has been very difficult at times. We have a great marriage, but there were many rough times. I was a bit luckier because my wife is not strong in another faiith. She was non denominational Christian but not practicing any really. IF she were hard core Baptist or Calvinist or fundalmentalist, I think that would have made things even tougher if not impossible.

You have the responsibility to raise your kids up Catholic. That would be very difficult if she is a strong Calvinist. You need to talk to a priest. I don’t think it is impossible, but it would be very difficult.
 
Marriage is not easy (if it were, every marriage would last). Why make it more difficult?

Ask yourself, can I marry someone and spend the next 50 or 70 years going to 2 different churches, and never ever ever once being able to recieve Communion together?

Find a good Catholic girl. Faith is more important than any other human being.
 
I agree marriage is very difficult even within the same faith, and it will be more difficult with opposing faiths. BUT with God and lot of love and mutual understanding, who knows what is possible. Just look at James Carvell and Mary Madlin, a staunch Republican married to a staunch Democrat.
 
well, i would advise both of you to read Karl Keatings
Catholicism and Fundamentalism

available from here,

The household needs to be united, and I would certainly find out if she is willing to study the subject.
 
Hello fellow aggie,

Mixed marraiges are extremely hard especially when both parties are strong in their faith and belief in their Church. I would suggest you talk to Fr. David there at St. Mary’s.

Class of '97
 
originally posted by wcknight
Just look at James Carvell and Mary Madlin, a staunch Republican married to a staunch Democrat.
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I’ve always thought that being a fly on the wall at their house would be a VERY educational experience…on so many levels!
 
I have been married to a Seventh Day Adventist for 23 years. So I guess my view may be a bit different than those above. The idea of just go find a nice “Catholic” to marry and drop its Calvanist is good advise - but much easier said than done. So I will take a different approach. I will assume that you want to get married and that you want to make the marriage work.
  1. Take it slow in the relationship - you have lots of things to work out and need to decide what you can live with and what she can live with. Remember this is for life!
  2. Establish your non-negotiables. Remember that you are getting married with the prime purpose of guiding each of you to heaven. Non-negotiables include the following:
    a.Children to be raised Catholic
    b. No artificial birth control
    c. Catholic blessing on the marriage
    d. You will attend mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation
  3. Let her know that you love her but you will put God above all - she can either accept this or not.
Well that’s a start.

PS I am happy I married my SDA husband after all these years.
 
-a little scared in tx
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Before marriage, it’s all sweetness and roses. After marriage, reality and resentment set in. Promises made are often broken. The result is often open warfare.

If she wants to marry you, take her to RCIA and let her spend a year deciding if she wants to become Catholic – or forget it. There’s no surer predictor that a marriage will fail than when there’s a conflict of faith between husband and wife.

It would be fruitful for you both to study JPII’s Theology of the Body.

Learn your faith so you can defend it against Protestant attacks and teach your children. There’s only one True Church and you, by God’s grace, belong to it.

God bless and Mary keep,

Katholikos
 
Katholikos said:
Before marriage, it’s all sweetness and roses. *** After marriage, reality and resentment set in. Promises made are often broken. The result is often open warfare.***
Katholikos
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You hit the nail right on the head, there.

While I’m not in such a situation, my cousin is.
She married a non-Christian about 17 years ago. (Her husband doesn’t really practice his beliefs, so it wasn’t so bad for him) She, my cousin, knew full well, that under her particular circumstances, her marriage could not be blessed by a priest or the Church.

Some of the negative results:
  • My cousin constantly fights with her husband (who really is the most easy going man I’ve ever met) over religious matters.
  • My cousin resenting the RCC for not recognizing or blessing her marriage.
  • Her resentment lead her to use any and every opportunity she can find, to bad mouth Holy Mother Church.
  • IN-LAWS - Her in-laws practice their faith and have interfered on several occasions.
  • Arguments over having her children Baptized. (This mainly from her inlaws.) I’m thankful that my cousin didn’t give in on this point and had her daughters Christened.
  • Arguments over raising their daughters Catholic (Again, it’s the inlaws who are being vocal about it)
  • General hostility, whether just between my cousin and her husband, or with my cousin-in-law’s family.
These are just off the top of my head. There’s so much more going on there. I feel bad for both of them, but I have to admit; my cousin-in-law really doesn’t deserve half of what she puts him through.
My cousin knew what she was getting herself into way before their marriage, yet she chose to go through with it.
She’s being very unfair to her husband.
These arguments have been going on since before they were even engaged, and they continue to this day.

God Bless!
 
I personaly don’t recommend it. The theologies are so totally removed as to be nearly diametrically opposed, even if the language being used is the same.

Eastern Orthodox? Yes. Probably working well.

Conservative High Anglicanism? Yes. That that could work too.

Conservative Lutheranism? That’s a possibility that’s workable-- provided they’re not strictly anti-Catholic.

I could be forgetting some. But, beyond that, there starts to become some serious doctrinal differences which would surely cause great conflict.

Conservative Episcopalians, Methodists, Weslyans and Armenians are certainly more favorable doctrinally than Calvinists.

