Can a Person with SSA Become Attracted to the Opposite Sex Ever and Have a Happy Marriage

[Dlee]

I have read and recommend a book by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield, The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: an English Professor’s Journey into Christian Faith. She shares her story which includes same sex partner and now married. Her husband is a pastor and they have four children.

 

[tweedlealice]

Blessings
I’m a heterosexual woman. I was s nurse for 44 yrs. I had to go through psychiatric nursing cycle. I had a bisexual brother. He was abused by a neighbor @11yo. I have a gay cousin. I had about 50 gay pts, some dying. The dying said, their life style wasn’t worth their dying. My brother wasn’t well. He mostly was heterosexual but did have a time living w a man. THIS IS NOT TRUE FOR ALL GAYS—- but many were molested as children.
I have heard that some gay men, want a family and live a faithful heterosexual marriage. It will come down to what you define as happiness.
Some ppl think that every urge you have,you have to act on it. WHAT FEELS GOOD IS GOOD FOR YOU…
WELL, I love ice cream and it isn’t good for me till I lose 100#’s.
Addicts feed their urges and die.
Their are certain places on our bodies that give all of us thrills. If you close your eyes or had blinders on, it would still feel good. I’m not saying wear blinders. JUST THINK!
Are you the blueberry girl in Charley Wonka? GIVE ME IT NOW! I WANT IT. I WANT IT! What does that bring-consequences. …
If they think rapists, pediophiles can be retrained, why not believe gays can?? Of course, gays have more of a chance. I think the individual gay, has to choose & want to adapt.
It can’t be forced.
Ask yourself,”WHAT IS HAPPINESS?” Why do you think X was your answer? Do you give to Charities? Do you volunteer to help others?
Heterosexual marriages make sacrifices!
If a family is your goal! DO IT! Program your life to want that. Watch romantic movies.
Sometimes, a gay guy finds a heterosexual girl as a BFF. They are in sync w everything. Partnerships can happen. They know, they agree. THEY MAKE IT WORK. It can happen. It doesn’t change the gay urges. He uses SELF-CONTROL. Holding his babies is the greatest feeling. DOLCE & GABBANA feel children should come the natural way. LGBT’s aren’t happy w them.
Life isn’t easy. Happiness can be fulfilled unselfishly w a life goal not a physical pleasure!?
Can you be happy w/o SEX=YES!
Who has made Sex become so wild. So untamed? Is it suppose to be that way??
God help our world. Help us find beauty where YOU placed it. THANK YOU FOR LOVING US. ALL OF US.
In Jesus name
Tweedlealice

 

[guanophore]

But I most importantly would like to know what people have to say who are studied on the topic or have a fairly direct personal experience to share.

Of course they can, and do.

 

[Joe_73]

I think it’s theoretically possible, but it depends on the individual and circumstances, because
Change and healing aren’t easy straightforward things that always work.

So far for me personally, dealing with SSA myself, it has gone down significantly, but my opposite sex attraction is still mostly shut down. I don’t think it’s neccesarily stuck that way, just that it will take some time, work, and patience. I definately see marriage as a theoretical possibility for me.

 

[guanophore]

People pigeon hole themselves and might find it hard to discard that identity when they no longer want it.

I think this is a key. Although some people may never move out of a complete SSA, if one is open to development/change then the possibility exists.

It was mentioned that, if God calls one to matrimony, He will make it happen. Denying this is denying that He is able to change us at our most fundamental levels.

 

[Tulitas]

Alright you two…get a room already, LOL

 

[Thorolfr]

MaryT777:

I know I could never change my sexual orientation even if I made a “go” at it.

This is important. I have never seen a person TRY to change their orientation and succeed, although I have seen people whose attractions gradually change of their own accord, over time.

I don’t know of anyone either who has tried to change their orientation and succeeded.

Back at the end of the 90s and early 2000s, I participated in a online forum which had been set up to foster dialogue between those who thought that being gay and having gay sex is OK for gay people (Side A) and those who thought that having gay sex is a sin (Side B). Most of the people on Side A were lesbians and out gay men like myself and most of the people on Side B considered themselves to be ex-gays. Among the people I debated on Side B was Alan Chambers who went on to be the President of the largest ex-gay group, Exodus International. At it’s height, Exodus had over 250 local ministries in Canada and the US as well as 150 ministries in 17 other countries. In January 2012, Alan Chambers said in a speech he gave to a Gay Christian Network conference, “The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9% of them have not experienced a change in their orientation.” He apologized for the slogan that Exodus had been using, “Change Is Possible”. Chambers has admitted that he still experiences sexual attraction to men even though he’s married to a woman. In 2013, Exodus closed down.

And I still remember in 2000 when the news came out that John Paulk, the Chairman of the board of Exodus International at that time, was photographed sitting inside a gay bar in Washington DC. When confronted, Paulk first denied that it was him and then claimed that he hadn’t known that it was a gay bar. There have been quite a few poster people for the ex-gay movement who have claimed that they changed their sexual orientation and then it turns out not to have been true. Paulk founded an ex-gay ministry called Love Won Out, married a woman, Anne Paulk, who also considered herself to be ex-gay and they wrote a book together in 1998 with the title Not Afraid to Change. Considering the gay bar incident in 2000, I have my doubts that Paulk really changed his sexual orientation.

