Can u date awaiting on anullment?

[whatevergirl]

The marriage tribunal at my church saw that I would always attend Church solo and they told me that I’ll find a good Catholic girl one day. I originally told them not I wasn’t interested in dating, but six months after my divorce I met someone and began dating them
My ex-wife re-married her co-worker 3 months after our civil divorce which says a lot of her actions.
So my biggest question now is if the annulment is declared valid then I’m not allowed to re-marry and If I do I just turn Protestant so I can re-marry or stay Catholic, but never receive communion. So if married men can’t date then do I break up with my girlfriend and stay friends with her, but this might ruin our relationship. She’s 24 and I’m 30 we both want to be Saints in the eyes of GOD, but spiritually this is difficult for us givin our age.

Another question
Am I married in the eyes of GOD or eyes of the Church?

You are married in the eyes of God and The Church. The Church’s head is Jesus…so, the doctrine of the Church, is to be believed as the Word of God. Given to the Church, by the Holy Spirit, throughout the centuries. The Church isn’t a manmade insititution, and separate from God. So…yes, currently, you are married in the eyes of God, unless your marriage is declared invalid through the annulment process. I would really put your relationship on hold right now with this woman…be friends, but nothing more. It is better to continue when you are CERTAIN that you are permitted to. Right now, you’re not permitted to date, because you are still married in the eyes of God, as you were married in the Catholic Church. Your wife’s actions have no bearing on what you do…but sadly, yes, I feel bad for her that she went down that path, and married someone while she is still married to you in the eyes of God. Sticky situation, and I’m sorry you are going through this, but praying that things work out.

Never allow any woman or situation to come between you and Jesus, present in the Eucharist. That is probably the easiest way to view this. No one is worth more than your relationship with Christ. God bless, and praying for you. *

 

[kage_ar]

The eyes of God and of His Church are the same.

Knock it off with the dating, do some growing up, and study your faith. You are to behave like a married man until the tribunal determines otherwise.

It seems from your posts that there are some real misunderstandings about the tribunal process.

There is never an “annulment declared valid”. What happens is the Church enters with the presumption that your marriage resulted in a valid marriage. After a civil divorce, they will reveiw that marriage. If they determine that the wedding did not result in a valid marriage, the tribunal (a group of people) will issue a Decree of Nullity.

If you go to the top of the page and hit the “shop” button, you can get some good books on the process.

 

[Tietjen]

I received a civil divorce 15 months ago and filed an anullement 12 months ago and still awaiting a decision on the matter. I have a girlfriend now and have been dating for 9 months.

We are not living together nor having sex, but can I still refer to her as my girlfriend?
Am I even allowed to kiss her on the lips?
Can I hold her hand in Church?
How do I introduce her to fellow parishioners? friend or girlfriend?

I don’t really see this as an issue to be voted on so forgive my not taking part in the vote. I suppose that the actual question should be, “Can I date someone other than my spouse while I’m married?” I’m guessing that you already know the answer to this question.

 

[whatevergirl]

*CG;

I think this might help …in a nutshell, the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize your civil divorce–your marriage still ‘exists’ until it’s declared otherwise. Hope that helps. *

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Canon law only states that prior marriage is an impediment to contracting a new marriage, not to dating.

People take it too far when they want to pile extra burdens onto the divorced. Of course you don’t have to act exactly as if you were still married. When you are married, you should be paying the marriage debt. We don’t expect this of those who are divorced.

What is the purpose of dating? Do you date while you are married?

A Civil Divorce means nothing in the Church, according to God’s Law you are still married unless the Church, through a marriage tribunal, rules that you never were married. Until such a time you are still married. So why would you date while being married?

 

[dulcissima]

What is the purpose of dating? Do you date while you are married?

A Civil Divorce means nothing in the Church, according to God’s Law you are still married unless the Church, through a marriage tribunal, rules that you never were married. Until such a time you are still married. So why would you date while being married?

I was NOT married when I was dating. I had received a civil divorce and the declaration of nullity that I later received confirmed that I had NEVER been married. Yes, at that point in time, the Church would treat me as if I was married, and had I requested to be married in the Church, that would not have been permitted.