There’s a lot of good Batists and other Congregationalists too-- but I think one is, without meaning disrepect, starting to get into some serious anti-Catholic theological conflict there.
 
Mr.Ex_Nihilo said:
I personaly don’t recommend it. The theologies are so totally removed as to be nearly diametrically opposed, even if the language being used is the same.

Eastern Orthodox? Yes. Probably working well.

Conservative High Anglicanism? Yes. That that could work too.

Conservative Lutheranism? That’s a possibility that’s workable-- provided they’re not strictly anti-Catholic.

I could be forgetting some. But, beyond that, there starts to become some serious doctrinal differences which would surely cause great conflict.

Conservative Episcopalians, Methodists, Weslyans and Armenians are certainly more favorable doctrinally than Calvinists.

There’s a lot of good Batists and other Congregationalists too-- but I think one is, without meaning disrepect, starting to get into some serious anti-Catholic theological conflict there.
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I know this if off topic, and probably a stupid question; but you seem very knowledgeable in the subject of various Faith traditions (or Denominations) and Doctrines.
It’s quite impressive!
I was wondering; are you a Theology Professor?

Thanks and God Bless! 🙂
 
Denise_Shae said:
I know this if off topic, and probably a stupid question; but you seem very knowledgeable in the subject of various Faith traditions (or Denominations) and Doctrines.
It’s quite impressive!
I was wondering; are you a Theology Professor?

Thanks and God Bless! 🙂
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Thank you. But no. Actually, I’m just a common man who’s interested in Christian history and teachings. I still have a lot to learn too-- I might have some of the details wrong too. 🙂

I explored many different Christian faiths, predominantly Lutheran, and even other world religions before the Spirit led me to Catholicism. Once the Lord opened my eyes to the truth, however, there was simply no other alternative.
 
The most spiritually beautiful lady I know married an Atheist when she fell away from her Catholic Faith. 20 years into the marriage she returned but her husband remains Atheist.

Everyday I watch her at Daily Mass crying St. Monica like tears for her husband, her faith is inspiring but we present can feel her intense pain.

At the other end of the spectrum, there is a couple in my parish, He being Catholic she a Baptist, been married 11 years with 3 children. She has joined our RCIA program this year.👍 This being said though, she has always attended Mass and has always supported the Catholic education of the children even when professing to be Baptist.

In your case though, your young lady may not be so open minded about that. She sounds like a wonderful, God fearing woman with strong Christian faith and Praise God for her, but the differences in Faith and Worship will become a problem. For the sake of “Peace” in the family, I have known many practicing Catholics who just leave the church (very sad:( ).

Thank God the two of you are level headed and patient concerning your time table about your future, Good family upbringing on both parts:thumbsup: and if it were only to be the two of you, you could compromize and attend each others churches every Sunday(😉 know many who do),BUT when children are born into your family that is when the major problems will come to the forefront. WHICH faith to raise them in.

Pray, pray some more and then educate your lady on the faith, focus on what you share and discuss the differences.:rolleyes: You just might plant the seed that will allow the Holy Spirit to bring your Dear Lady home to the True Faith.

God Bless You and your Lady:angel1:
 
Mr.Ex_Nihilo said:
Thank you. But no. Actually, I’m just a common man who’s interested in Christian history and teachings. I still have a lot to learn too-- I might have some of the details wrong too. 🙂

I explored many different Christian faiths, predominantly Lutheran, and even other world religions before the Spirit led me to Catholicism. Once the Lord opened my eyes to the truth, however, there was simply no other alternative.
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Thanks for your reply. I know we’re not supposed to ask personal questions on the Forums, but your knowledge had my curiosity meter on “hyper drive”. 🙂

Hey, who knows; with a little more study, you probably could be a Theology professor. 😃

Thanks again and God Bless!
 
They say that “opposites attract” but as long as one is a man and the other is a woman, that’s all the “opposite” most marriages can handle - everything else - religion, finances, moral values, child-rearing ideas, etc. should all be the same.

Don’t add to your burdens any more than is strictly necessary - remember, you will still have to be carrying it even when you are a hundred years old, if you are lucky enough to live that long. 😉
 
What a strange post! In Ireland, priests will happily marry any willing partners and have done on innumerable occasions where “good” Catholics have been engaged to athiests!

Why such resistance then to Calvinists? There are many Biblical examples where men much holier than any we know today, married outside “the Church”. Moses is an excellent example! And, if those in the posts are also those in the know, they will be aware of God’s curse on his then priest Aaron when he murmered against Moses because of the “strange woman” that he had married.

My friend, you may very well find that many of the Catholics and Calvinists who constantly quarrel with each other actually do so because they neither know their own position nor those of their assumed adversary’s!

As far as not being unequally yoked, surely this should or could be applied throughout all of life i.e. there be many “good” Catholics who pray loudest in the Rosary group but at home fill their heads with televised sewage and anti-Chrsitian rot!

Time does not permit a fuller reply. I wish you the best whatever the future holds for you. Maybe a good Calvinist will inspire you to do what many priests ought to: READ THE BIBLE!
 
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