R
RetreatFan
Guest
I really need some help discerning what I need to do. I am at a crossroads regarding my life and how I want/should live it as a converted/returning catholic and it’s tearing me apart inside. Let me give you some background:
I returned to the Church 2 1/2 years ago after 30+ years of denying the faith. I was never very religious as a child and at around 15 years old I threw myself head first into the pleasures of the world (drugs, booze, you name it), in part to escape what at the time I considered God’s injustices (abandoned by father, overprotected and physically abused by mother, sexually abused by others). I cleaned up my act somewhat at about 30 (drugs and booze weren’t the center of my life anymore although I still did them occasionally) but was still spiritually empty. Spent 14 years in a dysfunctional relationship with someone up until about 3 years ago when I finally worked up the courage to end it. I’m originally from South America and it so happens that a couple of weeks after I had made the decision to leave I reconnected online with my very first girlfriend, someone whom I had always considered the love of my life (although we only spent less than a year together when I was 15 and she was 12). In any case, I saw this as a sign that I was making the right decision ending the prior relationship and promptly moved out. We initiated a long distance relationship mostly via Skype, and after a few months I traveled to SA to see her in person. I was down there about a week, sparks did fly like when we were younger and I promptly returned to the US planning to get married and bring her here.
Now, a church wedding was really an afterthought. I still had no spirituality (although she did) and absolutely no clue what the Sacrament of Matrimony really meant. Originally we were only going to get married civilly (which was all we needed for me to petition for an immigrant visa for her) but then decided on a church wedding at the same time just because of tradition and because we didn’t want to have to celebrate two anniversaries on different dates (now there’s a good reason for a catholic wedding!). I went back a couple of months later and got married. We had no pre-marriage counseling (except a couple of visits with a nun) since I arrived a week before the wedding. Although I was baptized catholic as a child I had never been confirmed so we lied to the church and drummed up a bogus Confirmation Certificate. To me the church wedding was just another event that had to happen before the reception. I received the Eucharist at the wedding ceremony just to keep appearances even though I hadn’t gone to confession and hadn’t even set foot on a church in many years. However, a few weeks after the wedding (at my now wife’s family’s prompting) I attended a three-day conversion retreat where a little flame lit up in my heart and I finally began my road back to the Lord.
Flash forward 2 1/2 years and now at 51 years old I try to follow Christ with all my heart in every thought and action. I’m an active member of the ecclesial movement where I did my retreat (where I even give conferences now) and I’m heavily involved in church activities every day of the week. Thanks to the extensive studying and catechesis of the last couple of years I now understand the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage and I can’t believe I made such a foolishly rushed decision based on sexual sparks and a childhood fantasy. After 2 1/2 years of a long distance marriage (due to some unexpected immigration complications), I can say that the initial infatuation has worn off and I’m only left with the overwhelming realization of spending the rest of my life with a woman I barely know and I’m no longer sure it’s the one the Lord had reserved for me.
I have been ruminating over this for a few months now but I won’t go forward with anything unless I know there’s some hope for success. What are my options at this point? Do you think I have grounds for an annulment based on my lack of knowledge and informed consent? Or is this a case where I have to simply deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him? Sorry for the long ramble but I’m rather overwhelmed by this prospect and would appreciate some guidance for this confused soul.
I returned to the Church 2 1/2 years ago after 30+ years of denying the faith. I was never very religious as a child and at around 15 years old I threw myself head first into the pleasures of the world (drugs, booze, you name it), in part to escape what at the time I considered God’s injustices (abandoned by father, overprotected and physically abused by mother, sexually abused by others). I cleaned up my act somewhat at about 30 (drugs and booze weren’t the center of my life anymore although I still did them occasionally) but was still spiritually empty. Spent 14 years in a dysfunctional relationship with someone up until about 3 years ago when I finally worked up the courage to end it. I’m originally from South America and it so happens that a couple of weeks after I had made the decision to leave I reconnected online with my very first girlfriend, someone whom I had always considered the love of my life (although we only spent less than a year together when I was 15 and she was 12). In any case, I saw this as a sign that I was making the right decision ending the prior relationship and promptly moved out. We initiated a long distance relationship mostly via Skype, and after a few months I traveled to SA to see her in person. I was down there about a week, sparks did fly like when we were younger and I promptly returned to the US planning to get married and bring her here.
Now, a church wedding was really an afterthought. I still had no spirituality (although she did) and absolutely no clue what the Sacrament of Matrimony really meant. Originally we were only going to get married civilly (which was all we needed for me to petition for an immigrant visa for her) but then decided on a church wedding at the same time just because of tradition and because we didn’t want to have to celebrate two anniversaries on different dates (now there’s a good reason for a catholic wedding!). I went back a couple of months later and got married. We had no pre-marriage counseling (except a couple of visits with a nun) since I arrived a week before the wedding. Although I was baptized catholic as a child I had never been confirmed so we lied to the church and drummed up a bogus Confirmation Certificate. To me the church wedding was just another event that had to happen before the reception. I received the Eucharist at the wedding ceremony just to keep appearances even though I hadn’t gone to confession and hadn’t even set foot on a church in many years. However, a few weeks after the wedding (at my now wife’s family’s prompting) I attended a three-day conversion retreat where a little flame lit up in my heart and I finally began my road back to the Lord.
Flash forward 2 1/2 years and now at 51 years old I try to follow Christ with all my heart in every thought and action. I’m an active member of the ecclesial movement where I did my retreat (where I even give conferences now) and I’m heavily involved in church activities every day of the week. Thanks to the extensive studying and catechesis of the last couple of years I now understand the sanctity of the Sacrament of Marriage and I can’t believe I made such a foolishly rushed decision based on sexual sparks and a childhood fantasy. After 2 1/2 years of a long distance marriage (due to some unexpected immigration complications), I can say that the initial infatuation has worn off and I’m only left with the overwhelming realization of spending the rest of my life with a woman I barely know and I’m no longer sure it’s the one the Lord had reserved for me.
I have been ruminating over this for a few months now but I won’t go forward with anything unless I know there’s some hope for success. What are my options at this point? Do you think I have grounds for an annulment based on my lack of knowledge and informed consent? Or is this a case where I have to simply deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him? Sorry for the long ramble but I’m rather overwhelmed by this prospect and would appreciate some guidance for this confused soul.