Can a catholic marry a calvinist?

[catsrus]

originally posted by Ehud
Maybe a good Calvinist will inspire you to do what many priests ought to: READ THE BIBLE!

Obviously, you know little to nothing about The Holy Catholic Church, Her Doctrine or Her Priests.
We do not need to be “inspired” by *good calvinists. *
The Church was “inspired” by and brought into being by Christ Himself.

 

[awantz]

so i love this girl. we want to be together. we’ve still got a while before we make that commitment, but we can’t wait. (we can and will… but you know…) but there’s a few things that are clouding our future. i was brought up a decently strong catholic, and still am. i wish i knew more about my faith and how to defend it, so i guess that’s why i putz around here from time to time. my girlfriend of a year and a half (i know it’s not that long… we’re trying not rush anything, just thinking ahead a little) is hardcore calvinist. when she told me that when i first met her, i wasn’t sure what to think. we figured our friendship would stay just that, but it grew into a strong relationship. and we’re both a more than a little scared about the future. we pray together daily and we both keep each other in check- trying to clean up our daily lives to make ourselves better people, more christ-like, and it’s great! she’s amazing! but what happens when we get married? where do we go to church? i’m still going to catholic mass, she still wants to go her church, but we both know how important it is for a couple to go to church to worship together. and what about children?! how and what can we teach them without confusing them or offending each other?? and this is all a big IF we can even get married in a catholic church. (although i thought i read somewhere that the marriage could be blessed/accepted in the catholic church, even if it was performed somewhere else, as a scaramental marriage, under certain conditions? is that true? or am i making that up…). if anyone has advice, especially from anyone in a mixed-faith marriage, please let me know.

-a little scared in tx.

Why not go to both churches? That is what my husband and I do.
We are going to raise our children in both churches and let them chose for themselves. The two beliefs are so similar that the differences don’t seem that important to us. Yes, you can get married in the catholic church. Yes, you can have it blessed/accepted in the catholic church and performed somewhere else. That is what we did. It is true. It is not made up. I am willing to answer any questions you have about
mixed-faith marriages. Since, I am in one myself.

 

[MariaG]

I was going to get into some specifics, but I realize you have already gotten a lot of this.

So I am going to give you slightly different advice. But be aware that I believe this will be a very difficult path to choose.

You say she is baptist. You should start talking to her about whether or not she believes that the husband is the spiritual head of the household.

And then ask her if she believes that maybe, just maybe, God brought you into her life for a reason and to consider that the reason is for her to become Catholic.

You may wish to PM RyanL. He is Catholic and his wife is baptist. He may be able to give you some very good advice, his wife as well.

May God bless with wisdom and understanding.

Maria

 

[Denise_Shae]

Obviously, you know little to nothing about The Holy Catholic Church, Her Doctrine or Her Priests.
We do not need to be “inspired” by *good calvinists. *
The Church was “inspired” by and brought into being by Christ Himself.

originally posted by Ehud
Maybe a good Calvinist will inspire you to do what many priests ought to: READ THE BIBLE!

Gee, I wonder what brought that on?

We do not need to be “inspired” by *good calvinists. *
The Church was “inspired” by and brought into being by Christ Himself.

AMEN, to that!

God Bless!

 

[1ke]

Why not go to both churches? That is what my husband and I do.
We are going to raise our children in both churches and let them chose for themselves.

Why not go to both? Because as Catholics we are not called to do that. We are called to be Catholics and to *raise our children as Catholics. We are to teach them the truths of the Catholic faith, not expose them to false teachings of other faiths.

The two beliefs are so similar that the differences don’t seem that important to us.

And, the Lord warns that he will spit the lukewarm out of his mouth. Honestly, the Eucharist isn’t “that important”?

Yes, you can get married in the catholic church. Yes, you can have it blessed/accepted in the catholic church and performed somewhere else.

This is true. However, the Catholic must receive permission to marry the non-Catholic, permission to marry outside the Catholic form of marriage, and must make a promise to raise their children Catholic.

People who are already married certainly must make the best of it. However, no Catholic should recommend this course of action to one who is not yet married. It’s irresponsible.

 

[jmcrae]

Why not go to both churches? That is what my husband and I do.

Catholics are not supposed to be attending Protestant services on a regular basis. Weddings (assuming they are valid marriages) and funerals are fine, once in a while is fine (I go to my Mom’s church on Mother’s Day, after I’ve been to Mass that same day) but you shouldn’t give the appearance of being an adherent of the other faith.