 

[jtavington]

Not to be snarky, but these people are called bisexuals and you can be relatively more attracted to one sex or the other over the course of your life. What doesn’t seem to happen is a person who is gay changing their orientation so that they are attracted to the opposite sex. Orientation change therapy is considered abuse and medical malpractice for good reason.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

I think part of the probleme here is that few people actually awknnowledge that people can be attracted to both the same and opposite sexes (bisexual if you will). I think it’s incredibly common but for some reason, in my experience people like to poo-poo it…as in" oh you couldn’t possibly like BOTH! you were just mistaken!" And yes, it comes from both the gay and straight sides.

and to expound on what jtavington said, I think that alot of bisexual people can go from SSA to OSA (or vice versa) over time and lean more in one direction at any stage of their life.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think part of the probleme here is that few people actually awknnowledge that people can be attracted to both the same and opposite sexes (bisexual if you will). I think it’s incredibly common but for some reason, in my experience people like to poo-poo it…as in" oh you couldn’t possibly like BOTH! you were just mistaken!" And yes, it comes from both the gay and straight sides.

People can be very weird about gender and attraction issues. With heterosexuals, I think a lot of them are so horrified that someone who seems straight could possibly have some bisexual tendencies, that they deny it. With gay people, I think genuine bisexuality might be seen as somebody trying to deny one’s “true” orientation.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

People can be very weird about gender and attraction issues. With heterosexuals, I think a lot of them are so horrified that someone who seems straight could possibly have some bisexual tendencies, that they deny it. With gay people, I think genuine bisexuality might be seen as somebody trying to deny one’s “true” orientation.

Yep, this has been what I’ve observed as well. I know people who were once married to the opposite sex, who are now in a relationship with someone of the same sex…I often wonder if they were EVER attracted to their former spouse. If they were (even if they hate the person now) , then yeah they really are bisexual even if they tell you they are gay.

 

[virgo]

No way. I’ve known too many married women whose husbands left them for men, and all I could do was shake my head that either of them had felt that they could really live a life built on a lie. Bisexuality aside, I do not believe it possible to change ones orientation. I hate hearing about these crazy anti-gay pastors who end up spotted in gay bars. I mean come on, dude—you’re gay. Just accept it.

 

[Augustinian]

No way. I’ve known too many married women whose husbands left them for men,

Those are fellows who switched from straight to gay, and there are those who make the opposite trip. The late David Bowie was gay for a while and switched, Elton John started off as straight. Same with Bruce Jenner.

The programs they devise to induce people to switch might be worthless, but that doesn’t stop people from changing on their own

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

Ok these people are bi… and Bruce Jenner is transgendered (which is a whole other discussion!)

 

[virgo]

They didn’t “switch,” they were likely always gay but had to toe the line during a more conservative era. I wonder how many gay men and women kept silent in straight marriages over the years? Quite sad.

 

[Thorolfr]

I think part of the probleme here is that few people actually awknnowledge that people can be attracted to both the same and opposite sexes (bisexual if you will). I think it’s incredibly common but for some reason, in my experience people like to poo-poo it…as in" oh you couldn’t possibly like BOTH! you were just mistaken!" And yes, it comes from both the gay and straight sides.

It’s been recognized for a long time that sexuality tends to fall on a continuum with many people being attracted to some degree to both sexes. In 1948, Alfred Kinsey, Wardell Pomeroy and others published Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and introduced what is called the “Kinsey Scale.” It goes from 0 (Exclusively heterosexual) at one end to 6 (Exclusively homosexual) at the other end. In between are 1 (Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual), 2 (Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual), 3 (Equally heterosexual and homosexual), 4 (Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual), and 5 (Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual). I suspect that people who are a 3 and are equally attracted to both sexes are fairly rare.

 

[virgo]

Very interesting! As a woman, I can’t imagine being attracted to another woman. I can recognize beauty in women, but I’m not attracted to that kind of beauty. I have often wondered what it would feel like if I lived in a world in which homosexuality was the norm and heterosexuals were scorned. It would be extremely hard for me to be married to another woman, have relations with her, and act happy about it. I would be miserable, and I have compassion for those who are living that reality in their SSA. That’s gotta be tough, especially for those who belong to ultra religious families and communities.

 

[JoyToTheWhirled]

Ok. I am same sex attracted. Have been since I was very young. Lived out for a number of years.

Got involved with fundamentalist Christianity, and had some seriously messed up experiences, including a delightful interlude with a male ‘prophet’ in which he raped me. I acquiesced to a number of straight relationships in the hopes that I would be ‘turned’ and become ‘normal’.

Then, through a number of providential co incidences, I discovered Catholic teaching about the body, the meaning of human sexuality and expression, and found a measure of healing for my poor confused soul.

I realized that who I was sexually attracted to was not the essential definition of who I was, and the acknowledgment of that was the key to finding a way of living that was honest and real.

I did make the choice to get married, partly out of pragmatism, but also because I felt a genuine vocational call. I am very glad I did. It has not ‘cured’ me. I still experience the same attractions and temptations I did when I was 19. But each day I learn what it means to truly love, in the way I am loved by my husband, the things he gives up for me, and in the choice I make to love him.

Human sexuality is a complex and mysterious thing, but I have totally found that contentment and honesty are possible in the Catholic paradigm of understanding.

 

[Thorolfr]

Ok these people are bi… and Bruce Jenner is transgendered (which is a whole other discussion!)

Gender and sexual orientation are two things, so, although Bruce Jenner might have changed his gender, he could still be bisexual. Or if he was sexually attracted to women before his transition, he’s probably still sexually attracted to them now after the transition.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

No way. I’ve known too many married women whose husbands left them for men, and all I could do was shake my head that either of them had felt that they could really live a life built on a lie.

It puzzles me why you think that this necessarily means that “their life was based on a lie”. Surely they could be bisexual. Personally, I’ve always known I’m attracted to men and women. If I were the type to leave a marriage (and I’m not), I could leave my wife for a woman or a man. If I left her for a man, it wouldn’t prove that I had been “living my life based on a lie.”