Can a Person with SSA Become Attracted to the Opposite Sex Ever and Have a Happy Marriage

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Of course they can.

But one might get arrested for saying so, certainly accused of hate and other crimes of modernism, or thrown out of CAF, depending on whether the moderator judges you to be “holier than thou”.
 
Augustinian said:
Those are fellows who switched from straight to gay, and there are those who make the opposite trip. The late David Bowie was gay for a while and switched, Elton John started off as straight.
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Switching behavior is not switching attraction.
 
virgo said:
They didn’t “switch,” they were likely always gay
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I can’t say what other people have experienced. But I can say with conviction that there is a lot more homosexuality and transsexuality than there ever was when I was a kid. I went to a tough inner city high school with maybe 2500 kids. No homosexuality whatsoever among the kids. A couple of the teachers were suspect.

If it was innate, it would seem as if the numbers would be a lot greater, like in the current day.
 
Which is why I pointed out “bisexuality aside.” I’m speaking of people only attracted to one gender—the opposite.
 
virgo said:
Which is why I pointed out “bisexuality aside.” I’m speaking of people only attracted to one gender—the opposite.
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I know, but you seemed to draw a conclusion of homosexuality from the fact that they left their wives for other men. I would draw no such conclusion.
 
Gotcha. Yeah, being bi is one thing, but these folks I knew were gay but had tried to be married to a woman and just couldn’t do it after some time.
 
Augustinian said:
If it was innate, it would seem as if the numbers would be a lot greater, like in the current day.
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Let me ask you this: how many people in America like very hot chili peppers? Not many as many as in Mexico, right? But if these same people had grown up in Mexico, more of them would like it, surely. And they would like it because of their innate characteristics – that’s what would explain why SOME people still wouldn’t like hot chili peppers.

It’s the same with sexuality. When culture changes, people’s innate (or latent) characteristics don’t change, but their EXPOSURE changes. So as America changes, more people realize that they might be attracted to the same sex.
 
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Thorolfr said:
Gender and sexual orientation are two things, so, although Bruce Jenner might have changed his gender, he could still be bisexual. Or if he was sexually attracted to women before his transition, he’s probably still sexually attracted to them now after the transition.
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agreed. I think I read an article which came out around the time he transitioned stating he was still attracted to women.
 
JoyToTheWhirled, thanks for your insight. That is very interesting. So in a case like yours, are you physically attracted at all to men/your husband? Feel free not to answer that, I know it’s personal. It’s hard for me to imagine being married to someone of a gender that I have no interest in sleeping with. Just curious how this plays out in a marriage.
 
Indeed! It’s more accepted today especially in western cultures.
 
Augustinian said:
I went to a tough inner city high school with maybe 2500 kids. No homosexuality whatsoever among the kids.
If it was innate, it would seem as if the numbers would be a lot greater, like in the current day.
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I don’t know when you went to school, but just because you didn’t personally know any classmates who were homosexual, that doesn’t mean that none of them were. I went to junior high and high school in the 70s and at that time, most gay youth would have kept their sexual orientation a secret.

I’ve been attracted to other boys/men since I was 11 or 12 but didn’t come out until I was 21. Before then, I had never told anyone else about this and I didn’t know anyone else at my school who was gay either. But the year I came out, I ran into a classmate of mine in San Francisco and neither one of us had known or suspected that the other one was gay.
 
virgo said:
JoyToTheWhirled, thanks for your insight. That is very interesting. So in a case like yours, are you physically attracted at all to men/your husband? Feel free not to answer that, I know it’s personal. It’s hard for me to imagine being married to someone of a gender that I have no interest in sleeping with. Just curious how this plays out in a marriage.
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You will forgive me for giving a run down of how physical intimacy works in my marriage - paramount reason being that it would be grossly unfair to my husband’s privacy!

But in more general terms, and speaking specifically of myself, I have found the focus of intimacy being on demonstrating love for other than myself to be tremendously helpful in terms of mindset.
So essentially, no, I do not look lustfully at men. I shouldn’t look lustfully at anyone, but my natural inclination does not lead my gaze to the male form. I can appreciate beauty and attractiveness in a man, for sure. But in terms of what would naturally set off unhelpful thoughts, no.
Christianity requires enormous amounts of self control of all of us. At Mass this evening I actually found myself reigning in unbidden thoughts about a woman in the pews in front of me, to my shame.
But this would be no different or harder were she a he, because I am simply called to not objectify anyone. So yeah, trying to be all about the other is my baseline explanation.
 
Thanks for your honesty. I guess part of what I love about my marriage is the intimacy we share and desire for one another (even after almost 20 years!). We still date each other, and I personally think that it is important that spouses be attracted to one another. I find it interesting that one can have a marriage in which you are not attracted to your husband. Speaking for myself only, that sure would make intimacy a chore, and I imagine my husband would be hurt at me not wanting him in that way. For me, marriage involves several aspects, sexuality being one of them. And it’s not that I objectify him—it’s just how I feel we were made for one another. Thanks for the food for thought. 🧐
 
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JoyToTheWhirled said:
I did make the choice to get married, partly out of pragmatism, but also because I felt a genuine vocational call. I am very glad I did. It has not ‘cured’ me. I still experience the same attractions and temptations I did when I was 19. But each day I learn what it means to truly love, in the way I am loved by my husband, the things he gives up for me, and in the choice I make to love him.

Human sexuality is a complex and mysterious thing, but I have totally found that contentment and honesty are possible in the Catholic paradigm of understanding.
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I’m glad that you were able to get married to someone of the opposite sex and find contentment.

In my case, I’m a 6 on the Kinsey Scale (Exclusively homosexual), so if I got married to a woman, I’d probably be impotent (unable to have an erection) if we tried to have sex. In my understanding, this would even be an impediment to someone like me getting married in the Catholic Church. And I don’t think that being single and celibate would have been an option for me.

A while back, I read a book by a guy who came from a conservative Christian background like me and went through a reparative therapy program to try to make himself straight. He said that back then he often fantasized about having a wife and children. But when he thought about all of this years later, he realized that even though he had fantasized about having a wife, he had never fantasized about having sex with his wife.
 
Yeah, I totally get the importance of sexual intimacy in a marriage. And as I am mother to four living children, you can come to your own conclusions about the reality of it in my marriage. 🙂 I suppose it just come from a different place for me.
And to be perfectly clear, I am totally not about ‘conversion therapy’. It was attempted in my life to devastating effect and I think it is scary and a weirdly futile exercise.
 
Are you open with your kids about your orientation, or is that a conversation you’re waiting to have once they’re older? And it seems your husband doesn’t mind your non-attraction to him? Well, good for you for making it work and coming to marriage from a different angle. And thanks again for your honesty and insight.
 
My husband and I are very good friends first and foremost, and a relationship based on shared goals and a mutual enjoyment of each other’s company is really not a great hardship, so I really don’t want to come across as though I am some kind of martyr!
My older children are aware of much of my past, though not my younger two, because it just isn’t appropriate right now. One of my children is gay, and one is extremely gender-non-conforming, so I have found that conversations about sexuality and identity and faith have always been a natural part of parenting.
 
Thorolfr said:
It’s been recognized for a long time that sexuality tends to fall on a continuum with many people being attracted to some degree to both sexes.
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Yes, I’ve had conversations with friends where we all compared where along the continuum we thought we were on a percentage basis.
 
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