i just need to know what a normal male is like so i can have boundaries and expectations that are realistic
if all males are going to look at all women, even their own daughters, then this part of him is normal. if they feel this is not normal, that i need to understand too. i am not visually stimulated by the male (or female!!!) naked body at all and can not ever understand the effect of the female naked, scantily dressed, or tightly dressed body on the visually stimulated male, so i am asking for understanding of normal or not behavior like my dh’s.
i have read books teaching men how to train their eyes, so i understood that would mean not habitually looking at bodies, not just suppressing the lustful thoughts looking brings. can he develop a different habit? is it normal for him to be looking for sexual stimulation by looking at my breasts, etc, as he does in the middle of arguments, serious discussions, any difficult talk, like even paying bills or undone chores or forgetting his promise to be available to take his own child to a band practice or pick up a prescription for another sick child? it seems like ‘mental masturbation’ used like thumb sucking or nail biting or hair twirling to comfort himself during stress (any situation where he might be at fault or ashamed or uncomfortable) or boredom or trying to perk up his day by getting a little mental sexual buzz from unsuspecting women who cross his vision.
Let me say at the start, that if you husband has sexual feelings for his own offspring, he suffers from a disorder that absolutely, positively requires psychological help. We are biologically prevented from wanting to mate with our own offspring, just as we are biologically prevented from wanting to touch fire. If someone wants to touch a fire, or has sexual feelings towards his own offspring, there is some pathology to blame. Fathers with healthy relationships with their daughters do not, and could not, find them sexually appealing. Normal fathers would look at their own daughters and react just as they might at seeing a naked man–no sexual feelings or thoughts whatsoever. It is not entirely clear that your husband is, in fact, finding your daughters sexually attractive, but if he is, he needs professional help, pronto.
As far as your question above… As has been posted, most (all?) normal males, no matter how pious and strong, will have their eyes “caught” by scantily-clad women, and sometimes by non-scantily clad women. For most men, however, this is for almost less than a moment. A woman falling out of her dress, as women say, will walk by, and a (good) male will think for just a fraction of a second “oh, there’s a woman falling out of her dress” and then immediately return to whatever he was thinking about or looking at. Its impossible for many men to not have this response–it is a hardwired, involuntary reaction.
This need not be a lustful response. If we try, we can look away immediately, and never give lust a chance. In fact, when my eyes are caught, it is often in disgust–my feelings aren’t lust, but frustration that the poor female is acting that way, frustration that something like that even catches my eye, etc. When the initial “eye catch” results in lust, that is a failure of will, a failure of us trying to do the right thing. I don’t care if its Cindy Crawford naked, we can look away if we want to, and I’d like to think I would look away immediately upon realizing what I’m looking at.
To sum up, men will naturally have their eyes caught. It is always within our power to pull away, so to speak, immediately upon realizing what we are seeing. It also seems, however, that your husband may be suffering from some kind of psychological problem, which could conceivably include a sexual compulsion towards all women, including his own daughters. If what you have said thus far is true, you absolutely need to seek professional help. From a priest, yes, but also from a mental health professional.
Good luck, you are in my prayers.
…That is very bizarre and wrong