The question that the poster is asking is CAN he date, not should he date. The Church makes no prohibition against dating before receiving a declaration of nullity. It’s something that one should be cautioned about, but it is not necessarily a sin.

 

[flyingfish]

The marriage tribunal at my church saw that I would always attend Church solo and they told me that I’ll find a good Catholic girl one day. I originally told them not I wasn’t interested in dating, but six months after my divorce I met someone and began dating them
My ex-wife re-married her co-worker 3 months after our civil divorce which says a lot of her actions.
So my biggest question now is if the annulment is declared valid then I’m not allowed to re-marry and If I do I just turn Protestant so I can re-marry or stay Catholic, but never receive communion. So if married men can’t date then do I break up with my girlfriend and stay friends with her, but this might ruin our relationship. She’s 24 and I’m 30 we both want to be Saints in the eyes of GOD, but spiritually this is difficult for us givin our age.

Another question
Am I married in the eyes of GOD or eyes of the Church?

I don’t think the Church teaches you would have to break up with your girlfriend… provided you are not doing sexual things with her, which you said you aren’t.

If you’re doing things like holding hands and talking about your feelings, there is nothing sinful about that.

The sexual things would be sinful according to teaching outside of marriage regardless of whether you’re waiting for an annulment or not.

 

[Mel_Stones]

The marriage tribunal at my church saw that I would always attend Church solo and they told me that I’ll find a good Catholic girl one day. I originally told them not I wasn’t interested in dating, but six months after my divorce I met someone and began dating them
My ex-wife re-married her co-worker 3 months after our civil divorce which says a lot of her actions.
So my biggest question now is if the annulment is declared valid then I’m not allowed to re-marry and If I do I just turn Protestant so I can re-marry or stay Catholic, but never receive communion. So if married men can’t date then do I break up with my girlfriend and stay friends with her, but this might ruin our relationship. She’s 24 and I’m 30 we both want to be Saints in the eyes of GOD, but spiritually this is difficult for us givin our age.

Another question
Am I married in the eyes of GOD or eyes of the Church?

If you put others before your relationship with God, you are not following God’s law. He asks that we put no one and nothing before Him. If your marriage is declared valid, you are called to continue acting as if you are married. But you aren’t acting like you are married now, so that should be your first priority - to starting behaving as if you are married because you are. Got the message yet?

You are married in the eyes of the Church which is in the process of deciding if you are married in the eyes of God.

 

[Cristiano]

The question that the poster is asking is CAN he date, not should he date. The Church makes no prohibition against dating before receiving a declaration of nullity. It’s something that one should be cautioned about, but it is not necessarily a sin.

Dating while you are married is sinful it goes against the 6th as stated by the Church.

If your marriage has not been declared null that means that you are still married.

1+1=2

Thus the Church says that you cannot date before receiving a declaration of nullity.

 

[Ailina]

I received a civil divorce 15 months ago and filed an anullement 12 months ago and still awaiting a decision on the matter. I have a girlfriend now and have been dating for 9 months.

We are not living together nor having sex, but can I still refer to her as my girlfriend?
Am I even allowed to kiss her on the lips?
Can I hold her hand in Church?
How do I introduce her to fellow parishioners? friend or girlfriend?

Um, no. In the eyes of the Church, until the Tribunal has ruled that your marriage was not valid, then you are still considered married, even if you have obtained a civil divorce.

I have been involved in the annulment process since January 2008, and am still waiting to hear a judgement. It always takes longer when the marriage was long-term (15 years or more). I’m fine with that since raising three kids takes up most of my time.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

I was NOT married when I was dating. I had received a civil divorce and the declaration of nullity that I later received confirmed that I had NEVER been married. Yes, at that point in time, the Church would treat me as if I was married, and had I requested to be married in the Church, that would not have been permitted.

The question that the poster is asking is CAN he date, not should he date. The Church makes no prohibition against dating before receiving a declaration of nullity. It’s something that one should be cautioned about, but it is not necessarily a sin.