We are going to raise our children in both churches and let them choose for themselves.

That’s a sure-fire recipe for relativism. Your kids are likely to come to believe that “any religion is okay, as long as you are sincere.” They may come away with the idea that we are unable to know the Truth, and that therefore our best guess is as good as we can do - and each person’s guess is equally as valid as anyone else’s guess.

Worse, they may end up like some kids I heard about a few years ago, who decided to seek Confirmation in both of “their” churches - a Protestant church and the Catholic church. They couldn’t understand why they were not allowed to have “dual citizenship” so they deceived the pastors of both churches, and allowed them to think that they had “chosen” that religion, when in fact they received Confirmation in both.

But God has revealed Himself to the Catholic Church. We have a great priviledge - along with a huge responsibility to make sure that others, especially our children are taught about these things in a clear and unconfusing manner.

The two beliefs are so similar that the differences don’t seem that important to us.

There are some very important differences, though - the Papacy, Mary, the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist - all these things are very important.

Yes, you can get married in the catholic church. Yes, you can have it blessed/accepted in the catholic church and performed somewhere else. That is what we did.

This part is true - as long as one party is Catholic, the wedding can take place in the Catholic Church. It would be very important to discuss the details of this with a priest, though.

 

[KatieD]

My experience, as someone married to a wonderful man who is Protestant, is to work this one out BEFORE you make any commitment. This is much tougher to live with than you think it will be. Even though my husband and I are very compatible in almost every other area, we have had many disagreements over faith, and it has made things quite difficult at times. Fortunately, he agreed from the start that our kids would be raised Catholic. He is now, after almost 25 years, learning as much about our Church as he can and is considering converting. Both of us have advised the kids to marry faithful Catholics!

 

[Ehud]

Obviously, you know little to nothing about The Holy Catholic Church, Her Doctrine or Her Priests.
We do not need to be “inspired” by *good calvinists. *
The Church was “inspired” by and brought into being by Christ Himself.

Perhaps i was mistaken in supposing that Catholic meant “universal”. Perhaps the priests in Ireland are off on a schism blessing marriages willy-nilly? Yet the priest who led my own marriage course went through the Catechism pointing out that the Church DOES permit marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic.

Perhaps, I am not the one who knows little of her doctrine?

The practice of priests marrying people that are not of the same faith is VERY widespread! Maybe you need to challenge THIS?

I find your attitude towards Calvinists to be very unkind and would like to question what you feel their standing is with the God you worship? Christ even gave His disciples inspiration from the flowers of the field, yet, in your lack of charity, towards Calvinists, I see only a cup that runneth over…

A gaze at Church History should keep us humble not holier than them. Inspired were we during the Inquisition, the Crusades and as we stood and watched the Ustachi priests behead Jews and Russians in the Holocaust? Inspired were we, when Popes such as Alexander XI practised incest in the Vatican appartments and gorged himself on the wine from the altar? (Hophni and Phineas are in fine company it seems)…

I notice you had little to say on the Scriptures themselves… Hmmmmm

 

[Syele]

                           The two beliefs are so similar that the differences don't seem that important to us.

Oh my! the Two are VERY different!

I was engaged to a Catholic for 6 years. We were going to be married in the Catholic Church as well, so I know it’s allowed under certian conditions. One of those conditions is that you both will raise the children Catholic. The option of teaching both is not allowed for.

I don’t want to try and be discouraging, but Before you make a decesion, please, study them both more in depth (together if possible). Know what you are getting into. The two of you have totally different views on the very nature of God. These differences will affect how you both make many decesions about your lives and your future children. Trying to teach them both will only confuse the children and make them wishy washy in their faith.

I have to agree with everyone here.

1. Don’t do it.
2. If you must do this anyhow, don’t take the faith differences lightly! Go slow, study, and plan carefully.

 

[txaggie07]

glad to see a variety of responses… thank you to all who contributed. now more than ever before i’ve realized how important it is to talk things over wayyyyy before any sort of commitment. the kids issue still scares me a lot. i love this girl lot, and part of me wants to say i want to be with her no matter what, and we can keep our respective faiths and honor each other’s beliefs. another part of me says i need to take a stand, say “i’m catholic, if you love me you will be too…” but that just sounds ridiculous and controlling. or maybe i’m just afraid of losing her. siiiigh. there’s no rush, but every day i seem to feel like i’m getting in deeper to this relationship and it’s gonna be too hard to dig ourselves out if we have to come to that decision.

please pray for us.

