Can a Homosexual become a Heterosexual?

[estesbob]

I haven’t forgotten, especially that my change in attraction to women occured shortly before I started seeking RCIA. I am not ruling out God’s involvement in my case at all, even though I feel it was a phase. One thing has certainly changed though - I feel guilty about it. I recevied baptism so I know I am forgiven, and I have changed location since, but every now and then I’m reminded of it. Threads like this don’t help.

I have been sober for 26 years, and like you have confessed and been forgiven for the sins I committed during my drinking days. I have found over the years that my guilt has changed to embarrassment. . Give yourself some time.

 

[estesbob]

It’s in the past, confessed and forgiven. No need for guilt feelings. If the threads bother you, they can be safely ignored. Nothing important happens here.

The consequences of our sins often follow us even after we have confessed and been forgiven.

 

[LemonAndLime]

It’s in the past, confessed and forgiven. No need for guilt feelings. If the threads bother you, they can be safely ignored. Nothing important happens here.

But I don’t want to ignore them, as I feel that talking about it is part of the healing experience, they just don’t help as it makes me think about SSA. Especially from a Catholic perspective. Also, I think it’s useful for someone like me to come on here to talk about it from first-hand experience. However, as estesbob might know, I’m not one to advocate “cures” or cure stories all the time. I don’t advocate it being unnatural either.

I have been sober for 26 years, and like you have confessed and been forgiven for the sins I committed during my drinking days. I have found over the years that my guilt has changed to embarrassment. . Give yourself some time.

Congratulations! That is an achievement, well done you. I’m being serious, I have looked after people in a professional capacity who didn’t make it and I can honestly tell you that however hard it was, it was worth it (as I’m sure you know) and you have possibly saved your life.

It is becoming embarrassment now. Luckily I have the advantage of living in a completely different part of the country. But I do visit my parents several times a year and each time I do there’s a risk I’ll meet an old friend, who will last remember me as a bisexual woman who went to university… and came back as a heterosexual practicing Catholic. There’ll be questions and I’m dreading that, which is where the embarrassment is coming from.

Thanks for the words of support guys.

 

[JHow]

The consequences of our sins often follow us even after we have confessed and been forgiven.

I don’t disagree. But we can only move forward.

 

[estesbob]

I don’t disagree. But we can only move forward.

Absolutely! When I sobered up. I thought all my problems were behind me only to find out that the worst year of my life was four years into my sobriety. After I made it through. I came realize I could have never made it through that year had God not sobered me up four years before. I think that our embarrassment/guilt serves a positive purpose in that it reminds us of how bad things were and how far we have come.

 

[lax16]

ndLime;8061778]

But I don’t want to ignore them, as I feel that talking about it is part of the healing experience, they just don’t help as it makes me think about SSA. Especially from a Catholic perspective. Also, I think it’s useful for someone like me to come on here to talk about it from first-hand experience. However, as estesbob might know, I’m not one to advocate “cures” or cure stories all the time. I don’t advocate it being unnatural either.

Congratulations! That is an achievement, well done you. I’m being serious, I have looked after people in a professional capacity who didn’t make it and I can honestly tell you that however hard it was, it was worth it (as I’m sure you know) and you have possibly saved your life.

It is becoming embarrassment now. Luckily I have the advantage of living in a completely different part of the country. But I do visit my parents several times a year and each time I do there’s a risk I’ll meet an old friend, who will last remember me as a bisexual woman who went to university… and came back as a heterosexual practicing Catholic. There’ll be questions and I’m dreading that, which is where the embarrassment is coming from.

Thanks for the words of support guys.

LemonandLime - I am sitting here with tears in my eyes thinking about how strong and insightful you are!

People like me who have known some gay people but have never had it hit too close to home - don’t know what to make of this new situation where it seems people want to be identified by their sexual preferences.

You will do much to help inform well-meaning Catholics who know that homosexuality is not the road one should take but do not want to judge people either.

I am sure you risk being embarrassed back at home - that is most understandable. However, people such as yourself can do much to turn the tide against this new agenda (for lack of a better word).

This thread is a real eye-opener. Thank you for your honesty. Your story is really powerful. I have never heard stories such as this before.

May God continue to bless you!!!

 

[LemonAndLime]

ndLime;8061778]

LemonandLime - I am sitting here with tears in my eyes thinking about how strong and insightful you are!

People like me who have known some gay people but have never had it hit too close to home - don’t know what to make of this new situation where it seems people want to be identified by their sexual preferences.

You will do much to help inform well-meaning Catholics who know that homosexuality is not the road one should take but do not want to judge people either.

I am sure you risk being embarrassed back at home - that is most understandable. However, people such as yourself can do much to turn the tide against this new agenda (for lack of a better word).