It might not be a sin (that is arguable) but it is not smart and it is potentially cruel.

If the Church would not have ruled that your first marriage was null then what?

The Church also has no prohibition against dating while being married. It is just common sense that one does not date while being married.

Dating is for one reason, the finding of a person to marry. When one is not free to marry they should not date.

This is what happens when society down plays what dating actually is.

 

[materdequint]

I’m homeschooling my high school daughter through Seton Home School. I’m using the Baltimore Catechism for 9th grade religion. It says keeping company (old-fashioned term for dating) with someone anticipating an annulment is a mortal sin.

It is sort of like dating someone who is not sure if there spouse was killed in war. They might be married, might not. Why on earth would you want to put yourself in that kind of creepy and potentially sinful situation?

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

I’m going through my civil divorce now, and I will promptly file for annulment as soon as it’s finalized. In the meantime, I would say that it is OK to get to know different people, but to refrain from anything that would be considered adultery in a marriage. Technically, you, as well as I, are still married. By avoiding anything untoward, you are also respecting the lady you have befriended.

Ifrish Becca, if you are going through an annulment do you have to also file for a civil divorce also? I thought You only had to do the annulment and not the divorce? Love of Christ Nancy

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Ifrish Becca, if you are going through an annulment do you have to also file for a civil divorce also? I thought You only had to do the annulment and not the divorce? Love of Christ Nancy

You would need both. The annulment process is a Church thing, it says whether or not a Sacramental Marriage was contracted. A civil divorce is for the State, it nullifies a civil marriage.

 

[LittleDeb]

Wow! I see a lot of flinging of opinions backed with very little fact and very little compassion. I’ve noticed we are up on our number of annulment threads again. We hit a hot topic around here and then we get every variation on it for awhile.

There have been some good answers here anyway. But please folks, let’s try to look at the situations both objectively AND compassionately. Always remember when you post, please post for the lurkers.

I won’t vote because there isn’t an objective answer the way it is worded. I can’t give an objective opinion because I have personally dealt with an aspect of this, though it was a non-Catholic going through the process while dating a Catholic.

So here is my two cents with a noted bias. Can you date? Probably. Is it the wise and best move? Probably not.

The biggest problem I see with the answers given is that it does not account for discrepancies among Christian belief. Some religions teach that divorce is not good but still acceptable. Those Christians are held to the same scrutiny and the same long form for decree of nullity as Catholics. Because their baptism is acknowledged their understanding of marriage is held to the same level. That just doesn’t even make sense!

If you were taught (and firmly believed) that remarriage is an option after divorce, then that in and of itself is a HUGE impediment to marriage. It shows that you have no understanding of the permanency of marriage. Why does it take a tribunal 2 years to figure that out? Because really that is what we are talking about here.

We are talking about the years it takes for someone to “declare” your husband killed in the war. We are talking about people who know in the deepest recesses of their heart that a marriage is invalid. They just have to prove it. In the end was it a good idea to date if your husband turned up alive? No. Was it fair to fall in love if your marriage turns out valid after all. Again no.

But the process is broken. Should it take two years to discover the blatantly obvious? In this country a civil divorce determines that a marriage is broken and can therefore be examined. REALLY!?!? A civil court determines when we look for nullity? REALLY?!?! Yes it does. The process is broken and needs to be fixed. We need to be looking for validity at the very beginning, not at the very end.

</end rant.>

 

[Tosk]

LittleDeb even when you really think you know for certain an annulment will be granted there is still a chance that the marriage might be upheld. I am not saying it happens very often but it does happen. A friend of mine was dating a girl while she was going through the annulment process with her abusive husband and then her marriage was upheld. He had to choose between his faith and this woman who he had grown really fond of. If he was a person who was weak in his faith the situation might have even led him away from the church. I wouldn’t want to put my worst enemy through a situation like that much less somebody I am supposed to care for. Married people behaving like married people really is the most charitable and prudent thing to do.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

The biggest problem I see with the answers given is that it does not account for discrepancies among Christian belief. Some religions teach that divorce is not good but still acceptable. Those Christians are held to the same scrutiny and the same long form for decree of nullity as Catholics. Because their baptism is acknowledged their understanding of marriage is held to the same level. That just doesn’t even make sense!

