Can I be a "fake" officiant?

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Sam43232

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Here’s the situation - my sister and her fiance are both non-Catholics (have not ever and are not currently.) They are getting a legal wedding at a courthouse. They are then having a wedding ceremony afterwards, during which they would like to do traditional things like exchange rings and vows etc. They would like me to officiate for this part of their wedding.

I found useful information here: Can a practicing Catholic officiate at a civil wedding ceremony? | Catholic Answers but I want clarification on one point. If I am not legally able to perform weddings (and I am not) am I able to conduct a non-sacramental, non-legal wedding to help the couple celebrate the legal reality that has already occurred?
 
I plan on asking my priest, regardless of what I hear here. The problem is I am curious right now. I assumed this was what the forums here are at least partly for, asking advice?
 
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Yes. But I think a priest or a deacon would help you come up with the proper solution.
 
Sure, again, point taken… but… I’d still be interested in knowing whether anyone has had this situation and how they ended up having to resolve it, or if anyone knows or guesses what Father may say, or if there may be things I need to find out from my sister and fiance before talking to Father, or if there’s a hard and fast rule that I can just look up and not need to bother going further etc… and just telling me to look elsewhere, no offence, is not very useful! I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to my query, but as I said I was hoping for anything similar to what I just listed.
 
I think I explained it but I must have missed something… let me know if this isn’t clear! As I mentioned, my sister wants a private legal ceremony with something bigger afterwards, and for that part they want someone to do traditional wedding stuff. They just want the legalities separate from their celebration and as they’re non religious they don’t want any clergy Catholic or otherwise marrying them, just family. Ergo, the person “officiating” at the second part doesn’t need to be ordained/legally able to marry them, just someone from the family/friends category to do the stuff that would be traditionally done at a wedding.
 
I understand what you’re saying, but I’m not positive about the answer. However, I am fairly sure that it is perfectly all right, considering that this is a 100% legal and not a Catholic wedding. I don’t think this is really a question of morality. If you want to, go for it.
 
So after your sister’s private legal wedding, she wants a charade wedding for everyone else and she wants you to be the officiant?

Nope. I wouldn’t do it. It’s just a show at that point. A pretend wedding.
 
Irishmom2 said:
So after your sister’s private legal wedding, she wants a charade wedding for everyone else and she wants you to be the officiant?
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Unfortunately some places won’t allow two non-religious people to be married without a judge performing the ceremony. I certainly can’t speak for the OP’s family, but from what I’ve seen with others there’s a chance they would have preferred a single ceremony.
 
But they are having a legal wedding first, it will be private. So the second one is all for show.
 
Irishmom2 said:
But they are having a legal wedding first, it will be private. So the second one is all for show.
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Exactly. I’m going to assume that given their choice they would want a single ceremony. @Sam43232 can correct me if I’m wrong.

Assuming they are like some non-religious people I know they would very much like to have a single ceremony wherein the officiant is the one who legally makes them man and wife, where there is all the pomp and flowers and dresses and the like, and it’s in front of all of the people they love. The problem might be that they can’t do that, thus forcing them into two ceremonies.

For the OP, obviously your priest will have the final call as to whether being an officiant in a non-Catholic wedding is acceptable, but I would assume it is based on the fact that this is a legal marriage between a man and a woman and it doesn’t involve any baptized Catholics marrying in a non-Catholic ceremony.
 
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You’ve got it. I think originally my sister would have liked to have a single ceremony with me as the officiant. (Which for many reasons, legal and moral, was a no.) So they cast about for other plans, and this is the latest one. @Irishmom2 The second one may be for “show” but so are many meaningful things done at weddings. The point is that it is very important to my sister and she’s wished for me to be involved from the beginning. I certainly would love to have her see the light, convert and get married in a Catholic Church! But in the meantime, this is where she’s at and I want to help her celebrate as best I can.

@(name removed by moderator) Yes, “witness” is more accurate (I put “fake” officiant because I wasn’t sure what to call the role they want me to take), and that’s part of why I think it would be okay… I’d be like a glorified MC, and my situation seems to be permitted as @Mike_from_NJ noted…

I am still certainly going to ask Father but I am really thankful for the thoughtful responses so that I knew it was something worth asking Father about and I hadn’t missed something blindingly obvious.
 
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I am not saying their wedding isn’t meaningful. I am not even saying they need to be married in church, as they aren’t Catholic. I just don’t understand why the private ceremony if it matters so much for everyone to be there for a second wedding. Or are you really talking about them having a party, because now you are mentioning MC…
 
If they’re having the legal part at the courthouse and you’re not signing the license, there’s nothing for you to officiate. I wouldn’t encourage you to pretend to be or do something that’s not actually happening, but if you want to lead the prayer or whatever, have at it… Anyone can do that.

If you’re expected to sign the license as the legal officiant, you need a position compliant with the civil laws of your state about marriages.
 
Sam43232 said:
to do the stuff that would be traditionally done at a wedding.
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This is the real rub, I think. Many people today don’t want to meet the Christian requirements, yet they still yearn for “traditional” doings. It shows that in their hearts, they have a desire for what these things mean on a deeper level. People are left unfulfilled by the Justice of the Peace / legal route because they instinctively know there should be more, and there is more.

I think the biggest problem with Catholics being a “fake officiant” is that it can contribute to the misperception that this is a correct way to get to the “something bigger”.
 
Irishmom2 said:
So after your sister’s private legal wedding, she wants a charade wedding for everyone else and she wants you to be the officiant?
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I don’t think it can be assumed that she would consider it a charade. She may have a genuine desire to share the vows in front of loved ones. The couple that is involved may well consider it a serious wedding.

The charade would be for a Catholic to participate, knowing that what is occurring falls short of God’s plan for marriage.
Sam43232 said:
The second one may be for “show” but so are many meaningful things done at weddings.
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This is exactly the point. Catholics being involved in these “meaningful things” gives the appearance that it is acceptable to engage in these “meaningful things” while they are disconnected from the spiritual roots in which they originate.
Sam43232 said:
But in the meantime, this is where she’s at and I want to help her celebrate as best I can.
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It is good that you want to support her marriage, and that you want to help her celebrate. It is a matter of whether your role in the celebration confirms actions of others that fall short of God’s intention.
 
Sam, I’m hoping your priest gives you the okay and that you have a wonderful time. I have a friend who is an officiant a few times a year, and one of the things that he takes pride in is getting to know the bride and groom beforehand and using that to give a very personal and joyous ceremony. From the feedback he’s gotten, people really love this; and you’re already so close to the couple. No matter what happens, the best of luck to you, your sister, and her fiancé.
 
That is why I do not understand the concept of the two weddings… The first one that is the legal one and the second one that has the meaningful stuff. I still don’t understand why it’s not just one.
 
Irishmom2 said:
That is why I do not understand the concept of the two weddings… The first one that is the legal one and the second one that has the meaningful stuff. I still don’t understand why it’s not just one.
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He said that they wanted to have just one. I don’t know if you are familiar with the Justice of the Peace/legal marriage process, but there is no place for any of the “meaningful stuff”. They meet the legal requirements, sign the paperwork, and clear out!

Most people who are not religious but want the “meaningful stuff” will just acquire one of those internet certified people to “officiate” so that the legal can be met at the same time. In this case they want a family member, rather than a fly by night “minister”. At least she did not ask her brother to go online and get the paper!
 
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