This thread is a real eye-opener. Thank you for your honesty. Your story is really powerful. I have never heard stories such as this before.

May God continue to bless you!!!

Thank you so much I was really touched by your post.

This is only the 2nd time I’ve mentioned it on this forum. For the sake of clarifying my story, here’s a brief overview -

I began to think women were attractive when I was in my early teens. I did have a boyfriend who I broke up with, but after I had a female friend who was one of my best friends, and openly bisexual. Long story short, we starting “dating”. My parents didn’t approve. Although I felt attracted to women, being with her in any sense made me feel wrong. Even though I liked her enough to be upset when she eventually cheated on me, I dreaded seeing her as I felt yucky afterwards, even if it was only to the cinema. As I have already mentioned, it was ended after she cheated on me but to be honest it was a relief. I moved away to university still thinking that I was attracted to women, but I dated men and eventually started seeing my boyfriend who I’ve been seeing for 2 years. When we first started seeing each other I told him that I liked women too, and being a man he joked about it, but then… I’m not sure, I was reflecting on my urge to get in touch with my spiritual side, my curiosity with Catholicism, and the same time I kept thinking whether I really was attracted to women. I mean, I was, but thinking about women in that way made me feel sick, even more now that I look back with my “Catholic” eyes.

My story is the reasoning behind why I do not think all homosexuals are necessarily that way for life, but also the reason why I think that some people are that way for life. Does that make sense?

I do not feel comfortable about my story being used to show that SSA can be overcome or anything like that, because I feel like a fraud as I felt like it was too easy for me, like it only was a phase, especially as I enjoyed some of the attention I got. Who knows? But is it something that I should have been healed from? Can it even be healed? Why would God heal me and not others who struggle more? I’m not sure its worth starting a thread over this, but if I am going too far off topic then I apologise.

 

[lax16]

Thank you so much I was really touched by your post.

This is only the 2nd time I’ve mentioned it on this forum. For the sake of clarifying my story, here’s a brief overview -

I began to think women were attractive when I was in my early teens. I did have a boyfriend who I broke up with, but after I had a female friend who was one of my best friends, and openly bisexual. Long story short, we starting “dating”. My parents didn’t approve. Although I felt attracted to women, being with her in any sense made me feel wrong. Even though I liked her enough to be upset when she eventually cheated on me, I dreaded seeing her as I felt yucky afterwards, even if it was only to the cinema. As I have already mentioned, it was ended after she cheated on me but to be honest it was a relief. I moved away to university still thinking that I was attracted to women, but I dated men and eventually started seeing my boyfriend who I’ve been seeing for 2 years. When we first started seeing each other I told him that I liked women too, and being a man he joked about it, but then… I’m not sure, I was reflecting on my urge to get in touch with my spiritual side, my curiosity with Catholicism, and the same time I kept thinking whether I really was attracted to women. I mean, I was, but thinking about women in that way made me feel sick, even more now that I look back with my “Catholic” eyes.

Honestly, I am sure many people who do not have a religious framework to work with might have a similar story. Do you agree?
I am fortunate that I have always had a roadmap and have not wanted to stray too far, but I think I am in the minority. I also feel that it is a gift from God to have this roadmap and that it is something I didn’t necessarily “earn.”
I have always had a strong desire to do God’s will and to learn more about Him, even as a child. But, I have definitely made mistakes that stand out very clearly now that I look at them with adult Catholic eyes that have been sharpened by parenthood!

My story is the reasoning behind why I do not think all homosexuals are necessarily that way for life, but also the reason why I think that some people are that way for life. Does that make sense?

Yes, it makes perfect sense! In fact, that is why I was so moved by your story. Like I have said before, I have been struggling with the homosexuals wanting to have their stories told and accepted…yet knowing that the Church teaches we are not to have sexual relationships outside of marriage. It is such a hot button issue for so many nice conservative people that are trying to see both sides of the issue, but are always left feeling that there is more to the story. You have shown that very often there is more to the story!

I do not feel comfortable about my story being used to show that SSA can be overcome or anything like that, because I feel like a fraud as I felt like it was too easy for me, like it only was a phase, especially as I enjoyed some of the attention I got. Who knows? But is it something that I should have been healed from? Can it even be healed? Why would God heal me and not others who struggle more? I’m not sure its worth starting a thread over this, but if I am going too far off topic then I apologise.

Yes, I can understand that. But to let you know, I am sooo relieved to know that there are many reasons why someone may experiment in this way and yet come to believe it was not permanent.
I know of one man who was gay, then bi, now straight - and I could not understand it.
I know of a woman who had been married to man, divorced, and has now been in a gay partnership for many years. I was told she said that after her divorce she was afraid of being alone.