 

[MariaG]

glad to see a variety of responses… thank you to all who contributed. now more than ever before i’ve realized how important it is to talk things over wayyyyy before any sort of commitment. the kids issue still scares me a lot. i love this girl lot, and part of me wants to say i want to be with her no matter what, and we can keep our respective faiths and honor each other’s beliefs. another part of me says i need to take a stand, say “i’m catholic, if you love me you will be too…” but that just sounds ridiculous and controlling. or maybe i’m just afraid of losing her. siiiigh. there’s no rush, but every day i seem to feel like i’m getting in deeper to this relationship and it’s gonna be too hard to dig ourselves out if we have to come to that decision.

please pray for us.

No it is not way too controlling to say that. And even by her own beliefs (usually), the man is the spiritual head of the household and at the very least since she knows where you stand on this before you get married, she would need to agree to respect your spiritual leadership and raise the kids Catholic according to her own beliefs of spiritual leadership.

Truly, the only way for you to continue in this relationship with the things you have shared is to stand firm (or controlling ) on the issue of raising the children. If this issue is talked about but can’t be worked out before marriage, it is not likely to happen after.
.

You are both in my prayers

 

[Syele]

It *might *be a little controlling to say she has to become Catholic if she loves you, but it’s not too controlling to say that as the spiritual head of the Household, you will Insist that the Children are raised Catholicand that she has learn about the Catholic Faith with you.

 

[MariaG]

It *might *be a little controlling to say she has to become Catholic if she loves you, but it’s not too controlling to say that as the spiritual head of the Household, you will Insist that the Children are raised Catholicand that she has learn about the Catholic Faith with you.

Good catch:thumbsup: That is actually what I meant also.

God Bless,
Maria

 

[amills]

it’s not too controlling to say that as the spiritual head of the Household, you will Insist that the Children are raised Catholicand that she has learn about the Catholic Faith with you.

I am certainly glad that my SDA husband didn’t say that as the spiritual head of the household the children would be raised SDA. I totally disagree with using this thought process. Simply say that as a Catholic you believe in raising the children in the faith as taught by the Catholic Church. As a Calvinist - her church has no such church law. Thereby out of respect for your faith they will be raised Catholic. This does not preclude her from sharing her faith with them in some manner also.

My children can defend their faith exceptionally well. Your children will be exposed to other faiths whether you like it or not. I would not depend on CCD or Catholic school to teach them their faith. Children are taught their faith on a day to day basis. If you live your faith exceptionally well they will follow.

The real question is this - how strong is your faith? I needs to be very strong.

It is also important to note that it is not your job to convert - that job belongs to the Holy Spirit. Your job is to live your faith, practice your faith, and pray. I think a lot of conflict come in a marriage when one thinks it is their job to convert the other. You both need to agree that the job of conversion belongs to the Holy Spirt.

 

[Syele]

Her Church does have a law about the Husband being the spiritual leader of the household and I think it would be detrimental to live in ignorance of the faith of ones Husband.

I don’t mean force her to convert I mean insist that she knows about the Catholic Faith. If she is to agree her children be raised in the Catholic Faith she has to know what it is she is agreeing to teach them.

I said to insist they be raised Catholic, not becuase I think Catholics are correct (I’m not even Catholic!) But because when I was getting ready to be married to a Catholic I was told by the priest that to be married there I MUST have been Baptised and sign an agreement that I would raise my children Catholic. I do not reccomend anyone sign things they don’t intend to agree to. I never had my own copy of this document and the Priest who advised me on it was adamant that I would not be allowed to teach my Children my own faith according to the agreement.

 

[awantz]

It *might *be a little controlling to say she has to become Catholic if she loves you, but it’s not too controlling to say that as the spiritual head of the Household, you will Insist that the Children are raised Catholicand that she has learn about the Catholic Faith with you.

My husband is Catholic and he doesn’t push me to raise the kids a certain way and he never pushed me to learn his faith. That made me more willing to take RCIA, but as for raising the kids there isn’t much difference. So, we don’t see any reason to raise them in one particular church over the other.

 

[MariaG]

Respectfully, there is a difference between a couple that is already married, and one that is contemplating marriage.

When someone knows that it is important to raise the kids Catholic, to enter into a marriage with a Christian of a different denomination (especially baptist) without discussing these things and having the potential spouse understand what they are promising to do is irresponsible.

If someone realizes after marriage that it is important to raise the kids Catholic, it is a much different thing.

God bless,
Maria