… I am forbidden to touch the washer, dryer, dishwasher, and all of my Father’s powertools. I put the dishes in the sink. If I want a screwdriver, I have to ask for permission. I use a pushmower to mow the grass and am forbidden to even touch the one that uses gasoline. I don’t have a drivers license, because the thought of me driving is not something my parents can handle…My Mother takes me clothes shopping. I have some say in my choice of clothes, but I go shopping when she wants to go.
Do any kind of cooking? My Mother would have a fit…
I have tried to talk to my Father about assuming some additional reponsibilities, and he said I was still “too wet behind the ears”. This was about a year ago. That comment really hurt me, and I now avoid talking to him if possible…
I have relatives like this. Honestly, one of them thought her sons were capable of “ruining” not their own clothes, but her clothes washer! These boys grew up to go into engineering and medical-type specialities, so it isn’t like they were klutzes. They’re wonderful cooks, too. I had some of that growing up, too, but not because I was too young. I was deemed unsuitable for certain tasks because I was a girl. Dad didn’t want me doing that stuff. Trust me, though, when the choice was between teaching me and having to do that stuff for me, my brothers were happy to teach me to be a modern woman!
Well, you’re living rent-free at their house, so even if they weren’t your parents, there is a degree to which you’re bound by the house rules. No such thing as a free lunch. You’re paying the price for not being one of those kids who only wears what he’s earned the money to buy. You aren’t one of those kids getting zero help with college. You don’t have parents who put down your desire to even go to college, who take it as a personal insult that you want a college education. Play the cards in the hand you’ve been dealt; it could be a lot worse. Making your own life from the beginnings God gave you, and doing it with grace and gratitude even as you have to push the boundaries here and there, that is the ticket.
When it comes to finding an adult you can trust, I can understand your reticence. You’ve not been taught to see authority figures as guides, but more as police. Well, the raft is on fire now, though! What are you going to do? Your straits are dire enough–which way are you going to jump? I say, jump in the direction where there might be some help. If you get none, you are no worse off than if you’d stayed on the raft or jumped off to swim on your own devices. “Stuff” may hit the fan if someone gets out of your control, but let’s face it, that’s probably where the process was headed, anyway.
There might not be a scenario possible in which you do something other than what your parents want and the “stuff” doesn’t hit the fan. I have news for you: As other posters have hinted, that day is coming, anyway. It is up to you to decide when you are ready to go through it. Personally, I’d make some friends among the old “police” people now, so you’ll have somewhere to go when you make that journey. Get the promise that if you do not suggest doing anything dangerous or immoral, they will your conversations entirely confidential, unless they get your permission to do otherwise. I’d start with your pastor for advice on how to keep your faith while in a non-Catholic college and especially with your teachers and guidance counselors for the process of choosing a place. The more opinions, the better, because you aren’t looking for some single right answer, as if this were a math problem. You’re looking for a strategy that you are comfortable with, no strategy is guaranteed, and so give yourself as many options to consider as possible before you plunge ahead.
You can do it, though. Even if you wind up with upset parents and going to the exact place they had in mind, anyway, you’ll at least be able to look back and say, “I tried, and I looked out for all of us, both them and myself. I did my best, and it laid the groundwork for the day I did take my own life into my own hands.” Do your part to give them a dignified path through your emancipation, but if they decide to go to war over this, well, it cannot be helped. You have no guarantee of a “win”, but it can’t be helped. Life has those gambles. Do get guidance, though. Do put your relationship with them ahead of emancipation at 18 instead of at 22, but don’t let that mean that you will be entirely avoid all conflict with them. Respectful conflict with your parents is possible without violating any commandments. No matter what they do, though, you want to give them all the deference that you can allow them, without letting them put inappropriate boundaries on you. That will be easier if you get yourself some good coaching. This is a new path for you, there are going to be real difficulties no matter how you handle yourself, so have someone in your corner before you ring the bell and come out swinging, OK?
Hang in there!!
This is the tightrope parents walk, when children grow up.