The gay community is hard to understand, but with more people opening up about their troubled childhoods or confused feelings, it is easy to understand why some people fall into this lifestyle. For the others, it is a confusing thing for sure.

thanks again!

 

[EasterJoy]

I didn’t vote, because the question is not so simple. It is important to neither deny people’s basic make-up nor to pigeon-hole them for life. It is hard enough to be homosexual, it is hard enough to be bisexual, it is hard enough to go through a period of discerning one’s sexual orientation or to struggle with temptations that don’t fit one’s self-concept. It doesn’t have to be made harder by overly-neat characterizations of human nature.

Even if you are heterosexual and find the person of your dreams and marry, the passions are no piece of cake to manage. I can’t imagine that this is not the “easy” case. While we can’t start lying to ourselves about what is and isn’t virtuous behavior, we do need to be compassionate about the struggle and power of human sexuality. Like lightning and hydropower, it is a powerful thing, and to be respected, in all of its many forms, even those that are hardest to harness or define, because there is always a unique and precious child of God inside every form.

 

[GloriousOrder]

Having been a happy, oblivious, and unconcernedly self-identified “homosexual” before the last year, I can say very confidently that a homosexual can become a heterosexual. Believe me when I say that it is possible. All you need is a strong man as a friend who can be a witness, and who is solidly heterosexual. The sort of good bond that is formed therein tends to banish all sorts of things that crop up in the degenerate personality which is formed by homosexual identification.

I was absolutely obsessed with men and all the things that come with such an attitude. At first I found this particular person very attractive, but as I was becoming Catholic at that point I knew I had to control my fantasies and thoughts. He became a very dear and trusted fellow to talk to, over time. Things developed in such a way that I was able to reveal my terrible fears about my identity, and especially the disordered lusts I’ve been having. Stoic personality unfased, he asked me if I was particularly attracted more to older men (to make up for a weak father). He made sure to question the strength of my mother’s influence in my personal development, to ask God for light on how this all might have developed.

By this manly, regular, normal, and good-nature’d man’s influence (always upright and trying to be virtuous according to his state in life), I slowly came to realise how silly my whole self-identification is. He made jokes here and there about women, about attractiveness and sexual identity, always making sure to insert God into the broader picture. Over time, I actually found myself thinking “I would like to make love to this woman” or “I wonder how it would be in marriage with that woman?”, because of his influence. He never really said anything, or broached the subject of homosexuality, but by his unwavering and masculine presence he was just a good example.

You don’t need arguments, debates, scripture-quotes, angry rants, arguments, or Gay Camps. What you need is a strong older male figure who just wants to be your friend, and who is so comfortable in his true, God-given heterosexual identity, that he destroys your disorder merely by his being there. After I told him about my unwilling sexuality, we literally never talked about it again… but gradually he turned me, somehow. It’s inexplicable, and fascinating, and grace-filled.

Now, I still find men very attractive from the habit of an adult lifetime… but I actually notice women, whereas before I had dismissed the female form out of spite. This is all very odd, on reflection. Maybe in a few years I’ll have affective maturity…

 

[TFK_Emery]

I’ve honestly never thought sexuality is as black and white as people think. Gay, bi, and lesbian aren’t the only options. I am much more strongly attracted to members of my own gender but am somewhat attracted to members of the opposite gender, making me fall somewhere in between. If this will go away . . . I honestly don’t know. I’ve experienced SSA since I was . . . twelve? Ish? I know some people have “changed” but what I’ve found from their stories is that it wasn’t through a concious effort, but more through keeping their eyes on God and letting God do all the work. So, I’ve made the decision to follow the Church’s teaching on all this and pray for the best. If I end up straight, married, and with eight kids, that’s great, but if God wants me to serve through singless, that’s okay too

 

[kbwall]

No, it is quite simply impossible. It is a part of what they are, no matter how hard they fight it. They can fight it for years, and years, and they will still be gay. They can pretend to like the opposite sex, but they will never truly become a heterosexual. Sexuality simply doesn’t work that way. It’s more than just what you do with your genitalia, if it was that easy, then yes, it could be changed. The unfortunate truth though is that it goes so much deeper than that, it’s about emotions. You can’t force those kinds of emotions, no matter how hard you try, you will ultimately fail.

It is in them since birth, and becomes apparent during puberty. All the other straight kids around them will develop emotions for the opposite sex. Gay kids however, won’t. And they never will. They can’t feel for the opposite sex. The only people who actually have a choice are bisexuals.