This is a Catholic Forum so when most of us speak we are speaking of the Catholic Faith and what it Teaches. We do not have to take into account any of those discrepancies among what other Christians believe.

The Church views marriage a certain way. Anyone who wishes to be married within the Catholic Church should follow what the Catholic Church Teaches, if they do not want to then there is no reason that they should expect to be married by the Catholic Church.

 

[LittleDeb]

This is a Catholic Forum so when most of us speak we are speaking of the Catholic Faith and what it Teaches. We do not have to take into account any of those discrepancies among what other Christians believe.

The Church views marriage a certain way. Anyone who wishes to be married within the Catholic Church should follow what the Catholic Church Teaches, if they do not want to then there is no reason that they should expect to be married by the Catholic Church.

I apologize that I wasn’t clearer. I was meaning people who attempted marriage as a Protestant. Their former marriages are examined as a long form. My point is that converts to the Church attempted marriage based on their former faith’s teachings. They are very aware that their understanding of marriage was flawed once they know Catholic teaching.

I just think it is a waste of time for the Tribunal to have the presumption of validity in those cases. The petitioners are flat out saying that they had a fundamentally flawed understanding of marriage. Some pursue the decree of nullity even if they have no intention of marriage.

Those cases seem to play a large part in the length of time one must wait for a decision. Case in point: An LDS (Mormon) baptism is not recognized as a Christian baptism. Yet under the current system, a Mormon wedding is scrutinized in the same way as a Christian marriage.

My concern and reason for participating in this particular thread is that the process takes so long. People are putting their lives on hold because the system is clogged. If the system were more efficient, we would not have questions such as that of the OP.

I hope that clarifies my perspective.

 

[LittleDeb]

LittleDeb even when you really think you know for certain an annulment will be granted there is still a chance that the marriage might be upheld. I am not saying it happens very often but it does happen. A friend of mine was dating a girl while she was going through the annulment process with her abusive husband and then her marriage was upheld. He had to choose between his faith and this woman who he had grown really fond of. If he was a person who was weak in his faith the situation might have even led him away from the church. I wouldn’t want to put my worst enemy through a situation like that much less somebody I am supposed to care for. Married people behaving like married people really is the most charitable and prudent thing to do.

I agree with you in theory. As I said above, if the process were shorter this would not be as much of a problem. My perspective is still that of having watched a convert to the Church go through it.

He did not consider himself “still married” until he found out Catholic teaching. He had been a divorced Protestant for 6 years. He always thought he was single. It was quite an abrupt down-shift to him. The wait was excruciating. My point is that Protestants have the same wait as Catholics.

Since Protestants and Catholics have such different understandings of marriage, I just think the process should be gentler on converts. But on that note, yes, I agree that it is rare for a non-Catholic marriage to be upheld as valid, since many Protestants hold that marriage after divorce is acceptable. It is heart-breaking when the decision is different than expected. Note: I did say my opinion was that it was probably *not *a good idea to date while awaiting a decree of nullity. It can cause a lot of pain.

I know that I am not objective on this subject. I used to have a horse in this race, so to speak. My, now husband, started the process for nullity within a week of meeting me. I told him that I couldn’t date a divorced person. He finally filed 6 months later and got his ruling a year later. His was declared invalid. It is the rare person who is willing to go through that much just because he wants to date a Catholic, but in the end he wanted the ruling for his own sake.

The good news is that he loves being Catholic now. But the length of time it took caused him to nearly give up. It took 6 months to file because he tore his original in half and started over.

 

[nancy_dalrymple]

You would need both. The annulment process is a Church thing, it says whether or not a Sacramental Marriage was contracted. A civil divorce is for the State, it nullifies a civil marriage.

OK I am still a little confused, if the church is going to anull your marraige and ask you to remarry in the Catholic church you said you still have to get a civil divorce? I was not told this by my pastor. We were married in another church, not catholic. Is that why we don’t have to get a divorce by the state?