They can go into denial, they can fight it, they can try to fool everybody around them, but it will ultimately be a lie, and they will never be straight. They can even make up laughable semantics about gay and ‘SSA’. “Oh I’m not gay, I’m celibate, I have SSA”. Honestly, this is just ridiculous. Listen, if you want to be celibate, that’s just fine, but quit making up silly distinctions about how you’re not gay anymore, because you are. Do straight people stop being straight when they’re celibate? No, and gay people don’t stop being gay just because they’re not sexually active. Until an actual cure is made, the end result will always be the same, gay people will never stop being gay, and straight people will never stop being straight. That’s just the way works.

 

[TFK_Emery]

I think people who label themselves SSA rather than gay are avoiding limiting, boxed labels. Saying that they’re gay implies, to most people, participation in the gay lifestyle, which is something they don’t do. And people have become attracted to a gender they didn’t previously think they could be, on both sides of the spectrum. Were they always slightly bisexual? Were they just pretending to be their previously assumed orientation? Who knows. But it’s not fair to say that they’re “in denial,” especially if they’re happy with the lifestyle they’ve chosen. IMO, it depends on the individual.

 

[kbwall]

In all fairness, being in denial and being happy are not mutually exclusive. After all, the whole point of denial is that it is a psychological barrier to prevent us from acknowledgeing something we do not wish to acknowledge. As a coping mechanism, it is supposed to make us happier. Ignorance is bliss.

Also, labels are are only as limiting as one makes them out to be. In any case, if “boxed and limiting” labels bothers people, then creating even more labels seems rather counter productive. They are not avoiding labels by calling themselves SSA, they’re simply making up more.

 

[copperblade]

This is one of those questions that’s difficult to answer, not knowing the context of your question. I voted “no” because most of the time it’s not possible, which is what I thought you were asking. But this presupposes a few things like the person was really a homosexual and not simply confused. The technicality of whether this is possible or not, well of course anything is possible with the right technology. If we really understood how the brain worked or what sets someone’s sexual orientation, we might be able to change it.

 

[TFK_Emery]

Main difference is SSA labels an attribute about a person. Gay labels the whole person. Which is fine when you want the whole person to be labeled. I’m fine saying I’m Irish, Catholic, etc. But when it’s a characteristic you have that you don’t want to define you, it can make sense to resist the label. I’m not overly uncomfortable with them. I usually say I’m bi when asked just because it’s easier, although I do clarify that I follow the Church’s teaching. But I do understand why people wouldn’t want to use them.

And, true, you can be happily in denial. I’m just saying that, although that may be true in individual cases, it’s not fair to generalize and say that anybody who “changed” is hiding their true self.

 

[MontJ]

I sure as hell hope so. I’ve struggled with SSA since I was 14 and its almost been 10 years since then. My first time was because I was abused by a priest as an adult. He exploited me and it turned into an addiction for me. Then I started acting out last year. It’s been miserable and I feel I’ve opened myself up to so many demons I can’t control myself. I want God so bad, I want him. I do but I feel so trapped. My situation is different because I know better. Hell I know so much better so I am much more accountable to God than someone who doesn’t know the morality of these things.

This makes me sick. I’d rather drive headon into a tree than live this way.

But hey you say it’s possible to turn ones attraction 180 degrees. I can only pray and hope I am lucky enough to be one of these individuals that succeeds.

 

[TFK_Emery]

I’m so sorry you had such a horrible experience and good luck! You’ll be in my prayers.

 

[MontJ]

What I am finding horrible is the difficulty in finding counseling!! I go to one of the best Catholic Universities in the world and there’s no counseling in the summer time? I can’t afford to be paying 90.00 an hour to an outside counselor. That’s ridiculous. This is ridiculous.

The Church should be willing to pay for it. Shouldn’t they? Or am I wrong? The only one willing to help it seems is the perpetrator himself!

God this is annoying. Beyond annoying.

Much beyond… Freakin’ priests. Love the priesthood and what it stands for. Love the priests too but I’m sorry… some of them are morons.

 

[yellowbird]

What I am finding horrible is the difficulty in finding counseling!! I go to one of the best Catholic Universities in the world and there’s no counseling in the summer time? I can’t afford to be paying 90.00 an hour to an outside counselor. That’s ridiculous. This is ridiculous.

The Church should be willing to pay for it. Shouldn’t they? Or am I wrong? The only one willing to help it seems is the perpetrator himself!

God this is annoying. Beyond annoying.

Much beyond… Freakin’ priests. Love the priesthood and what it stands for. Love the priests too but I’m sorry… some of them are morons.

I’m so sorry for your pain. I think $90 is ridiculous - especially for a college student. Is there a a priest in a different parish you could speak to? DON’T go to the perpetrator for help. That would be awful.

I’m going to pray for you tonight. Sorry - wish there was more I could say.

((hug)).